Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Ron Burgundy’s EXCLUSIVE Stand-Up Comedy Debut On The Late Show


FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU
KNOW HIM AS THE FORMER ANCHOR OF SAN DIEGO’S AWARD-WINNING
CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM, AND HE SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME TO MENTION
THAT HE’S KIND OF A BIG DEAL. PLEASE WELCOME, PERFORMING
STANDUP, RON BURGUNDY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>OH, MY GOSH! WOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH! WOW! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW! WOW! WOW! HOLD ON HERE! HOLD ON! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU! WHAT A CROWD! WOW! PLEASE, I GOT TO GET TO THE
JOKES, FOLKS. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY WHEN THEY’RE SCREAMING TOO LONG, RIGHT? YEAH. ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT A CROWD! WOW! GIVE YOURSELF A LITTLE CREDIT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YES, THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! GO AHEAD, RIDE THE WAVE! GO AHEAD! YEAH! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OKAY, NOW START BOOING YOURSELVES. ( BOOING )
THERE YOU GO! COME ON! OH, A REAL BRONX CHEER! ANYWAY, HOW’S EVERYONE DOING
TONIGHT? GOOD? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH? DO WE HAVE ANY PARTIERS HERE
TONIGHT? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YES! I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT THAT
MEANT WHEN SOMEONE WOULD SAY, HEY, DO YOU LINING TO PARTY? YOU MUST BE A PARTIER! LOOK OUT! TED LIKES TO PARTY! RIGHT? WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN? DO YOU LIKE TO THROW PARTIES? WHICH, IN A WAY IS A REALLY NICE
COMPLIMENT, YOU KNOW? MEANS YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE AND
YOU LIKE TO PLAN. ( LAUGHTER )
IT’S GOING REALLY GOOD. IT’S GOING REALLY GOOD. ( LAUGHTER )
HOWEVER, PEOPLE USUALLY COME OFF MORE AGGRESSIVELY. YOU KNOW, TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA
PARTY! I WANT TO PARTY! WE ARE GOING OFF! ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? ( LAUGHTER )
TO GO OFF? TO GO OFF WHERE? ( LAUGHTER )
TO GO OFF AND FIND A PRIVATE NOOK TO PLAN A PARTY? ( LAUGHTER )
TONIGHT WE ARE GOING OFF TO FIND A QUIET AREA AND PLAN AN ELEGANT
SEND-OFF FOR MY COUSIN DENISE! ( LAUGHTER )
SHE WILL BE DELIGHTED BECAUSE OF THE CARE AND FORETHOUGHT! WHOA! ( LAUGHTER )
ANYWAY, THAT’S THE LINGO THESE DAYS. IN MY DAY, IT WAS A MUCH SIMPLER
TIME. WE WOULD JUST SAY, HEY, I’M
GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. AND BY “A GOOD TIME,” IT JUST
MEANT YOU GET DRUNK AND YOU FIGHT THE FIRST PERSON THAT
LOOKS AT YOU SIDEWAYS. ( LAUGHTER )
MAN OR WOMAN. ( LAUGHTER )
REAL OR IMAGINED. ( LAUGHTER )
ANIMALS WERE NO EXCEPTION. ( LAUGHTER )
I FOUGHT A LOT OF PET BIRDS AND DOGS BACK IN THE DAY, AND I
DON’T MIND TELLING YOU, MOST OF THE TIME, I CAME OUT ON THE
LOSING END. BUT THAT’S WHAT WE CALLED
“HAVING A GOOD TIME.” NEW YORK CITY, THOUGH, IS —
IT’S A GREAT DRINKING TOWN. WHENEVER I COME HERE, I JUST
WANT TO ORDER A COCKTAIL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? HARVEY WALLBANGER. THAT’S A WEIRD NAME FOR A DRINK,
RIGHT? A GUY NAMED HARVEY, USED TO BANG
WALLS. BURGUNDY RIM SHOT! ( RIM SHOT )
( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU. I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT. BECAUSE THAT WOULD LOOK TERRIBLE
IF YOU WEREN’T READY TO DO THAT. SO THANK YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU’VE HEARD OF A DRINK CALLED THE RUSTY
NAIL. YES. OH, ALMOST EVERYONE. ( LAUGHTER )
A RUSTY NAIL IS SCOTCH AND DRAMBUY AND THE FIRST SIP TASTES
LIKE YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S UNDERPANTS, BUT AFTER THE SECOND
