Laughter is the Best Medicine

LOL – 400 Flachwitze 😂 – Comedy, Witze und schwarzer Humor

But we are always on the road
we are constantly sending requests from fans. I will now read ALL this and try
not to laugh. Here we go: To publish it or something out of it
do. Dear level. how are you up there? show
not down because now follows the big. nasty. bumbling Glitterboys flat joke parade.
It suffers in front of the microphone for you Brian Ferris oral …… so for the ears!
Well you understand me …. Since so much has accumulated
that it comes to me now. of course only not funny phrases. according to my personal taste
is:bad bad jokes and side by side There are video clips. texts and remix suggestions.
Today I have made a mammoth project what is fat and copier?
a practicant. What is red and bad for the teeth?
a brick Two raisins meet on snowy
Street. One is wearing a helmet. “Hey. why do you have the helmet on? “asks one. “Oh
You know. I still have to go to ‘Stollen!’ What is a hacker doing on the lake?
Phish. What is cute. jumping over a meadow and
smokes? A little pig If a fox comes in at six o’clock in the morning
Chicken coop and cries “Out of the feathers!” What is brown. very tough and flies around?
A leather mouse Meet 2 cows in the pasture. says the
a:Well. you! ” Does the other one say. Why am I? ” what is gray and can not fly? a parking lot How do two plastic surgeons greet each other?
“What are you doing today for a face”? Which drink do company bosses drink? Tap water. Which is the hardest drug of all?
The railroad track – a train and you’re dead! More and more seniors disappear without a trace
Internet – they have to ‘old’ and ‘remove’ pressed. Goes a helium gas in a bar. It ordered
a water. The bartender says. “We have Unfortunately. no water. “What does helium do?
It does not react. What is red and fighting through the salad?
Rambo Dieschen What is brown and sitting behind bars?
A jaw What is floating on the lake. is yellow and has
an eyepatch? – boarding. What do you call a female turkey?
Putin What’s the name of a bright mammoth? – Hellmut. What does a pirate do on the computer? He pushes
the enter button. What is the German word for nymphomaniac?
Inevitably. What is brown and runs through the forest?
-Brotkäpchen What is the name of a Spaniard without a car?
carlos. What is on the beach and you do not understand it?
a mumble. What is sitting on the tree and beckoning? A huhu! Meet two candles. Says one “what
are you doing tonight? ” “I go from.” what is white and can fly?
the bee mayo. Two hunters race in the forest.
What is the one who calls first? Ranger! What is white and peeps out from behind the tree?
– Timid milk. Sits a snail on a turtle and
screams “Huiiiiiii!” Dad. collect one for the new swimming pool!
Well then. give him a bucket of water. An elephant is swimming in the pool. Come one
Mouse on the shore and say. “Come on out!” On it dhe elephant “why?” The mouse repeated
The elephant gets out of the water. Then the mouse says. “All right. I just thought
you would have my swimming trunks on. What is the name deer called?
Kartoffelpüh a cowboy rides to the barber.
he comes out again: pony away! What does the pig say to the other “It’s sausage
what will become of us. ” What is a clown doing in the office?
fax. Where does a mosquito get drunk?
In champagne. what is brown and dives?
a u-bread. What are the most expensive tomatoes in the world? – The
ATMs! what comes after moose?
zwölch. Two submarines are sitting in the cinema. Come a tank
purely. Says a submarine “Such a nonsense. a
Tanks in the cinema! ” What is brown. sweet and running through the forest?
– A jogging game. what is the opposite of reformhaus?
Reh behind the house. What is the name of the bee?
Umkleideka I just wanted to spider-man on the phone
call. but he had no net. why can bees count so well?
because they deal with buzz all day long. The criminal goes with the child into the forest.
The child “I’m scared in the dark” The criminal “Me also and I have to run home alone ” What is kneeling on the carpet and looking?
East? – A meccaroni. What floats on the water and does “Kikeriki”?
– A tap. What is yellow and always stoned?
A bong-fries “Hello. my name is Sugar … but that
is just a glucose name. ” What is square. has pimples and a speech error?
A Lego striker Genitive in the water. because it is a dative What does “Muh” do and helps you dress?
A cooling spoon what is a lüneburger. from the church
has leaked? a lüneburger heath. where does a cat live most like?
in a miezhaus. Which artisans eat the most?
mason. they plaster a whole house. Which doctor is Pinocchio under treatment?
– Of course. the wood-nose-ear doctor! “Did you swallow?” “Nah. me
I am still here!” What is old and swimming? – pension. what is a cowboy without a horse?
