Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Political Chaos in Venezuela & The Rise of a Cocoa Cartel | The Daily Show


You may remember that Venezuela
is a country in chaos right now. The economy has crashed,
people can’t afford food, and two men both claim
to be the rightful leader– President Nicolás Maduro and the head of the Venezuelan
congress, Juan Guaidó. And over the weekend,
there was an awkward moment when Guaidó showed up
at the office and found that Maduro
had changed the locks. WOMAN: There was chaos
outside Venezuela’s opposition-controlled
National Assembly. Security forces blocked
opposition leader Juan Guaidó from presiding over
a special session of congress to elect a leader. At one point yesterday,
Guaidó tried to climb a fence, but was prevented
from entering. Guaidó has been recognized
as Venezuela’s head by more than 50 nations,
including the U.S. Opposition leaders blamed
President Nicolás Maduro for the move to try
and oust Guaidó. Goddamn! What is going on
in Venezuela? It’s like
Southern America Ninja Warrior. What is that? Politicians are trying to climb
over the fence just to vote. That would never happen
in America. Can you imagine Mitch McConnell
climbing a fence to try to get into Congress? Although he probably
wouldn’t climb. He would just try and ooze
through the bars. (laughter) He’d just be like, “Yeah,
I’m-I’m mostly skin. Yeah. Mm. Yeah.” Seriously, I’m very impressed
by Guaidó, because there’s no vote
that would be important enough for me to try and jump a fence that had all of
those sharp points on top of it. I’d be like, “Uh, is this a vote “to replace my testicles
for free? Uh, then, no,
I’m gonna wait outside.” I bet there was one politician
inside the building who was like, “I wonder
which way Guaidó’s gonna vote, “because right now, he seems
to be on the fence! “Get it? Get it? Just me? Okay.” (applause and cheering) All right, and finally… if you love chocolate,
first of all, congratulations on being basic,
and, second, prepare to pay up. The top two cocoa producers
in the world– this is front page news
in the Wall Street Journal– have decided to join forces
and form a cocoa cartel. Ivory Coast and Ghana, combined, produce about two-thirds
of the world’s cocoa supply. MAN 2:
Wow. MAN: And they are banding
together to raise prices. So you can expect the cost of
candy bars, ice cream and cake to go up about 16%. Premium cocoa prices are due
to take effect in October. This is
a super interesting story, ’cause on the one hand,
you think of chocolate bars… -Yeah. -…and you think,
like, Willy Wonka, -and, like, everyone’s having
fun. -Right. -Yes. -Nah.
-And the golden ticket, yes. All right, this is big. Two of the world’s biggest
cocoa producers have teamed up to form the cocoa cartel, which also happens
to be my stripper name. (laughter) Don’t forget.
Tickets are still available for the show at the Man Cave
next Tuesday. The DJ doesn’t come in
that early, so I need you guys to hum
Britney Spears while I dance. (laughter) But for real, but for real,
it’s a cocoa cartel. It’s a real thing.
Sounds like a lot of fun. ‘Cause now I’m imagining,
like, cocoa dealers opening briefcases
of cocoa powder. Like, “This better be pure.” And just like, “Mmm! Mr. Toblerone
will be very pleased.” (laughter) It’s also funny how,
when the news anchor said, “Most people think of chocolate,
they think of Willy Wonka.” Who? Who thinks that? ‘Cause you realize Africa makes
75% of the world’s cocoa, right? So if Charlie got
a golden ticket in real life, they would ship him to Ghana
to meet the real Willy Wonka. -Yeah, that’s who that would be.
-(applause) That would be
the real Willy Wonka. (applause and cheering) That movie would be completely
different if it was real life. Charlie would be there
in the factory. Willy Wonka would be like,
“Now, Charlie, look at me. “Look at me, Charlie. “You are the captain now, okay? “That fat German kid
had to die, Charlie, “because you are the best. “So if anyone comes,
you tell them you are running everything here,
all right?”

100 thoughts on “Political Chaos in Venezuela & The Rise of a Cocoa Cartel | The Daily Show

  1. Maduro needs to be assassinated. Preferably dragged out by the people he is starving to death. Cant wait to see this monster's lifeless body dragged through the streets. Gadaffi style with a knife up his ass and all.

  2. Courtesy of the Obama administration but you fucking brainwashed two party assholes are to stupid to remember shit that happened from one President to the next.

  3. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-01-08/irs-s-failure-to-collect-from-tax-cheats-could-cost-you-3-000. Funds for FREE Illegals Health Care ❗😂🤣😂❗

  4. https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2020/01/08/second-amendment-sanctuaries-will-never-hold-up-court/. ❗😲❗

  5. I’ve never supported Americans going to war with foreign countries for resources, but chocolate… it’s time for a ‘liberation’

  6. The prevention of letting Gouido vote reminded me of the nazi regime.
    The clear it up. The Nazis never had the majority of the vote, even though they may have had manipulated the election.

    During the voting, where the Nazis finally got the full power, the Nazi supporter prevented Nazi opponents taking part at the voting.

  7. african willy wonka yeah i would watch that movie. and im happy cause of sugar im not into chocolat anymore. oh and venuzuela what a mess.

  8. Ivory Coast and Ghana increase the price of cocoa to help their economy

    ‘Murica: looks like Africa needs some democracy

  9. THERE IS NO LEADESHIP DISPUTE IN VENEZUELA…….THERE IS A LEADERSHIP DISPUTE IN WA DC ABOUT THE LEADERSHIP IN VENEZUELA….

  10. It's All Ghana Chocolate.
    Swiss what?!
    Belgium what?!
    French what?!
    Eh eh. No more. You CAN have some, but not All. Get in line.

  11. The cocoa cartel is a really good idea, if it leads to better income for cocoa farmers and better salaries for berry pickers. That would be super awesome. Good luck Ghana and Ivory Coast.

  12. This made me think of The Boondocks: The Fundraiser and Riley’s speech

    Intro: English Salesman,

    Riley Freeman?

    Hope you don't mind, we made some tea.

    Allow me to introduce myself, I'm the bloke you're stealing from. The name's Allister Rigby. But as far as you're concerned I'm Willy Fuckin' Wonka. And you're taking a shit in my fucking chocolate factory.

    When I have to go to the dentist, I'm upset. When Liverpool beats Arsenal, I'm upset. But when some little shit decides to take-over one of the most profitable territories in the country, I'm beyond fucking upset, I'm very fucking upset. So, from now on, your under new management.

    You will work for me, and in return you'll receive an allowance.

    Allowance?

    Yes, allowance. As in, I'm allowing you to keep 10%. And I'm allowing you to keep drawing breath on this earth. Now, you either get down or you lay down. What's it going to be sunshine?

  13. i can't believe the comments are cheering for forming monopolies and overpricing goods to consumers. Both contries deserve reparations into infrastructure, industry, and education and most importantly forming transparent strong democracies to stop corruption, foreign exploitation and national elites exploiting the working class. You think the profits of chocolate monopolies go into the working class?

  14. Y’all know they’re are over 300 countries in the UN that means less then a quarter thinks a friend of trump should be the president down there that’s amazing

  15. Yup..Looks like the Cocoa Cartel Countries might need some liberating if they jack up the prices too much !! Brace yourselves.. future liberations coming in soon!!

  16. I can't imagine Mitch climbing a fence to vote I get the feeling he would just drift through it since he's a ghost. I could however see him on the other side of said wall trying to push people climbing over back out. I think if Trump ever finishes his wall that's Mitch's retirement plan.

  17. lol. This is why Dave Chappell left comedy central. Its funny but you skew the truth. At least its not full blown propaganda like ABC CBS Fox News NBC.

  18. The demonization of anything black continues😩…Business mergers occur all the time..nobody calls cell phone companies "cartels" when they merge. Nobody calls Verizon, At&T or Exxon "cartels"🧐. Is there going to now be an invasion now to stop the "chocolate cartels"?

  19. he was allowed to vote, there's video on it even, but put up this show instead. He's not democraticaly elected and has ties to drugs cartel in colombia, HE IS A JOKE and no ones takes him seariously but the US and its allies

  20. Meanwhile Mexico is not intervening with any foreign affairs although pressured by the international community. Mexico has the greatest president leading the country through peace and without the use of force. Learn something from Mexico rather than always bashing it to make it seem worst than it really is.

  21. Trevor that's just a show. Guaido was aloud to enter at the beginning but he refused to enter cuz other people were no aloud to enter. Then he said if they didn't enter then i am not going to enter. Then the video happened with him trying to climb and enter by force(just a couple minutes after he refuse to enter through the main door. There is a video i am going to look at it and post it as proof of misleading propaganda by mass media.
    Here min 13:29
    https://youtu.be/tts0ZemTq-k

    The guard told Guaido that he can get in but the guy that is on his side cannot cuz was declared in disobedience of a judge order. Then Guaido told the guard that they can debate about it.
    The guard told him that he can debate whatever he wants to but the other guy cannot enter. So Guaido then said if he cannot enter then neither of us going to enter.

  22. “God damn! What is going on in Venezuela”. Well, to answer your question Noah, this is what happens when Socialism runs deep within a country’s Government. As someone who seems to deeply love Bernie, I suggest you rethink your views on Socialism and what impacts it has on countries. Bernie likes to point our countries like Denmark and Sweden (that’s his signature catchphrase), but there’s one small problem with him doing that….These countries are not Socialist and those who lead them and live there do not like having that local associated with them. It’s just undeniable. Bernie refuses to see just how awful Socialism is and what it will do to the United States. I don’t believe our country will fall into the kind of rut in which Venezuela has found itself fall into should Bernie get elected and institute his Socialist Policies, but I do believe that within time, our country will start to see its decline as a result of these Policies.

    Hopefully, Bernie won’t win the Nomination and then he’ll retire within 2-3 years and we won’t have to worry about him trying to make Socialism so infectious here in America.

  23. Maybe mich will finally get some blood flow circulating into his purple lips, squeezing his head through those bars.

  24. They really need to raise prices otherwise the farmers can’t make a living and that will be the end of the cocoa farmers. Due to low earnings their children don’t want to take over the farms. So who will produce cocoa in the future?

  25. Hey noah, do a show on how obama and hillary and pelosi all funded terrorist (150 billion ) that killed americans and how it took trump to rectify the problem……i dare you, you milk chocolate pos

  26. Stop calling Maduro a dictator !! Stop promoting fake news you guys call a dictatorship every single president that is not pleasing your interest!!!! Examine deeply !! Analize deeply investigate and talk to every single person in that country or countries. Stop faking news we all know that already!!!

  27. I tried to laugh with the jokes about Venezuela but the situation there is just too sad for me, they deserve better.

  28. Maduro is a very wise man. USA is a PEACE DESTROYER GOVERNMENT but is convincing people that they like peace

  29. Ignorant comments here.Maduro did not won any elections! Two (2) former National Election Directors (refugees now) explain the fraud . https://youtu.be/osqxBzRzuc8 Maduro does not pay employees nor lawmakers of National Assembly since May 2016. Maduro created a paralell National Assembly just with is own party. Hundreds of opposition leaders including lawmakers are in prison with no trial or accusation !!! Venezuela is a Dictatorship. The National Assembly is just the last bastion of democracy and the regime let them make meetings ( internally with no repercussions) to show off false " freedom" to the world.

  30. Guido was selected by the US as part of a CIA-orchestrated coup. Hate his politics or not, but Maduro was democratically elected by the people. We need to stay out of Venezuela and let the people decide who they wish to represent them. Also, the amount of nations who recognize Maduro as the elected leader far exceed those who wish for Guido to inherit the status of "global elite puppet". Follow the $$ (or resources). Afghanistan had opium, Iraq had oil, Syria and Libya had petrol, gas, trade routes, etc. The last 2 were once thriving wealthy countries that have now been left in shambles by US and NATO. Venezuela has oil and is clearly the next target in America's growing empire. Don't be misled by what the media tells you.

  31. Cocoa cartel seem a little comptemtuous… Finally Africa it's catching up. Good for them. Now they can impose cocoa sanctions on other nations =)

  32. Maduro broke the constitution of our nation!!! Educate yourself please. Because what you want to do with Trump we want to do with Maduro.

  33. loved this, ty mr noah. just one quick word to every American, we need to be this lit to vote, especially this year! vote blue as if your freedom, your very life depends on it, because it just may. and raising the price on chocolate?! that one hurt… time to stock up, lol.

  34. CBS: "This is a super interesting story…"
    Ivory Coast + Ghana: "Reparations for colonialist theft of our resources is a b***h, huh?"

  35. Ahh…I see the crazy lefties aren't mentioning anything about socialism now. If you lean too far left, you'll hand the election to that psycho Trump.

  36. 2:33 Boy, if I wasn't flat broke, I'd be down there in a heartbeat!  I'm straight, but man, them dimples…I gots ta know if he's got such adorable dimples anywhere else…

  37. They deserve to be paid properly – this is a luxury good that we take for granted – as long as the $ makes its way back to the ppl

  38. What this country needs is God and Jesus and Laws of God and enforcing those laws. That will fix Venezuela right up. First people whom would be punished or destroyed under those laws would be the corrupt politicians whom according to God must be removed. Same with lackeys of any of them.

  39. Guaido is a CIA backed coup leader who declared himself president without any vote of any kind. Maduro is the democratically elected leader that was reelected in a landslide in free elections. The Daily Show doesn't help when it boils it down to "two men claim to be the president".

  40. Venezuela is a great country, when U.S remove the sanctions everyone will see the big change.
    Guaido is not the president, he is a traitor.

  41. 3:24 to 3:38 calls up Tim Burton

    Me: Hello, Tim. I have an idea for a 2020/2021 reboot of…
    Tim: (interrupting me) I'm already working on it.

  42. Guaido was raised and studied in the US, hence he needs to obey his lap masters (the U.S.) don't believed me check his bio and you'll see it for your selves.

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