Laughter is the Best Medicine

Karl Pilkington Laughing Compilation (Ricky Gervais & Steve Merchant, XFM/Podcast)

this conversation even today anyway it's whatever was a way for his loss I'll exist for for the last time it's there it's a monkey news so angle Oh chimpanzee that monkey news right you sure you are familiar with andris monkey people under Andres we are like as in like for more than 9900 we have one hundredth monkey every familiar no hmm anyway thanks that was sweet almond yet what do you mean I believe that well I thought it's a popular phrase Ursula what hundred monkey yeah what do you mean Department about what what why what because you're going to do something phrasing it next week we don't say that was before and with the monkey no it's just there it says the expression under monkey what do you mean it wasn't story boys from the nineteen fifties right and the way they got it because they were following some monkeys about right and the fact whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo journalist oh yeah why yeah sister says what the what the rope the monkeys Arabia what would it was documentary anyway one of them hello come on one of them washed some potatoes okay awesome potatoes can we leave that one no no if you are doing now best they're following it what is it like a family in their analysis mantis alright it was just one chimp and it was washing a potato and this all has a bit old alright yeah oh yeah he turns out that that ended up teaching another monkey yeah to wash her to tell you now they do it they do they go down and wash them in the sea because they like they like the case of salt and the weird thing is though when I'm gone well I got to the underthe monkey right even though I haven't been taught how to wash up a sailor yeah it automatically knew it knew what to do what does it mean you talk what do you mean it was in them it was in them that they knew that when they get a potato they had to wash it that isn't the monkey news I'm just I'm just saying that's where the expression comes from but you only murder that so well there's a couple of things there that it could be another upshot and you know the instinct is part of you do not examining our Sandifer but you can't pass on acquired characteristics so that's nonsense if you mean that someone was taught about how to child and it knew it there's no there's no chemical memory as such it was no the monkey news you know if we've covered a lot of stuff do you start to the sub sad stuff won't they yeah there's some funny stuff in a yeah do monkey near love isn't that football theme a monkey football team yeah in Costa Rica oh yeah Galia got all the team members there right close all a different little goalkeeper apparently he's on transfers from some other club for the bit I got me attention is apparently is a holder of PhD of physics well the goal key yeah just to go people the others have done that much well I believe that you've got their exam results for new Carl but I don't believe is our PhD in physics Oh Barry do you know the name of the team is come on us Oh sofa Telegraph for listening that is the sort of quality entertainment you get weighed out anymore that's just for song yes the end goodbye everybody hello have a lovely summer yeah rate of it and we might see you in October we might not accept a karl Pilkington chances are so cool Oh 207 seven double six six thousand after karl Pilkington or email them I saw Tim bucket when which I think you've enjoyed this is good one side well you said it's called auntie Pat it see ya was I will do recently yeah I got talking to an old fella just well oh and it's mainly for old people I got chatting with him you could tell you had a lot of money yeah sort and you had that sort of Rouge coloured sort of jeans oh yeah she's always so he'll tell sighing it's kind of like he's got money yeah um the red jeans are twice as much Seth lets us have got money yeah sort of either that caller or yellow we can carry off when you're an old man and especially with the tongue you think yes or fly but I'm really there Julie yellow jeans we've got one pair service and they're our most expensive over there in the back room ma'am could I just see your your band come first oh yeah you can afford yellow jeans religion come this way so I got talking to him and it turns out he had a cruise ship right loads of money now I was chatting to him for about 10 minutes yeah what color is jackets so they're in have a jacket on just like shirt is wearing red jeans and a white shirt yes or a leather leather slip-on shoes I can remember and how old is he tarter tell Kelly it was welt and he attractive he's good-looking from so he's rich you say you saw his rich good-looking bloke with just to share on oh yeah – it's pinging humped this pic that was the finish I don't know why do you know this is what kind of the crotch area was what why did you notice what you rather than so much of the I see why you can see if you look at his face you can see a white shirt but why did you see how do you want colors what no television fabric around this is one where you saw a good-looking old man side of the bar you in a boiler drink yeah easily that is the barbecue to open right okay and you don't like to see mojo so non dico morning no yeah that was annoyed I don't like late nights on all agree ok get like Suzanne said let's go down there early tonight right I get there I find out the barbecues not for another 40 odd minutes what time was the already rep well I don't know it starts at 8:00 you notice away evil it does in old men general coverings but you don't know what fucking time is yeah it's always what I saying to you is the rather notice his pants is because what he was talking about there was no reference point I didn't have a clue what he was going on about right what was he talking about for your eyes to wander down to his penis is what I'm trying to say what made you look at his penis because I got bored didn't know what I'm trying to say to you is yeah is his reference points had no I was he one of about he was talking about I was in some Cuban War he told me about I would met President Reagan it told me something about how it caught up a cow once he was in this place I think he's in the mania it's in fact blood on his trousers yeah whilst hacking up his dead wife he's gone insane he's jittering in chatting away claiming he owns a cruise ship he thinks only spent 36 grand on furniture and when I sort of look to him like no if you lying and he's going on well I needed a couple of shade long geez and it was just it was nothing I could relate to he's nothing like you yeah little bit I wasn't was she in the TV series I don't understand why you have no