a semi-trailer. What’s going on in the woods?
– Shotgiel what is orange and goes up the mountain and
down? a wallarine. what is violet and sits in the church in
the first row? a pearberry. What is blue and drinks schnapps?
– Grappa Smurf which language is spoken in the sauna?
Schwitzer German. says the big pencil to the little pencil:
“Wax-by-pin”. How does Kaka taste best?
– with “o” at the end What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
floor. What’s the name of the biggest roller coaster in the world?
– Neunerbahn What are the last words of a poison snake?
crap. now I have bitten on the tongue. Blonde “I would like to have a chocolate bar …
the one with the lion on it! ” Seller “Lion?”
Blonde “No. buy!” What is green and knock on the door?
A knock salad The concert hall is full of spectators. Suddenly
you hear a lot of noise at the door. All look to the left and what do you see? – Nothing!
The door was on the right side. What is the beginning of all vice?
The bumper What is yellow and flutters in the wind?
A fanatic With what do you measure the weight of a hipster?
with Insta Gram What does a woman do in the morning with her ass?
– Lubricate it to Bort and send it to work. What is brown. sticky and runs in the desert
every side? – A caramel What is big. gray and talking on the phone from Africa?
A telephone What is damn slow and has big ones
Tongue? -An Schlecke What is green. angry and hiding
the police? A vinegar rogue Mommy. Mommy. can I have some chocolate
to have? My child you know:if you have chocolate
want to have. then no you you walche out of the wardrobe.
But mum. I have no arms Well. … no arms. no chocolate! what is white and swings from pie
to pie? tarzipan. what is pink and swims under water?
a sea cub. If half a pig comes to the doctor and says
“Doctor. I’m constantly falling!” What was the difference between Casanova
and Jesus ?? The facial expression when nailing. What is yellow and can not swim?
an excavator. what is blue and can not swim?
a blue excavator. what is green and can not swim?
a tank. What to do with a dog without legs?
– out on the town. What is yellow. crooked and floating on the water?
– a swan Next time travel seminar:Two weeks ago The police have taken a penis. He has
confessed. How do two psychologists greet each other on 1.
January? “New Year!”. If a horse comes to a flower shop and asks:
Do you already have Magheritten? What hangs on the wall and when it falls down
the clock is broken. A TV. I have a clock I only said that it gets harder. And from what was the house of Jesus built?
– From Jerusa clay! All the living are the same. but all the dead
are different. What a bear is running through the forest and
screams bullet? – a ball screech bear how do you kill a blue elephant?
you shoot him with a gun for blue elephants.
How do you kill a yellow elephant? you chase him until he is blue and
shoot him with the gun for blue elephants. What is white and disturbs eating?
an avalanche. What is the opposite of catalog? Katha said
the truth. What do you call a pack of aggressive wolves?
– Wolfgang What’s a take-away beer?
– A footstool What happens when a sewing needle into the water
falls? She gets water in the eye. What are the 4 problems of the German Federal Railways?
– Spring Summer Autumn Winter What is healthy and swimming on the water?
– Whole-grain boat What is white and jumps around in the forest?
A jumpignon Meet two mayflies:
One asks the other “What are you doing tomorrow?” What is brown and appears to you at midnight?
– a shit! What
does Lady Di have in common with Boris Becker? a Surcharge of 280 km / h! Why do not the Arabs have bread?
Because they have no flour! why do not the smurfs have bread?
because they even got out If a man comes to the butchery:
“Hello. I’d like 2 pounds of liverwurst!” “That means kilos now!”
“Well. then I’ll take 2 pounds of kilos!” What say the Made to your children – HuschHusch
into the board What is big. gray and totally does not matter? – On
Irrelefant. “Yesterday I laid 500 tiles!”
“Well. hopefully fyou will do that again. ” A bread goes down the stairs. because you notice
that it can not run and leaves again high What is small. round and purple?
– The little green triangle at carnival! What does an Indian pick up at the lost property office? his
Indians pay. What is black and white and brings the drinks?
– A Dalmadiener. What does Hitler say about Little Red Riding Hood?
Do not come off right way! Two sheep are sitting on a tree. Does that happen?
a down. The other says “My grandpa has a kiosk. ” Is a man with 2 left feet in the shoe store.
If the seller asks what he would like. says the man “I would like FlipFlips” Two cows are sitting in the cellar. Does one say ”
Tomorrow is Christmas. ” Says the other “I do not care. I’m not going anyway
go. ” What is a revolver bride? A ballerina! Which pastry knows the answer to everything?
– The Googlehupf. How do you neuter a refrigerator?
— fridge door on ….. eggs out ….. fridge door to… What does a squirrel have with a piano?
together? – The squirrel climbs the tree is high and the piano is also off
Wood. What is the opposite of Jennifer Lopez?
– Jennifer Antelope Meet two popes What is black and white and jumps from ice floe
to ice floe? A springer “For many men is driving a car like sex:The woman is sitting impassively
beside it and always shouts:Not so fast not so fast!” Two pancakes sit on a perch.
One falls down. the other is called Karl. What is black and white striped and hanging
on the ceiling? A klebra. what is red with two black stripes? A
Tomato with suspenders What does a man without legs do?
– Sackhopping What is a drunken farmer?
– A blue one What is silver shiny and disturbs while running?
– A knife in the back Doctor. doctor. nobody notices me. The
next Please! Two toothpicks run through the forest. comes
a hedgehog over. Says one to the other: “Look. buses also drive here!” What does Windows have in common with a submarine?
As soon as you open a window the problems go Come on. What is brown and driving a snowy
Down the slope? A snow bread. What is red and sitting on the toilet?
A Klomate Where do rodents live?
– In hamsterdam! Beer contains many female hormones!
Proof:If you drink too much. talk you stupid stuff and can not park anymore. What’s green around looking through the keyhole?
A spy What is pervert. shines and is still
cheap? – An energy saving bitch If there are two mushrooms in the forest. one says “Hello!”
says the other “Shut up. mushrooms can do not speak!” What is green. angular and hurts when you are
gets in the face? A pool table! Come a woman at the doctor! What is brown. hairy and goes through the
City? – A coconut bus. Roll a ball around the corner and fall over “What is today’s date?” “No idea.
“” Look in the newspaper! “” It’s no use that is from yesterday. ” What floats on the water and starts with
Z on? Two ducks! What is black and white and sitting on the clothesline?
A flowge in the bridal gown !! How to recognize chocolate males
and females? Of course. on the nuts. Which insect always pays in cash? The cashfloh Mommy. Mom. why are you pushing the car
Cliffs down? Shut up before you wake Papi up. What do you not see when you are in the dark radio?
hear? The song shadow Why is the kitten dripping?
-Because she also wants to have a hangover;) What are the cashiers smoking at Aldi? ne
Kassenbong Two bags of putties sit on the meadow and
smoke a joint. Come diarrhea and asks if he is allowed to pull. Answer:
“Nah. that’s just for the hard ones!” What are the new adidas balls rubbed with?
With Ballack “had you ordered perch?”
“No. polite.” What do you get when you have a centipede
crosses with a parrot? A walkie-talkie Meet 2 psychics. Says the one “Come
you with? “Does the other mean ” No. there I was yesterday!” What happens when a police station burns?
Then there is a bull’s heat. “A scary message in the news:
Every third twelve-year-old smokes. The industry has responded immediately – from now on there are nicotine patches
with funny Dino motives. ” How does a gorilla ring at the door? – King
Kong “What have a gas station and a brothel
together? In both you have the neck It is sauteuer. and after one
half an hour you could be back! ” Two feminists at breakfast. Says the
a “Michaela. will you give me that one please Salzstreuerin. ”
“Can not. I have a muscle cat” What goes on without a handkerchief through the forest?
– Rotzkäppchen What’s the name of the genitalia of the Filzlaus?
felt-tip pen Judge “Was there ever in your family
a case of incest? ” Defendant “With nieces” What is green and gallops through the forest?
A pack of cucumbers And what was the joke about it?
Cucumbers are not pack animals. What is big. knows and looks through the keyhole?
A fitted sheet What do you call the rutting scream of a fluorescent lamp?
neon lights If a skeleton comes to the doctor. the doctor says:
“A little late what?” How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
– refrigerator door on ….. Elephant pure …. refrigerator door to. How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
– Refrigerator door open …. Elephant out … Giraffe purely …. refrigerator door to .. “Doctor. I can not get my foreskin
back!” “You do not give that kind of stuff!” Sitting a cow in the cinema and 2 rows behind
her a horse. Says the horse “No. no. no. things are out there.
What’s a cow doing in the cinema? ” “Four kilos of hack please!” Butcher “To here
Eat or take away? ” What if a chimney sweep in the
Snow falls? – Winter Mommy. Mum. Grandpa has a thick wart on the
