Laughter is the Best Medicine

Old Jews Listening To Jokes

Granddaughter: Welcome to Old
Jews Listening to Jokes. Harry: All right.
Granddaughter: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
Because they are worth it! [laughter]
Cutie: I like that. Granddaughter: Why do Jewish men die before
their wives? Because they want to.
[laughter] Cutie: Oh, that is adorable.
Granddaughter: Why do not Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
[laughter] Harry: Hey, these are good jokes.
Granddaughter: They are all from Henny Youngman. Do you remember him?
Cutie: Right. Granddaughter: Yeah.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedics said, ‘d2Are you comfortable? and the
man said, ‘d2I make a good living. Harry: I could what?
Cutie: I make a good living. That is an old one.
Granddaughter: Two Jewish women in New York: one said, Do you see what is going on
in Poland? and the other says, I live in the back; I do not see anything.
[laughter] A Jewish grandma is at the Florida coast with
her little grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and it
washes him out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, they bring him back to shore, and
the paramedics work on him for a long time pumping the water out and then revive him.
They turn to the Jewish grandma and say, We saved your grandson! and the Jewish grandma
said, He had a hat. Harry: He had a?
Cutie: A hat. [laughter].
Granddaughter: A woman says to a man, I have not seen you around here. Yes,
I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So she says, you are single.
[Laughter] Granddaughter: I have been in love with the
same woman for 49 years, and if my wife ever finds out, she will kill me.
Cutie: That is an oldie. Harry: Where do you get these?
Granddaughter: Out of the mists of time. [laughter]
Granddaughter: Someone stole all of my credit cards, but I will not be reporting it; the
thief spends less than my wife did! [laughter]
Granddaughter: This one is another wife joke.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
[laughter] Granddaughter: My wife will buy anything
marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. [laughter]
Harry: I like that Granddaughter: My wife is on a new diet of
coconuts and bananas. She has not lost any weight but now she can climb a tree.
[laughter] Ok, one more.
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French and even the waiter was amazed- it was a Chinese
restaurant. [laughter]
Cutie: Really cute. Those are from Henny Youngman?
Granddaughter: Henny Youngman. Do you like him? Thumbs up?
Cutie: Very good. Very good. Granddaughter: Ok. And that concludes
this addition of Old Jews Listening to Jokes. Closed captioning by: Yael R. Vinciguerra

9 thoughts on “Old Jews Listening To Jokes

  1. No, thank goodness, the OGs have not had such suffering in their lives. Their people left Europe in the 19th century. Which wasn't so great then, either, of course!

  2. They are very sweet!! Have you ever heard of an old Jewish comedy album called "When you're in love the whole world is Jewish?"

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *