Laughter is the Best Medicine

Pointless Celebrities – S09E02 “Comedy” (19 Mar 2016)

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I’m Alexander Armstrong and welcome to this special comedy edition of Pointless Celebrities, the show where the more obscure your knowledge, the better your chances of winning. Let’s meet today’s Pointless celebrities. APPLAUSE – Couple number one.
– My name’s Simon Day and I am a retired jockey. LAUGHTER I’m Paul Chowdhry and I’m a stand-up comedian. APPLAUSE – Couple number two.
– Hi, I’m Emily Atack and I’m an actress. And I’m Ian Lavender and I’m best known, I suppose, for playing Private Pike in Dad’s Army. APPLAUSE Couple number three. Hello, I’m Kerry Godliman and I’m a stand-up comedian and actor. And I’m Graeme Garden and I’m a sit-down comedian. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE And finally, couple number four. I’m Steve Pemberton and I’m an actor and a writer. And I’m Bob Mortimer. I’m a comedian and a fantasy dancer. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Thanks very much, all of you. We’ll find out more about you throughout the show. So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce. It seems like only minutes ago that we were talking into tin-can phones, scraping our knees and wrestling on the floor. That’s because it WAS only minutes ago in his dressing room. It’s my Pointless friend Richard. – Hiya. Evening, everybody. Evening.
– APPLAUSE – Good evening to you.
– And to you. – This is going to be fun, isn’t it?
– I think so. We’ve got some legends of the game, some legends of Pointless on the show. We’ve got two head-to-headers here. Ian Lavender is back. – You’re a legend, Ian.
– A leg-end, yes. – 1 point away from the jackpot round last time, weren’t you?
– Yes, indeed. Graeme garden is back. Also been in the head-to-head. Very impressive. – But on podium four, Steve Pemberton.
– Ah. Not only has he been in a head-to-head, he’s been in a jackpot round. Not only has he been in a jackpot round, he WON the jackpot as well. He’s come back with Bob Mortimer. Steve has a history of winning, so if he doesn’t win this time, Bob, it’s on you. – On you.
– Yeah.
– It should be a cracker. Round One might be a little bit too high-octane for people. It’s a proper, real showbiz round. It’s going to be quite something. – OK.
– It really is, though.
– OK, Round One. If you’re watching with elderly relatives and, let’s face it, you are – it’s Pointless celebrities – please… LAUGHTER ..please make sure they’re OK during Round One. Just keep an eye on them. Forewarned is forearmed. Thank you. All of today’s questions were put to 100 people before the show. Our contestants are looking for those pointless answers, ones that none of our 100 people gave. Find one of those, we will add £250 to the jackpot. As today’s show is a celebrity special, each celebrity is playing for a nominated charity, so we’re going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are. APPLAUSE If everyone’s ready, let’s play Pointless. All you have to remember is this. The pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated and there’s no conferring until we get to the head-to-head. Our first category this evening is… Can you decide in your pairs who’s going first, who’s going second? Whoever’s going first, please step up to the podium. OK, the question concerns… – There we go. Herbivores. Richard.
– I told you it was exciting. On each pass, we’ll show you seven clues to different herbivores – animals that only eat plants. Give us the most obscure answer you can. There’s seven on each board, fourteen to have a go at home. We’re also giving you the first initial of that herbivore. – It’s too easy!
– As if it weren’t exciting enough. – You haven’t seen it yet.
– I haven’t. – There are some obscure herbivores out there.
– Thanks, Richard. Here is our first board of seven clues to herbivores. ..Curved ivory tusks. Hmm… E. LAUGHTER ..A person who tends and rears it is called a shepherd. LAUGHTER You know, some people say we dumb down these celebrity ones. That one begins with a S. LAUGHTER ..Endemic to the Philippine island of Mindoro. T. – There we go. Not laughing now.
– Yeah, there you go. I’ll read those again. – There we go. Simon, welcome back to Pointless.
– Thank you very much. – This is fun, isn’t it?
– Yes, this is good fun. It’s great to have you here. When you were growing up, who was your comic inspiration? – Who did you look at and think, “Da”?
– Tommy Cooper, I used to like.
– Yeah. Freddie Starr, believe it or not. Morecambe and Wise and Monty Python, of course. – That’s quite a few.
– That’s good though. A broad range. That’s fantastic. What are you up to at the moment? Writing a third series of Brian Pern, – the popular spoof music documentary.
– Which is on BBC4. – It’s very funny, the Brian Pern stuff.
– When’s it coming out? – Sometime in the autumn.
– Sometime THIS autumn.
– Yes. Simon, what are you going to go for? Do I have to have the animal name? I can’t just say the initial? That’s a clue. LAUGHTER I’m going to go for the hardest of all the easy ones and I hope I’m right. The bovine animal found in Tibet is a yak. A yak, says Simon. A yak. I’m not even going to tell you what I thought that was. A yak, OK. Rhymes with “jetty”. LAUGHTER Well, you know. Let’s see if yak’s right and how many of our 100 people said yak. – Oh!
– 70. APPLAUSE – 70. That’s not bad. That’s not bad.
– Maybe the lowest scorer… I think there’s some quite obvious ones up there. I think yak’s not a terrible answer, is it? Closely related to the bison. – Thank you. Now, Emily.
– Hi.
– Welcome to Pointless.
– Hello. Not just from a fine dynasty of actors and musicians but Pointless-winning actors and musicians. Your uncle, Ted Robbins, has been on, won the trophy. – Yeah, he won, didn’t he?
– Yeah. And your mum, Kate, was on. Won. – The pressure.
– Yeah.
– Yeah.
– That’s a… But seriously, what a huge dynasty that is. It includes Paul McCartney, for heaven’s sake. – Yes, he’s my grandma’s first cousin.
– Wow.
– Yeah, she grew up with him. She taught him how to play the ukelele. I didn’t know what that was until I found out that story. – Emily, you’ve been working on the new Dad’s Army film.
– I have. – It was great fun and Ian was, obviously, involved as well.
– Just. – It was lovely.
– Fantastic. What are you going to go for on our board? Oh, I want to go for something difficult but, oh… I want to say that the tall African mammal is the giraffe. – Giraffe, says Emily.
– Yes, sorry. Let’s see how many of our 100 people said giraffe. It’s right. – 79. There we are.
– Oh…
– Not bad. Not bad at all. 79 for giraffe. – Thank you.
– It has the head of a camel or a head shaped like a camel. It doesn’t have the head OF a camel. And spots like a leopard, – which is where camelopard comes from.
– Camelopard. Brilliant. – Thank you very much. Graeme, welcome back to Pointless.
– Thank you. Always a pleasure to have you here. How many episodes of I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue do you do a year? – We do 12 episodes a year.
– 12. And you write those? – Well, we make them up as we go along.
– But you structure them.
– Yes. And when you’re not doing that, what other things do you like doing? What other activities do you like to pursue? – Recovering, basically.
– Yes. But occasionally I do a bit of fishing, a lot of reading. You organise the Slapstick Festival in Bristol. Indeed, the Slapstick Festival in Bristol, which shows old films with an orchestra accompanying them and it’s a great time, yeah. Wonderful. Graeme, what would you like to go for? I’ll leave the pointless answer to the other team and I’ll say that Versailles was the home to a rhinoceros. A rhinoceros, says Graeme. Let’s see if that’s right and how many of our 100 people agree. It is right. 70’s our low score. 75. Good grouping. Look at that. APPLAUSE No-one really breaking away – from the pack, are they?
– No. – A group of rhinoceroses are a crash of rhinoceroses.
– A crash?
– Yep. – That’s the collective noun.
– I can see why.
– Yeah.
– Yeah. – Now, Steve.
– Hello.
– A very warm welcome back to Pointless. How many times a year do people ask you if the League Of Gentlemen are getting back together? – Very, very often.
– Yeah.
– It’s one of those… We keep trying to dodge it and put it off but I think it’s inevitable. Well, you sort of do it anyway. Mapp and Lucia had you and Mark together. – Absolutely.
– Inside No 9 has you and Reece. Yeah, we work in pairs but the full team has never reformed, – like The Avengers, as yet.
– Oh, but they will!
– They will. But Jeremy, does he get involved as well? Yeah, there were four of us from the beginning and it’s brilliant when you’ve been through all the same things. We started going to Edinburgh festival and we’ve all had the same sort of journey and it’s brilliant to see we’re all doing very different, varied things. Absolutely, and very successfully, too. Steve, this board’s all yours. – Do you want to go through it and fill in all our blanks for us?
– Yeah. Well, E is… I feel like I’m in primary school. E is for elephant. LAUGHTER S is for sheep and H is for horse. If I had to guess at the T, I’d probably say tapir, but I’m not confident enough, cos I can’t believe a tapir’s any kind of a buffalo, so I’ll just say horse for the adult stallion. Horse. Yeah, horse. – I think that’s probably the one you have to go for, isn’t it?
– Yeah. Let’s see how many of our 100 people agree with horse. – Ooh!
– Look at that! Whoa, 96. What were the other four thinking of? LAUGHTER 96 for horse. Yeah, I can’t believe you went all the way through the board as well. Very impressive. Yeah, elephant, you’re quite right. E for elephant. That would have scored you 91. That’s nine people going, “Hmm, you say a long trunk – that sounds like an elephant “but they don’t have curved tusks, do they? “I don’t know. I know what it is. It’s an emu.” Even better, S is for sheep. – That would have scored you 86.
– Really? LAUGHTER Wow. I guess when they saw “ruminant”, they might have just switched doff. But a person who tends and rears them is called a shepherd. I mean, the word “sheep” is pretty much in that word, isn’t it? It’s pretty much there. There are six very obvious answers on this board and one virtually impossible one. The small wild buffalo. – It scored 7 points, unbelievably, and it’s a tamaraw.
– Tamaraw? – Have you ever heard of that?
– Never.
– Hold on. – 14 people can’t name a sheep…
– LAUGHTER ..and yet seven people are going, “A small, wild buffalo. Oh, Mindoro – that’s a tamaraw.” I wonder if anybody got tamaraw right and sheep wrong. That would be quite a brain. That’s a brain I would like to meet. – Isn’t it? Well, that’s a…
– That’s an unusual board.
– An unusual board. – Isn’t it?
– What a cocktail. Thank you. We’re halfway through the round. Let’s look at the scores. – I think the best score was yours, well done, Simon.
– Thank you. Yak served you well. Then we travel up to 75, where we find Graeme and Kerry. 79, Emily and Ian, and then 96, Steve and Bob. But, Bob, you get first dive into the next board, – so you’ll find a low-scoring one, I hope.
– OK.