interest in either being in a Cuban war having met Ronald Reagan's because why is I've not injured why because I don't know why the trousers would what much more appealing to you if some was telling me I was in Antigua whare a you know Castro Fidel Castro and then while you're looking at my packet so that starts a point is to watch your point but you can have a chat with a fella just like I'm talking to the geek at the bus stop sometime well you can't you can't take part what I meant to say about in meeting Reagan well I meant to say about in being are you just I asked him asking questions about use in a war when I sort of took it back to I'll wonder what what meet they're doing at the barbecue he wasn't bothered your contribution is don't you devour the Missile Crisis and you're going or evidence important people he's experienced extraordinary things dating to anyone and you not interested you just want to know whether the sort I mean that there is you see he's come down he's looked at you without prejudice and so I don't know this I the language barrier probably saved you and II thought is probably a smart guy I love my life why is it so much now looking at my negative edge neither barbequed only at the bar because let me go fuckin sausage it when you're talking to a stranger mmm aren't you meant to keep it above the waist keep it tomatoes bollocks keep it though reg – I made can't laugh navona man I felt the world Carles all confused didn't tell yours ended in it what does that lens that little dish just applause admit I think I might start swearing you know what they're like rock stars yeah yeah blue language yeah and all their habit oh the other it says track ended now it's only starting dust that you've given away all the secrets of radio and that people think it's like an old piece of vinyl that we've pulled and needle you know like those old bits of footage of Tony Blackburn that's what I think it's like they don't really like those computers doing it all I guess you showing him behind the curtain ever doing that I won't I like that I'm in the week I called Carl up so now I MIT was not too bad now as you know his girlfriend's been away for age doesn't she bring the World Cup the African nations no scoffs he's a sports journalist well yeah all right okay well I'm glad you think it what does that mean like well she's not much of a journalist Rick you know I read some of her stuff no but she's not here she does stuff you know I know things yeah sure sure no journalist do you want to see you're not around with Cady that's what you want to make clear on it yeah now so she she'd seen none of the meteoric rise of Carl right all the whole time around monstera come a wit yeah a cult figure I'll be honest and he hadn't he hadn't told Ernest so apparently he went home when she was sitting there for the bit grumpy monoi so yeah cos we go out then he went see when I'm not sure want to go out with mediate Oh No yeah because interent loch ness monster won't you just think of course I thought this month's lives in not minutes and she's going to it a hard time it so that's why don't he said that's why I didn't tell her you know I didn't tell her really same thing happened when I was at school and I to play drums in little donkey I didn't tell my parents all right but my dad turned up anyway and what happened yeah how old were you caught well it was it was the school that I used to go to oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah you used to go to the school you go to know what I mean but I didn't go to the secondary didn't so I missed a lot of that but primary I like oh all coloring in and stuff yeah and it was a Christmas play and I managed to get a car in it I know your vision got a pioneer and I should have been playing the drums to the one about Kings the we three kings yeah it's meant to be doing that but little donkey came on and it was one of them came on that was like next stop on you know the like the next song right right and it's one songs that you can't help sort of capital yeah you know like like if I if I was to go home yeah you'd have to finish it with yeah do you know that they actually send that into space do they and what hoping the aliens always on Tibet yeah if you do that because apparently it's it it is one things that you can't help this is what we're gonna feel alien life-form yeah they know that do they by anyway what can you watch my fellow didn't be biggest knock-knock yeah YouTube like if it's a I not knock you doing make sure they have to say Oggy Oggy Oggy ah that is the stage driver directly oh hold on what's slowing out there was a little green fellow that is great yeah so anyway is little donkey like one in tunes that you can't and I was there any other drums like a hot car rode on stick I could feel myself and I just wanted to do it yeah it started going along and playing little donkey which are what meant to do but it went down such a storm what were there people like parents and that dozing off and it's like you're in a bunker they thought wait a minute now it's really picking I'm starving tied up I'm 54 this what do you mean II went bounce I just are going how long was it like when you go in the air you're like really mean go join the Beatles no booby basically went oh ah I've got the teacher just said I it went down really well you can do that again tonight right when you're in it again but anyway so my dad was there and UN told him about this performance and uh collaborative I never took the lighters and stuff yes yummy mom does it just put me off so um anyway he turned off don't know why must've heard from someone else's dad yeah ether not and he swore barmy which did he I don't can eat what you could you use a word as we said the world of course it is right if you've got a kid in the car anything the concern accounted to be right but you said it was a guy still mixing with a camera big video camera filming it and he said yeah film it we'll try and avoid getting the twat in the Hat in the shot because I had one of those Porter's you know the little round pot pie he's gone right what sad what was this a nativity play it was a large Jesus and stuff yeah well there was a port of their album with his buzz I forgot my Marion Jonah did not there yeah because you know that the end was full yeah I think the port doubled up with the in understable that was like yeah yeah very back they were yeah yeah no so yeah yeah you're right now I don't know why I was wearing one of them but I was and and your father sit down and how did you know your father did you hear it later I told you about they said yeah I was suddenly out stuff at school and I said oh god remember the plan and he I suppose him the other day about it