SIP YOU’RE ORDERING TWO MORE. NEXT THING, YOU’RE IN THE
EMERGENCY ROOM GETTING A TETANUS SHOT BECAUSE YOU END UP SHOOTING
YOURSELF IN THE FOOT WITH A NAIL GUN. THAT’S A RUSTY NAIL. ( LAUGHTER )
NO JOKE, THOUGH, YOU SHOULD GET CAUGHT UP ON THOSE TETANUS
SHOTS. WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? WHAT ELSE? TRADE WARS, RIGHT? EVERYDAY ALL WE HEAR IS TRADE
WAR, TRADE WAR WITH CHINA, TRADE WAR WITH MEXICO. WE EVEN HAD A TRADE WAR WITH
CANADA. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? YEAH, BOO! I’M WITH YOU. I I H HATE CANADIANS. ( APPLAUSE )
NO, THANK YOU, IT’S REFRESHING TO SPEAK YOUR MIND WITH AN
ANTI-CANADA AUDIENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
GOOD, GOOD, WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE. ( LAUGHTER )
TRADE WAR WITH CANADA, WE AREN’T GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY MORE CARS
TILL YOU LOWER THE PRICE OF CANADIAN BACON? ( LAUGHTER )
TO HELL WITH THE TRADE WARS, I SAY TRADE PEACE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH! THANK YOU. THANK YOU. HEY, I GOT SOMETHING WE CAN
TRADE — HOW ABOUT WE TRADE A DOOBIE BACK AND FORTH AND FIGURE
THIS WHOLE THING OUT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YES, BECAUSE I’M GETTING SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT. SPEAKING OF DOOBIES, DID YOU
KNOW THAT MARIJUANA IS NOW LEAGUEL IN MOST STATES? THAT’S JUST CRAZY TO ME BECAUSE,
BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE HAD A DEALER NAMED MARCUS OR JULIUS. ( LAUGHTER )
OR PACO. AND THEY WOULD MEET YOU IN LA
VON’S PARKING LOT WITH A DIMEBAG OR A LITTLE PIECE OF TINFOIL
WITH WEIRD SHAVINGS OR TREE BARK OR GOD KNOWS WHAT IT WAS AND YOU
WERE HAPPY TO HAVE IT. ( LAUGHTER )
THESE GUYS BECAME A REAL PART OF YOUR LIFE. YOU INVITED THEM TO YOUR
WEDDING. ( LAUGHTER )
THEY WENT ON VACATIONS WITH YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
PACO AND JULIUS WERE YOUR BEST FRIENDS UNTIL YOU COULDN’T PAY. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN THE KNIVES CAME OUT, AND IT WAS HARSH, BUT YOU FELT
ALIVE! ( LAUGHTER )
NOW YOU JUST WALTZ IN AND BUY A BAG OF GUMMY BEARS AND TRIP
BALLS, YOU KNOW? ( LAUGHTER )
WHERE’S THE DANGEROUS? WHERE’S THE ROMANCE? ( LAUGHTER )
I MISS PACO AND JULIUS. THEY’RE BOTH DEAD, BY THE WAY. ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT ELSE? ( LAUGHTER )
OH, YOU GUYS EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW “STAR WARS,” HUH? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH? IS THERE A NEW “STAR WARS”? I HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST SAY THAT AND PEOPLE GO
CRAZY BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF CHUMPS. CANADIAN HATING CHUMPS. BUT I LOVE NEW YORK. I REALLY DO. THE OTHER DAY I WENT TO ELLIS
ISLAND TO TRACE MY FAMILY ROOTS AND I HAVE TO SAY IT WAS VERY
EMOTIONAL. I LOOKED UP THE BURGUNDY FAMILY
TO SEE WHERE WE HAD ORIGINALLY COME FROM, AND I WAS LOOKING AND
LOOKING AND PORING OVER THE RECORDS AND, FINALLY, FINALLY I
FOUND BURGUNDY. JOSIAH AND RHONDA BURGUNDY. COUNTRY OF ORIGIN, AND SOMEONE
HAD DRAWN SOME INTRICATE MALE GENITALIA. ( LAUGHTER )
SO THAT WAS — SO THAT WAS A BUMMER. THAT’S NOT SO MUCH A JOKE AS A
CAUTIONARY TALE. ( LAUGHTER )
SO IF YOU GO TO ELLIS ISLAND, PEOPLE, BE PREPARED THERE’S SOME
MEAN PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH A SHARPIE DRAWING PENISES WHERE IT
SAYS COUNTRY OF ORIGIN. SO TRUE STORY. ( LAUGHTER )
HERE’S ONE I’M GOING TO LEAVE YOU WITH, TWO GUYS WALK INTO A
BAR, A GAY GUY AND A STRAIGHT GUY. ( LAUGHTER )
THE GAY GUY SAYS TO THE BARTENDER, I’D LIKE TO ORDER A
DRINK. THE BARTENDER IS A MEXICAN GUY
AND HE SAYS, WHAT’LL YOU HAVE? MEANWHILE, DOWN THE BAR IS A
CHINESE LADY. ( LAUGHTER )
