Laughter is the Best Medicine

Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Starbucks’ Gay Agenda, the Lowest Point in U.S. History

♪♪♪♪ -These are two of
our writers, everybody. That’s Amber.
That’s Jenny. -I’m black. -And I’m gay. -And we’re both women.
-And I’m not. So, here’s how this works. I’ll read the setups
for these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. All right, here we go. Toy company Mattel recently
posted a photo on Instagram of Barbie wearing
a pro-gay-marriage T-shirt. -Barbie or,
as lesbians call her, Barb. -A group in Georgia hosted
an event last month called “Come Meet
a Black Person.” -Or, as it’s more
commonly known, jury duty. -Conservatives are accusing
Starbucks of promoting a gay agenda for
releasing holiday cups with an image of
two interlinked hands. -Said lesbians, “That’s not
what we do with our hands.” -Jenny!
-No, no, no. I didn’t mean that.
-All right. -I meant sex stuff.
-Oh. After attending
a party in blackface, a Virginia sheriff’s deputy
has been reassigned. -To president of the police. -The next one is about
Puerto Ricans. Jenny, you’re Puerto Rican.
You want to take this one? -Sure.
-All right, here we go. According to reports,
over 200,000 Puerto Ricans have moved to Florida
following Hurricane Maria. -200,000 Puerto Ricans or,
as it’s also known, a barbecue. -According to a new poll,
59% of Americans believe that the U.S.
is currently undergoing the lowest point in its history. -Said black people,
“I can think of a lower one.” -Oh, so, you’re talking about — -Yes. When they canceled
“Living Single.” -Oh. One of the films currently
under consideration for Best Foreign Film for
the 2018 Academy Awards is a lesbian horror film. -It’s called “Out of Batteries.” -Ooh! That is scary.
-I know, right? Terrifying.
-Terrible. -A Texas man recently
avoided arrest by swimming away
from police officers. -Authorities are currently on
the lookout for not a black man. -Shalane Flanagan recently
became the first American woman to win the
New York City Marathon in 40 years, running the race in 2 hours, 26 minutes,
and 53 seconds. -It’s the fastest
a woman has ever run without a Senator behind her. -Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! [ Laughs ] -Hey, Seth.
-What? -Why don’t you tell one? -Oh, I don’t think
I should tell one. -Oh, come on. Just one. -I feel like if I tell one,
I’ll get in trouble for it. -Oh, come on. Just do it.
-Okay. -Come on. -According to a recent report,
gay men earn more money than straight men,
because straight men work, but gay men woooork! -Seth!
-How dare you?! -You told me it would be okay! -You should be
ashamed of yourself! -Black women
and lesbians are liars! -Seth! ♪♪♪♪ -We’ll be right back
with Seth Rogen, everybody.

100 thoughts on “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Starbucks’ Gay Agenda, the Lowest Point in U.S. History

  1. Doug Jones – Tuesday – December 12, 2017 –
    The people of Alabama will decide… Well, the people of Alabama decided #DigDoug

  2. I don't get it, joking about these stereotypes especially in this uncritical light manner, just reestablishes them ever so strongly. I guess they deep down appreciate them cause those stereotypes give them identity and content.

  3. Can anyone explain to a Non-American why exactly Seth can't tell these jokes? How is the ability to tell funny jokes conditional on the identity of the person who tells them? Doesn't make the least bit of sense to me. A statement is a statement, a joke is a joke, an opinion is an opinion – they're all independent from the person.

  4. I really hate that "black women and lesbians are liars!!" It contradicts the whole segment and makes the crowd uneasy…. weird

  5. unfortunately for me, i no longer feel i can appropriately state the growing effect amber ruffin is having upon me, other than to categorically assert that i like it.

  6. It's not that Seth couldn't tell them – I don't think he WANTS to. They're simply not good jokes. He usually gets better ones.

  7. am i the only one who didnt like their delivery at all?
    i kept waiting for a funny punchline….but no luck…
    i guess that's why they are writers and not hosts….

  8. This is probably one of my favorite reoccurring segments. Whether or not/even if you don't like the jokes, their chemistry all together is always great

  9. DAMNIT!!!
    A 4th Seth I hadn’t considered in my plot to have an episode/film/etc with all the famous Seth’s together in one spot 😤🔥!?!

  10. Seth Meyers is the bet thing that happened to Late Night. And this section is the best thing that happened to this show.

  11. I miss Living Single. I loved that show as a kid… which is a weird TV show for a ten year old white girl to adore, but there it is. I need to go find those DVDs…

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