Laughter is the Best Medicine

Peter Prins. Giving Normal People The Light

– Thank you guys, how you guys doing? I wanna give normal people the light. You know when you’re standing
in line at the supermarket and somebody’s talking
your ear off, you know, and won’t shut up, just keep going, and be like, “get off the
stage, sir. Your time’s over”. You know, or your mom. Especially during the holidays, your mom telling you
how to live your life. Telling you you shouldn’t be a comedian. “Wrap it up, mom. Wrap it up.
Other people have dreams too”. When I’m not doing comedy,
I like to make music. ‘Cause I enjoy having
two things in my life that make me no money. It’s important, it’s very
important. You can get my tracks. I have songs and jokes in Itunes, and you can buy them, and
for each track you buy, I’ll make 70 cents. Yeah, so I publish myself, you know? Or you can stream them on
Spotify 175 times each. I make .004 cents per stream. All I’m asking guys, stream
one of my three minute comedy bits on an infinite loop for
nine hours straight in Spotify and I’ll make 70 cents. That’s all I’m asking, guys. Yeah, it’s internet economy. You kinda gotta weird, you know, you know, Columbus Day is
now Indigenous Peoples’ Day in L.A. County, did you know that? ‘Cause no one like Columbus, right? Do you guys like Columbus? No? Makes sense, ’cause Columbus
was really one of the first tech entrepreneurs. He was. With a small venture capital investment, and three ships, the Nina,
the Pinta, the Santa Maria, he disrupted the entire
golden cotton industries. Gentrified the New World so the natives could not afford to live there, and then made them all
drive Uber until they died. ‘Cause nothing ever changes, guys. Nothing ever changes. Yeah. Nothing ever changes. It’s a good joke, isn’t it? Yeah. You know, I went
to Mcdonalds recently, and I went through the drive thru, and I bought a soda, and then
I sat in the parking lot. I drank it, and then I was like, “I want a refill”, ’cause
you know, soda right? So I walk in and get more soda, and then the soda fountain doesn’t work, and I move to the next
one, and it doesn’t work, and then I look over and the
lady at the counter looks at me and screams “That’s because
you come from outside!” And I’m like, “Yeah, so?” And she’s like, “Did you buy that soda?” I’m like, “Yeah, I bought that soda”. And she reaches down and
suddenly the soda fountain works. Fuck Mcdonalds, they
have a soda kill switch. Yeah. Bud duh duh duh
duh, I ain’t lovin it. That’s all I’m saying. All I’m saying. I gotta get my soda, man. Who likes to drink soda? (whistles) Okay, some people do. It’s good to see that there’s a room full of unhealthy people in here. Has anyone here ever shit
in a bag in a car in L.A.? (laughs) No? I have, twice. Because sometimes you gotta go, in a land full of gridlock traffic
and no public bathrooms. You know, and I’ve worked out a system. The most important thing is you shouldn’t be driving
while doing that; number one. Number two; you can’t sit in your seat while doing the number two. You’re like, “how does he get it done?” It’s done like this, guys. What you do, What you do is you turn around and you sit on your seat like this. Now you’re at the perfect 45 degree angle. That’s what you need to be. And you need to have one of these. One of these reusable bags. This one says “Do the 99!” Yeah, these are perfect
for what you need to do. So you get the 45 degree angle. You grab the bag like so, and you hold it like this on your ass. And you get your business done. Now it’s important that
you have one of these bags because they’re strong enough. For only 10 cents, they
can hold a lot of shit. They’re the perfect shit bag for 10 cents, that’s what I’m saying guys. So now you know how to shit
in a bag in a car in L.A. Pretty good, huh? (laughs) You didn’t see that coming, did you?

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