Granddaughter: Welcome to Old
Jews Listening to Jokes. Harry: All right.
Granddaughter: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
Because they are worth it! [laughter]
Cutie: I like that. Granddaughter: Why do Jewish men die before
their wives? Because they want to.
[laughter] Cutie: Oh, that is adorable.
Granddaughter: Why do not Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
[laughter] Harry: Hey, these are good jokes.
Granddaughter: They are all from Henny Youngman. Do you remember him?
Cutie: Right. Granddaughter: Yeah.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedics said, ‘d2Are you comfortable? and the
man said, ‘d2I make a good living. Harry: I could what?
Cutie: I make a good living. That is an old one.
Granddaughter: Two Jewish women in New York: one said, Do you see what is going on
in Poland? and the other says, I live in the back; I do not see anything.
[laughter] A Jewish grandma is at the Florida coast with
her little grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and it
washes him out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, they bring him back to shore, and
the paramedics work on him for a long time pumping the water out and then revive him.
They turn to the Jewish grandma and say, We saved your grandson! and the Jewish grandma
said, He had a hat. Harry: He had a?
Cutie: A hat. [laughter].
Granddaughter: A woman says to a man, I have not seen you around here. Yes,
I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So she says, you are single.
[Laughter] Granddaughter: I have been in love with the
same woman for 49 years, and if my wife ever finds out, she will kill me.
Cutie: That is an oldie. Harry: Where do you get these?
Granddaughter: Out of the mists of time. [laughter]
Granddaughter: Someone stole all of my credit cards, but I will not be reporting it; the
thief spends less than my wife did! [laughter]
Granddaughter: This one is another wife joke.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
[laughter] Granddaughter: My wife will buy anything
marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. [laughter]
Harry: I like that Granddaughter: My wife is on a new diet of
coconuts and bananas. She has not lost any weight but now she can climb a tree.
[laughter] Ok, one more.
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French and even the waiter was amazed- it was a Chinese
Cutie: Really cute. Those are from Henny Youngman?
Granddaughter: Henny Youngman. Do you like him? Thumbs up?
Cutie: Very good. Very good. Granddaughter: Ok. And that concludes
this addition of Old Jews Listening to Jokes. Closed captioning by: Yael R. Vinciguerra