Nose! Shut up and continue eating! What is orange and looks through the keyhole?
– A cocking arena. Ask one candle the other “Say. is
Water dangerous? “-” You can go out of there “. What is black and white and hops from ice floe
to ice floe? – A springuin. Anne Will. Bruce Willis. Will Smith too? What is green and runs through the forest? – On
Pack of cucumbers! And what is transparent and runs after?
– A pack of jam jars! Woman at the gynecologist. “How come?”
“Otherwise I can not examine you” What is hairy and comes in the pan?
– bearded potatoes Mommy. Mommy. may I rock with Grandma?
Be calm. Grandma stays hanging until the police comes. What is sitting on a tree and carrying you
Turban? – a squirrel. Take two men through a tunnel. As they
come out again has the third one Ice. What does a Scot with a candle do?
the mirror? – He celebrates the 2nd Advent. What did the pirate do in tennis?
He bothered Becker. What does the cannibal get too late for
Food comes:The cold shoulder If a giraffe goes to the bakery and asks
a toast. The baker says he only has Black bread. Does the giraffe mean “No matter I am
with the bike there! ” Mum. Mum. I found Grandpa!
I told you. you should not dig in the garden! I’m very touched. said the dough. What is brown. has a beak and can
swim? – ExkremEnte! Does a cannibal invite his wife to dinner? What is red and neighs?
– A horseberry! Two cows are standing in the pasture. Says the
a “Muh.” says the other “That’s exactly what you want I also just say “. How many people are in a helicopter?
Two. One honks. the other unscrews Goes a neutron in the disco. The bouncer says:
“Only invited guests come in here!” How to recognize that an elephant in the bedroom
is? At the big “E” on the pajamas! How do you get four elephants in a small car?
Two in front. two in the back. Yesterday tried to call the hotel. The
but had no reception. What is looking for a one-armed in the shopping street?
A second hand shop. What do you call it when you look at your mobile phone
upside down? Handicap. What is brown and knock on the disc? On
Baby in the oven! Roars the acupuncturist “You are a whole
awful slicer! ” Then the surgeon “Oh. you with yours
eternal taunts! ” What is blue and stands on the roadside? A
Frostituierte! What has four legs and an arm? – A pit bull
on the playground!
00:18:59.497 ->00:19:03:57
Two corpses are sitting on a wall. one
falls down. both death. Two men take turns in the
Eggs. Asks a passing passerby “Tut Do not you care? ”
Says one of the two men. “No. We wear steel cap shoes! ” Yesterday I tried to call Tibet …
Was unfortunately occupied. meet two undertakers. says the
a “yesterday was to bury a woman who had a clit like a cucumber! ”
“how so big and crooked?” the other asks. “no. but so salty!” Why is water in Lake Constance? That’s not it
Dusting when the ships brake! When two carpenters meet. one says:
“Shut up!” Says the other “Me did not saw anything! ” What is hyperactive and healthy? – A grapefruit! What is the opposite of ‘spring awakening’?
Late right to sleep! Which track is the most dangerous? – The
Talibahn Conversing two students. Does that mean
A “That shit teacher!” On it the Others “Why. what happened?” responds
the first “She got me six in sex education given. But when it comes out. kick
I’m full in the balls! ” What is small. green and triangular? The small
green triangle! What is small. gray and triangular? The shadow
from the little green triangle! Why do elephants have red eyes? With it
hide better in cherry trees! Ever seen an elephant in the cherry tree?
No? You can see how good that is works! A patient on the bedside “Doctor.
where will they take me? “” To the morgue! “” But I’m not dead yet! “” We are
yes. not here yet! ” Newspaper report:On a construction site
An accident happened yesterday. Two workers crashed from a scaffolding that had one
Bad luck. he hit the ground and was Immediately dead. The other was lucky:he stayed
Hang on a nail with your right eye. Roll a ball around the corner and fall over. Meet two mountains says one to another:
But you are sharp! In the middle of the flight comes the stewardess
to the pilot “We have a blind passenger on board. What should I do? “” Shit
Get him off. “Five minutes later the blonde stewardess back to the pilot “And
what will I do with the dog now? ” If a man with a frog goes to the head
Doctor. asks the doctor “Yes. what was she up to? “The frog says softly.” Look.
I entered something! ” If a man goes to the doctor “Doctor. sir
Doctor. all people consider me one Clock!”
“Oh. they just want to raise ’em !!” What are the names of the children of seahorses? Gaulquappen Meet two tensioners. Ask the one:
“And. what are you doing today?” Says the other “Let’s see” What is written on the gravestone of a cleaning lady?
