Laughter is the Best Medicine

NOTHING SACRED // Full Comedy Movie // Carole Lombard & Fredric March // English // HD // 720p

[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] ladies and gentlemen when the Morningstar summons you to this banquet I realized that there were only two people qualified to introduce the great man we are honoring tonight either my humble self or that pearl among journalists mr. Wallace cook my great friend and Star reporter nerd Saanich I want mr. Cook himself to tell you the great feat he performed not only for the morning star but for mankind itself in interesting our guest of honor in this great project 27 halls of learning and culture 27 arenas of art to be known as the morning started and for every dollar we contribute our guest has pledged himself to give 10 ladies and gentlemen it is my great honor to introduce to you a prince with a heart as big as his pocketbook that fabulous and magnificent potentate of the Orient the sultan of massive pan peace be unto you my friends peace and the blessings of culture [Music] well my fine oriental potentate I’m not going to have you arrested I’m going to put you on the payroll as a janitor thank you sir and I always want you present in the local room where my reporters and mr. Wallace cook can drink you in constantly as a warning against fake yes may I ask mr. cook will report any more I wouldn’t like for him to lose his job he was very nice to me mr. cook is not going to be discharged your majesty for his own good and the good of the Morningstar I am going to remove him from the land of the living mr. Oliver I tell you I’m innocent I was just as fooled by hope like Joe as you were I believed everything he said just as you did now Oliver either you cut out these fat-headed monkeyshines of yours and let bygones be bygones or I’m walking out of this fish trap right here and now you’re under contract to the star for five more years you’re not in a position to resign unless you wish to retire from journalistic efforts over that period Oliver you’re not gonna keep me pounding out obituaries for five years those are my plans mr. cook I’m the best reporter you ever had I’ve had it you are a hundred scoops it isn’t fair Oliver it isn’t human shut up Oliver I hear I don’t like to say this paper is going to rack and ruin with me hidden away in that water cooler look at this what’s that poor little working girl doomed to death from radium poisoning we’ve covered covered it you’re getting old Oliver look five six lines on hazel flag the poor little kid with a few months to live at the outside doom yes staring her in the face what does she feel what does she think radium eating away her bones don’t shout at me listen Oliver there’s a story in this kid that ought to tear your heart out where is it why hasn’t the star got it I’ll tell you because I’m stuck away in a water cooler an account of some whim of yours listen Oliver give me a chance will you so help me may I drop dead I’ll redeem myself I ought to be shot for what I’m thinking what are you thinking I’m thinking that maybe you ate the most tittering imbecile on earth I’m thinking that maybe you’ve learned your lesson all of us so help me I’ll be upper montt by morning I’ll dig up a story that’ll make this sound swoon here’s my hand on it I’ve been through an inferno I haven’t been able to enter a cafe for the past three weeks without the band playing Dixie that was a coincidence I’ve given you my hand go on redeem yourself Thanks you won’t regret if I don’t come back with a bigger story you have a handle you can put me back in short pants and make me marble editor [Applause] you throw yep you know this girl hazel play yeah pretty girl huh yep or is she not on the hospital Oh walking around laughing and carrying on I suppose yeah what’s your name Coolidge nope well if you aren’t worn out talking what is it bull mr. bull my name is cook I’m the New York star hey going to be filing a lot of stuff at your telegraph office here I don’t think you are who says Paragon what’s back to it was just town they don’t care to have any scandal printed what they say goes better take the next train back the carnival fellas it’s dr. downer he won’t talk to you nobody talked you in this town except me better go home well if you don’t mind I’ll take a little stroll and have a look at the sights first well I wouldn’t talk to tall if I knew was gonna do it for nothing oh pardon all right forgot I was in Vermont morning sister you in charge here yep I’ve been wandering through your fascinating metropolis for an hour mind if I sit down here yep I guess you misunderstood me you know there’s a flag yeah any idea where I could find her this morning you’re a newspaperman from New York how’d you guess that sister he was described to me well bull can shoot his mouth off to all he wants but not me nor anybody else in this town this drugstores run with a paragon watch company and they don’t want any scan among the New Yorkers snooping around okay sister how much do I owe you well you’ve took enough my time thank you very much I’m sorry that I’ve took it up so much of your time sorry [Applause] Oh morning dr. dawn I am yes is that his office yep what’d you tell him mr. cook would like to see him tell him yourself [Applause] dr. Donna yeah my name’s cook I’m up here from New York sit down I’ll be with you in a minute nice day yep yep what do you got young man hi oh no hi Donna Himes going around miss Georgina sure was took yesterday you know her nope where did you say you were from New York I was wondering if you could tell me where I could find hazel flag from Lille okay yep you know what I think young fella I think you’re a newspaperman I can smell him I’ve always been able to smell him excuse me while I open the window I’ll tell you briefly what I think of newspaperman the hand of God reaching down into the mire couldn’t elevate one of them to the depths of degradation not by a million miles I think you’re being a little severe toward my profession not much but just a little nothing of the sort I am a fair-minded man young fella but when you’ve been robbed swindle cheated for 22 years out of a fortune it’s pardonable to formulate an opinion from New Yorker yep you don’t happen to know of a newspaper called the morning star you have the honor dr. donger of addressing that newspapers most gifted representative Moses in the mountains you’re from the morning star stay right where you are don’t move I’ll show you something that’ll free listen doctor I’m getting sick of this taffy pull where can I get a hold of hazel flash don’t talk to me about hazel Flagg no siree here’s the evidence I appeal to you as a man of learning dr. Donna what is Miss Flags addressed don’t waste my time young fella yeah read that that’s a copy of an essay I wrote read it go on tit for tat give me her address in our pour over these interesting documents all night I entered this contest with a clean pair of hands who are the six greatest American I named them and proved why writing on one side of the paper and what happened did I win the $10,000 no siree did I win the 5,000 that they even try to save their face by giving me one of the smaller $1,000 prizes not that gang of chicken thieves here’s what they gave me read it a check for $1 young fella for 22 years ask you doctor dollar to be reasonable you can’t Harbor a grudge for 22 years I harbor until I die wait and see the morning star had a chance to win my respect 22 years ago they saw fit to swindle and belittle me very well I’ll prove to them before I die who the sixth grade Americans are and who was entitled to the first prize I could do better in darkest Africa you know who got that $10,000 here just might you don’t have to sit there looking so dramatic hazel like he lies across in the ice well I can’t help feeling a little bad you couldn’t either if you were gonna die any minute well you can stop giving yourself the airs of a dying Swan according to this last analysis I made you eat they’re going to die unless you get run over or something huh you heard me I don’t like to to my cabbage twice I’m not gonna die you’re a fitter than the city and stop gawking at me or I’ll cut myself Carl come come this there’s no way to behave in the doctor’s office besides that soap will give you the darndest than he ever had oh you think you saved my life oh there’s nothing that first diagnosis I made was a mistake I got so that I was seeing radium poisoning everywhere I’ve been awfully paid am I not declined before please well know that it’s over I don’t mind telling you hazel I felt kind of sorry for you sorry I’ve been under a great strain you know I don’t know what I’m so happy about any queue so to spoil my trip but trip to that hazel you know I’m gonna take that $200 you get Ford and Warsaw and go to New York and Florida Lin die happy now I’ve got to stay in water so that’s your gratitude to me for snatching you from the jaws of death which I am happier miserable I’m do you have to hand in that report to the factory I know it sounds a little too followed I do it like a shot hazel only I’d lose my job the minute they found out you weren’t going to die and besides there’s the ethics thanks for all your trouble terribly grateful it’s kind of startling to be brought to life pardon me I’m Wallace cook from the New York star I got to see you I know it’s hard for you to talk but I won’t ask you any questions about your ailment I was thinking while I was waiting for you to come up and I got an idea I want you to come to New York with me as my guest there’s the guest of the morning stone I don’t say anything to like tell you if you want my sister or somebody close to me I’d take you out of Warsaw dead or alive miss lang oh I’ve always wanted to see the world outside right you’ve lived here all your life twice bit low kid you’ve never been New York no my grandmother took me there when I was 3 but I didn’t appreciate it listen we’ve shown you the time we take everywhere you’ll have more fun than if you lived 100 years in this moth-eaten yep on North Village very true the bargain no be imposing on everybody because posing in that way I just thought to be wrong to make people sin kind of a killjoy wouldn’t just not be frankly even if I sound like a good you will be a sensation the whole time will take you to its heart you love everything you’ve ever dreamed up you have it on a silver platter you’ll be like Aladdin with a magic lamp to rub just because I’m dying oh that’s a cruel way to put it no they like it because you’ll be a symbol of