right and in common so that was that was the end of your sort of drumming career really because it could have been things you know the audience loved it the night before you could invite be not who knows a whole new world for you them any stuff I never drummed I've never drums rubbish I know that is that is so but is that and that's why you do and you don't tell you feel that your mum and dad don't know you on the moment when they were down the other week and they have to come here just said I'll just go in and press the buttons because they can listen on sky did y'all good night could they but you wouldn't want that was right on that no dollar corn oil told you again a little bit about this mayor yeah all stars all the old I just don't know in criticize they if I was listening and I'd enjoyed that track and I want to know what it was I wouldn't have understood what you just said really could you just say that again knows you're down the hills down yeah low fidelity because you went in the video I'm still doing under me DJ no it's nice you didn't know very mouth wide my car bothered no sure it tasty looking at listen to it crunchy little crinkling the quince you're not creases you know I really need a job a cake saya she wasn't going out there no one knew about your well as people in cinemas that think you're being really quiet eating a bag of crisps on yeah do you know cinemas mmm something for a bit actually what can you do car God what's an entertaining evening for you yeah what would you do to occupy your phone your hobbies for instance might might get a video out from prime time like what would you enjoy that or would it just be a chore for you no no I think things like I really hate doing this but when you really switch off and you forget all your problems and stuff well you haven't got any your own problems Cole you don't know that upon a face when I'm with you you wear a man are you crying inside you mean the happiest you can be you're like a clown aren't ya oh I think I'm like a hard miserable man because there was somebody over you hard you today and I said to him I can't watch the Elephant Man we dissolve god you're the best you don't know you're doing it you look back and you watch it and when it gets that bit where they carried him through the village and I'm messing about with his head would you like this is true my dad watched at once and I watched it my mother is missing that we're all quite moved by almost oh it's thinking it was a wonderful example of man's inhumanity to man and I think and my dad just wouldn't eat make an amazing novelty rucksack and achievement builder me I've never had this sort of Amos thinking it's not that ugly when we go we were like Karl can we focus on one person at a time Rick plant destroy him food Oh God telling what you said to me when that metal was playing a lot definitely and he bought some jaffa cake she was lovely when it was Roni and like Jeff cakes and then I went all thanks very much and then what did you say I just remember learning at school mmm I'm not like making fun of the illness foods not funny but and the cure cancer jaffa cakes cure cancer not not like fully right they just go some way to helping yeah do you know when it's all help if you've got it you can't so right get me a lot of jaffa cakes right but i think it sort of what's a bit of a stop so if you haven't got it you know I mean it's like having vitamin tablets is this medically gluon should we get dr. Foxx down here to confirm that like yeah I got I actually can't cope you're just playing record Michael I just if anyone has ever survived cancer thanks to John please please call it nobody that even anywhere is be orange thing in it and then he ready try to read is no wonder if it's literally that is scientific name Alber sleep in the back I think that it's absolutely beautiful I think Alba my favorite new group we've sang their praises many times and I never phone to thank us should thank yes do they really annoying know about they're doing a good job there I want to say found their lyrics because I will also want to write a song from tonight I didn't they didn't take me up on that either Steve I'm not sure I'm so keen on them they have a Jaffa Cake because I just found a lump I think we don't mean media no no no no all right good like um now we interviewed Karl berry I think we've learned a bit more about Karl bear and I'm going to view Steve now um Karl because I used to be you concentrating don't fit all in at once Karl chew chew before you swallow careful if I'm right and it's a suffer without a lot what luxury the amount of times I nearly died as again what forgetting to choose okay sure mint Imperials longtime drinking with water yes the height of he's going out with Shalini he's happy Saturday is visible all week and he's happy sad Italy I'll look in it's like we get in weekend yeah yeah is that because we sort of spoil Idomeneo jabber night and everything we literally irate only with his stepmom again the way oh no listen oh really the girlfriend doesn't see how much it's been away for ages I know I wish and she just switches off after we know we know we you know we love you don't you know we're excited we talk about you in the week and we you know we think you're great so don't just think we're using you as a deep comedy material I hate you too thing that it second also a single bring all the way about ten years ago absolutely you know I mean metal Mickey I'm access I am 104.9 came right again last I must know I think it was dramas ninety-one thanks a times yeah go on my line Carl styling on them this is a bit easier but still things a good one so this is uh we should explain what this is you didn't it's a one of those stupid Lauer thinking problem the Carla himself has created yeah his homework like this one to fella he has a normal day doing doing stuff nothing wrong with him and is the twist of the towers just like we had expected there's no day nothing wrong with him old on though he's got the legs of a fish gone so that's why he's been hiding his legs so he does lose my legs of a fish that's very gung carry on yeah is what is working day and night and I guess we tired um goes to bed it puts the light on mmm leaves it on goes to bed no that's crazy that's mentor I can't be what happened anyway his radio hey right okay what'd it be question is why does he put the lie on with you I'm not either normal days coming from work it's alright you come off of work we stop you're working at a nice it's been working stuff for them do you think you've made out car you can decide no if the question is wise you put the light on when he's asleep there's a reason that he's put the light on when he's asleep has he gone to sleep no