– She does not return. Meet a bald man and a hunchback!
Ask the bald man. “Hey. what’s in yours Backpack? “Says the hunchback ” Nen Kamm! ” “Mum. Mum. I can not pick a pimple anymore
get it! “” Yes why that? “” No place more!” “Oh. how late!”
“Just before 10.” “No details:summer or winter?” Do you hear the crickets? – I do not smell anything! Sits a polar bear in the desert and knits
a jet plane. The policeman comes “Hey. Smoking is forbidden! “The camel says ” What
do I care about inland tariff prices? ” A woman comes to the fruit dealer and says “one
Banana. please. ” replies the fruit dealer “take it
2. then they can eat one too. ” What’s yellow. smell urine and warn
Accidents? – A triangle! What is growing in the earth and stinks?
– A fox What do you see when you enter the hole
Mother looks? – The thread What is sitting on the tree. laying its eggs in
foreign nests and discriminates against minorities? – A cuckoo’s clan Says the whale to the tuna “What’s up
I do fish? “- Says the tuna to the whale “You have the choice. fish”. Do you know how to make stupid kids? —– Nah?
Well. then go to your dad and ask him! Why do fish have dandruff?
Where else should you park your bikes? Doctor. every morning at 7 o’clock
Defecation! “-” Yes. that’s very good! “-” But I’m only at eight
on!” Who is the richest fish? – The goldfish! Which organizer works well for the
modern Warfare? – Na-Palm! What has six strings and lives between two
Lips? – egga guitar. “Darling. in the office. my colleagues said
that I have really great legs! ” “Oh. and from your fat ass
she did not speak? ” “No. you were not talking about that.” Why is the Navy only non-swimmers
on? – They defend the ship longer! Mom. I got a 6 in math! The
does not matter. you have cancer anyway! What makes a pregnant Eskimo woman on ner
Ice floe? -Abtreiben! “Some houses have dark red roof tiles
and some houses have bright red roof tiles. Do you know why? “-” I do not know! ”
– “So it does not rain in the house!” The smokers and the non-smokers. that is
the worst! mummy. mummy. why is the papi zigzagging?
be quiet and inviting. What are calories? Little critters at night
under the bed occur and the clothes tighter sew Why can pirates not draw circles?
Because they guess Pi! If a man comes to the butcher and says “me
would like to have 500 grams of crude fats. Says the butcher “I’m sorry. she has
today vocational school … ” What does the seven say to the eight? “chic belt” why does the Santa Claus have such a big one?
bag??? …. because he comes only once a year !! What is the difference between nasty and
brutally? It’s nasty. 10 people in a dumpster
to stick. It’s brutal. one person in 10 dumpsters
to stick. I phoned Weight Watchers yesterday.
But no one has lost weight. What is a biscuit under the tree? A shady
Cookie. What was the name of Hitler’s favorite liquid? Nazipan! What do you call a prostitute in Italy?
Nutella. What supermodels eat. if it’s fast
have to go? -A run steak. “Mr. Ober. I would like to dine.”
“The kidneys are out!” What do you call a man who makes money out of the
Window throws? – a headlight! Two cows are sitting on a clothesline
and play skat. Does one say “Mau Mau”. the other says. “I thought of the Halma
there is no penalty! ” What is the name of the wife of Hercules? – Fraukules! What do you call someone who beats sheep?
Harvester! My wife loves exuberant sex! today
hilarious. left out yesterday. the day before yesterday omitted … Is the food spicy? No. cattle. No. I did not raise the kids.
They grew by themselves! What do you call a female Eskimo? -Eskimöse The opposite of fantasy? – Coladu The biscuit goes around the corner and breaks. What do a VW bus and Jesus have in common?
They are both martyrs Why are the bald people sitting in the theater?
always in the first row? So the one-armed in the second row
can also clap! an animal of the forest with A?
a stag another animal of the forest with N?
still a stag Two Lilliputians come to a pub. says
one of them “Two short ones!” Says the bartender “I see that and what you want
Your drink?” Walker asks the angler:Well. bite
You? Nah. can you caress me quietly. What is swimming in the sea and is really shit?
– A crack What is black. blind and not digging?
– A mole! When a man comes to the butcher. he says. “Me
would like to have a bull testicle ” Says the butcher “me too” How was the mood in the GDR?
youkept within limits! What do you call a rodent with a speech defect?
-Stotter What makes the Knackwurst so crisp?
– the N! What is br aun and is on the road? – The
Erdnüttchen. What do you turn into the wood and later on
butterfly – A screwdriver What. according to legend. lives in the forest and shapes
Animals? – the kneading What is electric. swimming and chatting?