– Best of luck. Can the second players please step up to the podium? Let’s put seven more clues up on the board and here they are. Seven more herbivores. I’ll read all those again. Bob, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here. You started off as a solicitor. You were a man of the law. Yes, I started off as a solicitor when I was five. – LAUGHTER
– That was my very first job. Yes, I was a solicitor until I was 30. – And then suddenly into comedy.
– And then into comedy, yeah.
– And how? I went to see a comedy show which was called Vic Reeves Big Night Out and joined the troop, as it were. Did you get called up on stage and never left? That’s how it kind of feels like and I’m still trying to escape. – It’s got that vibe.
– Never, never escape. – House Of Fools, that’s been a huge hit recently.
– Yeah. – Will you be doing more?
– I’ve no idea. Probably not. That’s how it feels but I can’t give you a definitive answer. So, you’ve just got to wait for them to acknowledge what a hit it was. – Wait and find out, yeah.
– Bob, what would you like to go for? You’re our high-scorers at the moment. Um, I think I’ll go for the US state of Oregon sharing its nickname – with the rodent beaver.
– Surely? No red line for you, as you’re the high-scorers, but let’s see how many of our 100 said beaver. It’s right. See, that’s a brilliant answer. Best answer of the round. Well done. Bob, 51. Your total’s 147. – APPLAUSE
– Well played, Bob. It comes to something when a score of 51, we’ve gone, “Finally, now we’re in business.” – The heaviest ever beaver, Bob, weighed over 6st.
– No!
– Wow.
– 6st? – 6st, yeah.
– A lot of trees, isn’t it?
– It is, yeah. Thank you very much. Kerry. – Hello.
– Welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you here. Did you have to audition for Derek or did Ricky come and find you? He came and found me and then auditioned me, so a bit of both. You did audition. – Yes, but he didn’t audition anyone else.
– I see. He sort of read with you to make sure he was right. Yes, I’d done bits of other things with him and he stores people in a file in his head and he stored me there and got me back. – Clever.
– Mmm. The lovely thing I know about filming with Ricky – is he stops after lunch, doesn’t he?
– You finish about 3-ish. That’s the best thing in the world. – Unheard of.
– I know!
– Spoils you for all other jobs. I don’t know. Kerry, you’re on 75. 147’s the high score, behind you there. – 71 or less gets you into the next round.
– OK. I will go for the gorilla one. The silverback one. Gorilla. Here’s your red line. Get below that and you are through to the next round. How many people said gorilla? It’s right. Very well done. You needed 71, you got 71. APPLAUSE That is perfect. 146 is your total. That’s great. Well played, Kerry. – The Latin name for gorilla is Gorilla gorilla.
– Gorilla gorilla. – Nice, isn’t it?
– It’s great. Ian, welcome back.
– Thank you. Very good to have you here. When you were making Dad’s Army, how far into it were you before you realised what a major deal it was? Probably until the fourth series. People started going, “Ooh”, across the Co-op and things. And the film, keenly, keenly anticipated. – I think it comes out early next year, doesn’t it?
– Next February. – What’s your involvement been?
– I can’t tell you exactly what happens, but it is fitting that I play the part. That’s all I can say, otherwise it gives away part of the end. – Fantastic. Ian, you’re on 79.
– Mmm. The high-scorers, at the moment, are Bob and Steve on 147. 67 is your target. Uh…hmmm… I shall go for llama at the top – South American camelid. Llama, says Ian. Here’s your red line. If you can get beyond that red line, you’re into the next round. Let’s see how many of our 100 people said llama. Ooh, look at that. 69. APPLAUSE 69. Bob and Steve are through to the next round. – You’re on 148.
– Goodness me, look at those scores – 146, 147, 148.
– Mmm. It’s like the world’s most surreal game of snooker. LAUGHTER Paul, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here. What was your route into comedy, Paul? Just unemployment – basically led me to a comedy club and started doing stand-up. But also, you’ve been in films. You’ve been in some really quite serious films, haven’t you? – Serious and mysterious thespian.
– Tell us who you’ve acted alongside. Martin Freeman, that was the last film I did. His next film was actually The Hobbit, so normally I work with someone before they become a star. I’ve done a few films. – Yes, the list goes on.
– LAUGHTER There we are. Paul, this board’s all yours. Do you want to talk us through it and fill in all our blanks then select which one you want to answer? – Yeah, I’ll go for…
– You have to score 77.
– What’s the most unlikely? I’m going to go for K, koala. Koala. K, koala. Let’s see if that’s right and how many of our 100 people said koala. – There’s your red line.
– 100.
– It’s right. – AUDIENCE:
– Ooh!
– 82. 82 for koala, takes your total up to 152. APPLAUSE – Should have gone for the rabbit.
– Yeah, usually called koala bears, – but they’re not bears at all.
– No. – They are horses.
– LAUGHTER They are not bears. There’s one answer that would have seen you through, Paul, and that is GP, guinea pig, which would have scored you 69 points. The mammal of the family Leporidae is, of course, a rabbit. That would have scored too many points as well. Would have scored you 84. What do you think…? Well, do you know the answer to the last one? – I have a hunch.
– It’s zebra.
– Yes. – What do you think zebra scored?
– Um… – 99.
– Yeah, I think 99 would be right. – Even more. 100 for zebra.
– Look at that.
– 100 points.
