I’m a spaceship! Oops just had a baby. Hiya, Dutchie! What is up? About 18 hours ago we lost a chopper with some very important people on it. They crashed right about here. They look so tiny. I can’t even see them. Not there! That’s a map you idiot! We need you to rescue our men. Hey old buddy! Spontaneous Arm Wrestling! Eyeeeeyeaaleeeeeheeeeheeeeeaagh Okay I’m done. Alright, Team, introduce yourselves. I know spanish. I’m mentally unstable. I’ll direct the sequel some day. I don’t believe in shaving cream. And I’m gonna be a governor. Ooo! That sounds fun! Alright! Let’s go find the chopper! Found it. Can we go home now? No. Hey everyone! I found the people we’re looking for! Yaaaaaaaaay! They’re all dead. Booooooooooo And they’re missing their skin! Eeeeewwwwww! I’m searching for bad guys! I’m a bad guy! There they are! Time for payback! Attack! yes. Chew on this! I believe I can die Wow! This is really easy! Ugh! Oh it’s a girl! She’s obviously not a bad guy. Hey let me go! No! You’re our prisoner now! Hey I was gonna kill those guys. That’s it! I’m gonna come for you guys now. Walking through the jungle We got guns & nades We got the whup! We’re totally being watched right now. What! No you’re not! Yes we are! Billy! What do you see? I said, “Billy!” Heeeeaagh! What is it? There’s something watching us. I’m totally gonna hit you with this log. What? OW! Run run run! As fast as I can! You’ll never catch me! I’m the.. Gotcha!
Dangit! Hey! Let her go! What?! Aaaagh! Hawkins! Where’s Hawkins? He dead. What could have killed him!? Was it you giant snake? Was it you porcupine? I’m just… Dead. What? What just happened? Hey there. It was the jungle! Everybody fire your weapons! Shoot all of the bullets! Shoot that tree! Shoot those leaves! Did we get him? You missed me! How bout now? I’m still alive! How bout now? No! I give up! Blane, are you dead? Move your eyelids if you’re dead. Okay he’s dead. Ugh! I can’t believe they hit me! Good thing I can perform surgery on myself. Alright don’t scream in 3… 2…. one. AHAAAAaAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAGGH! DANGIT! What keeps attacking us?! It’s probably an alien. That’s dumb. You’re dumb. He’s right. It’s an alien. Everyone’s going crazy. What do you think, Billy? Alien. Alright. Let’s set a trap. Time for a montage. Planting mines and pulling ropes and bending trees and chopping vines. and pulling vines and tossing ropes and catching ropes and dropping ropes hammering with that old rock now twist that thing around the stick Now flex your guns now bend that tree! now gonna catch the predator! Now squat dooooooown. Oops we forgot the bait! I’ll be the bait. What? Here alien alien alien! Hmm. I guess he’s not here. Surprise! Weeeeeeeee! I got it! I got it! I don’t got it. I see it! Do you see it? Oh yeah! You ready to kill it? Na let’s split up. Oh. Okay if you say so. I mean I really think we should’ve stayed together… Ooo what’s that? Oh poop! Well he dead. Good thing I’m a main character. That means I’ll stay alive the whole movie… Awe come on man! Awe give me a gun! No it wont kill you if you don’t have a gun! Shouldn’t we just all drop our guns then? Don’t be an idiot! This is not some stupid parody cartoon! Yeah… I think I’ll drop my guns now. What!? I’ll use a giant knife instead. That’s… not any better. You should go. Well… See you later! G G We’ve got to keep running! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I’m totally dying over here right nooooooooooow Yeaaaaaaggghheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeghhhhhh Oh no! Billy is dead! So is this fool! Blaagh! Noooooo! And you too! Insert quotable shouting phrase here! I’ll get to the choppa! You did it! Just keep running running running! I’m gonna get you! Jungle slide! I immediately regret my decision! ugh! I lived. at least i got away. Time to sleep. Cannon Ball! Oh crap! I was sleeping! Ugh… Swimming was a bad choice. Oh this is it! Here Dutchie Dutchie Dutchie! What? *sigh* I guess he got away. Oh it couldn’t see me because I’m dirty! No more baths! It is just the two of us now. Time for another montage! This totally worked the first time so lets build another booby-trap. now check that rope real carefully Now lift that thing up in the sky you’re so dang strong it’s almost done Now hold it up with that old stick now dust the leaves with gunpowder Now smear some mud all on your face Now wait theeeeeere. This will be great for my pores. Here alien alien alien. *gasp* awkward. Nice fire you’ve got there. But where are you? I’m right here you idiot! Ooooogh! you like fireworks huh? Well how about these? Oof! I lived. Where did it go? oooo! It’s bleeding! Where are you? It’s right behind me isn’t it. Yep. You should… lighten up! Oh my eyes! You’ll never take me alive! Oh dang it! oh no! A bath! It’s probably alright though. Hey. uh oh. Hey guess what Chicken Butt? No! I find you worthy. Oh thanks! Worthy of what? Seeing my face. Esherscherrshaarshaaarsharrrrr Eeegh! Put your helmet back on! Please! Nooooo! *grunt* Uh oh. Ha ha! Looks like I win. I’m not dead yet! It’s time to rock! Oh you’re bleeding! I suddenly feel sorry for you. Even though you just killed everybody I know. What are you doing? You know you’re not supposed to text during the movies! Time for my last laugh! I should probably run now! Look over there! There’s no way anyone could’ve survived that! I lived. Cause I live through everything Apparently. Ooooh he’s sooooo handsome! Hey, Dutch! I hear they’re gonna make a sequel! I wont be back. But I’ll do like 15 Terminator movies!