Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Stand-Up Comedian Matt Rife Performs in the Open Mic Round – Bring The Funny (Open Mic)


-Hello, everybody. My name i
Matt Rife. I am 23. At 23 I’m in a weird spot
because I’m still coming i to, like, my body, my mind and
my face. Puberty just happened, bro
I was so late. It was so late, like, I was ugly
last week, like, it was bad. And now, now I look like a
handsome lesbian. Like, it went full spectrum.
It was 0-1,000 so fast. And it’s made dating reall
difficult because apparently dudes with strong jaw lines have
been treating women terribly for years, and nobody told m
until I got one. Now, it’s too late. Like, Chrissy, I get it, I loo
like the kinda guy who would sleep with you and not
call you the next day. That’s so not the case,
like, I’m so emotional, you have no idea, like. Like, yeah,
I might sleep with you, and not call you the next day — ’cause I’m busy planning our
wedding, alright? Do you understand?
-You know what. -How much work goes into our
day? Like, I got stuff to do, man You even know
where to get doves? [ Laughter ] Anybo– nobody, right?
They’re not on Amazon Prime. You can’t postmate doves,
I’ve tried. But, Chrissy,
you know what I hate? I hate that you’re not
completely wrong. Like, I do suck at
relationships, I’m so bad. I get too attached too easily,
I kow that. I’m always one to say
“I love you” first. Like, “Oh, I had a great tim
last night, when can I see you again?”
like, I’m that dude. And I think that’s why I can’t
go to prison. [ Laughter ] Like, like, it’s not so much the
showers I’m afraid of, it’s just, like,
what if I fall in love? You know what I mean?
Like.. [ Laughter ]
Like, what if I meet the one and I get out before him? Like
now I can’t go see my boo? Are you serious? I gotta mee
him with the glass every week? That’s not gonna work for me
I need communication, alright? I’m back in court trying to ge
my sentence extended. “Please, your honor,
I’m begging you.” “How do you plead?”
“Guilty of love, your honor. I’ll do anything.” “Matt, you’re only in there fo
a week, what happened?” [ Laughter ] “I was in the cafeteria and…
he put me in a choke hold and said, ‘Give me your frui
cup.’ and I said to myself ‘Now there’s a guy who knows how
to get what he wants.’ and.. [ Laughter ]
now I’m DeVante’s fruit cup. That’s how it works,
goes full circle. Alright. Thank you, guys, so
much. My name is Matt Rife

48 thoughts on “Stand-Up Comedian Matt Rife Performs in the Open Mic Round – Bring The Funny (Open Mic)

  1. HILARIOUS! Did not expect the next thing he would say each time. But somehow he tied it all together. Great funny flow.

  2. I'm here because of BRING THE FUNNY! Matt is very pretty — I bet he's adorable in the shower. Love his jokes and wish him the best!

  3. I watched the show on TV with my Dad and I remembered him from his stand up vids her on YouTube and I had heard a couple of his jokes before but they were set different lunch here and I was so glad he went through to next round and for the rest of the night, I kept looking at my dad and go,
    “Devonte’s fruit cup” and burst out laughing.

  4. When you exclusively get cast and make it to the next round based on your looks. Sorry but this was pretty average stand up.

  5. Matt my brother you killed it! So proud of you bro! Can’t wait until youre in town with the crew again! 😂🙏🏼👍🏼🔥

  6. Matt, I’m not sure if you’ll see this, and I’m more unsure if you date women out of your age range, but let’s talk. You’re so damn beautiful it’s disgusting.🤣😍

  7. Straight dudes don't make jokes about falling in love with other dudes in jail, or saying that they look lesbian. It's OK man: the year is 2019, if you want to come out as gay, just do it.

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