courage and heroism we’ll talk about it on the plane here we have much time I’m sorry I mean the sooner you get that the more time you’ll have to enjoy yourself you know I was gonna go there before I saved up upon $1 one hundred million dollars couldn’t buyer the funder Morningstar can give me come on oh no wait I’ve gotta take him with me with the kid on the bicycle no no Enoch dr. Turner you wait here Oh nope no I’ll go ask him will you wait here yeah [Music] I don’t care proceeding from this point of view [Music] I got in touch with Oliver for Oliver Stone my editing he’s toad ancing in the street waiting for hope he’s nice like you well he’s got a different quality of charm he’s sort of a cross between a ferris wheel and a werewolf but with a lovable streak if you get a blast for it you getting nervous oh no I just hope you won’t have a lot along with your doctor’s lined up to harass me you know I’m not coming to New York to play anything for a lot of scientists everybody knows their radium poisoning is incurable so so why waste any time you won’t be bothered at all you know I’m not going to bed till I have convulsions in my teeth start falling up that’s what I began worrying and even if she’s good at tamageni are you feeling now silly pokey darling skipper hello she is in all her beads and ribbons mr. cook thank you oh it’s from Oliver he’s almost tongue-tied with excitement he sees work up a nutty demonstration New York is going to lay a tart at your feet Paula whistles blow on the bands play and the cameras crying how about you sailor anything you care to say as we go into action I wasn’t gonna have a what I mean about the convulsions and all that I’m gonna have fun first I am well if that doesn’t make him cry nothing will because you’re the bravest kid that ever lived there’s no fake about at this time Oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] don’t excite yourself too much except to pay them they don’t excite yourself too much it’s just a fake those grepolis only square thing about them is the ring they’re a symbol of the whole town pretending to fight love weak and laugh all the time and they’re phonies all of them and I had the list oh no you don’t don’t say using you to get a bonus and a byline on the front page making good over your poor little cane rack body I’ve been so wonderful to meet you know these wonderful gowns and the banquets in the theater stop looking so happy in gallant William breaks my heart [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] ladies and gentlemen I have just learned that miss hazal flag is in the audience [Applause] I would like to ask this distinguished audience to observe 10 seconds of silence in respect for Miss black [Music] okay boys [Applause] [Music] what it interfere with your running the speed if I ask you something personal that’s what we’re here for to get personal proceed it’s a loose halyard for don’t make it fast with it yes my little Mariner yes try not to go overboard the answer in capital letters is no and suppose newspaper man marries rules not after the 14 or 15 that’s the dangerous age for the journalist his ideals are not jet form and he falls easy prey to elderly waitresses what’s his finer side is born he he waits the sound of the fire alarm is like waits to go rushing off to the fire yeah it’s gotten around [Music] you know I get kind of depressed everybody mom eyes will be a case of walking color do that I used to love the open I went gaga over some celebrity danced in the streets with a neon light round its heart getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations over you glad that phony it makes everything alright in a way what I mean is I wouldn’t want to feel I was really making all those people Wally Wally look at that man with the toupee [Applause] [Music] feeding greetings my little folks tonight there is one among us who adds a bit of almond custom drama to our little rebel she sits here i sparkling her face wreathed in a lovely smile picking in the charm the glitter the gay sounds of life so drink your wine laugh and a flawed while this little doom child sits saying goodbye to you her last goodbye with a grateful smile on her lips so long with the show my little act is all on with the show for tonight you are not the famous folk of Broadway tonight you are just a little chorus laughing and dancing and pear wedding to afford a large free flower of mirth and jollity to America’s simplest and sweetest of heroines miss hazel flag we’re good clean fun there’s nothing like a wake no please please let’s not talk shop our next number tonight ladies and gentlemen is entitled the heroines of history [Music] Catherine the Great who saved Russia she could do it too [Music] maybe good diver who saved their virtue that’s where those things go [Music] Katinka who saved Holland by putting her finger in the dike show them the finger babe [Music] [Applause] Pocahontas who saved Captain John Smith and later on set him up in the cough drop business [Music] gentlemen I want you to meet that little girl from Warsaw Vermont that little soldier whose heroic smile in the face of death has wrung tears and cheers from the great stone heart of the city I humbly invite her now to take her place beside all the great heroines of history