Cole don't shrug you're meant to answer these questions you put the light on before he went to bed yeah and the question you're asking me is why what an area and the lights on and yet but it's gone to sleep yeah he started reading and then he fell asleep no did he intend so intentionally for some reason put the light on every night smart sounds mad if that guard of their every night it does it yeah he was voice although I met Carl Carl is the point of this puts the light on for a very good reason not for us but for some people he's blind and it's always been on and he thinks he's turning it off but it was on in the day and he thinks he's turned that off he's turning that on – no I'm not the stupid that works so that works great Rick yeah Thank You Carl so come on hang on blind why would you put a light on though he thinks is off yeah but why would he turn it on anyway because things Obie doesn't get burgled so people know he's in because he can't see him so he just thought it puts a light on my knees very gentle light often to go to bed so people think it's fine but he's got it out of kilter and actually is he's walking around in the dark all day I don't believe a few buying eternia I don't think your own would you I'm not enough for supplying people live on that second all somebody would is only blind people live on their own no if you if you like if you got bad eyes n even women anytime they're only blowing women who live another two right now if you know of seven hundred eight hundred one two three four we've gone through this if you are a blind woman with with with no standards and you don't care annoying voices and smell yeah then get in touch with you yeah I mean you've gotta be within the ages of say 25 to 65 you know I'll set call it 75 yes I fear you've gone fewer blind would you live in London because someone said yesterday there was one struggling outside in Leicester Square and I don't understand if you would I mean get out martina tourists but why come to london if you if you bind it's the worst place in the world to come if your blinds they're the sights good to hear the sights it's bit more than that well they think they do the same day after forest needs like anyone else yeah nobody saw stinks and you'd go away go it's not that good I just saw that the fight for the bit what never mind your concern for the pastor cited or partly the sight impaired people coming to London get on with this yeah so yeah so there he is yeah saw a bit tired yeah just put the light on so bad yeah so he chairs that I only goes to bed yeah oh we should we um as we play not it is not he's not sleeping on the job as a lighthouse keeper smelled on if you like guys you know it Karl if I ask Cooper why was the light on all the time who's lighting today you idiot play record hua play record you're a buffoon how actually the likes the ladies Mullins days it no it's not I think you're the referrer yeah karl has one yeah guy I give a cryptic clue yet and on a letter and it makes up a band if I said the word cryptic a few months ago I love it I mean I feel it's like Eliza Doolittle I even Richard will like this one here we go then first one the three of them got a new email in if it'll turn dick around nothing will he's an email only competition email only right is the first one initial is B so the alarm spine would be again and the cryptic clue is at all light and birds it shouldn't be allowed in this area I don't like them birds they shouldn't be allowed in this area next one alright the next one you don't like women yeah he's got a couple of kids after they weird krysta crew or is like just oh they just develop you die oh boy is that last the cryptic clue okay and the initials there are PD okay and the last one I've got our masks terrible that Sarah will okay quickly oh come on I'm the last one is a bad bloke he does odd specular come on cars befell us walking right into it expecting the way oh I'm reading all right I don't do this often blockbusters on TV do they know what blokey does spot on telly it's got a little kid right initial d sleep but useful clue yeah that bloke who does spawn telly yet it's got a little kid initials DC okay is that a band nice it's so on the key I'm gonna so I won't damage is it behind right I just quickly recap okay so this come on car right come on quick quick recap the first one is be I don't think them bird should be around in this area right that's B so second one you don't like women yet he's got a few kids it's a bit weird that's PD and the final one that bloke little sport on the telly it's got a little kid all right B C okay right and the results of fun well we got a winner for the first time if you haven't got a teacher those are winners no we haven't we've done it this feature three weeks this is the first time I've managed to sort of what what ghost goes with the company wrong the first one brought this one what was missing and then what oh that's just this doom in reverse order frisky so what's what's the last one the last one the clue was that bloke does the sport on Italian he's got a little kid what's that ask Destiny's Child as who does ITV sport that's got a Chinese child right no yeah that's cup fire goddess I chose the one also a little one never one like aisle happen one well yeah it doesn't like women yeah it's got a couple of kids out I'll say weird yeah right that was PD that was Puff Daddy that is offensive God it's not perfect I D it's past Eddie and he's not even called amy was called P Diddy well okay but I got that one yeah yeah I need for Sivam be in tight these were our as well yeah yeah time means mean so many in Manchester gone right and the first the first one not having problems with I don't think them bird should be allowed in the center of it all is then it's not it's not boys home it was the children I don't think them bird should be allowed in this area that is perfect a boy zone no birds no women no women here birds right a boy zone sorry Karl if that isn't the answer their clue is better than yours that is brilliant what was your boy zone it works perfectly what's your answer the bungles I have no idea what that means nice Eagles so you know what I'm in this area so you're banning them angles oh well give it to boys oh because boy sounds bad dad will be lavatory – but you guys should have a roll over it only be them Carl beat them you have to use his logic sure they had work you can't do what am I thinking now it's not why I'm thinking it perfect it works perfectly I think you gotta give it to the ones that got the toys own well about right because they didn't actually get into my my head a mouth and head my babe how about we just keep out the David Umbra and the can I'll chuck in the L razor