Anecdota

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Remembering the Alamo (feat. Jake Johnson) – Drunk History


– HELLO. TODAY, WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT
THE ALAMO IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS. 1836– ENTER WILLIAM TRAVIS. DODGED OUT ON A BUNCH
OF BUSINESS DEBTS, HE ABANDONED HIS WIFE AND CHILD AND HEADED TOWARDS TEXAS
WITH HIS SLAVE, JOE. JIM BOWIE, HE FORGED
THESE DOCUMENTS THAT HE OWNED ALL THESE GRANTS
IN THE UNITED STATES TERRITORY. JIM BOWIE’S LIKE, YEAH,
THEY’RE ONTO ME HERE. I BETTER GET TO TEXAS, WHERE THEY’RE PROBABLY
NOT AS SMART, AND I’LL START DOING
THIS SAME SHENANIGAN DOWN THERE. CONGRESSMAN DAVY CROCKETT,
EVERYBODY LOVES THIS GUY. THE SAYING GOES, “HE COULD KILL
A GRIZZLY BEAR WITH HIS SMILE.” WELL, AS IT HAPPENS, HE DOESN’T
GET ELECTED FOR A SECOND TERM. AND HE SAYS, YOU CAN GO TO HELL.
I’LL GO TO TEXAS. CROCKETT, TRAVIS, AND BOWIE
HEAD TO TEXAS TO TAKE LAND. MEXICO OWNS
THE TERRITORY OF TEXAS, AND THE LONG-STORY-SHORT
IS THESE GUYS EXPEL A MEXICAN ARMY GARRISON AND THEY TAKE A MISSION
FOR THEMSELVES. AND THAT MISSION
IS THE ALAMO. AND THEY HOLE UP IN THE ALAMO.
BOWIE SAYS, DON’T WORRY. THERE’S NO WAY THE MEXICAN
ARMY’S COMING UNTIL SPRING, BECAUSE THE WINTER’S TOO HARSH
ON THESE HIGH MEXICAN DESERTS. BUT THEY DO COME. SANTA ANNA AND HIS SOLDIERS
ARRIVE IN SAN ANTONIO. THEY’RE ON HIS LAND. AND HE SAYS
TO THE ALAMO DEFENDERS, SURRENDER NOW
OR YOU WILL BE KILLED. [scoffs]
BULL[bleep]. LET’S FIRE A CANNON SHOT
AT SANTA ANNA AND LET HIM KNOW
WE KNOW BUSINESS. AND FIRES A CANNON.
AND THIS PISSES OFF SANTA ANNA. ON FEBRUARY 26TH, 1836,
SANTA ANNA BEGINS THE OFFENSIVE. HE FIRES CANNON VOLLEY
AFTER CANNON VOLLEY, BEATING DOWN THE WALL
OF THE ALAMO. THIS GOES ON FROM FEBRUARY 26TH,
1836, TO MARCH 5TH. THEY’RE TIRED. WILLIAM TRAVIS,
IN ONE OF HIS LAST LETTERS SAID, I KEEP ASKING FOR REINFORCEMENTS
AND NOBODY’S GIVING ME ANYTHING. THEY SEND, LIKE, 30 TEJANOS,
BUT I’M SCREWED. COULD YOU HELP ME
OUT A LITTLE BIT? MM, NOPE. AND THEN FINALLY,
IN THE EARLY MORNING OF MARCH “THIX,” GENERAL SANTA ANNA SAYS, I WILL TAKE MY BREAKFAST INSIDE
OF THE WALLS OF THE ALAMO. AND PREMATURELY,
ONE OF THE SOLDIERS YELLS, VIVA LA SANTA ANNA! AND THAT ALERTS ALL OF
THE DEFENDERS IN THE ALAMO THAT THE ATTACK IS COMING. WILLIAM TRAVIS
RALLIES THE TROOPS. THE MEXICANS ARE AT 1,800 STRONG
AGAINST 200 ALAMO DEFENDERS MADE UP
OF EUROPEANS, JEWS, TWO SLAVES,
WOMEN AND CHILDREN, AND MEXICANS WHO JUST WANT
TO FIGHT FOR THEIR LAND. THERE’S NO WAY
THAT THEY CAN WIN THIS. [dramatic music] COLONEL WILLIAM TRAVIS,
HE RUNS TO THE FRONT WALL, AND IS IMMEDIATELY
SHOT AND KILLED IN THE VERY FIRST STAGES
OF THE ATTACK ON THE ALAMO. AND HIS SLAVE JOE IS LIKE, WELL, EVERYBODY HERE
IS FIGHTING FOR A BIT OF LAND. I’M NOT GONNA GET ANY LAND,
CLEARLY, SO I’M GONNA, HMM, NOT FIGHT.
AND HE TOOK OFF. AND MYTH HAS IT THAT JIM BOWIE
FOUGHT TO THE DEATH. HE MUST HAVE TAKEN OUT
30 MEXICANS WITH HIS BIG KNIFE. THE REALITY IS, HE HAD COME DOWN
WITH A CASE OF TUBERCULOSIS, AND JIM BOWIE WAS SHOT
ON HIS DEATHBED. MEXICAN SOLDIERS BREACHED
THE WALL OF THE ALAMO, AND THE ALAMO
DEFENDERS REALIZE THEY HAVE TO RETREAT
TO THE LONG BARRACKS. SO THE MEXICANS ENTER
THE BARRACKS AND DO AWAY WITH ALL OF THE ALAMO
DEFENDERS IN THE BARRACKS. AND GENERAL SANTA ANNA
TAKES HIS BREAKFAST INSIDE THE WALLS OF THE ALAMO.
AND DAVY CROCKETT IS CAPTURED. [dramatic music] DAVY CROCKETT, GREAT AMERICAN
[stammers] MYTHOLOGICAL LEVEN–LEGEND
IS EXECUTED THAT MORNING. BECAUSE OF THIS,
“REMEMBER THE ALAMO” IS USED AS A RALLY– RALLYING CRY AND TEXAS
BECOMES A STATE. AND THE THING THAT WE CAN
TAKE FROM IT ACADEMICALLY, HISTORICALLY– HOW DOES
DAVY CROCKETT LIKE HIS PIE? – HOW?
– “A LA MODE.” – I GOTTA GO.
– YEAH, ME TOO.

