Nothing built can last forever, and every legend, no matter how great, fades with time. With each passing year, more and more details are lost, until all that remains are myths – half truths. To put it simply… BULLSHIT! And yet in all the known universe, between here and Hollywood, the legend of the Goons of the Stone endures, unabridged, as self evident bullshit. InTrOdUcInG oUr 4 HeRoS (Some crappy accent) Crappy accent dude: Guy with a sword! Narrator: With his sword, he would stab things. (Really? I thought he played Minecraft with it.) Crappy accent dude:The Nerdy Dude! With his engineering skills, he would read books and collect stamps, (Yeah,But It’s A Girl Not A Dude) among other nerdy things. Crappy accent dude: Mr. Boom Boom, the psychopath! Mr. Psychopath loved his bombs, and committing arson. (WOAH WOAH CALM DOOOWN!) Ginger Beard! (Some crappy accent) With his ginger beard, he created the world, and was the head of all the goons. (T3T) These four friends got bored one day and set out to fight the Ender Dragon. In the end, the Goons of the Stone emerged victorious, and the dragon was defeated – hence causing their extinction for dragons. The dragon was just trying to live its life, but the goons didn’t care. Now proclaimed ‘heroes’, they slipped away into something more comfortable, and now appear on the wikipedia of Minecraft. But when one story ends, another one begins… Would you rather suck 20 dicks all at once or have 20 dicks sucking you? Oh, that’s a tough choice. They both sound like really fun endeavors. You seem a little bit different today. Oh, that’s because on the character selection screen I chose sarcastic asshole. *Pig Squeals* Don’t you think that’s weird that you take that pig wherever you go? Not as weird as the fact that he spoons me every night. What?! Boo. (Wow spooky) *All Screaming* Ahh, you got me. Ugh, goddammit Reuben! You should’ve seen the look on your faces! Did you swallow your daily car engine today? Hey! Puberty hit hard, okay? *button clicks* Whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing?! Don’t press that yet! Oh sorry, my bad. Phew, that was a close one. So what are we gonna build for the building competition? We want people’s attention right? So let’s build something proper spooky. Let’s build a creeper. Why don’t we build an enderman? They’re tall, handsome, they’re really hot, huh spooky. Yeah, I was thinking more towards building Axel’s mom. OHHHHHHHH! Oh, yeah, good one. I thought so. [REUBEN SCREAMING] Fine, we’ll build a creeper then. I don’t want Olivia here grinding herself up against a giant enderman. (Olivia’s face is priceless.) Well we better start preparing and training ourselves! Alright, put your hands in. That’s it. There we go. 3, 2, 1, woo. *Sarcasm* You can press the montage button now. Yaaaay! “MONTAGE!” “WE GOT A” “MONTAGE!” “YOU WANT A” “MONTAGE?” “HERE IS A” “MONTAGE!” “MON-MON-MONTAGE” “MONTAGE!” Montage… So, we know what we’re building now! And we had a good montage! We got this in the bag! Nice pig losers. WHAT DID YOU SAY?!! [screaming] Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Order of the Losers! *Laughing* I’m offended. Looks like the fail squad’s here! *Laughing* Yeah? Well, you’re all cunts and I hope your moms all get AIDS. Wow. Dude, you can’t say that! Oh, right, yeah, family-friendly… (not) Umm… You guys smell of poo. Wow. Get out of the way. Hey guys, what’s your team name? Olivia:The dead enders.
