Laughter is the Best Medicine

Man Who Survived Jump From Golden Gate Bridge Shares His Story

– At the age of 17 I
developed bipolar disorder, a very severe form. It nearly cost me my life, and nearly destroyed my family. (slow music) My parents were in the middle of getting a divorce at the time. It was a tumultuous time
for my life as a teen, and I believed that I was the only one under that cloud, but that’s, that’s so far from the truth, so far from fact. 50 million people around the world diagnosed mentally ill. So many more undiagnosed, but that have the diseases that are in their brains. I don’t wanna have this disease. I don’t wanna be flawed. Bipolar disorder, that’s not me. I was a wrestling champion in
the WCL league in California, there’s no way. My football team went to state, this is garbage. And I was in so much denial, and that denial ruled the day, until I crashed, hard. And it was September 24th, when it all came to a head. I sat at my desk and I penned that note, “Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister,
Girlfriend, Best Friend, love you but I gotta go.” I was gonna go to the Golden Gate, and I was gonna disappear. I thought I was my family’s burden. I wish I asked them. I just wanted the pain to stop. That’s the common denominator with people who lose to suicide, they just want the pain to stop, but what they don’t realize is that their thoughts don’t have to become their actions. Their thoughts don’t have to take over, if you can recognize those thoughts as flawed and illogical because suicide is an
irrational state of mind. You think you have to die, but you don’t really want to. You know I found myself in my
father’s room that morning, I startled him awake, he looked at me, he said, “Kev, what’s wrong?”, like with parental instinct. I said, “Nothing Dad, I just want to tell you that I love you.” It was for the very last time. He goes, “I love you too Kev, but it’s six in the morning, and I don’t gotta be to work til nine, go back to bed.” I walked around to the
other side of the bed, I sat on the carpeted floor, and I rocked myself
back and forth in tears begging myself to tell the one man who loves me the most
in the world the truth, but the voice in my head said, “Be quiet Kevin, you have to die.” And that’s what took me to
the Golden Gate that morning. I took a bus there, and on that bus all I wanted to do was
scream and beg for help and live, but the voice became so loud. I sat on that bus in the
back row middle seat, I’m crying my eyes out like a baby, mucous dripping from my nose, people staring at me now,
then I’m yelling aloud at the voices in my head. I desperately wanted someone
to say, “Are you okay?” I would have told them everything. (soft music) Fear. Apathy. There was a guy to my left, said to the fellow next to him, while pointing at me with his thumb, “What the hell is wrong with that kid?” with a smile on his face. Apathy, that’s his or her
problem but it ain’t mine. The bus got to the bridge,
I sat there crying. Bus driver turned, he stood, he looked at me and he said, “Kid, come on, get off
the bus, I gotta go.” I walked across the walkway
of the Golden Gate Bridge for 40 minutes, up and
down, back and forth, crying like a baby. Bikers, joggers, tourists, runners, they all went by me. Police officers searching
for suicidal people went by me twice. I’m leaning over the
rail crying like a baby, they went by me twice, nobody cares. And the voice in my head said, “Jump now”, and I did. At the millisecond that
my hands left that rail, instant regret for my actions. And the absolute recognition, that I just made the
greatest mistake of my life. You know falling head first, right as my body accidentally landed in a position that wouldn’t kill me. On the way down I said to myself, What have I just done?
I don’t want to die. God please save me.”,
and then I hit the water. I went down 70 feet beneath
the water’s surface, but I opened my eyes,
my legs I couldn’t move. I had shattered my T12,
L1, and L2 lower vertebrae into chards like glass. I had missed severing my spinal cord by two millimeters. I swam to the surface only using my arms. When I came to the surface, bobbing up and down in the water, swallowing salt water, kept going down, couldn’t stay afloat. A woman driving by in her
red car saw me go over and she called her friend
in the Coast Guard. The reason the Coast Guard got to my body within less than the time I was hitting hypothermia and drown, was because of that woman
making that phone call. The Coast Guard arrived, they fished me out of the water, they put me on a flat board, they put a neck brace around my neck, and they started asking
me a bunch of questions. The guy looks at me, he
leans in, and he says, “Kid, do you know how many people we pull out of this water
that are already gone?” And I said, “No, and I don’t wanna know.” And he said, “Well I’m gonna tell you. This unit has pulled 57 dead
bodies out of this water, and one live one.” (slow music) I looked up at my dad and
I said, “Dad, I’m sorry.” And he looked down at me
and with great conviction he said, “No Kevin, I’m sorry.” And waterfalls flew from his eyes. He put his hand on my forehead and he said words I’ve never forgotten, “Kevin, you are going
to be okay, I promise.” And that got me through the night. Now I had this opportunity to recover. And a lot of people think
that I went from this incident and was like, “Oh, I’m
so much better now.” You know, oh great, it’s all gone. No, this was just the beginning. (soft music) In the first three psych
ward stays, involuntary, forced in against my will. But those next four, I
found self awareness, I found the ability to say, “I’m gonna accept that
I have this disease, I’m gonna fight it tooth and nail, I’m gonna beat it one day at a time.” And that’s what I’ve been doing. Exercising everyday,
eating healthy most days, educating myself about bipolar disorder, being able to utilize all of those things, work them into a regimen, a routine, that helps keep me here. The common denominator of recovery from mental illness is routine. There are so many things we can do that are not clinically based for all the people that don’t get clinical care. If you can train your body
and your mind to wake up at the same time, go to
bed at the same time, take your pills at the same time, if you’re on medication which
helps some people, not all. Train your body and mind
to eat at the same times, roughly within a two hour period everyday, workout even as simple
as 23 minutes a day, that leads to 12 hours of better mood, your 8 second hugs wherever you can, 8 second hugs release
endorphins in the brain that make you feel better. I thought that I had one chance, one choice, one burden to take care of, I had to die, and I was wrong. Learn from me. Know that your thoughts don’t have to become your actions. You were not meant for this world, to leave it by way of suicide too soon. But one thing you can never do, one thing you should never do, is silence your pain. I silenced my pain for years, I buried it deep down inside me like so many people do, and I lost myself. And it came out in a burst of rage against myself that led me to attempt to take my life. I want you to learn from me, suicide is not the answer, and you deserve to be here, for you. But your pain is valid, your pain is real, and your pain matters because you do. No matter what you think
about how you aren’t valued or you’re worthless, it’s not the truth. You have to find a way
to turn back to logic, logic says that, “I do get to live, you matter, you’re
beautiful, we need you.” Please, be here tomorrow.