– Wow. That’s 14 people who know a zebra before they know a sheep. LAUGHTER Thanks very much, Richard. At the end of our first round, the pair heading home with their high score of 152… It was so close and that grouping is… I’m not sure we’ve ever had a grouping like that. Really close. Someone had to be our high-scorers, though, – and, Simon and Paul, I’m sorry to say it’s you.
– Oh. Paul, you’ve only just made your first utterance on the show. Please come back and play again. Paul and Simon, everyone. APPLAUSE But for the remaining three pairs, it’s now time for Round Two. APPLAUSE Suddenly we’re down to three pairs. At the end of this round, we’ll be down to two pairs. Can’t call which pair’s going to be leaving. Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two this evening is… Musical Theatre. Can you decide in your pairs who’s going first, who’s going second? Whoever’s going first, please step up to the podium. OK, let’s find out what the question is. Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name… Musicals nominated for an Olivier Award since 2000, Richard. Looking for the name of any musical that’s been nominated for either Best New Musical, Best Musical Revival or the Audience Award in the Olivier Awards, since 2000, up to and including the 2015 ceremony. Over 100 musicals on this list, so all the big classics of recent years – and lots of other obscure ones too.
– Very good indeed. Now then, Ian, this should be perfect for you, shouldn’t it? I face assassination by my wife when I get home, she being musicals through and through. I was in a musical at the National Theatre. Caroline, Or Change. – Caroline, Or Change.
– Yeah. Let’s see if it’s right and how many of our 100 people said it. It’s right. – It’s right, Ian.
– Ooh. That might go a long way down, I think. And it does. It’s a pointless answer! Very well done indeed! That adds £250 to today’s jackpot, takes the total up to £2,750. It scores you nothing and earns you our eternal respect, Ian. – I WAS in it.
– Still, that’s great. That’s the way to get a pointless answer. Not only nominated for Best New Musical, but won Best New Musical in 2007. Caroline, Or Change. Thanks very much, Richard. Kerry. – Hello.
– Kerry, how are we feeling about Musical Theatre? Well, now that THAT has been achieved, what’s the point? LAUGHTER – Um… Wicked.
– Wicked. Wicked, says Kerry. Let’s see if it’s right and how many of our 100 people said Wicked. It’s right. It’s a good answer, Kerry. Well done. 22. – APPLAUSE
– It’s not 0, though, is it? That won the Audience Award for Most Popular Show in 2010 and 2015. It’s been in the West End since 2006. People go and see Wicked 50 times, don’t they? – They do. It’s like Caroline, Or Change.
– Yeah. – People will just see it again and again.
– And again, yeah. Thank you very much, Richard. Steve. Yeah, when my mum comes to town, I take her to see all the latest shows but she likes to see all the big ones and they’ll be high-scoring. I was, like Ian, in a musical. I can’t remember if it was nominated for the award. Um, I’m going to say it anyway, cos it’s very obscure, so I hope it was nominated. It was a great show. The Drowsy Chaperone. – Oh, yes.
– The Drowsy Chaperone. Ian likes that! The Drowsy Chaperone. Is that right? How many people said it? – It is right.
– Wow, well done. – Well done on the nomination, by the way, Steve.
– Oh, thank you. It’s another pointless answer! Well done! That adds another £250 to today’s jackpot, taking the total up to £3,000. APPLAUSE Fabulous! It scores you nothing. Very well done indeed, Steve. We might as well have called this round What Musical Were You In? – That’s true.
– That was nominated for Best New Musical in 2008. Let’s look at our scores. There’s two teams tied on nothing. Very well done indeed, Steve and Bob and Ian and Emily. And then up to 22, where we find Kerry and Graeme. Luckily, Graeme, with your encyclopaedic knowledge of musicals since 2000, I think you’re in good shape. Can the second players please step up to the podium? Bob. Bob, musicals. – Oh, it’s the same question?
– Same question. I know. – Jerry Springer: The Opera.
– Jerry Springer: The Opera, says Bob. Here is your red line. If you get below that with Jerry Springer: The Opera, you’re through to the next round. How many people said that? It’s right. – You’re through.
– Hey! It’s another Pointless answer! Well done indeed. APPLAUSE Adding another £250 to the jackpot, taking the total up to £3,250, scoring you nothing, leaving your total at nothing. It’s very rare we get a double pointless on Pointless Celebrities. Very well played. Won Best New Musical in 2004, – Jerry Springer: The Opera.
– Very good indeed. Graeme.
– Yes. LAUGHTER Not having been in any obscure musicals, I’ll have to go for one whose name I know. – Billy Elliot.
– Billy Elliot, says Graeme. No red line for you, as you’re the high-scorers. Let’s see how many people said Billy Elliot. – Not bad! 10.
– Very good.
– APPLAUSE 10, taking your total up to 32. Could be enough to keep you in the game. Best New Musical in 2006 and been nominated five times for the Audience Award, Billy Elliot. Thank you, Richard. Now, Emily. – Oh!
– Oh, no!
– Yeah. It’s quite embarrassing. I should know musicals. I’m not very good with musicals. I’m going to go with…Sister Act. – Sister Act, says Emily.
– Yeah.
– Sister Act. I can’t see what the look Ian’s giving you is, but it’s… – I was in that too.
– LAUGHTER – Were you really?
– Yes. – Sister Act!
– Oh, please. – I was the bearded nun.
– There is your red line. Get below that with Sister Act, – you’re into the next round. How many people said Sister Act?
– Oh… It’s right. You’ve done it! 1! Very well done indeed! APPLAUSE Great answer. Takes your total up to 1. That was nominated for Best New Musical in 2010. Goodness me, after the high scores of that first round, – look at those scores there.
