Laughter is the Best Medicine

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes about Food & Travel on The Ed Sullivan Show (1971)

– Now the man who says
he can’t get no respect. (audience cheers) Rodney Dangerfield. (peppy music) (audience applause) – Thank you very much, you’re all right. Thank you very much. You’re all right, you
know, I mean it. (laughs) No I tell ya I’m a little
upset with myself lately, my wife keeps bothering me, I’m puttin’ on weight, you know. She keeps coming up with
new diets all the time. Well one week she put
me on a grapefruit diet. Yeah, for seven days I
had 10 grapefruits a day. It ended up I lost four pounds, I gotta citrus rash. (audience laughs) I tell ya it seems lately
I just can’t relax. Every time I try to relax
something comes up, you know. The other night I had dinner
in a Chinese restaurant. I opened my fortune cookie, in it was the guy’s check next to me. (audience laughs) I said to him, I said
buddy I got your check. He said thanks. (audience laughs) I don’t know. I said the last time I
took the wife and kids out I had trouble too you know. I took ’em out to eat, I wasn’t to hungry. I asked the waiter if I could buy a half a sandwich, you know. He said to me, take a whole
sandwich someone will eat it. So I bought a whole sandwich. Well he ate the other half. (audience laughs) I tell ya I never had any
luck in restaurants, you know. I remember the first time
I had a date with a girl, I took her to an Italian restaurant. I asked her what she
wanted, she said the waiter. (audience laughs) I don’t know. I tell you in restaurants
I don’t get no respect or anywhere else. No I mean no respect at all. Well I was gonna take a
little trip, you know, a little vacation to get away from it all. I spoke to a guy who
works in a travel agency. He told me I could spend
six nights in Puerto Rico. No days, just six nights in Puerto Rico. (audience laughs) I said, what’d I do myself days? He says, you can do whatever you want just keep out of Puerto Rico. (audience laughs and claps) Well I spoke to another guy, he offered me a 21 day tour. Yeah he said that he’d fly me to London, then fly me home from Tokyo. I said to him, how do I
get from London to Tokyo? He says that why give you 21 days. (audience laughs) (man laughs loudly) I keep talking about going away, I never go anywhere, you know. Never get away. Sometimes I see people’s luggage,
they got stickers on ’em. The Colosseum, Rome. The Alps in Switzerland. Eiffel Tower, Paris. My luggage one sticker,
Guido’s Clam Bar, Coney Island. (audience laughs) Well I tell if you was in
neighborhood after awhile no you don’t think straight, I mean it. I once had a guy stop me,
had a knife in his hand. I said, buddy what do you want? Take my money, take my watch. He looked at me, he said,
idiot take me to a hospital, I gotta knife in my hand. (peppy music) – Rodney, come here.
(audience applauds) – Come on.
(audience applauds)

30 thoughts on “Rodney Dangerfield Jokes about Food & Travel on The Ed Sullivan Show (1971)

  1. the audience clearly had no idea what they were listening to. nothing as funny has ever been on Ed Sullivan at that point.

  2. The laughing guy sounded like Ed Sullivan, maybe that's why Rodney looked his way as though taken aback somewhat.

  3. 2:29 – that dude is rocking the Quentin Collins look.
    I get respect! 😃 Classic
    Is it me or does Ed Sullivan seem to be a hardcore gangster?

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