our own miss hazel Flagg [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] something has happened to eat look out in front let me add a is it is it come doctor I want to know the worst I don’t want you to spare our feelings we go to press in 15 minutes no chance doctor I’ve been expecting something like this let’s get her out of here quick please everybody taken my please take your seat there must be no commotion the show must go on he’s allotted that way [Music] I’m disgusted with you hazel getting drunk in the middle of a memorial now lie down like I tell you I’m not drunk I just had a little sick person they weren’t buffaloes there were horses yeah I tell you if somebody respectable could see you now that would be pretty wouldn’t it shame on you pick your stockings off yeah the doctor take him over yourself [Music] hey what are you doing if anything happens we have to replate that’s all it counts to you isn’t it you of a birdbrain for the headline for our heart that poor gallant little kid standing in front of that goofy bunch of horses and smiling that’s smiling don’t waste copy on me watch Oliver has the sweetest loveliest kid in there that ever lived yes you said that before Wally I’m through I can’t play pallbearer any longer I’m resigning she’s alright gentlemen sleeping like a little baby no are you sure just as if nothing had happened she’ll be fitter than a fiddle in the morning in the morning Oh hello just a minute there are 22 children downstairs to think for you mr. stone arranged for it yesterday you may bring them up sir let me leave the room is gravity I brought you something raw egg just what you need the albumin counteracts the alcohol suck him right down settle your stomach come on I got a whole doesn’t this the way drunk still hazel you got what is known in medicine as a hangover got something worse than that I got a conscience Oh keep on sucking that aching your conscience will go away let me have your pulse hazel stop drowning that you all thought you know what I Brody about well I wish I wish I had radium poison or something awful man but I wouldn’t ruin it who’s it you’re ruining hazel Oh him have another egg great journalism they’re gonna give you the pole miss mr. mr. Stoneman it’s coming out of the $10,000 they owe me if I’m not complaining why should he worry he thinks I’ve helped help to make you feel better like you just wait and see Oh even why did you let me come to New York you were only as honest as you look mr. Cooke is here to see miss flag do you feel able to speak to him fine tell him to come in come in Oh hello doctor if it won’t hurt her if I visit a while she’s doing very well for her last few weeks yeah I’m glad to hear that hazel I was we were worried excuse me I wouldn’t have disturbed you but I’m going away and I thought I might not see you again you’re going away with Oh to Albany just to see the governor Wallace what are you doing it all with the government nicely you mustn’t get over a rock well it’s about me I must know about it it’s about the arrangements for the funeral what human he lies all right if I shocked you oh no no everybody has to have a funeral sometime no but not like yours darling okay I want to keep it as a surprise oh it’s better this way you’re telling me in advance till I can get used to it well I hope it’s gonna be a little funeral oh I’m afraid that’s way way impossible basil according to they present registration will be about 30,000 automobiles at a considerable group on foot about half a million I think oh that’s not happen up to mourn for you Oliver thought we could get the president but he’s still fishing I arranged to have the Symphony Orchestra there instead well uh I had an idea this morning I’m getting the governor to declare a public holiday for the occasion Oh like st. Valentine’s Day I’m glad I told you hazel I want you to know now and always I think you’re magnificent please don’t say that do you have to go away I’ll be back by night I’ve got another surprise for you but I’ll not tell you well I’ve got to use all right I promised you I wouldn’t do this you wouldn’t do what calling any other doctor hazel I know you have great faith in Enoch but I’ve broken my promise dr. amyl Egelhoff er is arriving on the wrecks this afternoon he’s from Vienna and I’m bringing him up to see you but for hazel he is the greatest expert on radium poisoning in the world I know it’s incurable but when I heard he was on the wrecks i radioed him there’s always an outside chance you know just one in a million you I’m sorry I’ve got to run to get the ten o’clock plane hazel I I know it’s a long shot but we can hope goodbye the little children earrings what they come to seem for you this is the end don’t ask any question just listen to me we’re caught doctor Eagle Huff is coming here tonight to expose me and Wally you’ve got nothing to fear from any doctor who comes snooping around here let it have another egg there’s only one way out there’s only one way to save you and me and worry I’ve got to commit suicide in advance before that scientist gets to me I’ve got to be brown Oh shucks they think I can’t shut up I’ll leave a note to the city thanking everybody you you get rid of the news to the evening and then I’ll jump into the river somebody’s bound to see