I’m pregnant Oh yeah, it’s pretty pleasant… Fancy. can I get you anything else? No. We’re good. Thank you. She’s cute. I wonder what her deal is. what? I’m pregnant Hey! Wow! Congratulations! Who’s the lucky dad? You are. [laughs] No… seriously Pregnant? Yes. Pregnant. What do you mean pregnant? How are you pregnant? You’re kidding, right? [sipping loudly] hmmm… mmm… this is good coffee Hey! Do you… do you get what’s going on here? What? I’m pregnant! So? So? So, it’s yours what do you mean so? Mine… Yeah! What’s mine? The baby Hey dad! I’m gonna burn your fucking house down! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! You’re pregnant Yes! And… it’s… mine… It’s yours alright… Are you sure? Can you double check? Oh my God! Oh! How could I let this happen? [music] I think I’m ready to settle down… with someone else… I’m breaking up with you You know what? Fuck em’ Woo! Girl… Power [moaning] Oh my God! Shut up! Ah! Oh! When will death take me? Say… How the hell are we going to raise a baby? hmmm…. Give it breast milk… …and plenty of sunlight, I’m sure it will be fine It’s not a fucking plant You give your plants breast milk? Okay, you know what? You’re a real asshole Why? You’re not taking this shit seriously! You and I are about to have a baby, my friend. A real life fucking baby. Now I need you to man up and take some responsibility because I am not raising a kid by myself Now I need to know, right now! Are you in? or are you out? Hey dad! Let’s smoke this shit! I’m in! Count me in! Okay… You’re in… That’s… It’s good. So how much money do you have? Why? You want money now? How much do you want? I was hoping that you… …was going to pay for lunch No, asshole! How much money do you make? What do you do for a living? I used to be a food tester, but that didn’t pan out Food tester? Really? Yeah, I did quality control for a food company What company did you work for? Petco Petco? As in the dog food company? No, this one didn’t have a license Oh, but you were eating dog food for a living? Dog food… Cat food, Fish food, bird food, all kinds That is disgusting on so many levels! Well, it’s irrelevant. They had to shut us down Apparently some dogs died of food poisoning… PETA labeled our food as a form of “animal abuse” I don’t know… I liked it. Look lady! 9 out of 10 businesses fail within the first year We had a good month [music] [inaudible] Hold it! Did you just call me “lady”? What’s my name? [playful music] Question mark? Oh… Oh! I’m go… I’m gonna… I’m gonna kill him I’m gonna… I’m gonna kill him, I’m gonna… Dude! Calm down! What’s your problem? My problem? You really don’t get my problem? You’re broke You have no income, no future, no prospects no fucking sense of reality And I? am pregnant! with a baby! Your baby! Your fucking baby! Babies cost money… Babies need care, they need a mom and a dad and you are weird as hell! and… and… we’re dealing with a human fucking life here, what the fuck is the matter with you! goddammit! I knew it… I knew that this was going to happen… I’m going to have to raise this baby all alone and… …and I can’t… I can’t… I… Okay, okay, okay! hey, hey, hey… Don’t cry… You’re right… I’m sorry… I’m just a little freaked out, is all This is a lot to handle on a Sunday morning it’s Wednesday! Whatever… Look… You won’t have to raise this baby alone I’ll… help you with whatever… And… I’ll be there for you… every step of the way You have my word You take care of the bills… and the money… …and all that stuff and I’ll have… an unlimited …tainted, dog food supply we’re in this together… I’m Mark by the way Emily It’s a pleasure So… Are you okay? mm? Yeah! Sure! Okay! Look… I’m going to take a piss… and when I come back we’re going to sit down and talk details I want to know… everything! Do you have a bathroom here? Down the hall, to your left Oh! That dick!