JUST MINDING HER BUSINESS, BUT BEFORE ANYONE CAN ORDER, IN
WALKS A BLACK GUY, AND HE WALKS RIGHT UP TO THE BAR ALL CALM AND
COOL. NOW, THE STRAIGHT GUY TAKES A
LOOK AT WHAT’S GOING ON AND HE TURNS TO THE TABLE BEHIND HIM,
WHICH IS A TABLE FULL OF JEWS AND A CATHOLIC BRE PRIEST. NOW, IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING
TO THE A RACIST JOKE, YOU HAD ANOTHER THING COMING. THIS IS NEW YORK CITY, FOLKS,
AND WE’RE ALL HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME MY NAME IS RON
BURGUNDY, I HOPE TO SEE YOU AT THE BAR! THANK YOU!>>Stephen: RON BURGUNDY,
EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) RON, COME ON OVER! YEAH! THANK YOU SO MUCH! REALLY GREAT. REALLY FUNNY STUFF, RON. I’M A LONG-TIME FAN OF YOUR
WORK, BUT HOW LONG HAS RON BURGUNDY BEEN DOING STAND-UP?>>HOW LONG?>>Stephen: YEAH, HOW LONG. ABOUT 20 MINUTES. HOW LONG WAS THAT SET? TWELVE?>>Stephen: YEAH. I REALLY ENJOY IT.>>Stephen: CLEARLY. I WRITE MY OWN MATERIAL. IT WAS ALL WRITTEN BY ME.>>Stephen: MY UNDERSTANDING
IS YOU WERE ON TONIGHT, ON EVERY SINGLE LATE NIGHT SHOW IN ONE
NIGHT.>>ALL IN ONE NIGHT. TONIGHT, AUGUST 8. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: YEAH. HOUSE OF YOUR SUMMER, BY THE
WAY?>>WHICH IS A JOYOUS
SUMMERTIME — IT’S THE HAPPIEST DAY TO HAVE THE SUMMER.>>Stephen: EXACTLY. I HAVE ANY SUMMERTIME SCARF
ON AND MY CASHMERE TURTLENECK.>>Stephen: IT’S SO IMPORTANT
IN AUGUST TO KEEP THE THROAT WARM.>>OH, MY GOSH, AND I’VE HAD IT
ON ALL DAY SO THIS IS WREAKING. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN ON ALL THE SHOWS.>>YES.>>Stephen: ALL THE SHOWS
TONIGHT SIMULTANEOUSLY. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE?>>MY FAVORITE LATE NIGHT HOST,
AND IT’S GOT TO BE CHRISTIANA NAPOR. SHE’S SO FUNNY AND VERY HIGHLY
INTELLECTUAL.>>Stephen: SURE. BUT YOU’RE IN MY TOP FIVE,
STEPHEN. REALLY APPRECIATE IT, YEAH.>>Stephen: SURE, SURE. SO SPEAKING OF HOSTS,
EVERYBODY — THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN FOR ALL TIME IS JOHNNY
CARSON.>>YES.>>Stephen: DID YOU KNOW
JOHNNY AT ALL? DID YOU GO DRINKING WITH HIM?>>DID GUY DRINKING WITH JOHNNY
CARSON?>>Stephen: YEAH. O JOHNNY CARSON FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO DON’T KNOW WAS THE HOST OF “”THE TONIGHT SHOW,” 32
YEARS, AND HE USED TO HAVE A WELL-KNOWN POKER GAME AT HIS
HOUSE I WAS SOMETIMES INVITED TO.>>Stephen: DRIVE UP TO
SAN DIEGO.>>SACKEDO PAST CARLSBAD TO HIS
HOUSE IN ENCINO.>>Stephen: SURE. AND I WOULD BE INVITED, AND
THEY LIKED TO DRINK, THEY LIKED TO DRINK THERE. YOU NAME IT. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU WOULD SIT
NEXT TO. BURT REYNOLDS, JOEY BISHOP,
MARTY FELD BEEN. PETE BARBOODI AND BROTHER DERK.>>Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE A
DRINK?>>I WOULD LOVE ONE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DRINKING WASN’T ILLEGAL BACK IN THOSE DAYS. IN FACT, I REMEMBER ONE NIGHT IT
WAS JUST JOHNNY AND I AND DEBBIE REYNOLDS, AMERICA’S SWEETHEART,
AND IT WAS ABOUT 4:00 IN THE MORNING — AND I’M TRAILING OFF
NOW BECAUSE I REALIZE I CAN’T TELL THAT STORY. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: IT’S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU HERE. IT’S FASCINATING.>>IT IS FASCINATING.>>Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
COMMERCIAL BREAK, YOU KNOW, FROM THE BUSINESS.>>I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN STICK
AROUND. GO AHEAD, GO TO COMMERCIAL, AND
IF I CAN STICK AROUND FOR THE SECOND SEGMENT, I WILL. IF NOT, IT WAS GREAT TALKING TO
YOU.>>Stephen: ALL RIGHT, GREAT. ( LAUGHTER )
SO WE’LL SEE YOU IN ABOUT THREE OR FOUR MINUTES.>>I HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT
IT.>>Stephen: YEAH. ALL RIGHT, WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH POSSIBLY MORE RON BURGUNDY,