me jump in and you’ll be waiting in a rowboat to fish me out then I’ll swim underwater I’ll change my name and hide away for the rest of my life [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] another side hello honey this is earnest honey what kind of flowers do you like huh don’t worry honey they’re all the same price I’m getting them wholesale be right up on it [Music] hello get me the Morningstar quick who committed suicide read it to me dear New York City goodbye remember me is someone you made very happy I have enjoyed everything there’s only one thing left to enjoy your river it’s miles outside of my window it is easy to die when the heart is full of gratitude Kaizer play how we get our holiday the governor is agreed to Ilana jumping H the best it’s Flag she’s gone over to some other paper she’s gone into the river listen you weasel brain what are you trying to tell me Hayes old flag has committed suicide I don’t believe it Alice your sultan found her suicide note he saw her leave the hotel five minutes ago give me the mayor at once get the governor telling we want that holiday tomorrow you’re a fine pair of grave diggers you and the governor book hello hello mayor it’s as well as cooking the star for me [Music] [Music] [Music] okay [Applause] ah fine sweet trick you trying to play jumping up up here like some hopping everybody out of there which lets me do you give me your word of honor you won’t try that again or I’ll spank your little bit don’t you think you gotta know the fire that you’ve located me it all seems I’m fed up breaking the fresh air will do him good come on I want to talk closely cozy isn’t it I hang you still mad at me I’m mad at myself drooling away to you about the funeral that’s what drove you to it would it be really frank with you all if it wasn’t mad at all oh darling I’d love to sit in here with you for the rest of my lord will you marry me what you heard me will you marry me come on answer me but darling there’s no future in it don’t talk like I have what I don’t care about the future all these things are normalized by muscle don’t ask me please just kiss me once more let it go with that without without ruining your life so what the devil is the better the life than we’ve got a handful of perfect dollars that that’s all the luckiest ever get out of it just a handful of hours to save and remember then I’ll be there at the end sailor I’ll be there waving you goodbye it’d be the same as if you and I lived forever and you grow old in my heart okay you’ve seen anything of a young lady but he opted in the river yeah she’s right here all right him get the bull motor on the never mind the poor water her breathing’s fine drive us to her hotel puri on pain young venue Minnie oh oh thank you you no matter come in America you’re welcome now looks as if I finally get my ride on a fire engine dinghy yeah Jim Jim okay [Music] [Applause] gotta go go down bat out the story Oliver is having a cat fit you know I’ve been misjudging him when I told him you were safe and sound he choked up and he couldn’t talk for a minute hello I’ll see you in the morning have a good sleep good night yes that’s a big fun if you ever hate me remember this the biggest fire since Rome well hello Asia come in I was wondering whatever become of you oh he’s mr. stranger from Europe drop in for a little chat we’ve been discussing medicine pro and con excuse me I wanted to do shoot a hazel flag mister what did you say your name eagle hoofer dr. Emil egelhoffer dr. Holly seems to me I’ve heard of you somewhere doctor I received elrod you on the ship from the morning star miss flag which excited my professional as well as who main interests and I called on you at once ah that must be my colleagues tonight in general this is a young lady miss hazel Flair dr. Haas fight punch of track dr. Felix mayakovsky of Moscow doctor prescription by some of the lean [Music] there is no vestige no trace no single symptom no Guardium poisoning and this young woman mr. stone we had some trouble with that horse doctor under a month but we took the x-rays regardless are you sure you examine the right woman and not some some imposter oh the only imposter in this case mr. stone is this young woman we examined the young woman who is known as hazel Flagg here’s a full report of this examination here’s the x-ray pictures showing the entire skeleton of this young woman known as hazel flag and here mr. stone is my deal our fee and I will assure you not me or my colleagues will say one single mark of this to the newspaper goodbye you have nothing more to worry about mr. stone your troubles are over send me up for Sluggers from the circulation department a new lead for young hazel flag that’s gonna read that sourpuss of yours into a nosegay of smiles they’ll sit tight and tuck in your ears miss flag is getting married tonight and wish me luck old weasel brain it’s me listen I know it sounds hysterical marrying somebody with a few weeks to who live like honeymooning with a hearse at the front door but Oliver it’s on the square what’s the matter with you listen I want you to be best man up yes dude or something I came in for congratulation what’s up what’s eating you I am sitting here mr. Pope trying to figure some way out of the blackest disaster that