100 thoughts on “Man Who Survived Jump From Golden Gate Bridge Shares His Story

  1. I saw a guy crying in a car and I pulled next to him and asked if he was ok and he said yes. I drove around the block so I could pull over but he was gone. I wonder what happened to him.

  2. Thank you Kevin for sharing your story and surviving the jump!!! I have suffered of depression for many yrs. After being married for 31 yrs my husband divorced me and at that time not having a place to live I stayed in my ex's nephew's house with his wife, one night I was really depressed and took 180 prescription pills and went to bed… Next noon I wouldn't wake so they called 911 the paramedics took me to the ER and I was in a coma for over two weeks with both lungs collapsed, but I was able to survived and am so happy to be alive!!! I jus celebrated my parents 65th wedding anniversary last month… Now after 10 yrs of my divorce I live by myself am doing well I take my meds on time, watching my nutrition and I feel very happy looking forward to my wedding!!!
    If you have a sadness that last over five days, Please seek help Do not postpone it, it could be too late!!! If you died in a suicide attempt, do you know how many people hearts you'll break??? Families and friends will be affected by it… Having a mental disease is nothing to be ashamed. Nowadays is something that we all can talk about openly!!! So,seek help and survive!!! Wish you all the best…

  3. It's hard… it's hard when you are at war with yourself… in your mind and in your thoughts…A war wages every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day inside your mind…
    So far… the better side of this war has been winning…
    I'm alive…

  4. I saw him tell his story ( much younger self) on the documentary "the bridge" . I recommend it, it is just very graphic showing ppl jumping off the golden gate

  5. The devil loves people who do these things. Notice as soon as his hands left the rails he regreted it..the devil does not play fair..gods gave this man another chance to trust his son jesus christ for salvation

  6. As a Former combat vet..I tell people you may not believe in Jesus Christ…but when you find no one else listening to you call out to him…..he will not abandon you….I have and he never has failed me…it may not be what you want when you want it….but it will happen.

