Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Jon Stewart’s Flipped Interview With Stephen Colbert


Captioning sponsored by CBS
>>Stephen: HI!
I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. “STEPHEN! WHAT’S GOING ON? WHY IS EVERYTHING DIFFERENT? WHY ARE YOU IN THE GUEST CHAIR? WHY AREN’T YOU BEHIND THE DESK?”
FIRST OF ALL, I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO BACK OFF, BECAUSE YOU’RE
FREAKING ME OUT WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS.( LAUGHTER )
IT’S SIMPLE. THIS IS ACTUALLY PRERECORDED. I’M ACTUALLY STILL ON
THANKSGIVING VACATION. AS YOU WATCH THIS, I’M IN A BEAN
BAG CHAIR, BINGE-LISTENING TO TRUE-CRIME PODCASTS, WITH AN
ENTIRE PUMPKIN PIE BALANCED ON MY BULGING GUT. AND I’M SPRAYING CANNED WHIPPED
CREAM DIRECTLY INTO ONE OF THE HOLES ON MY FACE. I HOPE IT’S MY MOUTH. BUT EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT HERE,
TONIGHT IS STILL AN ALL-NEW SHOW– WITH A TWIST. I SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THAT
CHAIR INTERVIEWING CELEBRITIES AND NEWSMAKERS AND AUTHORS IN
THIS CHAIR FINDING OUT EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM:
WHAT THEY THINK, WHAT THEY FEEL, WHAT THEY SMELL LIKE. HUGH LAURIE? FRESH-CUT GRASS. BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO
FLIP THE SCRIPT AND HAVE SOME OF MY CELEBRITY FRIENDS OVER TO
INTERVIEW ME FOR A CHANGE. THAT’S RIGHT. EVEN IN A SHOW THAT I
PRERECORDED SO THAT I WOULDN’T HAVE TO HOST A SHOW, I’M STILL
NOT HOSTING THAT SHOW. SO, SIT BACK AND RELAX. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING
RIGHT NOW. I THINK IN THE CARIBBEAN.>>IT’S THE LATE SHOW WITH
STEPHEN COLBERT, STEPHEN COLBERT EDITION. TONIGHT, STEPHEN IS IN THE HOT
SEAT, HOSTED BY JON STEWART. PLUS NEIL deGRASSE TYSON. KERRY WASHINGTON. JAKE TAPPER. AND CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD. FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT’S STEPHEN COLBERT!( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>HOW ARE YOU? ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪>>WELCOME! WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. HAVE A SEAT! HAVE A SEAT! HOW ARE YOU?( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELCOME. WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, JON STEWART. I HAVEN’T SAID THAT IN A WHILE. WE’RE GOING TO GET RIGHT TO IT. OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE
HOST OF “THE LATE SHOW” ON CBS. FOR NOW.( LAUGHTER )
HE HAS WON MULTIPLE EMMY AND PEABODY AWARDS, AN AWARD FOR
MOST OBEDIENT SUNDAY SCHOOL STUDENT, AND HE GOT HIS START ON
AN OBSCURE CABLE NETWORK. PLEASE WELCOME TO THE PROGRAM,
MR. STEPHEN COLBERT. STEPHEN COLBERT! WOW! WOW! ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT A TREAT! WHAT AN HONOR. ♪ ♪ ♪
>>STEPHEN COLBERT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! PLEASE, SIT. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>>STEPHEN COLBERT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, STEPHEN COLBERT.>>WOOO!>>WOW. I BELIEVE THAT’S YOUR WATER.>>Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.>>YOU’RE VERY WELCOME.>>Stephen: NICE TO SEE THE
YOU.>>NICE TO SEE YOU AS WELL. OBVIOUSLY, I HAVEN’T DONE THIS
IN A WHILE SO I’M JUST GOING TO START WITH WHAT’S ON THE CARD.>>Stephen: I’M STRANGELY
NERVOUS.( LAUGHTER )
>>OKAY. WHO THE (BLEEP) DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE?( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
THAT’S NOT ACTUALLY ON THE CARD. THAT WAS —
>>Stephen: A LITTLE BIT– A LITTLE BIT LIKE JON STEWART. I THINK I’M A LITTLE BIT LIKE
