♪♪♪♪ -These are two of
our writers, everybody. That’s Amber.
That’s Jenny. -I’m black. -And I’m gay. -And we’re both women.
-And I’m not. So, here’s how this works. I’ll read the setups
for these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. All right, here we go. Toy company Mattel recently
posted a photo on Instagram of Barbie wearing
a pro-gay-marriage T-shirt. -Barbie or,
as lesbians call her, Barb. -A group in Georgia hosted
an event last month called “Come Meet
a Black Person.” -Or, as it’s more
commonly known, jury duty. -Conservatives are accusing
Starbucks of promoting a gay agenda for
releasing holiday cups with an image of
two interlinked hands. -Said lesbians, “That’s not
what we do with our hands.” -Jenny!
-No, no, no. I didn’t mean that.
-All right. -I meant sex stuff.
-Oh. After attending
a party in blackface, a Virginia sheriff’s deputy
has been reassigned. -To president of the police. -The next one is about
Puerto Ricans. Jenny, you’re Puerto Rican.
You want to take this one? -Sure.
-All right, here we go. According to reports,
over 200,000 Puerto Ricans have moved to Florida
following Hurricane Maria. -200,000 Puerto Ricans or,
as it’s also known, a barbecue. -According to a new poll,
59% of Americans believe that the U.S.
is currently undergoing the lowest point in its history. -Said black people,
“I can think of a lower one.” -Oh, so, you’re talking about — -Yes. When they canceled
“Living Single.” -Oh. One of the films currently
under consideration for Best Foreign Film for
the 2018 Academy Awards is a lesbian horror film. -It’s called “Out of Batteries.” -Ooh! That is scary.
-I know, right? Terrifying.
-Terrible. -A Texas man recently
avoided arrest by swimming away
from police officers. -Authorities are currently on
the lookout for not a black man. -Shalane Flanagan recently
became the first American woman to win the
New York City Marathon in 40 years, running the race in 2 hours, 26 minutes,
and 53 seconds. -It’s the fastest
a woman has ever run without a Senator behind her. -Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! [ Laughs ] -Hey, Seth.
-What? -Why don’t you tell one? -Oh, I don’t think
I should tell one. -Oh, come on. Just one. -I feel like if I tell one,
I’ll get in trouble for it. -Oh, come on. Just do it.
-Okay. -Come on. -According to a recent report,
gay men earn more money than straight men,
because straight men work, but gay men woooork! -Seth!
-How dare you?! -You told me it would be okay! -You should be
ashamed of yourself! -Black women
and lesbians are liars! -Seth! ♪♪♪♪ -We’ll be right back
with Seth Rogen, everybody.