don't panic haha that's our song as well as what I was saying playful I was just saying the title the song yeah if I'm being honest making it sound like it was conversation xsm 104.9 it's written to ratio which the emotion um you can intercept little story about I'll pass my test yes my parents had a big big Volvo estate and it's quite a big part of my parents didn't have a car but if you I know you don't drive clients right it's got a big kind of drive you just passed your test you say so and it is very safe that was a thing and I lived come from the west country obviously there's quite a lot of one year now you joking dear chef cows are very good blimey call load on a tractor or Maggie it was you want me to tell it or not oh the accent oh no words all gone Oh gone so I went to this pile going but being from the north not when he's telling then anecdote he's never turned now it goes oh yeah fair point yeah God uh so went to a party and I was play site because I had the card the motor and there was a chick heading name to the pie that I was like you know I'm I on I thought you know now I've got car I'm gonna the pie for the median right you've got very very friends had said like can we get a lift up all yeah groovy yeah I'll pick up the chick as well yeah friend everything yeah the cruising down to the party in the motor you know Volvo state there's nothing sexier than that you know sipping a little bit of a Billy Joel on the stereo with our let me girl and maybe it was a Billy ocean oh yeah it was quite a billy maybe it was like out of my dream get into my car Deeley yeah I'll get to the party and inevitably it's one of those house party where the chick I had my eye on she kind of was chatting to other guys and she wasn't really paying attention to me and I was also not to get what she again Oh old store are right like they know how to teach so I'd follow her like a dog you know from room to room yeah and what class they sometimes he was barking yeah it's good and while that you know just what she was she talked to other blokes and then obviously I wasn't because I was driving I wasn't drinking so I was not really enjoying myself and then somebody who said should we go and pick up Veera and I thought right okay they went Steve's got a car let's all leap him there we'll go pick up Veera and this girl was like for it as well so I thought brilliant I'll be back in the car with her you know yeah one guy she had her eye on he came as well I was a little bit annoyed yeah but anyway he's in the car so I'm driving then these country lanes just went wrong and they're directing me they're saying go left here go right and it suddenly we stopped and he goes well there's a drive into that field this pitch black field right man sort of well it is my parents car just drive me in the field Steve I'm thinking I don't want to like not seem like I'm a hard cool crazy kind of guy because of chips in the car so drove the car into the field they will let tank start running off into the darkness shouting Vera Vera Vera where are you so I'm just sort of sat there in the car waiting well in theory Lynn was it could she knows to hide the field of his early it wasn't it was just I was just left in the car on my own with Billy ocean and suddenly at the darkness they come back holding a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig that they had stole from a nearby farm and I knew that they knew that the pig was called Vera because someone knew the farm or something hey so they got this picture now that girl put the pig in the back of the car we'll take it back to the party you'll be hilarious I'm thinking well you know I'm not sure what a pig and all its you know piggy crap in the car right crammed in there but they say yes obviously I'm thinking again I don't want to look like I'm you know a nerd you know I'm terrified that Rick ever yeah yeah yeah so uh there you go eight bring the pig in this car Oh God so now we drive off again I got this pig kind of squeaking in the back of the car and at least we stopped again stop again let's do some cow tipping and they do that old thing you know about the fact we because cows leap for standing up don't they so you you can push a cow over and stuff yeah so they're having a wild time in areas so this time now we get to a dead end in in the road and they say well terrain let's go back to the party I don't thinking fine try and do a three-point turn in this very narrow Elaine right get the Volvo State wedged horizontally across the road can't get it out just can't seem to sort out I don't know what I'm just I'm now I'm collecting cuz there's a pig in the car right and local disgruntled farmers right people drunk partying probably off their head on some kind of weed rear that was it loads of blokes with like pitchforks and flames very very Nimbus eats play with our page exactly there and and so that do you know I was so terrified but what what all I could think was they're gonna have to send a helicopter and lower a magnet onto the top of the car to lift the car up and put it back the right way around used to read a lot of comics didn't yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so uh do you know I started doing what crying did you really why I started quite a story slightly started getting upset and the the other guy that the girl fancied here to get into the driving seat and sort that out for me by slowly edging forward a bit of the whole story edging slowly back and forwards you just sorted out just slowly slowly slowly telework the car background and then we were off you're just gently weeping just a dragon about a bloke had just taken the bird that you saw from a distance he's I think that was basically your wife in yeah wasn't it I can't be married with a pig for a child don't you hope that good I'm um the Pink's come if you like sorry I love you sailor what do you say what do you say when you do what call it what what what did you say then what did you say because I don't have to get the regulatory again what did you say then just remember just remember we are going out live crab remember Tom Binns right what did you say well I'm saying is why would the chatting very because pigs don't come to the nation today hey I don't know the intonation of a bit of pig you know how to lure a pig into your track and I just tell you some very very interesting things about pigs please do right one day everyone knows I have a corkscrew soaked penis right the corkscrew shape yes that's the tail isn't it – they can't look up they can't put their head back and look up alright three they can have a 30-minute orgasm Ricky's only pigs they've got a corkscrew say penis no and landlords okay very hard you know you you can explain briefly what the concept is car because there might be a few new listeners love it if blockbusters right go on and when you're not it's not blockbusters no give air a real clue women yeah that was actually he says they're a cryptic clue it's not cryptic it's what I might like what am I thinking this competition is like what number am I thinking of Rick just conned everything let me explain basically what the concept is you'll remember some of the Great's from the past yeah and basically you give some vague clues that right call and from that we're supposed to deduct which band or artist you're thinking of so as there was one as one the West Indian fellow spinning the fish round his head and that was Detroit's pendants the trout spinners yes right into twelve coolness yeah there's also what happens if you fall over into a puddle in Texas Whitney Houston where that that is the level of cause that's what you're going with could I just say there's no irony in this Carlton think this is quirky or Kitsch or ironic they see things these are things these could go on the Guardian crossword yeah right okay so the best of you can come up with yeah I so so this is three of them yeah I give you the cryptic clue and I'm twelve you along why is give you some initials of the band or the ice or ever twelve you along as well yeah three of them which is on the text only with all emails on this one just like the one that gets the highest or the first one to get three the first email with three or the first one that is that the highest if no one gets a third one which I wouldn't blame you for so if there's like thirty people that get to is the first email that comes in that we pick and that they win a handful of tat which it would go through also track the factors yes there's some DVDs and stuff there it's not bad yeah but it means you go forward to the grand final in six weeks time when you play for all that amazing stuff Ricky Scott we got a signed genuine exclusive drawing of Homer Simpson done by Matt Groening featuring references to car we've got the signed spinal tap oh so this is big stuff you can't get anywhere else now it's rare to rare an american poster songwriting is such a shame that your only chance of winning it is with this inane quiz absolutely it's not it's not down to scale or anything like it's just such a shame that if they're stupid and go on all right the first one gone what you got remembers is a band or an artist that sort that X of n pi as well alright right and so the first one aliens excellent play with you choice we look and Whitney Houston all the time then a alright these three okay away these are these are actually mom okay night her he got if you got like a ball she I just did you think about the cryptic Louise their every syllable count he said it different every time he said that every summer difference so it going and going so if you get a bulb all right I want a bulb a bulb what's involved what's a bulb okay a light ball I like bulb a light bulb okay yeah bulb yeah yeah you need meat on it we've gone my god she's got a bulb won't be a little bit because I mean also well we do you need a Gobstopper what are you doing even by a song then no good night so they're kind of cryptic Louise it's so if you get a bulb right say little baby yeah that's the be good okay right right if you get a so it then right if you get a bold like gone and you look after it I look after that bulb and then you teach you stuff you know like Christ what you doing there don't mean that written Barry the conversation now it like all the bold like you plant in the garden what can a bulb does he mean yeah doesn't really matter okay you get a bulb well I'll remember that it doesn't matter okay it done on our door spike our Satan again you can rolled right yes young look after that ball you know teach its door from one of you what if you don't know what what's going on the way initially good ah right our Arthur rabbit all right so what's about the second one Jesus people have a problem doing this when you get home from for like a night out drinking right what's the problem we've got right the the initial ur k what's the band people get in from the oven and I tower the blood the problem doing this what is it what's the problem okay I cleared the free I had a vision of that Chinese flu right now let's see I had a vision of that Chinese flu you had a vision of that Chinese flu yeah and as I mean see see right so three bands there three flat cryptic clues not really texting eighty-three XFM just send the three three gun names I'll do on it can they be a website as well if you want the clean mailing will tell them what it is yeah Ricky doctor very sites and then doctor at UK and in there give them again a quickly link all right and so get a bald when it's young and that look really a different totally different teach it stuff yeah and all that ha-ah what's the band's like the second one and people have a problem doing this when they get home late at night now they've been out drinking amount they get home what movie probably yeah okay the initial and third third one had a vision of that Chinese flu what do I mean brilliant see season is a record I mean amazing Mike give us give us the guy who gives the I've got an idea I go I'll give me the clue then again right what do you want to say the winner is or listen to doesn't let us hear this first first clue was if you get a bulb when it's young you don't have to at night you teach you stuff yeah what's going on there guy the initial was our yeah might not was not was raised alight alright raise like you raise a lot yeah I'm gonna work yeah females or bother we're going ready charted Oh am I gone people have a problem doing this when they get home from a night out drinking yet what's the problem when they have a problem getting the key in getting the key in that key key key nothing that's awful where does a camp working against keen Jesus was a awful awful awful I had a vision of that Chinese flu now that's the thing the show I will see that was Caesars season see stars see stars Caesars nice to get that as well usually I never father even he knows they managed to get that as well this anyone get all three yeah a few people that's terrible I only the first one I don't know why he says about XO fair when its listeners but people are getting these answers right now going I mean I hate the fat old cell on XFM 104.9 of delays obviously with me Steve mention and Carl genius Pilkington does living I was well Carl the brain pellington the brain brings I will she be TV last night Rick gone and I had little need no well I didn't watch children around I think it was us I was barely I know fault for lads that might be out tonight you know