Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Shane Torres Performs Stand-Up


>>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN WHO HAS PERFORMED ON “CONAN” AND
COMEDY CENTRAL. GIVE IT UP FOR SHANE TORRES! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>HELLO! HELLO? HOW ARE YOU ED SULLIVAN THEATER,
YEAH? ALL RIGHT. I KNOW THAT I AM GETTING OLDER
BECAUSE I HAVE STARTED TO MAKE MORE NOISE LAYING DOWN THAN
STANDING UP. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT HAPPENS SOMEWHERE AFTER 30. AS SOON AS MY HEAD HITS THE
PILLOW NOW, I JUST — ( LAUGHTER )
HEEEEEH! JUST GET THIS DAY OFF OF ME. I TURN ON MY SIDE, I SOUND LIKE
A CITY BUS COMING TO A STOP. HEEEH! TTTSTH. THE NEXTkO■ MORNING I WAKE UP WI
MORE PAIN THAN THE NIGHT BEFORE. HOW ARE YOU SORE FROM REST,
FATTY? NOBODY TOLD ME I WOULD BE YOUNG
FOREVER BUT NOBODY TOLD ME IT WOULD END SO DAMN FAST. IT HAPPENS QUICKER THAN YOU
THINK. IN MY 20s, I WAS A LUNATIC. I’D SNORT IT, SHOOT IT, DRINK
IT, SCREW IT, AND NOW IF I HAVE CHEESE I WANT TO LAY ON A COLD
FLOOR. ( LAUGHTER )
IT AFFECTS ME EVEN LIKE I WANT TO GO SEE MY PHYSICIAN IN MY
20s — THAT’S A DOCTOR — ( LAUGHTER )
— I WOULD GO SEE HER AND I WAS SO CARE FREE THEN. SHE WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE,
YOU’RE DOING PRETTY GOOD, BUT MAYBE JUST LOSE A FEW POUNDS. I WOULD BE SO OPTIMISTIC, IT’S
OKAY, DOC, HERE I COME, WORLD! BUT I TURNED. BUT NOW LIFE HAS BEATEN ME
PRETTY GOOD. ( LAUGHTER )
YOUR LAUGH IS HAWPTING — HAUNTING. WHEN I GO SEE HER NOW I TAKE IT
PERSONALLY. SHE’S, LIKE, YOU NEED TO LOSE
SOME WEIGHT AND I’M, LIKE, I DON’T LIKE YOUR DAMN GLASSES. WE’RE SAYING
OTHER? MY CHOLESTEROL IS HIGH, YOUR
CO-PAY IS HIGH. HOW DOES THAT FEEL? NONE OF THESE NURSES LIKE YOU. I DRINK LESS THAN I EVER HAVE. IT IS STILL A PROBLEMATIC
AMOUNT. ( LAUGHTER )
IT’S THE KIND OF DRINKING IF WE WENT TO BRUNCH YOU WOULD BE LIKE
WHO GETS SCOTCH WITH A WAFFLE? ( LAUGHTER )
I GOT BUDDIES WHO ARE GETTING SOBER. YOU EVER HAD SOMEONE DO THAT TO
YOUR FRIENDSHIP? ( LAUGHTER )
( BLEEP ) WHAT A BUMMER THAT I WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS I NEVER
HAD A FRIEND WHOSE ASSOCIATE WAS LESS IRRITATING THAN THEIR
ADDICTION WAS. ( LAUGHTER )
LIKE, YEAH, I HAD THIS BUDDY, HE’S SOBER, HE CAUGHT A TOUCH OF
CHRIST. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT HE WAS THE FUNNEST DRUNK I’D EVER MET IN MY LIFE. GREW UP WITH HIM IN TEXAS, A
DUDE NAMED TODD. I WOULD BE, LIKE, WE’RE GOING
FOR COCKTAILS TONIGHT. WHAT DO YOU SAY? HE’S, LIKE, YEAH, FORGET CHILD
SUPPORT! TODD IS AWESOME! I’M, LIKE, I’M HAVING A
BARBECUE. HE’S, LIKE, I’M GOING TO SHOOT
MY GUN IN YOUR POOL! YEAH! TODD WAS AWESOME. NOW TODD IS SOBER AND HE IS A
HUSK OF A MAN I KNEW, TRULY JUST A TURTLE WITHOUT A SHELL. ( LAUGHTER )
WELL, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT’S VERY IRRITATING ABOUT TODD’S
ASSOCIATE IS HE NOW THINKS HE’S BETTER THAN EVERYBODY BECAUSE HE
DOESN’T DRINK, A REAL CHEEKY LITTLE JERK. WE’LL BE OUT TO DINNER AND HE’LL
SAY SOMETHING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE — ARE YOU REALLY
GOING TO HAVE A FIFTH BOTTLE OF WINE FOR DINNER? ( LAUGHTER )
YEAH, TODD, I’LL HAVE VALIUM WITH MY CARROT CAKE, I’M NOT THE
ONE WITH THE PROBLEM AT THE TABLE. ALL OF A SUND YOU’RE NOT PARKING
ON YOUR NEIGHBOR’S LAWN AT 4 IN THE MORNING, YOU’RE BETTER THAN
EVERYBODY ELSE. TODD, THAT’S A DUMB DUMB ASS NAM
( LAUGHTER ) HONESTLY, WHO THE HELL LOOKS AT
A NEWBORN BABY NOT YET HAVING SINNED IN THIS WORLD, SEES THEIR
CHILD DRAW ITS FIRST BREATH AND REST ITS HEAD UPON THE BOSOM OF
ITS MOTHER AND THINKS “TODD”? WHAT, DO YOU WANT IT TO BE DUMB? LOOK, I GET IT, NAMING A KID IS
A BIGGER RESPONSIBLE THAN PEOPLE MAKE IT OUT TO BE. MY BEST FRIEND WHO GREW UP IN
TEXAS HAD HIS FIRST LITTLE BOY, HE NAMED HIM LARRY. I MET AN INFANT NAMED LARRY. ( LAUGHTER )
HERE’S MY SON, LARRY IF BABY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? IS HE ALREADY 100 YEARS OLD? ( LAUGHTER )
MY NAME IS DUMB, I GET IT. MY NAME IS SHANE TORRES. I GOT THAT NAME BECAUSE MY
MOTHER WAS FROM SOUTHERN IRELAND AND MY FATHER WAS FIRST
GENERATION MEXICAN-AMERICAN. SHANE IRISH, TORRES THE SMITH OF
MEXICAN LAST NAMES AND THAT MAKES ME CATHOLIC. THIS YEAR FOR LENT I’M GIVING UP
HOPE. ( LAUGHTER )
COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE, THOUGH. LIKE IF MY DAD HAD BEEN IRISH
AND MY MOM HAD BEEN MEXICAN. PARENTS WOULD HAVE NAMED HE LIKE
JUAN MCDOUGALL. ( LAUGHTER )
FERNANDO FI FI FITZGIBBON! THANKS YOU GUYS VERY MUCH.>>STEPHEN: SHANE TORRES,
EVERYBODY! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

