Laughter is the Best Medicine

Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2013 Gala – Ronny Chieng

Dave Hughes: Ronny Chieng!!! Hello everybody! Thanks for coming down. The US film
industry is saying that piracy is costing the US film industry 20 billion
dollars a year. Can you believe that? Piracy is costing the
US film industry 20 billion dollars a year. Like, don’t they know they can download
that shit for free? Who are you paying? *crowd laughs* Obama is the first African-American
president of the United States. Okay, that is factually correct alright.
He’s like an inspirational figure for all minorities everywhere. Me personally, I’m waiting for the first
Chinese President of the United States because think of the message that that
would send to Chinese children everywhere in America if we have the
first Chinese President. You could go up to Chinese children. You can say, hey, listen buddy you don’t
have to be a neurosurgeon. *crowd laughs* Or a dentist or a lawyer or an accountant. Like if you work even harder than you
already work academically, you too can become president. Think of how much that would raise the
prestige level of the Chinese race, right? Because the Chinese race has taken a
beating in the past couple of millennia. *crowd laughs* We used to be on top, we used to be kicking ass. Pioneering human innovation, right? We
didn’t steal intellectual property from anybody! Once upon time we invented stuff, real
stuff. Like Chinese people we invented, we invented paper. Yeah, are you familiar with that product? Maybe you’ve seen it around a couple of
times? Maybe you’ve read about it? *crowd laughs* On itself. That was us, we did that. We
invented paper and we nailed it as well. First time, nailed it. A4. Got the
dimensions right. *crowd laughs* Just happens to fit every photocopier ever made. *crowd laughs* What a coincidence, what a coincidence.
You know Chinese people we invented gunpowder, we invented fireworks. Chinese people we invented chopsticks,
right, we invented chopsticks because forks are too easy!! I don’t know about you but I enjoy a
challenge when I’m doing a daily activity that’s required for my survival. *crowd laughs* What is that a spoon? Get that sh*t away from me, you pussy. *crowd laughs* I enjoy drinking soup with two sticks. *crowd laughs* Hey listen, you guys have been great,
thanks for listening. *crowd laughs*

60 thoughts on “Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2013 Gala – Ronny Chieng

  1. I've often thought that the reason Chinese people eat with chopsticks is because eating with a knife, spoon and fork is too easy. Chinese people have a disciplined culture and it's like saying 'you want your food? Well work for it damn it! Nothing comes easy in this life!". I could be wrong but he just confirmed what I've always thought…very funny.

  2. yippee. dont waste time guys , rush to this site and get ur ipad3 or iphone as per ur choice. its not a joke, your address and mail id is enough to receive ur ipad3. rush it here ==>

  3. at least in my point of view, chopsticks really does a better job. feeling stiff to use two hands to pick up food, one to catch food, and one to join in the battle to prevent food escaping. 

  4. This Kanye West schtick he does is sooo 2013. Write some new material Ronny, for fuck's sake man. This bit is getting so old. so. old.

  5. I just wanna say there are better Asian-Australian comediens than Ronny Cheng. He's not bad but am surprised he's going the new Daily Show correspondent.

  6. About chopsticks: "I don't know about you, but I enjoy a challenges, when I'm doing a daily activity. That is required for my survival." Genius!!!

  7. I don't mean to be rude, but am I the only guy who doesn't find him funny?

    Or perhaps it's because I watched too much Trevor Noah.

  8. Opium , that’s what the Chinese invented , a long pipe to lay down and smoke opium in . That’s what they did and why ? Because at that time there was nothing else better than that and the Chinese are a very practical people , if you are going to smoke it then might as well enjoy the whole exercise of doing it and remember , there is nothing straight about a Chinaman except for his hair . Ok so bear in mind that everything else is crooked.

  9. Some white people brag about being able to eat with chopsticks, so I learned it, then quickly thought 'what the fuck? This is a step backwards. ' and switched to a fork, because when you're hungry, you just want the food to get into your mouth as easily as possible.

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