on the on the rise in living a get little bit success for the ladies yeah it's a something that struck me as always watching it a lot of gentlemen you know when they're when they're engaged in you know an act of you know relations with a lady they like to sort of you know think of an image or something that will prevent them from you know and you get you catch my drift women in the world grandmother's funeral cliches exactly and I'll tell you what what I think it should be Rick Waller jogging I was watching Fit Club I never seen I've got anything I like it where Harvey lost it with him oh man alive I mean I know I snagged him off but I do I don't really like him either I just think he comes across appalling Lee and I think you know when he just walked away without in that mid conversation talking to that bloke there do it if it is really but he sees how it's like 31 stone I think he lost a bit I think he's 29 now don't exaggerate Steve you might sound like a fat but some but you know I was closed on it when having sex you know apparently thinking of Rick Rick wallet Oh helps oh those are goes up and things I think they're very protective I'll know me you with a lady if you're with a lady pray that that works I know I'm out now any he's out easy to you okay I think so I think that's it from what I know no I think next week to kick him out because I read something about it to get rid of it next week because of his attitude and first I already I thought you'd actually get someone's out very happy to ah everything you think of now is fun Oh God yo cronikeys little vice okay we're coming you got love you guys I was giving that a very low he learned his faith he knew it was funny it was meant to be funny he said it to be funny and it was well done I was just interested I just want to dissect it cuz it was brilliant and I wondering how long any more on it about two weeks it was worth the wait oh my god no oh hell-oh the hati tuna well I don't only one band they can pop another band from Manchester Oasis off but I'm not as much fun as white van kar-wai phone call absolutely you want to explain the premise well we take some of the Sun ask someone else and ask Carl it's simple as that first on of just takin a normal person we flipped it we can ask Carl the same questions about the week's news yeah just because your opinions Carl as ever what do you make of obviously the big news David Beckham's broken foot it's no concern for you now I mean it's sad you know you start suffering more than anyone because you know to to might be in the World Cup is like the main thing for a minute yes but he's still a young lad and I don't think he'll give up I reckon I'll still turn up it'll be alright and yeah good lots of odd you know like David I'm not going to slug it off he says like you those do Bobby Brown for drink bit later yeah that we tried to stitch you up God some obviously yesterday yesterday I think maybe maybe Thursday are the Sun printed a big picture of David foot and encourage everyone to touch it midday because hoping that this would somehow am if we all fought and prayed together somehow that would help his foot healed you do believe in that is getting three for the now you're going down the old night you're a gallery are you sure and as stupid I'm sorry it's nice effort and everything it sort of shares everyone right on you believe in ghosts and warlocks and licking toads out of what why why is that any more stupid no those things it just it's not going to work is it alright fine okay okay what listen there's apparently now available 1.5 million pound apartments available on an exclusive ship which sells around the world yeah it's like making this huge thing and you just did you live on it and it's I mean in theory how because it it's and it's mental feeling like I love how in the center do you know how like people sell out the Titanic was the biggest ship was that only then there's a bigger one family yeah a lot bigger oil tankers a much bigger and no bars will line up the big a it was bit was the biggest Enya because mom told me that there was one that though that was that big but I had like rough areas on it don't go starboard Oh God would you not mean we're thinking of moving with your captain we're thinking of moving to a nice area oh yeah very rough in um oh God oh do your tires I don't think that little rough areas ah how big is this one that I'm talking about well I don't know it doesn't give me the specification to but they stay huge they're huge in theory I mean it's it's that thing with them is obviously marking but and they're going to solve the overpopulation crisis we're soon we'll all be just be floating around the scene but yeah I can see that because I mean think about it I've been talking to Ricky about it I was open to buy somewhere in London but there is no way in this world I can afford it right and you look at all the all the wasted space like with the tens all this doing is like collecting crisp packets and stuff and bill comes and people have to clean it up whereas if you think if you got a load of boats on there yeah probably solve yeah would you leave all of them sold what's his name did it denis what's that program to do genoa oh Bergerac it was one way where he lived on about our things close that was such your spring yeah I'd give it a go anyway now I'd like to see you I'm living in the air every day enjoy higher believe me all right but I'm now the belt the things because it is going to get bad as well isn't it the same was melting all over the waters mouth the ice is melting or in less land so in future it's probably going to be the way we're going to be living in that have you seen that for a water world no fans here because a lot of that sort of predicts that year well they're saying that the ice thing to go down yeah but at the same time first thing about this a couple of weeks ago if you get I mean I think I read that a lot a big chunk of ice fell off one of the ice would he call them caps ice caps something like that I think they said it's the size of the Empire State Building or something it snapped off and went into the water and it's melted and they say no it's bad news you know but something that size is melt in but the way I look at it if something that size falls into the water it's like a big ice cube and it's gonna freeze it up again do you with me not really hold on right you get a giant ice cube yes eyes with the Empire State Building stick it in the war it's going to make up that it's gonna stick back on again in it well no longer freezes up again the only other thought that well it won't get cold again you've just blue pod giant ice cube in the wall so when you put when you put an ice cube with a drink