Jesse:The order of the pig. Come on now, guys, I thought we agreed on this. I’m not having our team name be called “Grease”! *all laughing* I don’t know why YOU’RE laughing. You look like the guys from the movie. Wow. Just call us “Cringe” and we’ll move on. Thanks. *stuck, groaning* *Laughing* It’s funny cause he’s fat. *Trumpet call* (DAH DAH) This creeper looks AWESOME! We’ll win for sure. *Pig snoring* This is what you get for comparing me to Grease! Whoops! I totally tripped or fell or something! *PIG SCREACHING* *GASPS* Oh no… My spooning buddy’s on fire! I can’t live without you! WHAT ABOUT THE CREEPERRRR?! Who cares? It sucks! [RIP her heart] Reuben, come here, boy! I need you to keep me warm tonight… OH! REUBEN! Wait, you’re not Reuben. [*Pig Screaming*] Of course he would be in the spooky cave. Rubie Rubie Rubie Rubie Rubie… [Oh crap, spider sex] Well, that’ll be forever burned in my memory. *screaming* There you are, you pink ball of bastardary! I just realized how dark it went really quickly. Yeah, that’s what that means. YOU OWE ME MONEEEY. Ah! Zombie Steve! Yeah, can we not do this right now? It’s embarassing, y’know, in front of my pet pig and everything… REUBEN, RUN!!! *panting* *REEE!* YEAH TRUST ME I’M FULLY AWARE IT’S MY OWN FAULT! *Pant* I think we’re safe… You owe me money. . . Ahh! *REEE!* Yes, I’m fully aware, Reuben! I’M GONNA PAY THEM ALL BACK! *Eek* WHERE’S MY MONEY??? Keep going! where my moneeeeeey (soo many zombies) Ya know what? SCREW THIS!! *panting* (Great fighting technique, bud. -_-) Did I get ’em? Owww! *REEW!* OK, I’ll admit, this looks really bad! *REEE?* Just stay close to me, I’ll protect you! *moaning* *AAAH!* Never mind. AHHH, AHH, AHHHH! I’M SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING YOU! HIYAAAAA! (Oh, it’s the crappy accent from the beginning.) EH, EH, EH, EH!! (Fighting?) C’MON WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! Who are you again? I’m Petra, your friend? Like a mercenary or something? I do appear earlier in the game, but for time constraints I figured I’d like just introduce myself now. This is kinda pointless.. Takes me too long to explain why. I DON’T CARE, JUST GET ME AWAY FROM THESE LOAN SHARKS. Okay, sure. Hey, lemme show you something. Okay? This is a wither skull. Cool…? There’s a strange guy who wants it, so I’m gonna trade this for an Item that he’s got for me. Thanks for sharing that…? Ah shit, creepers. (At least ACT surprised.) Wait, where’s Reuben gone? Who cares. (IT’S JESSE’S SPOONING BUDDY SO HE CARES!) Prepare for an explosion in slow motion. Oh, there he is. *REE?* AHHH! *Some type of vaporwave music* *SPLAT* (dead) Okay, so for this deal, lemme do all the talking okay? You just said okay twice. Wait, what deal? The DEAL that I told you about. Sorry, I was too busy staring at your flat chest. SCREW YOU. Jesse. Jesse? Is that my name? Jesse? Yeah, that’s your name. Oh. Yeah. Ah, right, okay. I’m Petra? (Your voice changed o_o) I got attacked while I was looking for Reuben. And this chick saved me so… Why was she in the woods? Having sex with a bear. *snickers* Har, har. Well we gotta go. They have free cake at the EnderCon. I’m fat, you see, so that’s my character trait, So I love food. Food food food food, let’s go get food. food food food food. See ya I guess… You will be sorely missed. C’mon, down this alleyway. Let’s make this deallll. *snoring* Where is he, he’s never late! That’s okay, we can pass the time. RPS? Rock, paper, scissors, ah ha! You’re shit! I have to piss, I’ll be right back. What, right here? Yeah there’s a wall I use over here. My special pissing wall. I call it PISStra. Cuz my name is PETRA. Brilliant. I’ll stand guard then. AHAAAAAA! JUST WHO ARE YOU? Yeah, you shouldn’t creep up on people like that. Especially when your nose is THAT big. You’re like a rectangle version of Squidward. SILENCE! Gimme one good reason I shouldn’t walk outta here right now. My favorite color is yellow. Ooh, mine too! (Why?) But my deal here is with Petra. Yeah, she’s taking a shit in a bush or something. IVOR! Ivor, what a name. This deal, proceed then. Hmmm… Now where’s my diamonds? Oh, they’re in that chest behind you, take ’em! What do you think we are, IDIOTS?! I guarantee there’s