JON STEWART.>>LOOK HOW HALES AND HEARTY YOU
LOOK, COMING IN HERE EVERY NIGHT, TAKING IN THE TOXINS AND
SPEWING BACK OUT RAINBOW-COLORED SPRINKLES. THAT’S YOUR JOB, AND YOU DO IT
BEAUTIFULLY.>>Stephen: IT AIN’T
SPRINKLES.>>IT’S SPRINKLES, BABY.>>Stephen: BY THE WAY, THANK
YOU FOR DRESSING UP. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR TAKING THIS
SERIOUSLY. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.>>I DON’T HAVE MUCH SPAILS DOWN
HERE. AND I DON’T HAVE AN EXTENSIVE
WARDROBE. I JUST WEAR WHAT THE LEFT THE
SHOW IN THREE YEARS AGO.( LAUGHTER )
AND I CONTINUE –>>Stephen: I HAVEN’T– I HAVE
ONLY BEEN INTERVIEWED ONCE BEFORE BY YOU IN MY LIFE. AND LAST TIME I WAS AL SHARPTON.>>THAT IS CORRECT. THE LAST TIME I INTERVIEWED AL
SHARPT OFNS GOING TO BE ON “THE DAILY SHOW,” AND AT THE LAST
MINUTE, HE DECIDED HE DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT. I DON’T EVEN– I DON’T EVEN
THINK IT WAS, “I’M NOT FEELING WELL.” I THINK IT WAS MORE, “I’M NOT
COMING.” AND YOU STEPPED IN, AND I
INTERVIEWED YOU WITH THE AL SHARPTON QUESTIONS.>>Stephen: I JUST ANSWERED
ALL THE AL SHARPTON QUESTIONS. THE PART YOU FORGET ABOUT IS I
HAD A TICKET IN MY HAND, AND I WAS WALK OUT OF “THE DAILY
SHOW,” BECAUSE TWO WEEKS BEFORE IT WAS RELEASED WORLDWIDE I HAD
A TICKET TO A PRESCENING OF “THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING.” AND I PUT MY HAND ON THE DOOR TO
LEAVE “THE DAILY SHOW.” AND I HEARD, “STEPHEN COLBERT,
COME TO THE STUDIO. STEPHEN COME TO THE STUDIO.” AND I SAID (BLEEP)! AND YOU SAID, “YOU’RE AL
SHARPTON? I SAID, “GOT IT.” THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ENTIRE
CONVERSATION.>>AND THEN IT JUST RAN. AND IT WAS SO BRILLIANT THAT AL
SHARPTON’S ACTION NETWORK ACTUALLY THEN ASKED STEPHEN TO
TAKE OVER.( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: YEAH.>>WHICH I WAS —
>>Stephen: AND HERE I AM.>>I WAS SHOCKED ABOUT. VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW, STEPHEN IS
ON TELEVISION AND HE SHARES WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT HIS THOUGHTS AND
HIS FEELINGS AND DREAMS ABOUT THIS COUNTRY AND HIS HOPES FOR
THE FUTURE OF IT. BUT WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW IS WHAT
A DWOAPTED AND LOVELY FAMILY MAN STEPHEN COLBERT IS. AND I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT
THAT.>>Stephen: SURE.>>WHICH CHILD DO YOU LOVE THE
MOST?( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE I THINK IT’S INTERESTING– BECAUSE I KNOW WHO
I THINK IT IS.>>Stephen: YEAH.>>BUT I’D LOVE TO HEAR WHO YOU
THINK.>>Stephen: PROBABLY NATE.>>THAT’S MY CHILD!( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
UNBELIEVABLE. YOU GOT OUT OF THAT. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION ABOUT
DONALD TRUMP, IF I MAY.>>Stephen: UH-HUH.>>DONALD TRUMP, GREAT PRESIDENT
OR GREATEST PRESIDENT? WHAT WOULD– WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: UH-HUH. I THINK GREAT, GREAT PRESIDENT. THERE’S NOTHING ELSE OTHER THAN
GREAT OR GREATEST?>>JUST GREAT OR GREATEST. I GOT THAT QUESTION OFF OF AN
OLD– THERE WAS A SHOW THAT USED TO COME ON AFTER MINEUE WOULD
HAVE LOVED IT.>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW ABOUT
THAT.>>IT WAS HOSTED BY THIS
HIGH-STATUS CONSERVATIVE IDIOT.>>Stephen: LAST NIGHT I GO
OUT TO DINNER, LAST NIGHT I GO OUT TO DINNER WITH MY WIFE AND
MY DAUGHTER, AND AS WE’RE LEAVING THIS RESTAURANT, PEOPLE
WERE VERY NICE. THEY SAY, “I REALLY LIKE THE
SHOW. I REALLY LIKE THE SHOW.” THANKS VERY MUCH. I’M TRYING TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY
DAUGHTER, SHE’S GOING BACK OFF TO– SHE WORKS OUT OF TOWN. SHE’S ABOUT TO LEAVE. THIS GUY COMES UP AND SAYS, “I
REALLY LIKE THE SHOW.” I SAID, “THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” HE SAID, “I LIKED THE OLD SHOW
MORE, BUT STILL…>>I LIKE YOUR OLD WORK A LITTLE
BIT BETTER. THAT’S UNCOMFORTABLE.>>Stephen: DO YOU GET THAT? OH, YOU DON’T HAVE NEW WORK YET?>>NO, I DON’T WORK. GIDOOR TO DOOR DELIVER AGO.>>Stephen: OH, REALLY?>>I GO DOOR TO DOOR DELIVERING
SATIRICAL NEWS.>>Stephen: YOU’RE CANVASSING.>>I JUST RING A DOORBELL– I
DON’T THINK DONALD TRUMP LIKES THE JOB OF PRESIDENT. BUT HE LIKES THE TRAPPINGS OF
POWER. I DON’T THINK HE LIEWKS THE,
LIKE, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME ABOUT ENERGY POLICY? JUST GET THE SHOT OF ME GOING ON
TO THE HELICOPTER. LOOKING LIKE —
>>Stephen: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME ANY QUESTIONS, YOU KNOW? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME TWO
QUESTIONS? ONE QUESTION’S OKAY. TWO QUESTIONS, THEN YOU MIGHT
MENTION THEY JUST LIED TO YOU.( LAUGHTER ).>>YES.>>Stephen: YEAH.>>WHEN YOU MET HIM, BEFORE HE
WAS PRESIDENT, AND HE WAS ON THE SHOW– HAD YOU MET HIM BEFORE?>>Stephen: I HAD. I HAD MET DONALD TRUMP BACKSTAGE
AT FALLON. I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS “LATE
NIGHT” OR WHETHER IT WAS “THE TONIGHT SHOW.” I WENT OVER THERE —
–>>WAS HE RUNNING FOR PRESIDEN AT THE TIME.>>Stephen: NO, HE WAS JUST A
GUY.>>MET HIM OUTSIDE OF THAT, DID
THE BLUSTER SEEM CHARMING IN A SORT OF “MUSIC MAN” KIND OF WAY?>>Stephen: HE WASN’T
BLUSTERING AT ALL. “HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE SHOW.”>>HE’S GOT THAT GEAR?>>Stephen: HE’S GOT THAT GEAR
OF JUST SOME GUY YOU WOULD SEE SOME PLACE, JUST LIKE A GUY. AND HE WAS LIKE, “LET’S TAKE A
PICTURE.” HE WAS ALL READY TO TAKE A
PICTURE. AND ORANGE LIKE YOU COULDN’T
BELIEVE. LIKE, IN PERSON– YOU’VE MET
HIM. YOU’VE MET HIM.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: YOU FAMOUSLY YOU
GAVE HIM– A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE NICK NAMES FOR DONALD TRUMP, BUT
YOU HAVE THE GREATEST NICKNAME OF ALL TIME. WOULD YOU CARE TO SHARE IT WITH
THE AUDIENCE?>>I REFER TO HIM AS (BLEEP) VON
CLOWN STICK. I’LL SAY THIS– AFFECTIONATELY.( LAUGHTER )
ALWAYS AFFECTIONATELY.>>Stephen: I KNOW I’LL BEING
INTERVIEWED RIGHT NOW.>>YYOU ARE.>>Stephen: CAN I ASK YOU, DO
YOU MISAT ALL HAVING A SHOW THAT DEALS WITH THESE KINDS OF JOKES
NOW THAT HE’S PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES? LIKE, THAT WOULD BE NICE TO TAKE
A COUPLE OF SWIPES HERE AND THERE? NO?>>YOU AND I BOTH FAMOUSLY KNOW,
WE WERE TURD MINERS. WE TOILD IN THE TURD MINES.>>Stephen: WE GREW UP INAP
LECHE. POOR APLATCHIAN TURD MINERS. MY FAMILY, BACK IN THE OLD
COUNTRY– TURD MINING WAS A STEP UP FOR THEM.>>WE BOTH LOST MANY PEOPLE
CLOSE TO US TO TURD LUNG. IT’S BEEN A– IT’S BEEN A
TERRIBLE THING.( LAUGHTER )
SO WORKING AT “THE DAILY SHOW” I FELT AS THOUGH I WAS TOILING IN
THE TURD MINES. AND THEN I FINALLY QUIT, AND A
GIANT TURD ASTEROID…( LAUGHTER )
HEADS TOWARDS THE PLANET. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, IN THAT INSTANCE, IF SOMEONE SAID, “YOU WERE A TURD
MINER. THIS IS THE LARGEST TURD DEPOSIT
EVER SEEN. DON’T YOU WISH YOU WERE IN
THERE?” AND YOU’RE JUST LIKE, “I’M OUT
OF THE TURD BUSINESS.”( LAUGHTER )
“I’M OUT.”( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: COME ON IN, JON. THE TURD’S FINE.( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>>WE HAVE TO GO TO A
COMMERCIAL, BUT STICK AROUND. WHEN WE COME BACK, MORE STEPHEN
COLBERT!( APPLAUSE )