100 thoughts on “Remembering the Alamo (feat. Jake Johnson) – Drunk History

  1. this show fucking sucks….like watching your shitty drunk friends think they are being funny when really they are just annoying

  2. oh my god, comedy central is just on another level, they real inspire which led me to create a channel actually…you dudes are just too funny

  3. You should sub to me💗lolYou should sub to me💗lolYou should. sub to me💗lolYou should sub to me💗lolYou should sub to me💗lolYou should sub to me💗lolYou should sub to me💗lolYou should sub to me😂

  4. Remember the Alamo, Remember the South… Remember you lost? Loser ass racists keep losing then calling it a win.

  5. Slightly incorrect, Texas was its own nation before it became a state, else wise, everything was on target 😉

  6. So basically Americans were illegal immigrants on Mexican territory, fought back against Mexico & lost & we turned those illegal immigrants into legends because when they're white, it's perfectly okay. Tale as old as time!

  7. I like the story of Sam Houston better.
    The Texas Revolution

    In 1821, Texas was part of Mexico. The land was cheap, so

    many Americans settled in Texas. Mexico tried to stop them,

    but they still came. Slavery was against Mexican law, but

    Americans brought slaves to Texas. Many American settlers

    and Tejanos, or Mexicans who lived in Texas, wanted to

    break away from Mexico. They did not like laws made by

    Santa Anna, Mexico’s president. The Tejanos and Texans

    decided to fight for independence.

    In 1836, Santa Anna took an army to San Antonio to

    take a fort called the Alamo. Fewer than 200 Texans and

    Tejanos met him. Most of them died in battle. After this,

    Texans declared independence and formed the Republic of

    Texas. Sam Houston led their army in a surprise attack at

    San Jacinto. They won, and captured Santa Anna. For his

    freedom, Santa Anna gave Texas its independence.

    Texans elected Sam Houston president and voted

    to join the United States. They also made slavery legal.

    President Van Buren was against annexation. Mexico wanted

    to keep Texas, and Van Buren feared it would cause war. He

    also didn’t want to add a new state to the Union that

    allowed slavery. People who wanted to annex Texas said it

    was the manifest destiny of the United States to spread from

    the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. In 1845, James Polk

    became President. Congress voted to annex Texas.

    War with Mexico

    The United States and Mexico disagreed on the border

    between Texas and Mexico. Congress declared war in 1846.

    Soldiers fought on three fronts. Americans captured Mexico

    City in 1847. In 1848, Mexico signed the Treaty of

    Guadalupe Hidalgo. Mexico agreed to the annexation of

    Texas and the Rio Grande as the border between Texas and

    Mexico. Mexico also gave a large area of land, the Mexican

    Cession, to the United States.

  8. Yo why the heck should we remember this story about the Mexican government taking varry reasonable action against terrorists?

  9. I mean, if they wanted to be in Mexico, they should have followed the rules. Of course they got executed, you can't just walk in and take land. Clearly this bandits wouldn't assimilate in Mexico. There is a process that must be followed

  10. I hate to break it to you, but the whole reason all those guys went to the Alamo in the first place is because Santa Ana was literally murdering every single person and animal he and his psychopath army came across.