100 thoughts on “Shane Torres Performs Stand-Up

  1. He's good, yeah use to that passive-put down yourself, put down the sober friend humor, then 10 yrs from now, Shane could do comedy on how Leaders learned how to help the world, rather than hurt the world yeah it's a brave new world Shane glad you are in it!

  2. When people don't appreciate different senses of humor you get a bitter comment section. Appreciate the art and how he didnt do the same jomes you have heard a million times. And if you still don't appreciate it, your bitter comment is still not needed.

  3. His jokes aren't bad, it's just his body language is too rigid for the jokes he's giving. It's giving mixed signals. 'probably leaving people confused as to whether to laugh or not. He should loosen up more and not be afraid to be a little more slapstick. He come's off too serious and ends up sounding more hateful, jaded and salty than there to have a good time. Laugh at yourself and let people know it's OK to laugh at your self-deprecation too.

  4. I usually enjoy the comedians who appear on Colbert, even if they're not to my personal taste. This was six painful minutes of decades old material, badly presented.

  5. I'm figuring Colbert was forced to have him on for some reason as yet unknown.. Stupid regressive jokes, trite & tired material, far inferior to most of the comics Colbert has on.

  6. I usually don't think the subjeces he spoke about are that funny but I thought his take on them was pretty good 👍

  7. I hate SJW crap – but seriously, picking on people who got sober?!?! It wasn't funny because you could tell he seriously hates some of his friends because of it.
    And as a recovering person let me just say…. so what? LOL I didn't care for that bit, but I'm not about to get a petition together to ruin his life.
    Ahhhhhh…… that feels so good 🙂

  8. Anxiety Meds have robbed people of their sense of humour. so NOTHING IS FUNNY. Everything is an attack on a victim. if you can't laugh at stupid things, stand up comedians, then you have a very serious problem. Get Help. your meds are robbing you of your Life.

  9. Don't know why it has that many dislikes, but I loved the set. His delivery is on point and even though you saw where the Todd line was going, the set up and his tone made me still laugh out loud.

  10. Fatalist comedians like Shane Torrez seem part of an intentional narrative spun by corporations' socially-engineered society to steer folks away from an optimistic future and thus making it easy to elect and adopt destructive people and policies. Thanks CBS for helping us all better understand who the real ENEMIES OF THE STATE are…

  11. Meanwhile, there's a stand-up comedian named Julio Torres performing on Fallon's show… Wonder if these two are related!

  12. Shane is funny as fuck. If this didn't make you laugh…. look up his bit defending Guy Fieri… and if that doesn't make you laugh… you're dead inside.

  13. holly shit that was good. I love when they go up and go for it hard and this guy went hard. Well as hard as you could go on this show without getting yelled at.

  14. I'm convinced that my body's warranty ran out in September of my my 44th year, because after that, everything just fell apart. Like a toaster that breaks the day after the warranty runs out. Just, some nice toast, some nice toast, some nice toast, congratulations you now know why extra long shoe horns exist.

  15. Audience was fine – they gave him a chance. His personality was just too abrasive. He came onstage like a jolly, overweight everyman, but his angry tone and troll-like facial expressions made him lose favour with the audience.

  16. That was tough to watch. Audience didn't laugh at all. It must've been torture for him. This guy had a bad set. His material was very weak. he could've brought better stuff. This is network tv.. he wasn't funny at all…2/10..

  17. That’s my friend Shane!! I didn’t even know he was going to be on Colbert! I just went to see what new videos there were. Badass!

  18. He wasn’t bad but a lot of his jokes are kinda past their time. 10-15 years ago they’d have gone over better. Maybe 20-25…

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