has ever struck down an innocent man since the days of Judas Iscariot you’re mumbling about what disaster I am sitting here mr. cook toying with the idea of removing your heart and stuffing it like an oven hang on Oliver you’re going screwy I’ll get what you ruined me you’ll ruin the morning star you blackened forever the pen name of journalism you and that foul bunch of nature hazel Frank you got some excuse for those words ah well let’s have a quick excuse not a bowl missing down to the last healthy vertebrate intact free back rub your nose in it that’s hazel Flagg the biggest fake of the century a lying faking wits with a soul of an eel and the brain of a tarantula she hasn’t got anything wrong with her at all sweet heaven I can’t believe it it’s like some miracle to the wall doc will tell us quick as you can hazal flag and bring her to this office if you had to drag it through the street for my hair so help me Oliver if you hurt that kid I’ll knock you cold I’ll break you stay here and watch that maniac what every move he makes I want to drag in this office within half an hour you’re staying here no you’re not gonna hurt her shut up I’m marrying her get that under that monkey skull of yours I don’t care how we’ve been taken or what she’s done I’m in love with well that’s a beautiful thought I thank God on my knees that she’s a fraud enough akin isn’t going to die you’re on your knees thanking God are you when the whole town’s getting ready to laugh at this a little bit around the world don’t laugh I’ll do my own laughing back it’ll be worse than the French Revolution I hope I’m here when it breaks I want to make one speech to our dear readers before they carry our heads off on a fight when I tell them we’ve been their benefactors we gave him a chance to pretend that their phony hearts were dripping with the milk of human kindness what Sheila babe me max I want quiet in this office match why so I can think Hey look flags of Friday so when you start showing foul remember she was just a circulation stunt for you you use your like you’ve used every broken heart that’s fallen into your knapsack to enflame the defi public can help sell your papers that’s not about selling papers before I finish with that female Dracula she’ll know one thing but Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning for waves from the jet hello hello who no mo who who’s mo Levinsky that’s my brother you shut the moment to get that girl remember Omo listen what what’s that well what are you stalling for get her back here to the offices I ordered get the mush out of your mouth man and speak up he’s a dumb cluck mr. stone you better let me talk to him no just get him excited then he’s gone hello mo this is max what’s on your mind uh-huh uh-huh that’s a shame what is it I’m getting it go on ball I take it easy uh-huh uh-huh look mouth hole oh I will ooh I’ve taken up with mr. stone plan he wants to know where he can get a doctor this girl is sick who stick this girl has a flag it’s a lie listen max asked him what she’s sick with he told me he said it’s something like the DTS only the dope camp announcer Liz the nurse there just a minute hello moe this is max your brother max he’s getting rattled now don’t fly off the handle moe all I want to know is the noise Stan no not a noise noise like a touching that’s right uh-huh uh-huh give me that phone I’m kidding give me that phone I can you hears the noise miss rapidly out of the stone pneumonia it’s a lie I tell you temperature of 106 dying go back and take her temperature again I don’t trust that girl until I get a doctor no not dr. downer tell mo to throw that Vermont quack out of the room the minute he shows his face get me more pneumonia the finger of God if it’s true listen moe don’t let anybody leave that room until I get there Dead or Alive nobody leaves that room get me it’s like a pardon from the gallows but I’m trusting nobody this time I’m taking no chances hello hello get me dr. amyl egelhoffer of vienna wherever he is well try on the hotel listen Oliver I’m going over there and if you try to stop me so help me I’ll get you if it takes all my life nobody is going to stop you now you better the girl is sick your place is by her side Yes Doctor a male egelhoffer of the inner well try the medical center twice doctors beer garden no I don’t want to see the man take them away from me cut out the shenanigans really we haven’t got any time to lose I shut up for a minute listen to me Egelhoff was gonna be here in ten or fifteen minutes Ingo hopper dr. amyl Egelhoff er of Vienna I knew you were faking the matter baby we’re gonna risk me I couldn’t get away you know I put the thermometer under the hot water that’s not going to that now I keep your head and listen to me I shut up where’s the hot water if I didn’t know been a lot of fun playing me for the world’s price chump where’s the other thermometer well let’s cook king of the boobs the only genuine horse’s neck on the market shut up and listen to the greatest sucker in Christendom and listen hard eagle hopper is coming who’s gay what gang well he’s got a wagonload of sadness with him with real microscopes and Searchlight know what son can I give up get out of bed you won’t hate me so much if I’m behind bars listen my dying Swan this is