  11. Santa Ana murdered, raped, and set fire to anyone, and anything in his path on the way to the Alamo. So yeah, Texans were beyond pissed.

  12. Remembering the day they INVADED and STOLE Texas from Mexico after ILLEGALLY settling on land that didn’t belong to them and refusing to follow Mexican law! But Mexicans are “illegals”!

  13. Fun fact: The role of Davey Crockett was originally going to go to Adam Sandler, but he refused. So Derek Watters stepped in to the role.

  14. I cant wait until all of your staff die of natural causes. You are the reason Charlie Hebdo was attacked. I am through. You are anti-white domestic abusers dishonoring and targeting whites. Why dont you immigrate elsewhere?

  15. Comedy central staff like to kill white women like jim jones scams. They enjoy flooding the country with immigrants and then attacking sucker white women who made the country. I hate all of them and it is never going back. One time is all it takes with domestic violence — which is what you are selling as executives

  16. Comedy central staff are promoting interracial again, trying to claim "physicak attributes are superior" to try to degrade white women as "ugly" and mixed race women as "north korean haircut desired features with other white women."

  17. I am grateful to die. Why didnt you interracial jokes move to canada? Instead trey parker forces asians and blacks on us as mocking my body and claiming im "unfeminine." My family all were here before that was legal. None of you cared about me at all. Just about specific breasts and interracial sex and abusing me

  18. Ive gotta good follow up to that from family legend's passed down from my in laws as to how Santa Anna was captured on land owned by them. They were Morgan's, (Emily Morgan was "working" for them) here around the San Jacinto Monument.

  19. So a bunch white people and some mexicans take over a mission and kick out the army. So Santa Anna comes aand says Leave or be killed, the "defenders"(terrorists) then fire a cannon shot(so they shot first) and then they get killed but for some reason thats cruel. They attempted to steal a building, theyre given a fair warning, they shoot first, and they failed stealing land and attacking the army. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO whatre we remembering?

  20. I had to take a whole year of this bullshit in 7th grade. Texas history is one of thieves and slaveowners so why the hell do we glorify it.

  21. Wtf this is the saddest drunk history ever: white people are entitled, soldiers have no tact or mercy, history is a lie, everyone sucks. And then it ends with the dumbest joke ever.

  22. Having been born and raised in San Antonio we had literally two years of just San Antonio history in elementary school. Over elementary school we probably took a field trip to the Alamo at least a dozen times. Also the most popular local Tex-Mex restaurant here is Alamo Cafe and they have Alamo shaped crackers. It's safe to say if I never heard the word Alamo the rest of my life it'd be too soon.

  23. Ah yes the battle of Texas independence. Santa Ana really fucked that up and became a prisoner of war. Then not only did he lose Texas but also New Mexico, Arizona, California, Utah, Nevada and California. What a loser.

  24. the reason davy crocket didn't get reelected was because he went against Andrew Jackson about seizing Native American land also some of this stuff isn't accurate

  25. I’m sitting here somewhere in San Antonio and I can confidently say that cc’s portrayal is far more accurate than what you get in school.

    “Remember the Alamo” is pushed down our throats so much from K-12, but really majority is aware that it’s just another historical event where white American men try to claim land that is already owned by another.

    Joe FTW

  26. Can I suggest telling Caligula's story?? With Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling playing the emperor??

  27. You forgot the "line in the sand" bit. Thats literally the only reason we still talk about the Alamo today and why it's become a Texas myth.

  28. American history is so badly taught in American schools that I didn't realize Davy Crockett was a real person. I thought he was a tall tale. Of course some of the other tall tales are based on real people, too… but, jeez. I thought I knew American history pretty well.

  29. As a Texan, I wish this is how we were taught about the Alamo. Cause teachers hyped that shit up and the Alamo is the size of a small house. That shit is wack.

  30. I can't believe they left the part out where Texas went on to kick Santa Ana's ass at the battle of Goliad…that is the exact origin of "remember the Alamo"

  31. So it was weong of the Mexican army to attack rebels who illegally took land yea they did kill the majority of the defenders but they wouldn't stop fighting

  32. So you mean yo tell me, "Remember the Alamo," has been used as a rallying cry over the deaths of thieves and sheisters who stole land from another country and were killed for it? And America stole the land a second, formal time to prove a point??? That point being, thieves should always win? Man, FUCK the Alamo.

  33. Davy Crockett: “ You can go to hell, I’ll go to Texas.”

    Me in Patrick’s voice: “What’s the difference?”

  34. He forgot the bit about Sam Houston forcing Santa Anna to surrender when he launched a surprise attack while Santa Anna's troops slept during a siesta! And the Alamo was avenged.

  35. So sad the terrorists won 🙁 all well, Mexican and Americans were both terrorists the to natives so tear each other to shreds idgaf

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