– I know! Even going out on 32 is good going, but a 0 and a 1. There’s loads and loads of pointless answers. Let’s look at some of them. All sorts of others. “Acorn Antiques: The Musical!” was a pointless answer. Annie Get Your Gun, Anything Goes, Crazy For You, High Society, “Hello, Dolly!”, Kiss Me, Kate, Merrily We Roll Along, Our House, Piaf, Porgy And Bess, The King and I, the Lord Of The Rings musical, The Magic Flute, The Scottsboro Boys, The Witches of Eastwick, Thoroughly Modern Millie, We’ll look at the top three answers, ones that most of our 100 people said. Wicked actually the third highest scorer of all with 22. What do you think the top answer is? – Oh, um, it’s going to be…Les Mis.
– Les Miserables, absolutely right. There we go. Thank you very much, Richard. At the end of our second round, the pair heading home with their very low high score of 32, it’s Graeme and Kerry. – I’m sorry. Musicals.
– I wish I’d been in an obscure musical. Some of those weren’t even that obscure! – I’m going to change my agent.
– We’ll be making some calls. Graeme and Kerry, it’s been lovely having you on the show. – Thank you for playing. Graeme and Kerry.
– Pleasure. Thank you. APPLAUSE But for Bob and Steve, Ian and Emily, it’s now time for our head-to-head. APPLAUSE Many congratulations, Bob and Steve, Ian and Emily. You’re now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for that jackpot, which is now standing at £3,250. APPLAUSE This is where we decide who goes through to play for that money. We do it by making you go head-to-head, but you can start playing as a team now. You can confer before you give your answers. First player to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs. Let’s play the head-to-head. APPLAUSE Here comes your first question and it concerns… Famous siblings, Richard. I’m going to show you five pictures of famous people with one of their siblings, but we’ve blanked out the sibling’s face. Can you tell us who they are, please? Best of luck. Let’s reveal our five famous siblings and here they come. There we are. Five famous siblings. Bob and Steve, you’ve been our low scorers, so you can go first. – THEY WHISPER:
– I don’t know A.
– I don’t either. Yeah, this is tricky. Um… What do you think, Bob? Shall we…? – We think we know B, we think we know C. We’re going to go for…?
– B. B, we think is Andy Murray’s brother, Jamie Murray. Jamie Murray, say Bob and Steve, for B. Jamie Murray. Ian and Emily, do you fancy talking us through the rest of the board and having a shot at any of them? I only know D. I know C and I think D is going to be better, so I’m yielding the floor to Emily. D, I think, is Solange Knowles. Solange Knowles. So, we have Jamie Murray and Solange Knowles. Bob and Steve said Jamie Murray for B. Let’s see if that’s right and how many people said Jamie Murray. It’s right. 37. APPLAUSE 37. Ian and Emily, meanwhile, have gone for Solange Knowles, D. Let’s see if that’s right and how many people said Solange Knowles. It’s right. And it wins you it. Look at that. 23 for Solange. APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH Well done, Ian and Emily. After one question, you’re up 1-0. Well played, Emily. I’ve always said “So-lange” Knowles, but I could be wrong. – It might be “Salon-jay”.
– I dated her for six months but, you know… – You should you know.
– It’s possible she was too polite to correct me. Now, A. The oranged out one is the more famous one. On the left, you’ve got Dave Franco, the actor, and on the right, his brother, James Franco. The biggest scorer on the board, unsurprisingly, is C. That is David Miliband. In happier days, there. And E is George Bush’s sister, Dorothy Bush. Very well done if you said that. Thank you, Richard. Here comes your second question. Ian and Emily, you get to answer it first but, Bob and Steve, you have to win it to stay in the game. Best of luck. It concerns… LAUGHTER Dance Crazes, Richard. We’ll play you clips of five songs that started famous dance crazes. Tell us the name of the artist or artists who did these songs, please. OK, let’s hear our five clips and here is the first one. We’ve got A. # Agadoo doo doo # Push pineapple, shake the tree # Agadoo doo doo # Push pineapple, grind coffee # To the left, to the right # Jump up and down and to the knees # Come and dance every night Sing with a hula melody… # Here’s B. # Dee dee na na na… # MUSIC: Saturday Night Here’s C. Clap your hands, all right We gonna do the basic steps To the left Take it back now, y’all One hop this time Right foot, let’s stomp Left foot, let’s stomp Cha cha real smooth Turn it out… Here’s D. # Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena # Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena # Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena – # Hey, Macarena
– Ai! # Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena # Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena # Dale a tu cuerpo alegria… # And here’s E. # It’s fun to stay at the YMCA # It’s fun to stay at the YMCA # They have everything for young men to enjoy # You can hang out with all the boys # It’s fun to stay at the… # – There we go. Now, Ian and Emily, you’ll go first.
– I know one. – I know one. I know…
– Which one do you know? I know three dances but I don’t know the artists. I only know, for sure… Well, I don’t want to say, “For sure,” cos it might be wrong, but B. – Go for it.
– Saturday Night. Is it Gina G? – OK, you’re going to say Gina G.
– Yeah.
– Gina G for B. Now, Bob and Steve. Talk us through them. Oh, it’s so frustrating when you kind of think you know it. – Yeah, but… Um…