– A Twitter room If a pregnant woman comes to the butcher “I get
a pound of minced meat! “The butcher ” Cordial Congratulations. when is it so far? ” What stinks and lives in the savanna?
– A water muffle! What happens when you have a blue shoe
throw into the red sea? – He gets wet! What’s crisp. colorful and gay?
– a popogay If a man comes to the doctor “Doctor. me
a shark has bitten off the arm! ” “Yes. yes. they do.” What have a healthy dog ​​and a shortsighted one
Gynecologist in common? – The wet nose! What do you call the favorite dessert of a deaf person?
– Pigeon sugar Comes chimney sweep in a bar. Says the
Wirt “He’s getting home.” Which band does a schizophrenic listen to?
– I and I What’s brown. crispy and with the Bunderswehr?
– Air Waffles! I call my math teacher lately
not counting me. What is white. contains flouride and tastes good
after Hänchen? – cockpaste! What does a dog order in the restaurant?
– Bell potatoes What is small. flying around and sweating?
– A welding fly! Why can not a pen pregnant
become? – Because he has a spiral in it! What is black. tender and hangs down
the eye? – A love shadow! What grunts. has sharp teeth and can
defend well? A pig! What is dirty. round and is made by cyclists
carried? – A dirty helmet! What has wings. protects us from dangers
and build only mischief? – A protection bug! Two chocolates fall down the stairs.
Says one “O man. I think I have all my ribs broken. ”
Does the other mean “What should I say – I fell full on the nuts. ” Which animal is furry. brown and you can
drink it? – The coffee What drives is especially nice and accommodating
and transports containers? – A good train! What has long ears. is red and comes out
the nose? – Rabbit bleeding What is hot. stupid and welded things?
– A dumbbell What was the name of the first taxi driver?
Bad! Because the bible already says: “Bad things will drive you again!” What is screaming in the morning. living in your body
and serves for elimination? – A cock tube! What is green and blue?
– The new in the women’s shelter What is poorer than poor?
– forearm What is sitting on the branch and crying?
– A howling What is small. brown and scared others
People? A liver bug! What is the story of a virgin on the tombstone?
Unopened back! Says the doctor to the nun “You are pregnant!”
Says the nun “An impudence what the people lubricate everything with the candles these days! ” What is a childless marriage? – out
Spaßvögeln Patient:Mr. Dokter Doctor I have
a knot in the chest! Doctor:Yes he does that ?! Two are sitting in the coffee. If a man goes for a walk with his wife. says
he “cactuses!” Says the woman “That is Cacti. “The man said.” I meant you. ” How many hair does a monkey have? That comes completely
on how many he has. What do cannibals like to hear on the radio?
From human baptisms. What is flying through the air and is red? The
Bind Maja. What is a mathematician doing in the loo? pi
Pi or Alpha Alpha Says the doctor to the patient. “I’m sorry.
They have cancer and Alzheimer’s. ” Patient “Oh. that’s not good
Luck I have no cancer. ” Which animal does “Um”? An undecided
Sheep. Rhenish god with a letter? – Jott! What should you use to rub a broom? With
Stylistic device. What is red. has points and goes to sea?
A marine beetle. Meet two fish. “Hi!” “Where?” Meet two dispensers. “Well. how
is it okay? “-” Normal. and you? “-” Great! ” A green excavator is flying at a skyscraper
past. Says the skyscraper “Excavators are not green.” Why do not you see ants in the church?
Because they are part of sects! The opposite of Japan? Neinpan! What do you call a cow on skis? – Muhschie. Goes a Cyclops to the eye doctor. In which newspaper says:man throws woman
out of the window? – “Picture” newspaper. And in which newspaper stands:woman throws man
out of the window? – “Beautiful Living”. What is next to the butcher’s bedroom?
the bed? A battle table lamp What is healthy and strong and plays the
Offended? A pork loaf bread What is hanging on the trees in the jungle? Vacation! What is the biggest problem for footballers?
– claustrophobia. What does a heart conditioner do when he drinks cola?
Beer is drinking? He summarized! I think I have a tinnitus in the eye.
I only see pipes here. What is brown. made of wheat and common?
– a breadalo What is blue and sitting in the first row?
– A smartie. Can you write with a tampon? in the
Usually! Who certifies the many divorce papers
a famous footballer? – Notary Matthew How do you make a cat bark? petrol
pour over and kindle:Woo! How do you make a dog meow?
Freeze and then with the circular saw through ->meow! How do you bring a frog to his name?
accept. Inflate. choke and wring: Jöööörg What is red and is on the roadside? – One
Hagenutte. Meet 2 goats. Ask one “Well.
are you coming to the disco tonight? “-” Nah. I’m not upset! ” What is black and white and sitting on the
Swing? – A swan. What does the hippopotamus do at noon? – A little dick. What does a farmer who is looking for his tractor say?
– “Where is my tractor?” What is red and lies in the field? A
Old farmer rule What is swimming in the sea and can add up? – On
Oktoplus. What is a thief doing in the circus? Clown. What is the opposite of a lawyer?
– A selection! What is blue. eating stones and sitting down
the earth? -The big. blue stone eater!
12:33:43.766 ->00:33:47.976
Two magnets meet. Does one say:
“What should I wear today?” Says a grain of sand in the desert to another:
“I feel watched.” If you have a tunnel from the North Pole to the South Pole
would dig and then throw in a stone. how far do you think it would come? -Ten
Meter. because there sits the big. blue stone eater! What has two legs and is bleeding heavily?
– Half a cat What does a skeleton order in the pub? – On
Beer and a rag. What is colorful. sweet and always runs away?
– A dwarf dwarf How much longer do I have to live. Doctor?
– 10! – 10? 10 what? Months? Years? – 9 … What went to the pilot of the Challenger last
through the head? The dashboard. What’s that? You’re sitting. you’re sleeping
in it. and you brush your teeth with it? A chair. a bed and a toothbrush. “Mr. Doctor. may I bathe with diarrhea?”
“yes. when you get the bath full … ” “My wife does not speak a word to me.”
“Why that?” “I have a hangover breakfast this morning
taken from me. ” “So what ???”
“Well. she was so attached to the animal.” Which 3 words does the shark like the most?
– man overboard – “Well. what’s new?” the friend asks.
“Imagine my mother-in-law is was run over yesterday in Vienna. ”
He says with a smile. “Yes. Vienna stays just that but Vienna … ” What does the ear specialist say if he’s a blonde
studied? “Please hold your other ear – the
Sun dazzles like that! ” “Doctor. who is simulant of room 13
died.” “Now he really exaggerates!” The young father boasts over coffee. how great
his one-year-old son can talk. “Bubi. say rhinoceros! “The little one comes crawling up.
pulls himself up at the table. looks around: “To whom?” “My dad is a real scaredy cat.”
“Why that?” “Every time Mom is not home. sleeps
he with the neighbor! ” Two computer scientists call “How is
the weather with you? “-” It SHIFT without The End …” They sat entwined on the sofa. The
Light was muted. He whispered into her Ear “What are you thinking about. darling?” – “An
Same as you. “she said. “This is nice. “he said. “You can do one with me
make with ham! ” “Do you already know the latest statistic joke?”
– “Probably!” “Cognac. cigarettes. liqueurs. tobacco. hashish?”.
asks the customs officer with strict official Mine.
“Oh. how lovely …” replies the old one Lady. “But a tea would be just that
Right. after the long drive … ” She “Hans. you are drunk!” He:
“Shut up. it’s enough punishment for me see you twice … ” Why do men call their wives so often?
“Sweetheart”? Because they do not decide can. whether they should say sheep or goat! “My wife always screams when she comes.”
– “Not mine. that has a door key.” “I love you awful!”
“It does not matter. tomorrow I’ll show you how you do it right! ” “Why was your driver’s license withdrawn?”
– “I overtook a ghost driver.” The eight-year-old boy asks his father:
“What’s the name of Adam’s mother-in-law?” Dad answers. “Child. leave me alone
To put it this way:Adam had no mother-in-law. He lived in paradise. ” “What should become of you. if I once
not anymore? ” Does she pats his hand and says
“Now you die first – and then see we go further! ” Two cannibals eat a clown. Says the
one to the other: “Tastes funny …” “My husband is a lucky guy.
Yesterday he has an accident insurance and today he falls off the roof. ” “So you killed your wife.
What else do you want to say to this reproach? ” “I’ll never do it again.” “May I offer you my arm?” asks
the diplomat a tribal princess in the deepest Africa.
“No thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” A fat one to a thinning “If you are
looks like. one thinks. it would be a famine broken out. ”
Then the thin one “And if you look at you like this. you think you are to blame. ” “Oh. you have a telephone now. I knew that
not at all.” “Yes. do not you read a telephone book?” A man asks his buddy “If I am
We slept with your wife then actually related? “The friend ” No.
but quit! ” And finally my favorite gag after one
Glitterboys Set when the girls tell us Hotel drive:Are you still coming up high?
Pils? That was Brian Ferris with. I counted.
Over 400 flat jokes for bottom rum. Thank you for your submissions and we
see us on Facebook Slash Theglitter Boys or on or best of all
Let’s see you live. I wish you much fun while continuing
live and now comes the Bruce.