nothing in there and he’s gonna run off. n…no that’s n…no uh.. uhh.. HEY LOOK AN ALIEN! Where?! *Poof* AW DAMMIT! Classic Toy Story! *panting* He’s gone. (No shit sherlock) Thank you, captain obvious. You’re a great help to society. Let’s try and find him. Nah, let’s just stand here for two hours, why not? *Eating noise* FAT!! *Eating noise* I’ve got you now, you son of a bitch… HEY! If it isn’t loser! Oh my god, I’m not in the mood for your shit right now… MOVE!! You know we beat you right? At… at the contest? I really couldn’t give two shits. I’m not interested in your high school drama bullshit, MOVE OUT THE WAY! LOSER! Yeah well, your mom sucks dicks for crack money. YEAH WELL LOSER! Y o u ‘ r e a d o p t e d . *Uncontrollable sobbing* COME, HERE YOU SQUIDWARDY LOOKIN– WHADDYA THINK YOU’RE DOING?? NOT YOU, THAT’S FOR SURE… You’re the reason plastic surgery exists. Enjoy your life. Uh uh, I’m a DJ Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Excuse me? Do you take requests? Yeah… Can you play “Eat My Asshole”? Yeah. *Reuben oinking* HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHEF MAN?! Come here Reuben, come here.. HE’S MY SPOONING BUDDY! GET YOUR OWN!! Any sign of him? (She just pops up outta nowhere, classic logic.) I thought I saw him earlier but I just found an abomination instead… *deep cackles* Oh shit, there he is! AH CRAP! We’ll have to get past the security guard though. How are we gonna do that? Okay, how about we do this: How about we get the chickens from up there, smash open the glass, chickens will fall out, and the chickens will scare him (flawless logic) cuz he’s scared of chickens. (Spoiler) How do you even know that? Cuz I… Cu- cuz fuck you. How about we just do this? Sorry brah, V.I.P only. (MURDERS IN COLD BLOOD) Alright let’s go 😀 (So happy) Okay friend. Who? What?! What?! I’m the leader of that bully gang from earlier. But we’re kinda friends now but not really friends. Are we friends? i’m not even sure if we’re friends GUUUUHL (the sound of brutal death) WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? COME ON THERE’S TOO MANY CHARACTERS RIGHT NOW. Plus I like killing things sooo… (OOH ME TOO OvO) (Splat splat) STOP IT!!! Where’d he go? Hmm, based on my analysis and character profiling… The Krusty Krab. (lol) *laughing* Yeah, good one. SHH SHH HOLD UP! HOLD UP! Can you hear that? (No.) Hear what? The sound of a clarinet! He’s GOTTA be close! *laughing* HEY I’M NOT DE– *even worse pain then in episode 2 lol* *gasp* THERE HE IS! I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE KRUSTY KRAB! COME ON LET’S GO AFTER HIM! I can deal with a Krabby Patty. I’m fat. That’s my character trait by the way… I’m a fat… fffat… What do we do when we catch him? There are a million ways to play this. HEY! THAT’S MY LINE *Infinite pain + death* First things first, we’re gonna get payback. We’re gonna strap him down, Keep his eyelids open, And force him to watch the Ghostbusters 2016 remake. (brutal) *gasping* Dude, that’s too harsh man. You ready? Ready! I’m liking the little synchronization you guys got going on. Huh? Because you guys keep say- Ah, forget it. What is this place? I think we’ve just discovered Narnia. I’m gonna steal things 😀 (Too Happy) Why? Cuz I decided I wanna be a thief now. That’s not your character trait whatsoever. SCREW YOU MAN! I’m tired of being a fat kid! I wanna be cool and steal things! (stealing doesn’t make you cool, Axel.) GUYS CAN YOU FOCUS!? YEAH, WE’RE TRYIN’ TO FIND MY WITHER SKULL… You guys never let me have any fun! Axel! Of course we do! Think of all the good times we’ve had! Rolling you down the hill… Tying you up, Covering your mouth, drawing piggies all over you… *laughs* Remember that one time we broke your dad’s leg? Yes… See, we had some great times! I hate you. I’M STEALING THIS POTION AND I DONT EVEN CARE (D: