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Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Gingerbread People, One Hour in Jail


-You guys,
here at “Late Night,” every night
I deliver a monologue. That monologue is
comprised of jokes written by our very diverse
team of writers. As a result, a lot of jokes
come across my desk that, due to being
a straight white male, would be difficult
for me to deliver. But we don’t think that should
stop you from enjoying them, so we’d like to share them with
you now, in a segment called “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.” ♪♪ These are two of our writers,
everybody. That’s Amber. That’s Jenny. -I’m black.
-And I’m gay. -And also women. [ Laughter ] -Okay.
I’ll get it next time. -We’ve only done this bit
7,000 times. [ Laughter ] Which one did you
think you were? [ Indistinct talking ] -“And we’re both women.”
That’s not my line? [ Laughter ] Got to be clearer
on the cards. All right, guys,
here’s how this works — once I stop
being interrupted. [ Laughter ] I’ll read the setups
for these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. Here we go. “Designer brand
Yves Saint Laurent has released
a new line of jewelry that includes
penis earrings.” -“Said lesbians —
‘Ugh, earrings.'” [ Laughter ] -“A Democratic pollster
said recently that there was
a significant gap in how white women
and black women voted in the midterm elections.” -“For example — black women
went to their polling places.” -“And white women
called the cops on them.” [ Laughter ] -“On New Year’s Day,
the LA Clippers hosted an LGBT
Pride Night.” -“But it was mostly Ls.” [ Laughter ] -“The ACLU
has filed a lawsuit on behalf of
a Philadelphia-born man who says he was detained
for three weeks while ICE agents tried to
deport him to Jamaica.” -“Said black people — ‘Y’all giving pout
free trips to Jamaica?'” [ Laughter ] -Amber, have you ever
been to Jamaica? -No. But I have braided
a white lady’s hair, so I’m practically
Jamaican. -Which white lady?
-That one. -How do I look?
-White. [ Laughter ] -“Scottish Parliament
officially changed the name of ‘gingerbread men’
to ‘gingerbread people’ to make them
gender-neutral.” -“And that’s great.
But they leave crumbs everywhere and they don’t wear pants, so
I’m pretty sure they’re men.” [ Laughter ] -“According to a recent article,
a movie is in the works about the life of
Rosa Parks.” -“The article was originally
on the front page, but it was asked to move
to the back.” [ Crowd “oh”s ] [ Laughter ] -I think I could have
told that one. [ Laughter ] “A state senator
from Colorado resigned recently
amid accusations that he frequently used
the women’s restroom at work.” -“Officials became suspicious
when he was suddenly up on all
the office gossip.” -Oh, so, women really gossip
in the restroom? -Yes. Where do you think
Amber and I talk about you? -Right in front of my face. -That’s true.
-We also do that. I think he’s gained weight.
-He’s eating his feelings. -I can hear you. And it’s muscle. [ Laughter ] “According to a recent article,
a restaurant in Japan has started selling a new line
of girl’s-hair-flavored fried chicken.” -“Said black people… ‘Let me try it.'” [ Light laughter ] -You’d eat that?
-I don’t know. My hair smells like coconut oil.
It’d probably taste great. -“Rapper Post Malone announced
that he has designed a special pair of Crocs.” -“Said lesbians —
‘All Crocs are special.'” [ Laughter ] -“According to new research,
one in five Americans would rather spend
one hour in jail than work out a five-year
financial budget.” -“One hour in jail —
or, as white people call it, ‘a murder conviction.'” [ Laughter ] -Seth, why don’t you —
-No! -Come on!
-I really don’t think
this will end well. -Oh, come on.
-Just one, boy. -Okay, okay, okay. “A company has begun selling
fashionable hospital gowns for pregnant women to wear
while giving birth. ‘Oh, you look beautiful,’
said a husband who was lying.” -How dare you! -You told me it
would be okay! -You should be
ashamed of this! -Black women and lesbians
are liars! ♪♪

100 thoughts on “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Gingerbread People, One Hour in Jail

  1. When Tucker Carlson had his on-screen meltdown about Gingerbread Persons I Googled and quickly learned that bakers had long solved the problem of disambiguating (is that a word?) gingerbread gender. It may be NSFW, of course.

  2. Had you said 'rape conviction' it would have been painfully close to the truth….
    What the hell is it with Judges giving young, white, offenders 'probation' for this crap?

  3. Nice job once again Seth, I almost snickered…hey Seth!, put your family back on so that I can laugh even less.

  4. Amber go to Jamaica, it's a fun place. GO there during the week of the 4th of July and join in with everyone making fun of the Brits.

  5. I usually absolutely love this segment but for some reason this rubbed me the wrong way. I'm gonna need to process this one I think.

  6. This is sick. Freedom of expression isn't funny. It's the basis of a free society. Mocking it as if it doesn't matter is just sad. You've lost a viewer here Seth. Speaking truth to power is what you should be doing, not playing games with it.

  7. The concept of these bits is great but this one was super cringey. I'm not sure if it was the bland, one dimensional jokes, or the camera worker zooming in on the ladies' awkwardly exaggerated facial expressions. It's a miss.

  8. I actually think that last one was a straight guy joke or maybe it was just a straight person joke? Either way I'm not sure who's offended by him saying that one… As a Caucasian, female by birth, non-binary person, I am not offended by Seth telling that last joke.

  9. Jokes were great but I think they were going too fast almost like they were short on time. Maybe partly why audience didn't respond well.

  10. How on Earth did Seth step on Amber's line after this many times during the segment? Was he seriously that excited about the first joke?
    P.S. Dude, say their whole names. We've finally learned Amber's last name from her other segments, but we don't hear Jenny's half as much.

  11. love this segment so much, it's the best in late night hands down. seth acknowledging his privilege and not telling certain jokes AND bringing in minorities to tell them is such a great thing to do. go seth meyers and thank you for being an amazingly aware straight white guy

  12. This had me laughing from start to finish. I'm glad the mess-up occurred because it added to what was one of the best JSCT bits in 2018

  13. Well, of course lesbians would be put off by the "ear ring" part — They are fine with disembodied penises that don't have troublesome men hanging from them.

  14. I don't understand the furor over the Gingerbread people. When I was a kid at Xmas events where you could decorate your own cookie, boys tended to make GB men and girls GB women, and my weird friend made his into an alien (think Kang and Kodos from the Simpsons). Are they not happy eating a GB person unless they're imagining it has a GB dick?

  15. Its wild throughout every ‘jokes seth cant tell’ the difference in audience laughter between amber and jenny
    i love how amber delights in the reactions

  16. Ambers face when she says murder conviction 😁😁😁
    Amid all the madness I need me some Amber to keep me sane

  17. When Seth said, "ONCE I STOP GETTING INTERRUPTED!!!!", they should have responded with "welcome to our world…"

  18. I was expecting Amber to say to say, “One hour in jail — or, as white people call it, monopoly.”

    wasn’t disappointed by the actual joke tho djsjsjsjsj

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