100 thoughts on “Jon Stewart’s Flipped Interview With Stephen Colbert

  1. Mr. Colbert, you appeared to Congress talking about illegal immigrants (homeless from countries where they have been refused a descent life and a living wage. Who do you think sent our corporations to Mexico and China and want to set up a third world "New World Order" . . . it's the Democratic Socialists pretending to be American and at the same time attacking our sitting president (Trump) and we now know why the government is not working for the nation and want to take our guns . . the claim that guns kill more people in the U.S. is not correct; that would be according to Rush Limbaugh who said "doctors kill more people than guns in the U.S. " So either stick to jokes or take up spelling.

  2. America lost it's soul when he retired.
    Thankfully Stephen saves us from a complete breakdown though.
    Moments when he returns must be feel somewhat like when a heroin addict "re-ups".
    Suddenly there is light in the world again. Life again has meaning.
    lol
    Love the show Stephen. Just missing Jon is all.
    Keep giving us these little "fixes" and everything will be alright. lol

  3. I would pay to listen to these people talk while sipping something. I would consider giving up one kidney, well, maybe a portion of my insistence… to spend a night on a camping trip while tripping on mushrooms with these two gentlemen:)

  4. John how do you come back to us? Please, I understand, but everything you talked about has come to our "reality" and I don't want the generation grown up with you to believe there is no hope….

  5. A gigante turd showed up and I left the business bad luck, hahahahahah jhon you are a legend what a human being.

  6. I actually wish that John Stewart was the host and not Stephen Colbert. John would not say Soo many stupid and dumb anti-trump propaganda.

  7. More of both these guys at the same time. If Stephen and Jon over a desk, once a week ever happens.. then it'll be hands down my favorite show.

  8. Where you should be is behind those vertical iron bars for your very abrasive and false accusations against President Trump in which you are committing defamation of character of him because you're painting him as someone who really did commit an awful crime when he did not! Remember the rule of law under the presumption of innocence: "innocent until proven guilty" in which you'll never find him guilty because he is not!