the drink doesn't freeze does it the ice now if you put one the size of a Empire State Building in your glass of Jack Daniels it's going to make it freezing it's not going in a glass they're just going in the ocean over that you see that I'm using me fables imagine evil in the world much in the sea yeah the Arctic whatever glass of Jack Daniels okay a big ice cube falls into it yeah freezes it melts back on again so we're all right I don't know I was like thank God for that I was getting power fine do you understand ones yet no you're right yeah that will happen should play some more music then come back to what about the dynamite this week it I needed an exit then 104.9 we're doing white van Karl got another one now uh well it's just another your thoughts really honor the Queen mums very British send-off that she was given this week yeah what do you make of all these people queuing up to see you did you feel it was incredible right well what we said last week you know those are I don't quite understand why do so many people there who will I came really upset to knowing really upset crying and stuff and you know you can lose someone who's like related to you and you don't you don't cry like that you sort of sit there and you think back to what you did with them and stuff and and then that's it but and the key thing it was one it like miles long and stuff yeah I'll start watching this this is how I was queuing yeah he never got uh know about it is about those the estimated time now and always a cue when they just like you know walking along think I'll fire you can sort of like you know stagger in 12 hours credible is ridiculous yeah but again you know if they want to do that it's their time and that in Italy it was another weekend so they could have it's not as if they got out of work to do it I mean the user on time so good on but I thought right what they could have done remember when I studied che guevara yeah right um and don't be offended by this is just an idea except I did it with Che Guevara remember when they cut him up yeah I think they cut him up that was the reason for cutting them up well they cut up che in order to try and what they could use you told us that they were going to send bits of his body to Fidel Castro and Trey's other people wasn't as a warning wasn't it noted all the people I wanted yeah my understanding was that they cut him up in order to so they could bury him in different places so that there be one no shrine there boot learn or whatnot one place that you could go to an organized well only climb a little bit like that I've like I think the easy whether she's going to excuse and it's like number one you can you know go and pay respect to her add however Oh God no but think I just was thinking the way of leading it up I'm not having a girl not because they haven't done it so it doesn't matter but they did it with Che Guevara yeah everybody would have felt like they've got close to her unable to speed it off not I mean I understand God yeah that genuinely car is not being disrespectful here this is his best idea to cut down the cues so don't he's not such information on this he genuinely is it well but I mean he's not doing it to be nasty or wacky or or you know he thinks this is a good idea so I just rather watch Joe Guevara was like a powerful man I did a lot for the world one yeah yeah yeah and IV anyway that I feel slightly responsible for this because if there's the quote a little knowledge is a dangerous thing yeah okay leaving no judgment difficult question I can understand those that of cute for 12 hours to see the head I'd be a little bit annoyed if I got there to find a toe I'll tell you what though I'll tell you what they could do without chopping them up they could put about nine cues each could see each hip she had that's true enough because she's you know about nine of them yeah so just be if you want see the whole body it's dewild I like you if you just want to see a couple of here's another suggestion for it I just thought right but instead of everyone queuing to see why not put on a trolley yeah and wheeler past everyone else running so yeah you can have you can have some students on rag week let me combine it by when they're always pushing a bed yeah you know they could just run it along now that it rather disrespect the right as opposed to the chopping up sure all right just just an idea just I apologize now and anyone offended I'm sorry yeah okay finally um this is more frothy literally lying low apparently Elton John's fakes to try and avoid the press now that she's had a child that's a good place to go to avoid the press exactly yeah yeah oh and John cloud yeah once you see friends and they'll enjoy every pop into out in John's house what is he running some sort it was like when Robbie Williams was a drunkard and a drug addict he went to Elton John's yeah and his elder fellow that went there as well what some were to you know to recuperate and quad shoulder to cry on giving out false passport by a lot of people have a cigar industry he's not the man of you know I know he's cleaned himself up now but you know maybe that's it maybe he's got this kind of insight into how to deal with celebrity yeah what I thought nothing is genuine Maitreya I think this was a friendly folk she's been doing too much lying low in the first place I found the problem at that was a genuine joke from Carl there any so produce sounds look it is a little faith too much lying low ah oh that was my boundary okay why why can't you just go down to a mum and dads or something rather than Alton John where everyone's looking yeah yeah yeah that's the point in it yeah that was good yeah very good right what music we got we got flaming flaming leaves excellent there's a classic race for the prize should it be

37 thoughts on “Karl Pilkington Laughing Compilation (Ricky Gervais & Steve Merchant, XFM/Podcast)

  1. I've just been watching a documentary about the world's most notorious serial killer and that's not a good thing to watch before sleeping so now I'm here.

  2. Hey Karly Pilkboys, great work as per usual. How about a compilation of all the clips featuring the one and only Dickmeister General Richard Anderson? Can't beat a bit of Dickie Anders to cheer everyone up!

  3. I'm sure people wouldn't mind you reusing some clips and mashing them together for new compilations as often we forget parts

  4. When Ricky gets him laughing by repeatedly intruding penis references in Karl's story – funniest shit.

  5. I really like the black screen for us sleepers! Haven't seen that on any other XFM/Karl channels. Thanks 😚 P. S. Don't overdo it, you work hard enough as it is for us!

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