100 thoughts on “LOL – 400 Flachwitze 😂 – Comedy, Witze und schwarzer Humor

  1. Ich meine Freundin sitzen hier in meinem Zimmer und machen die Flachwitz challenge. Ich fin es echt unverschämt sowas von dir zu geben das das nur Männer anhören😏❤😂

  2. Zur Risiko und neben Wirkungen rauchen sie die packumgsbeilage oder schlagen sie ihren Arzt oder Apotheker

  3. Was ist gelb und kann nicht schwimmen? Ein Bagger unter Wasser. Und warum kann es nicht schwimmen? Weil es nur ein Arm hat.

    Was ist gelb und läuft durch den Wald? Ein Senfkorn.
    Was ist gelb schwarz und läuft durch den Wald? Ein Senfkorn mit Lederjacke.

    Hast Du schon mal einen Kühlschrank durch den Wald laufen sehen? Nein? Kannste mal sehen, wie schnell die sind.

  4. Unlustiges stück scheiße, aber trzd ABO BZAUHZAAHJAHpüoölvcxygnfdslkxhjkea,djysejhvdkkbfpigflhdksgjhldg

  5. Was ist der Unterschied zwischen Katja Krasavice und einem Kühlschrank

    Der Kühlschrank ist ein Dings-Bums
    Katja ein Bums-dings

  6. Wenn ein Bad Reiniger schon 1,75 € kostet, will ich nicht wissen, wie viel ein Good Reiniger kostet.

  7. ich kam heute 30 Minuten zu spät zu meinem Vorstellungsgespräch bei der Deutschen Bahn. Hab den Job!

  8. Ich habe morgen einen Arzttermin, doch ich möchte nicht hin. Ich rufe einfach an und sag ich bin krank.

  9. Gestern hat mich tatsächlich eine Prostituierte angesprochen und hat gesagt 'für 30 € mache ich alles'.

    Ratet, wer heute den Laminatboden verlegt.

  10. Was macht ein Kanibale, nachdem er sich von seiner Freundin getrennt hat?

    Er wischt sich den Arsch ab.

  11. Was ist grün und kann nicht schwimmen: Ein Panzer! Das ist falsch!
    ein BMP1/2 oder ein Objekt 906 kann schwimmen!

  12. Geht ein Typ zum Arzt. Der Arzt sagt: ,,Sie müssen aufhören zu onanieren!" Der Typ: ,,Warum?" Daraufhin sagt der Arzt: ,,Sonst kann ich Sie nicht untersuchen!"

  13. Kannst du die auch mal aufschreiben und dann zeigen und langsamer hinter einander erzählen . die witze sind aber echt cool

  14. Wenn Bushido draußen mit freiem Oberkörper den Rasen mäht, sagt der Rasenmäher: ,,Geh wieder rein und zieh dir was an, ich bin die einzige Maschine hier!"

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