– We think we’ll go for… – A, we think is Black Lace.
– Black Lace. Bob and Steve say Black Lace. We have Gina G and we have Black Lace. Ian and Emily said Gina G for B. Let’s see if that’s right. Gina G. – AUDIENCE:
– Ooh…
– Oh! Who was it?
– I know. Gina G. B, not G. So, Bob and Steve, meanwhile, have said Black Lace for A. All you have to be is correct and you’ll win the point. It’s right. Very well done. You’ve done it. Very good. 46. APPLAUSE But most importantly, it was right, which means, Bob and Steve, you’re back in the game. After two questions, it’s 1-1. Well played, gents. B, let’s listen to it. – It is Saturday Night.
– Yeah.
– It’s by Whigfield. – Oh! Who’s Gina G?
– She’s…
– No idea.
– Poor old Gina G. She’s probably at home, going, “They mentioned me, that’s nice,” and then five seconds later, “Who’s Gina G?” Let’s listen to C, which is the best answer. That’s the Cha Cha Slide, number one single for DJ Casper. – Would have scored you 11 points.
– THAT’S what DJ Casper looks like! There he is. D. – It’s obviously the Macarena.
– Yeah.
– And it’s by Los Del Rio. Well done if you said that. 15 points for that. Of course that’s what Los Del Rio look like! – Did you not know that’s what they look like?
– No! The blazers! – That’s a good little song, that.
– A great song.
– And E. – # It’s fun to stay at the… #
– It’s the Village People.
– Indeed. – Very much the “zebra” answer in this round.
– Yes.
– 78 points for that. Thank you very much indeed. Here comes your third question. It comes to this decider. Whoever wins this, goes through to the final and plays for the jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns… – Homer Simpson, Richard.
– Five clues, now, to facts about Homer Simpson. Whichever team gives us the most obscure answer is going through to play for the jackpot. – Best of luck, both teams.
– Here are the clues. I’ll read those one last time. Bob and Steve, you’ll go first this time. INAUDIBLE DISCUSSION OK, um, we’re going to go with the actor who’s voiced him – as Dan Castanella.
– Dan Castanella, say Bob and Steve. Dan Castanella. Ian and Emily, talk us through that board, if you can. – Um…
– Well, top is “D’oh”, I think.
– Then Marge.
– Marge. – And the last one, I know, is J.
– J. – Don’t know the song.
– I don’t know the song. If I really thought about it, I probably…it would come to me – but I can’t.
– I think J.
– Yeah, I think we should go for J. – We’ll go for J.
– Yeah.
– His middle initial.
– His middle initial, J. Bob and Steve said Dan Castanella was the actor who voiced him. Let’s see if that’s right and how many people said it. – Oh. Ooh.
– Ooh.
– We’ll discover why that’s wrong in a second. – I’m going to faint.
– But, Ian and Emily, you just have to be correct with this answer, which is J, his middle initial. How many people said it? Is it right? Wins you the point and the round. 44. Very, very well done indeed, Ian and Emily. After three questions, you’re through to the final, 2-1. I couldn’t give it, I’m afraid, gents. You were a syllable out. – It’s Castellaneta, Dan Castellaneta, I’m afraid.
– Oh!
– Oh! – I know, but it’s unfair to the others if we give it.
– Yeah, no… – And J is a very good answer. Do you know what J stands for?
– No.
– No. Jay. J-A-Y. Let’s look at all the answers. You’re right about “D’oh”. It would have scored you too many points. – Marge is the next answer.
– I love this one.
– And the song… Do you know the song, his favourite song? Moe takes it out of the jukebox when he kicks Homer out the pub. – It’s raining Men.
– It’s Raining Men. That’s a pointless answer, so well done if you said that. Thank you very much indeed. So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, I’m sorry, Bob and Steve. An amazing performance, right across the show today. If it wasn’t for his “beaver”, we’d be going out in Round One, so… – We cannot complain.
– We can’t complain. – It’s been lovely having you here. Bob and Steve.
– Thank you. – APPLAUSE
– I think you were robbed. But for Ian and Emily, it’s now time for our Pointless final. APPLAUSE Very well done indeed. Congratulations, Ian and Emily. You fought off all the competition and what a fight it was, and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy. – Wow!
– I’ve never won anything! I think the last time I won something was 1994, musical bumps, so I am thrilled! You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities and, at the end of today’s show, the jackpot stands at a somewhat augmented £3,250. APPLAUSE You know what happens in this last round. We’ll put up four categories and you can choose one. They’re usually pretty tough but let’s hope there’s something in there that you quite like the look of. Good luck. Today’s selection looks like this. Fashion… Sporting Williams will be all down to me, from what you’ve been saying. – Fashion will be all down to you.
– Yeah. – And Romantic Fiction…
– Er…
– Fashion?
– OK, yeah. – You’re going to go fashion. Good. Fashion.
– Best of luck. Three very different questions here. Hopefully, at least one of these will suit you. We are looking for… Any winner, any person or brand, that won any award at the 2014 British Fashion Awards. We are looking for anyone on Time magazine’s all-time 100 fashion icons list they published in 2012 – designers, models, stylists photographers, all sorts of people on that list. Or anyone, according to IMDb, who’s credited in the film Zoolander. So, winners at the 2014 British Fashion Awards, Time magazine’s all-time 100 fashion icons, or the cast of Zoolander. – Best of luck.
