Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Palestinian and Israeli jokes #1


Omar
Ramallah There were three guys in the desert Someone from Hamas
Someone from Fatah and a Jew in the desert Each one of them found a magic lamp They rubbed the lamp The person from Hamas got the genie and the genie
asked “what’s your wish?” The person from Hamas said “I want no one from Fatah
on the face of the planet” He went to the person from Fatah
He said “What’s your wish?” So the person from Fatah
rubbed the lamp and the genie asked him
what’s your wish? “I want no one from Hamas
on the face of the planet” He went to the Jew The Jew had his genie the genie asked
“What’s your wish?” and the Jew said “Nothing” “All I want from you is” “that those two guys
get their wishes” “and then bring me a shisha” This is our current situation we are fighting each other and forgot we have an occupation There is a huge traffic jam on the highway A guy is sitting half an hour in his car Nothining is moving
Suddenly another guy walks up so the driver asks the guy
what’s going on He said “terrorists” “have kidnapped Bibi Netanyahu” Oded
Tel Aviv “and they say that in an hour
if they don’t receive $2 million” “they will burn him to death” “they will pour gas on him and burn him” “So are you willing to make a donation?” The driver says
“Yes, how much do you need?” The guys says “300 litres”

48 thoughts on “Palestinian and Israeli jokes #1

  1. Need to stop using the term 'palestinian'. They're Arabs. It's like talking about Unicorns as if they were real. Let's use the correct terminology.

  2. I got a joke for you guys ones there's a Palestinian sheikh (Muslim scholar ) and a rabbi they hate each other so every Saturday the sheikh claim up the tree in the middle of the road waiting for the rabbi to pass, so the sheikh says to the rabbi, "rabbi" calls his name, so the rabbi says "Yes" he answers, so the sheikh says, "screw you Jew", every Saturday the sheikh do the same thing for 4 straight weeks, so the rabbi got annoyed and frustrated, so he went to other rabbi's to seek help, so he went and told he's story to the other rabbi's, so one of the other rabbi's told him, that's easy on Friday go claim on the same tree when you see the sheikh walking call his name when he answers curse at him, so he smiled and said I will do it, so one Friday the rabbi claimed on the tree waiting for the sheikh to come, when he came the rabbi said "sheikh", so sheikh said "who's there", so the rabbi answered "rabbi" so the sheikh said " screw you jew" ๐Ÿ˜

  3. i know a better one:
    What does a Jewish pedophile say to a group of children? "I have candy at home. Wanna buy some?"

  4. Both sides need to realise that inflammatory statements and condescension doesn't equal to a debate and a conversation. The Jewish Israelis need to realise that the foolish "Land of Israel" idea will destroy the basis of Israel as a Jewish majority state. The Palestinians need to realise that you have lost the war! 1948 has been and gone, you have to make peace for your own sakes. However if the Semites (Jews and Palestinians) insist on killing each other in the un-Holy Land, then please leave the rest of the world out of it!

  5. The last part, the "Israeli joke" (more like an ultra-leftist joke), basically proves what I've been saying all along: Corey is a far-left propagandist. This is for all you fools who kept whining when I rightly stated this guy is extremely biased and trying to distort reality (which is pathetic, really).

  6. ื”ืฉื ืื” ืฉืœ ืฉืžืืœื ื™ื ืœื‘ื™ื‘ื™ ืžืขื‘ื™ืจื” ืื•ืชื ืขืœ ื“ืขืชื. ื›ืฉื”ื™ื” ื’ืœ ื”ื”ืฆืชื•ืช ืฉื ื’ืจืžื• ืขืœ ื™ื“ื™ ืขืจื‘ื™ื ื”ื‘ื“ื™ื—ื” ืฉืจืฆื” ื‘ื™ื ื™ื”ื ื‘ื™ื˜ืื” ืืช ืฉืžื—ืชื ืœืื™ื“ ื‘ื›ืš ืฉื›ื‘ื™ื›ื•ืœ ื”ืจื™ืฆื• ืืช ื”ื™ื“ื™ืขื” ืขืœ ื”ืฉืจื™ืคื•ืช ื•ื”ืฆืขื” ืœืขื–ื•ืจ – ื•ื”"ืคืื ืฅืณ" ื”ื™ื” ืฉื”ืขื–ืจื” ืชื‘ื•ื ื‘ื“ืžื•ืช ืžื˜ื•ืกื™ื ืฉื™ื–ืจืจื• ื‘ื ื–ื™ืŸ ืขืœ ื”ืฉืจื™ืคื•ืช. ื˜ื™ืคืฉ ื”ืฉืžืืœื ื™ ื”ื–ื”, ื”ื•ื ื—ื ืžื‘ื™ืŸ ืฉื‘ืฉื‘ื™ืœ ื”ืขืจื‘ื™ ื”ื•ื ื•ื ืชื ื™ื”ื• ื–ื” ืื•ืชื• ื”ื“ื‘ืจ. ืžืจื—ืžืช ืขืœื™ื•.

  7. wth man.. both jokes were so bad… the second one was not even funny.. even the old man didnt laugh… downvote ๐Ÿ™

  8. 1-I went to a Palestinian home improvement expo
    and all I saw were Israelis on American paid for
    John Deers bulldozing down houses of the indigenous
    Palestinian Arabs.

    2-Question,
    How old should a Jewish boy be before he gets his first
    blow-job?
    Answer
    '8 days' screamed the pedophile Jewish mohel

    3- Question
    What is the Israeli answer for 'planned parenthood' and
    bullet conservation concerning
    pregnant Palestinian women?
    Answer
    Kill her. One shot, two kills
    (we have access to you evil cunts wearing the shirt)

    If holy and chosen means depraved and delusional and barbaric ritualist,
    well then yes,
    you Jews are holy and chosen

  9. Typical Arab mentality – you wish for other people's death. I heard many jokes in my life about people being asked to make wishes. I never heard that the wishes were to exterminate a whole group of people.

  10. Palestinian and Israeli joke
    A Zionist mother accompanies her son to the recruitment office of the Jewish colonial army before they conquered the rest of Historic Palestine. Before the son is recruited into the IDF she slips him a few sandwiches and tell her son to "Kill the Arab, and don't forget to eat" The mum adds that don't forget to rest properly between killing the Arabs. The son hesitates and replies "what if the Arabs kills me?". The mother gapes at her son and says " And why should he kill you? You've done nothing to him".

  11. Not belly shaking, but amusing and both were very very cynical but what do you expect considering the situation. Decent effort. Maybe a good laugh is what everyone needs

  12. at least the Palestinian guy was philosophical, the Jewish guy was awful.
    Not saying that's the norm, you only got 2 guys to answer.

  13. i am from israel and i tell you bibi if he had more balls would make it so you americans would talk about gaza in history lessons

  14. What's the difference between an Israeli woman and a Palestinian woman?

    A Palestinian woman has fake jewelry and real orgasms.

  15. The Israelis and Arabs realized that if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: A duel of two, like David and Goliath. This would be a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

    The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies.. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.

    After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty, ferocious beast. When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
    Everyone at the dog-fight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. The bookies all took one look and predicted the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

    The cages were opened. The Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leaped from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer-dog's tail floating to the ground. The stunned crowd of international observers, bookie s and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

    The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweillers and Siberian wolves. They developed an incredible killing machine of a dog".

    The Israeli General replied. "Well, for 5 years we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills, California, working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

  16. I'm willing to donate donate additional 300 liter, as long as the terrorist will finaly get it done. I mean, come on, it's been two years by now and there is still a traffic jam in Ayalon.

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