Laughter is the Best Medicine

Lie Detector (Short Comedy Sketch)

So Mr. Hanson. As you know we have all prospective employees take a lie detector test prior to joining our firm. So if you don’t mind we’re going to begin with a couple of control questions. Should I be hooked up to something? With the old system, yes. But with the new Lie Detector 3000, it’s programmed to go off when it hears you tell a lie. For example, go ahead and tell an obvious lie. Grass is blue. [BEEP] I am a tall, black man. [BEEP] I’ve never seen Jersey Shore. [BEEP] I love it. I’ve never missed one. I’ve heard good things. Now go ahead and say something that is true so we can properly calibrate the machine. I have a twelve-inch penis. That’s kind of weird, it should have gone off. Why? Because there’s no way you… I have a twelve-inch penis. Actually, it might be thirteen. [BEEP] No? I guess it’s twelve. Wait, seriously? Hey Mike, did you get a chance to email me those mission statements? Uh yeah! I did it last night. [BEEP] I did it this morning. [BEEP] All right! I haven’t even started yet. Wow Mike, you’re the best! [BEEP] You suck. I’ll be back at my desk working. [BEEP] I’ll be playing Angry Birds on my phone. Please state your full name? Dane Christopher Hanson. Is it true you that reside at 1444 North Sierra Bonita Avenue? Yes. Apartment 3. How do you do it, man? Oh, when I moved here I went on Westside Rentals. No… It’s like 80 dollars. No, how do you live with a twelve-inch penis. I mean, how is that even possible? Okay, I’m getting a little uncomfortable with this line of questioning. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re right. I mean it’s just that twelve-inches, that is like a freaking beef bus! You know what I’m sayin’? Why are you- why are you so concerned about my penis anyhow? I mean, are you gay or something? What? No! [BEEP] Hey! Nobody loves pussy more than I do! [BEEP] All right. I’m a flaming homosexual. But do me a favor? Don’t tell anybody because nobody knows. [BEEP] Everybody knows. So wait, tell people? No! Have you ever been fired from a job before? No. [BEEP] 3 times. Have you ever stolen from an employer before? No. [BEEP] All right! Dammit! How much would you say you’ve stolen before? Hundred dollars. [BEEP] 500 dollars. [BEEP] So much I’ve lost count. [BEEP] 44,793 dollars. That’s a lot of money, Dane. Well- I had Cancer. [BEEP] I bought a boat. And named it Cancer. I’m going to be honest, Dane. This interview is going really well. Yeah? [BEEP] No. This is the worst interview I’ve ever been a part of. Normally, you’d be gone. However, company policy dictates I ask you one final question. Okay. Would you ever have sex with a man in order to get a job? No. [BEEP] Welcome to the firm.

100 thoughts on “Lie Detector (Short Comedy Sketch)

  1. How come it didn't beep on the "company policy dictate I ask a final question"? Do they really ask everyone would they have sex with a man to get a job?

  2. Comedy Sketch Show looking for an audience, doesn't matter if you like or subscribe but check it out sometime if you're bored!

  3. Had to take a real polygraph when I was 16. So I could be a bag boy for a grocery store (??!). One component is a blood pressure cuff. Now, I am damn near phobic about those things; they just freak me out. Badly. And that's just to get a blood pressure reading. With this test, that damn thing is on you constantly. In short order I was nearly hallucinating with fear. I also realized that I could say anything, that I was Meryl Streep and had been to the moon and back twice and it wouldn't register. So I lied.Got the job too.

  4. Again , a well scripted piece , with humour that would almost pass as sarcasm . It was funny and these young people are finally showing the rest of millennials that good humour can be achieved without PC. hmmm … then again I think these young people have researched in minutiae what could and could not offend . ..

    A good job , now do the same sketch with a muslime and a coloured person , reading the very same lines in the very same scenario

    Sarcasm , is an not only an acquired taste, it is also acquired with experience.

    I edit to add that I am a Grandparent , for contextual help

  5. hahaha can I get one of those Lie detectors on amazon? I wanna know if my grandma is honest about her alcohol consumption habits!

  6. No fucking way, the last frame of this YouTube video is a picture of a 1980's AMC Eagle! That's my daily driver! Literally sitting in it right now! Check my insta @85eaglewagon

  7. This was well done, made me smile. Not of lot of surprises actually, but well executed. Not laugh out loud material, but done pretty well. Good job.

  8. "Now go ahead and say something that is true to calibrate the machine."
    The very first basic truth that would come to my mind would be: "I am female." Probably…
    Maybe it was all targeted from Dane, when he told the truth about his penis… so why it didn't go off, when he said he was getting uncomfortable with the questioning? 😀

  9. Saw this before:
    "She's my wife. "
    "Okay, my girlfriend. "
    "Just some woman I met"
    "At least the baby is mine"

  10. Hmm this video wasn't even funny at all.. – Toooooooooooot !!
    Okay! maybe it was but I didn't even laugh.. – Tooooooooooot !

  11. I loved the skit and hate to nitpick BZZZZZZT Fine nitpicking is a hobby!
    But at 2:45 the lie detector goes off too late. It goes off at the response rather than
    the statement and the interval is significantly longer than for the other lies.

  12. "Senator Dane, good to have you on the team" ~~~ "Why thank-you Mr President Sir" =;-) = 😉 =;) = Tee He-Hee 😉

  13. He could've gotten away with most lies, like: How much you've stolen ? Well, more than 100 bucks. Why? I wanted to buy stuff

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