no time to stop thank you you’re gonna have pneumonia you’re gonna have it good well you want me to start a federal wouldn’t catch come well I would take too long you got to raise your close to 160 quick we’ve got to have your gasping padding and covered with a cold sweat inside of five minutes huh Oh fight fight come on come on Delilah up with your dukes oh I can’t I’m sick of faking it alive take that ice pack off your head and fight no no what’s the news why cool of them any long because I love you because I’m going to marry you when I don’t spend my honeymoon hanging around sinks thing blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard come on stop dogging it you’ve got to be bathed in perspiration come on get going your little crook baby come on keep moving snake friends ribbons on you baby just a big yellow sign marked faith Mary come on you’re gonna have plenty of reason to hate me I’m gonna show you cards and spades and lying for the next 50 years I’m gonna pay you back for every lie you’re told I’m gonna flirt and lie and cheat and swindle right through to our golden wedding yeah yeah let me hit you just one all right come on that’s it come on keep coming faster faster come on faster faster I said keep swinging max ago that’s fine that’s fine now listen to me and listen carefully when you come to I want you to remember what I’m saying you mean come to I mean when you’ll regain consciousness I want you to switch thermometers but the hot one in your mouth you get me yeah yeah let me suck you just once just once on the John I don’t care what happened come on just heard the elevator door they’re coming don’t forget about the thermometer say goodnight to Papa no you put up a nice fight Wally you mean to say you saw the whole thing from the beginning mr. cook you mean to say you stood there and let me beat up a defenseless woman I did mr. cook where’s your sense of chivalry my chivalry aren’t you just a trifle confused mr. cook you dig it that’s entirely different I love her [Music] you can cool off now hazel the jig is up what the jig is up I’m sorry but you could put one over on Oliver Stoney well I guess I’d still know a fake when I keep out of this Wally yes dear displaying I wonder if you were aware of the traditions of a great newspaper do you realize what it means to those who carry aloft the torch of journalism from the highest editor to the lowest office boy the lifeblood of a newspaper miss flag is its integrity am i right Wally word for word I wrote that speech for you 10 years ago at the Cleveland Convention you remember talk all you want I’ve made up my mind you’re what I’m true what do you mean you are they don’t hit me on the jaw and push me in rivers but you can’t confess do you realize that out there are some of the most important citizens of this town all of those people are out there by special invitation from the morning star and why to pass on to the people of New York to the people of the world your last words for instance this is no time for sarcasm Wally you got me into this you get me out use your brain mine stunned where’s dr. downer where’s that weasel hearted medical he’s been on a tooth we could use him we could throw him to the wolves just when we need him he isn’t here I got an idea we can bury it like they’re doing India you know like the Yogi’s we can stick a tube down for debris through and dig her up in the morning with no harm done [Laughter] and what’s more you a New York can go ah mr. stone is this true yes this is terrible terrible I endorsed this thing I sponsored this girl I gave her the key to the city and just as an election was coming up here’s your key I won’t be needing it anymore miss grace I represent 100,000 young matrons we switched the whole study course from the menace of communism to the inspiration of his the plague miss Flegg the girlfriends of the forest have just organized a haze of flag unit with me as chief Ranger already we had 4000 members if you persist in floating your recovery in this flagrant manner the trees of America will be without girlfriends ladies and gentlemen the morning star keeps faith with its readers this thing must not oh I wish I really could die go someplace by myself [Music] [Music] happy mystical ecstatic mrs. cook I know what you’re gonna say you think I’m hazel Flay well I’m getting sick and tired of people mistaking me for that fake fake young woman how dare you speak of hazel flag as a fake oh dear you slur the memory of one of the most gallant girls that have a lived despite you and your kind the world will never forget hazel flag that’s what I’m afraid of don’t worry baby two months from now they want a who hazel flag was they’ll find another elephant darling you’re forgetting that everybody in New York knew me and love me love me for my courage my brave smile in the face of what after all I was a pretty important person just a flash in the pan of Manhattan they were beginning to get pretty impatient at the way you were dragging this thing out that’s a lion you know why right now millions of people are crying just thinking about me how’d you get wise to yourself hazel you were just another freak like the bearded lady Jojo the dog-faced the hotel is flooded [Music]

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