– OK. You’ve got up to one minute to come up with three answers. All you need to win that jackpot for your charities is for just one of your answers to be pointless. – Are you ready?
– Yeah.
– Yeah.
– Good. Let’s put 60 seconds up on the clock. Your time starts now. I know nothing about fashion awards. I know all the obvious kind of people but it’s really difficult. – Cast of Zoolander, I know the two lead actors.
– One is who? Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller are the two. – Owen Wilson, I think, would be a good one.
– Owen Wilson. Fashion icons, not just designers, but people like Mary Quant? All-time 100, we could be looking at Coco Chanel, Mary Quant. Could be somebody who wears… Oh, gosh. The name has gone. Oh, who was married to…Mel Ferrer? Um, hmm… Um, oh! What’s her name? Oh, you wouldn’t know, you’re far too young! Um… – Winners at the British Fashion Awards.
– Help me out here. – OK, have you got any there?
– Ten seconds left. They don’t have to be models, they can be any… Right. – Fashion icons.
– Oh, my God. OK, that is your time up. I’m so sorry. What three answers would you like to give me – and say which category you’re answering.
– Cast of Zoolander… – Owen Wilson.
– Owen Wilson.
– Er, fashion icons… – Mary Quant?
– Yeah.
– Mary Quant. And possibly somebody who wore clothes. Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn, OK. Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer? – Audrey Hepburn, if she’s in there.
– OK, let’s pop her last. – Least likely to be pointless?
– Mary Quant.
– Mary Quant. – And then Owen Wilson in the middle.
– Yeah. Let’s put those up on the board in that order. We’ve got… Very, very best of luck. Three good answers on the board. Let’s hope at least one of them is pointless and wins you that jackpot for your charities. What charities are you playing for? Ian. – I am playing for the Grand Order of Water Rats.
– Very good indeed. Emily? – Mine is for Starlight Children’s Foundation.
– Excellent. APPLAUSE Two very good, worthy causes there. Let’s hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for your charities. In the first instance, you said Mary Quant. We were looking for the 100 all-time fashion icons. Let’s see if Mary Quant’s right. For £3,250, let’s see if it’s pointless. It is right. Now, if Mary Quant goes all the way down to zero, you leave straightaway with £3,250 for your charities. Down Mary Quant goes. Through into single figures. Still going down… – 2! AUDIENCE:
– Oh! APPLAUSE Two people of our 100. That’s an amazing score. Sadly, it’s not pointless, though. It’s only pointless answers we’re interested in in this last round, I’m sorry to say. We move onto your next answer, which was Owen Wilson. We were looking for cast members from Zoolander. It has to be pointless for you to win, so for £3,250, let’s see how many people said Owen Wilson. It’s right. Mary Quant took us all the way down to 2. Owen Wilson now taking us through the 30s and 20s, into the teens. Oh, just into the teens. 19. APPLAUSE – Oh…
– However, we now come to your most confident shot at a pointless answer. Your third and final answer was Audrey Hepburn. We were looking at the all-time fashion icons. You’d think, if it’s right, it should be pointless. – It stands a good chance, if it’s right.
– Let’s find out. For £3,250, how many people said Audrey Hepburn? Is it pointless? It’s right. It’s right. Now, Mary Quant took us down to 2, Owen Wilson took us down to 19, Audrey Hepburn now taking us down through the teens, into single figures. Down she goes… Oh, no! 5. APPLAUSE Oh, I’m sorry. Three very, very good answers. Two fantastic low-scorers. – Ah!
– I’m sorry, you just didn’t find that pointless answer that you needed to win that jackpot of £3,250. However, as it is a celebrity charity special, we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair for their charities, so there we are. Very well done. APPLAUSE It’s been such a joy having you on the show. Wonderful having you back, Ian, – and you get a Pointless trophy each to take.
– I am so thrilled! – I’m thrilled!
– Very well done.
– Very well played throughout. – It’s been a great fun show. Thank you for joining us.
– Thank you. Not a terrible category for you, but I’ll take you through the pointless answers. Winners at the 2014 British Fashion Awards. Anna Wintour won Outstanding Achievement, Anya Hindmarch won Best Accessories, Chris Moore, the photographer, JW Anderson won Best Menswear. Everyone, apart from Victoria Beckham, Alexander McQueen, Cara Delevingne, Emma Watson and Louis Vuitton. All the other winners and brands were pointless. Let’s look at the next one, the 100 fashion icons. There’s loads of answers here. Anna Wintour was a pointless answer again. Annie Leibovitz, Bettie Page, Calvin Klein, Christian Louboutin, Diane von Furstenberg. You could have had Grace Kelly, Heidi Klum, Herb Ritts, Karl Lagerfeld, Katharine Hepburn, Lady Gaga, Louis Vuitton again, Marc Jacobs, Tom Ford, Vera Wang, loads of pointless answers there. Let’s look at Zoolander. Heidi Klum again. Everyone in that film, apart from Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, David Bowie and David Duchovny. Everyone else was a pointless answer. Well done if you got some of those at home and thank you for giving us such an entertaining evening and sorry it didn’t come off at the end. Thanks, Rich. Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye, Ian and Emily, – but it’s been fabulous.
– It’s been fun.
– Thank you. – Thank you for playing. Ian and Emily.
– Thanks. APPLAUSE Join us next time, when we’ll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless. – It’s goodbye from Richard.
– Goodbye. And it’s goodbye for me. Goodbye. APPLAUSE

