Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Melbourne Standup Comedy


To be honest I’m I’m I’m fairly astonished
that they had me back er this year. I came last year to the Melbourne Comedy Festival and erm before I came they sent me this this kind of er layout of the venue. They said
look that’s what it’s going to look like erm that’s the kind of shape of it, those are the kind
of lighting rig, that’s the kind of space et cetera erm and I shouldn’t have done this
because I didn’t know these people, it was an honour to be invited but I couldn’t I couldn’t,
there’s something, I couldn’t. I said “Guys, just looking at the PDF I have one or two fairly serious concerns.” “Does this guy ….” “Could he be asked to leave during the ..” You know. “He thinks we can’t see him here
but” obviously So it’s good to be here. I kind of erm I rail against any form of kind
of bureaucracy, any form of kind of formality. Particularly when it’s on the internet. I
don’t like it at all. Whenever I, whenever I go to book a doctor’s appointment I do it
online. And, er, they ask me to confirm my booking and when they ask me they ask me to
enter the reason for the appointment and this really annoys me so I just wrote.. “Concerned I’m going to die.” And they wouldn’t give me the appointment and so next time I just wrote “Death is inevitable.” And then they er they did give me the appointment but that meant I had to spend the next twenty minutes explaining to the doctor that I was not suicidal. She said “but you’ve written ‘death is inevitable.” I said “it is.” “Did they not? they should have
told you this on day ONE!” And then she was quite flustered. So I think
what she wanted to say was “have you had suicidal thoughts” but I think she got the
wording wrong ‘cos she said “Have you considered suicide?” I didn’t even know that was an option. A number of years ago I went to see a therapist. Obviously.. [laughter] Thanks guys. Thanks for your support. And erm. When I went to see them. First of
all I wanted to speak to someone but instead of being able to speak to someone what they
gave me was an Adult Intake Assessment Form. It was a form. This was it. An Adult Intake
Assessment Form. And I was like ‘ok great’ but I wanted to speak to someone’ but the first question on the Adult Intake Assessment Form was “What do you consider to be the top three
stresses in your life.” And I was like well number one is obviously
That’s right Adult Intake Assessment Forms. That’s right up there. And then number 2 was obviously “The formal classificationof ineffable and principally subjective thoughts” for the purpose of generalised psychometric
analysis. And then Airport Security. And I turned over the page expecting that
to be the end of it but no no no there was another form and this one was even worse. It was like a multiple choice form., Like how am I supposed to? Why can’t I just speak to someone? So question number 1 was “How often do you misplace things at home?” And I was like “often.”
And then it was like “How often do you have difficulty getting things in order.”
And I was, like, “rarely”. But then I realised that I’d actually had some difficulty and
I’d actually got them in the wrong, you know, in the wrong. And then the next one was like “How often do you make careless mistakes when you have to work on a boring or difficult project.” And I was like “well absolutely never.” How often do you find yourself unable to make
decisions? Sometimes? But then I realised you know, I I I, I don’t… “How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project?” Well I started to wrap it up but then I actually I kind of
stopped you know half way through And then the last question was “When you’re in a conversation how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you
are …” I was like “literally all the time.” Thank you everyone. Bye bye.

100 thoughts on “Melbourne Standup Comedy

  1. this was hilarious๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ me ticking every box cause i'm indecisive asf๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  2. James veitch… once upon a time there was a penguin named clackey.
    ๐Ÿง <—– THIS IS CLACKEY

    clackey was a very frustrated bird. This was due to the fact that nobody could ever get his name right. People said quackey… because they obviously thought he was a duck. Even Autocorrect kept changing his name to lackey. This happened so often that….

    TO BE CONTINUED

  3. Dont get it. Guy on stage gets paid to say something funny or audience is getting paid to pretend he jus did?..

  4. Such a gift to make people laugh!THE funniest person ever, laughed from the beginning to the end, and it ended too soon. Doctor's can prescribe listening to you, James, as a cure for almost anything – unless the person has stitches in strategic places.

  5. This guy is a genius who's a comedian and a comedian who's a genius, i mean how does he come up with this funny but yet so smart ideas ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘
    #JamesVeitch

  6. ๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต๐Ÿ”ต

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  7. I showed my mom this video and she loved it, then she asked if he was married to which I responded โ€œidk I donโ€™t think soโ€ and she was like โ€œyou need to marry him.โ€ … Iโ€™m 17???

  8. This is the video that brought me to James's channel. Very funny! Then I watched "Siri vs Alexa" and "2. Vietch does Waze". Dumb and dumber. Tentative conclusion based on only 3 short videos: Talented but hit-and-miss. I hope the rest are mostly hits, but "the thrill is gone."

  9. A mix of standup like this in front of an audience and "in the world" candid shot stuff would make a hilarious special. Style is hilarious dude.

  10. This is of course not objective but i personally didn't found this funny even the least bit. I"ve had more fun crying myself to sleep.

  11. Hi James, when I first seen you it was in a Wix commercial, and I thought you were funny and very good. well a while later I was looking through a Happenings Magazine (it's a tv guide and entertainment schedule in the Kenosha area) from Kenosha and seen you were traveling with Conan O'Brian comedy tour and were going to the Riverside in Milwaukee. anyway from the commercial I didn't know you did stand up as I rarely watch tv anymore, and seen this article so I checked you out here. this is the first comedy video of your's I'm watching and you're really funny, so I subscribed to your channel and I'm going to watch more!!! Have a great weekend, and a awesome Holiday coming up James!!!

  12. You should do more. Spam emails were funniest. I hope those dummies are not avoiding you already. That is comedy gold.

  13. James I stumbled on to you while watching a few TED video's. The most original comedy concept in a long time. Very funny, thank you.

  14. Hi James,

    I love your jokes, I have watched your comedy videos numerous times and I have a blast each time. I am subscribed to your channel and would love to see more jokes like this one ๐Ÿ™‚ Could you please do more funny videos like this or like the Salomon email correspondence? Lol Love that one too!!!

    Thank you for time and videos.

    Best,
    Denise.

  15. People keep on saying to give him a Netflix Special. But I'm one of the few people who don't have Netflix. Don't do it! Please I beg you.

  16. James Veitch, i became a fan of you a month ago, and i already watched ALL the episodes on Scamalot or comedy. Question: Will there be more?

  17. It's so true, I think I may need to use this for my adult intake assessment form because I can't disagree with any of the answers he suggested

  18. Really love the intelligent humor by this guy. Doesn't need to drop the bombs, resort to offending the audience or get salacious to get the laughs. Second time I watched this and it made me laugh just as much. Nice to see brains, talent and timing all come together.

  19. YouTube notification: New from James Veitch-
    Me: Sets world record for fastest time clicked on a notification

  20. I came across this guy's spam – mail – videos yesterday! Also the bad roommate vid is sooo brilliant ๐Ÿคฃ I wish there was more material ๐Ÿ™

  21. I wish his sets were longer, does he do standup cause I dont think I saw any on his page but I did only glance at it.

  22. I have watched this so many times, and it never fails to make me laugh. James Veitch you are the global boss of FUNNY The Ducks, Scamalot, this, glad I don't have to pick which one is best! SO clever, so witty, you always make my day!

  23. I found this guy on a Ted talk and he was hilarious, but is he a comedian or what exactly?

  24. This guy is absolutely incredibllllle. Iโ€™d KILL to have a friend like this & I just finished his video about being a roommateโ€” if I had this guy as a roommate heโ€™d never have had to pay a cent! ๐Ÿคฃ

  25. If I am having a bad day I just watch one of your videos. I can watch them over and over. It's great humor and content that never gets old! Also, It's always good to work them smile bones out!!

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