100 thoughts on “Ron Burgundy’s EXCLUSIVE Stand-Up Comedy Debut On The Late Show

  1. It sounds weird. But it takes skills and experience to be in character and be this embarrassingly unfunny and uncool. Plus it takes guts, because as we see by some of the comments, some folks just don't get it.

  2. The time when Ron Burgundy mentions Carlsbad and you currently live in Carlsbad. A true San Diego guy๐Ÿ˜Ž

  3. I heard a rumour that Ron burgundy asked Will Ferrell to go to Kimmel Corden and Conan in la, put on a moustache and pretend to be him while ron was on Colbert Meyers and fallon since they look so a like

  4. Donโ€™t know if any of these are references from Anchorman or not. Feel like I need to see that first to fully get it.

  5. Ron burgundy looks a lot like the drummer from the red hot chilli peppers. And a little like that guy from Saturday night live.

  6. Why is any self-respecting American appearing on this scumbag's show? Colbert is and has always been a fifth column. Prosecution is the only way forward.

  7. Unlike Andy Kauffman, the replaying of this hack shows Will has completely run out of material and is declining fast. He's one train wreck I'm not going to watch.

  8. Fallon fake laughs too much and too loudly and Colbert hides it when heโ€™s really cracking up.
    Interesting.

  9. This is so meta i don't even know if to cringe at the audience laughs or not and if to call the performance a fail because the audience is laughing although the jokes are supposed to be bad. Please tell me what to think. Thank you.

  10. really??
    this is considered "funny"??
    If this is what Muricans find funny, it could, in part, explain the current state of political affairs in the US……………………..

  11. If a foreigner watched this, he would be confused because he wouldn't be laughing.
    But I'm not a foreigner (?) โœ‚๏ธ ๐ŸŒญ ๐Ÿณ

  12. Steve Burgundy's Great Comments about working towards Tariff Trade PEACE & Not War are Great! Passing a doobie – maybe people wouldn't be SO Uptight if they would partake a bit of marijuana candies, cookies or a brownie to mellow out.

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