  9. You should love every child of yours equally , never discriminate because the hurt you cause will shape their life’s and also they will never forget and for the most part it is always the child that was the least loved be the one who will look after the parents . I have personally seen not one or two but a lot of families where it is like I wrote above .

  10. I miss Jon Stewart. I liked the Colbert Report but I don’t like the Late Show. Stephen isn’t as funny and even though I’m not a trump supporter, I don’t like how one sided everything is.

  11. colbert, i read a bit of Freud once and he waxes eloquent on people who dont recognise their husbands when they pass them on the street.For him not recognising your spouse is a sign that things aren't going well. Stephen are you all right in that marriage you say is so good. you one hell of a crazy guy, and dream so much, how bad do things have to be if you dream so?

  12. Colberts, Catholics pinch, by which I mean steal, childrens hearts and minds, other peoples childrens hearts and minds, their excuse, God wants them to, children are the children of God not of their parents. Their degrees of brainwashing and allowing themselves to inflluence in other peoples children, are way out of line. They are extreme in their ideas and not very christian,I can understand thinking pain might be good for people, in some way doing so helps people deal with pain but when they start to actually create pain, they think it is so healthy, then I stop being with them. Ones I know do that sort of thing.

    The church has got very extreme since the sixties, with the growing importance of sects like the Opus Dei, whose founder was hardly a good theologian, or the Legion of Christ, whose founder was not only a bad theologian he was a total villain. They are much given to calling adults even their children, because they consider they look after them. When you say that Nate is your favourite child do you consider him in some way your protege in a Catholic sense? Catholics seem to have no idea that any part of their thinking is bad so they feel totally free to steal the hearts and minds of children. Catholic thinking can get very wonky when they get extreme, if you watch the film, 'The Magdelen Sisters', you can see how extreme and crazy they get.

  13. Trump's NC rally seemed like one of Hitler's rallies. Trump (real name Drumpf) should go back to his ethnic country–Nazi Germany, a regime that killed over 6 million innocent people and started a world war that killed millions more. Trump may very well be the son of Satan. Read 2 Corinthians 11. 14 Trump's earth dad was KKK, but his spiritual dad is more than evil. Why do you think that Trump is so orange? His Chinese sign is fire. Go back to the hell from where you crawled from, Drumpf. Drumpf was born on Saturday, June 14, 1946–The sixth day of the week, the sixth month of the year, and the sixth year of the decade–666–the sign of the beast. He lies enough to be the son of the father of lies, and he worships other demon-like dictators.

  14. Please Jon. Your country needs you. Mine some more turds. Not a joke. Run for office or get back in there. George Washington wanted to quit after the war too. He gritted his wooden teeth and sacrificed. Your country needs you.

  15. Oh do i miss the colbert report. I was too young to watch or understand most of it but season 10 and 11 were great.

  16. I like Jon Stewart more he had more balls and spoke up more about the fake news criminal propaganda machine.. Jon vs. Cramer comes to mind!

  17. Don trump is a mutha fucking star boy ! Handsome and adorable and in shape ripped and ready to help Vladimir ! Obviously ! The treason is inspiring !

  18. Now your just somebody that I used to know ! You didn’t have to cut me off ! Now and then I think about the times that you screwed me over ! I don’t want to live that way ! You didn’t have to stoop so low !! Somebody that I used to know ! Now your just somebody I used to know !

  19. Yeah I know it’s stupid I’m in the corner donny watching you kiss her’ – I’m over here why can’t you see me ? I keep dancing on my own ! I just want to be with you all night ! Stiletto and broken bottles I’m spinning around in circles ! You beast ! Pretty little thang !

  20. In my mind I’m going to Carolina ! Yes I’m going to Carolina in my mind ! You with me don trump ! All aboard ! Let’s roll ! What does stop coming at me bro mean ?

  21. God can someone PLEASE find that Al Sharpton interview clip and upload it? I need to see that and can't find it anywhere on the internet I'm freaking out!!

  22. The founder of Modern Late Night. Commentary and what should have been been the heir apparent. No disrespect to Trevor Noah, whom I respect and admire, but Colbert I'd a almost exact replica of Stewart. The world owes Stewart.

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