58 thoughts on “Pointless Celebrities – S09E02 “Comedy” (19 Mar 2016)

  1. Do the people answering not get the first letters? Because then not getting guinea pig makes sense, since the GP is the main part of the clue.

  2. Why people say lead actors from films in the final round always bewilders me. Did they think for a second Owen Wilson would be pointless? Obviously not. Much better of making up a name like John Smith or saying literally any actor you've heard of other than one they knew was one of the leads. This really grinds my gears….

  3. If contestants manage to get 3 pointless answers in Pointless Final…The prize money is TRIPLED! Oh yes. BOOM! – Knowledge is Power

  4. It's shows like this, QI, 8oo10c, Graham Norton, BFQ, Mock the Week, and HIGNFY that makes me a very jealous American. UK, you are the best!

  5. Fuck me dead, how can you make something that features Bob Mortimer into a mind-numbing pile of nothing?! The man's brain is a national treasure, just point a camera at him, start recording and shut the fuck up.

  6. I know next to nothing about fashion and I would've been pointless in that final round (Karl Lagerfeld being my choice)…

  7. I'm Ian Lavender" (me internally: I know that name, I'm pretty sure I like this guy….!) "And I played Pike". (me internally: Dad's army! I LOVE this guy)

  8. Why the fuck do i keep watching these?… lol well i clicked on this one because of Bob, i do beg your pardon, but we are in your garden. hahaha

  9. Rumour Has it A Mr Alexander Armstrong is an Alderman…and he has umpteen Celebrity injunctions against a Mr Robert Brasshand that the public is not allowed to know about.

  10. I decided to give this show one more chance.
    They blew it.
    Loading the board with obvious answers fit for a preschooler, then throwing in one answer that is ridiculously obscure. It just gets worse as the rounds progress, and the final round is pathetic.
    (Besides, I decided to give it a second chance only because of Bob Mortimer.)

  11. It hurts me to hear how British pronounced S "seh". Why no "éS"?

    Also that they're still using stones to measure weight in TV.

  12. Not seen this show before, but have vaguely heard of it, but most of these 'celebrities' I haven't heard of, or perhaps vaguely, bur not even Bob could save this boring and pointless show.

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