  7. Im a strong grown ass man who does not cry or tear up to any film, video, ETC. I teared up when he said his dad said he was the one that was sorry. I had a rough childhood but in my mind i feel everyone has their own rough stories. I always thought everyone has attempted or thought about suicide. I know i did. Him talking about his dad at the hospital made me think of how my dad would react in a similar situation. I guess that's what got me. Touching stuff…

  8. If anyone has read Anna Karenina she throws herself in front of a train (I think a train) and in the book Tolstoy writes the moment she lets go – she regrets this choice ….. in that split second – same as his story. Amazing

  9. Sweetie, I believe there is a reason for everything. Perhaps you went through this because your mission was to become God's messenger to the world around you. If you saved just one life, you've succeeded. Keep spreading the good word, you're doing wonderful. God Bless with much love. <3

  10. He asked God to save him, after he jumped! Did you notice, God directed the woman ‘s attention to him, and she called for help. The Coast Guard came very quickly, and he came out alive, not like the other57 the man mentioned, who died. Why do you think that is? God heard His name called, and as He promises, He showed up! I hope He also heard a thank You prayer from this blessed young man!

  11. For anyone struggling with any mental illness or suicidal thoughts, please know that you DESERVE to be here. you are amazing and you will get through all of the hardships💛

  12. Ok now I KNOW Google (youtube) reads minds, not only ear drops. About an hour ago I thught of this guy's story (I've seen it a few years back), and had a scary thought about Golden Gate suicides. Went to bad with it, felt hungry and got up for a bite. Took the phone with me, and as I started eating flicked it on and checked up on youtube recomendations. This video was only about number 100 in the list, but the fact it was there at all almost as soon as I thought about it….
    I wonder.

  13. Kevin I just wanted to say that you are worthy imitating. Your relentless will to live is inspiring. Much respect to you Kevin.

  14. I am so sorry it took such a hard lesson. You are an inspiration now for others. I am so sorry that you were diagnosed with bipolar. I am someone who was diagnosed with severe Depression, PTSD, anxiety and panic attack disorder. When I was in the 9th grade, I thought I wanted to commit suicide. I had a plan. I was right there at the very second I could have done it. Luckily for me I chickened out. Now I am so glad that I scared myself. Like you I did not want to say I have deppression. I had pulled away from my parents, locked myself up every day. My parents had no idea what I was feeling. I was screaming inside, I just wanted to hear the words, what is going on? Why are you so distant? They never did, inStead they took everything away from me that meant the most, and never even asked me questions. For anybody who is reading this, if you feel like you know you need help, reach out!!

  15. Good for you man! Thanks for sharing your story. You know that your story is reaching so many people and saving lives.

  16. God allowed u to live for a reasom and this is why the same thing happenned to me exept my mother was praying for me and god saved me too !!!! Life is beautiful no matter how many problems there is!! Hes handsome smart . Please reach out it can save ur life

  17. This video has helped me so much realize that keeping my self occupied is what helps most. I deserve to be here. My life is meant to be lived.

  18. Brother, your story is phenomenal. What an inspiration! We are so happy you're here! We know you're message will save many.
    God bless.

  19. Those voices in his head- demons. They wanted to take him to hell. He was saved by the Lord when he called out to him before he hit the water. He’s been given another chance to seek the Lord and give his life to Christ. Thats the most important thing in this life. Mental illness goes away when you form a relationship with Christ. The lord promises a sound mind to those who love and follow him.

  20. Whats really sad is the moment they fall instant regret and fear some people think they have already decided but they havent No one has No one truelly wants to die and thats the creepy thing the fact these people regret it immidiately……..Dont think im blaming you guys but…….WHY DO WE ALLOW THIS!!!???

  21. he was at my school today and hopefully helped people that were in depression or going through a hard time and wanting to end his/her life. very inspirational.

  22. OMG I am so heartbroken listening to this..I have bipolar and I understand that feeling of hopelessness..I was diagnosed 21yrs ago when I was 21..I had serious mood swings and just like him I was in total denial..I remember when I was 25 and my son was 9 my daughter 3mos and I was holding her and thinking this will be the last time I see son came to me and said mama don't cry things will be Ok..little did he know this was going to be the last time I see him too..he hugged me so tight and next thing I know my mom is unlocking my front door..she takes my daughter and asked what was wrong your son called and said something is wrong with mama come right away..I knew I had to say something but I also knew I wanted the depression to end..I looked at my children and thought their memory of me would be I was selfish and they weren't daughter wouldn't even remember me..I told my mom everything and we got help that day..21yrs later I'm doing better but each day is a son is now 27 and my daughter will be 18 in October..I'm so glad I decided to live instead of being a painful memory of suicide to my loved one..please If anyone reading this is going thru suicidal thoughts reach out to someone..death is so permanent and once you're gone you're gone..God bless 🙏🙏🙏

  23. All your word's spoken true, thank's for sharing your story. It takes a lot for us to share how we feel dealing with our thoughts in not wanting to live, like a comment below says: It's not that we want to die, we don't want to live! That's the same thing though, right? We all have our own ways of thinking of it though, and thoughts can control our actions. Except when people don't comment, like you, or notice you… It is a bunch of empathy! People don't want to stop what their doing for one second to see what's wrong, because they do know, they just don't know what to say, and know it's up to each of us to find what we want in life. That's ignorant though of being human, for if people shared in what they did, it could maybe inspire someone not knowing what they can do. That's where I am right now, needing enthusiasm. I'm partially disabled, not wanting to deal with anyone, and knocking on heaven's door from not being brave enough to walk through death's door. Even though i'd take a life for another's if I didn't have to do it myself. I keep control of my thoughts through pray, meditation and time to see if thing's will change; but they haven't from us needing to find it. In March I was twelve stories in a hotel ready to jump off a balcony, but I knew for some reason God would keep me alive for whatever purpose. It's difficult to see though when you are alone in the dark and blurred by so many grays of people who are not wanting to be a friend and help. Is it our fault or their fault? How do you make the future if you have screwed it up with your past and now? My mental illness says I want to die and not live, they're not separate, but he gets 900 likes for the comment, i'll still get one or none. It's like I am invisible so why not go through with it and become a ghost I seek truth of? I've tried giving peace to unrested places along the Eastern part of America since my mom passed in 2017 to try to become at peace, but it didn't work from me not wanting life. I'm told my physical pain stays from that. Well give me something that will make me happy! Maybe feeling loved? I could continue, but i've quit crying. I just want direction to what i'm meant for. Why do we keep trying what we fail if it's what we want?✌❤

  24. I dont want anyone too ask if im ok tho, I dont see anyway too live or die in peace either way I suffer she wont come back you cant heal me mentally and physically nothing can put the peices back together I am not suicidal But Id be thankful for not waking up for not having too struggle too breathe or pretend I am alright, maybe she would miss me maybe people would value my words no one takes you serious , I dont flock for attention I only want one person how can anyone cure that, no one can replace her my lifes ended long before I die at age 25 their is merely a hollow shell, the man is gone the joy has left all purpose lost, loving has its cost, too live I suffer too die my family suffers lifes suffering and I dont see a way out.

  25. September 24th is my birthday and I'm here because I struggle every waking hour with wanting to die. But in reality I don't want to die , I want the pain to stop. I have ptsd from abuse and from the suicide of my child's father in my home. It never ends and there is no real support or help. I'm here to find answers to find people like me. To feel not so alone. No one around me understands. They say get out of your head, get over it, just smile , others have it worse. They hear my cries and roll their eyes or shake their head or yell. They watch me die every single day a little more. The suicide prevention lines are always full , the hospitals always about money and neglectful. I raise two autistic sons who need me and I suffer every single day for them to have me around.

  26. Fear and apathy always warm my heart when I read about the drunk driver that gets 6 months to 2 years for killing a pedestrian while the less than one ounce weed possession is a 5 year sentence. People might care about the sobbing kid on the bus if almost every person on the ride was NOT screaming, smelling of urine, throwing stuff, telling your to F OFF, etc,. on a daily basis…great, your Darwin Award was taken back. Go back to living in fear with all of we sheeple.

  27. Man my parents always fighting too and I'm being bullied is school because im a very thin kid they making fun of me and I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes i question God why is my life like this.

  28. Brother I don't know that I'm gonna get better
    And I bet my 300 lbs ass would fly straight to the bottom from that fall
    Id say forgive me if thats harsh but I just dont want to care anymore
    Nothing is worth it in this world
    You say family
    I say a chain to keep me churning in a world I've given up on
    Yes I love them but love isn't even real
    Why did i type this

  29. I don't know you but I want to tell you. I am glad your still here and you are my Brother. I love you and you helped me by your story. God bless you !!

  30. I haven't allowed a suicidal thought to come into my mind yet. Even so, I recognize that one is right there waiting to. One is right there wanting to. It's a thoroughly bad business, this existence of mine. I'm wishing to God that the sperm cell that fertilized my mother's egg had been one of the other 300 million that didn't. That's 300 million lucky bastards who will never have to know just how close they came. Talk about being let off the ultimate hook. I can only regret that I wasn't one of them. Oh well, no use crying over spilled sperm.

  31. I've thought about committing suicide ever since my (ex) partner left me. My life without him is completely dark and empty.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *