Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Stand-up Comedy for Science: Robert Mac


I live not too far away. I took the Metro here, at night. I live by the Red Line. At night, I call it “The Comet” because it comes once every 76 years. For many years, we all know, for many years it was just “sciencemen” and then they said fine fine, we’ll allow a “sciencelady.” And the first sciencelady was Marie Curie, who’s the only person to win two Nobel prizes in two different fields of science, and she discovered radiation and she discovered the only substance harder than diamonds it’s an avocado from Trader Joe’s. So sciencemen, they said a couple things. They said every year, they look at all the numbers at the end of the year. And it turns out most of the time, for most years, July is the hottest month of that particular year. And I thought back, when I was a kid, all right, Fourth of July, always hot, always July. So the evidence bears that out, July it’s hot, okay I’m not arguing with that. What I’m arguing with is what they said next, because what they said next was July of last year, last July that we had, was the hottest month on Earth, ever. And that’s a big thing to say because we’re not quite done with ever yet. A little premature to be handing out trophies, okay. We got a long time. Ever, for the Earth, began when we began, which was 4.5 billion years and two and a half years ago. I’ve done all the research on top of the specialists who specialize in that specialty. And they’ve told me that the earth is 4.5 billion years old. And that was two and a half years ago, so you would have to add that. And the Earth will continue to exist for another five to seven billion years, minus the two and a half years we’ve already used up, at which time the Sun turns into a red giant and consumes the Earth, so that’s spread, that is ever for the Earth. And we’re not even halfway done, you don’t crown a champion before midseason, all right. Let’s see how it plays out. It might not even be the hottest month of the decade, okay. And I’m not a gambling guy, but if I were, I’d put all my money on probably the last month of ever, I bet that’s going to be kind of hot. When the Sun expands 250 times its size and turns into a 5000 degree ball of nuclear fusion vaporizing every atomic bond that holds the Earth’s very existence together. That’s got to be hotter than July. July was hot, all right, but I distinctly remember not vaporizing. And I have great ideas on how to fix global warming, but my ideas are so high over people’s heads, I’ll actually see them roll their eyes upward to try to see my thoughts, they’re so far beyond their grasp of understanding. There’s one way to fix global warming, everybody needs to run their air conditioning all the time with their windows open. It’s a no-brainer, which is how I thought of it, all right. You’re hot, you turn on the air, but China’s hot, no I just turned on the air. What could be obviouser than that. All right, I got the idea when I saw a cat go from the Sun to the shade, yeah. When hot, add cold, you’ll be less hot. I don’t know what part of this flowchart is trippin’ all you guys up. Even Mr. Pickles has it figured out. It’s not rocket surgery, it’s a button. And here’s another great idea I thought of when I was telling you that idea. Huge ceiling fans outside. I don’t know how they’ll attach, but big ceiling fans outside will vent all the hot air up and create shade for everybody underneath. I just killed two birds with one stone because that’s how I roll. I’m Robert Mac and I kill birds. I heard probably one of the world’s famousest sciencemen speaking about global warming and he said that rising global warming is causing rising temperatures in the polar caps, and the polar caps are melting, and the sea is rising in the Arctic. I got very, very depressed because he’s a scienceman, and he should be able to say Arctic. All right, it’s six letters. There’s a big difference between Ar-tic and Arctic. If you’re a professional communicator of which being good at I am one of them guys. People expect you to be articulate and so you’re going to have to be articulater then Ar-tic, if you want people to hear your message about global warming. All right, so why don’t you go back to the library, Neil. Okay? And if you know that there’s a flood coming in the Arctic, well then do what Noah did, and build a big old Ard. I went to the National Zoo hoping to see some national animals, you know, like a pigeon or sewer rat. But everybody there is lined up to see, what? Pandas, which is not a national animal. It’s an immigrant and it’s stealing jobs from American animals. Maybe I’m old Fascist, but I think the National Zoo should be kept pure with national animals, and then we could build a separate yet equal international zoo for all those guys. Canadian geese, German Shepherd, Spanish fly. Polar bears are extincting, did you know that? Extincting? Why are you telling me that? I’m telling you. Glaciers are melting, and that’s just the tip of an iceberg. Stuff like that, the science guy was going pretty fast. But they’re dying and now some branches of the government say they’re going to help, and I’m a little skeptical, because for years, black bears and bears of color have been hunted and killed and no one’s done a thing about it. But the second that the polar bear is barely threatened, the White House drops everything. Now there are physiological differences between the bear races, everybody knows that. Polar bears evolved in the Arctic and there are no trees in the Arctic so they never learn how to climb trees so as they evolve, they’re missing certain muscle groups in the back, which is why white bears can’t jump.

12 thoughts on “Stand-up Comedy for Science: Robert Mac

  1. He is the ABSOLUTE best! He is a comedian that shows super intelligence so quick and entertaining <3 it!!!

  2. This dudes such an idiot😂🤣
    I love him👏
    How a person could contain themselves like that is brilliant. Laughter is contagious, but he never breaks….Professional comedian😁

  3. Robert Mac is an amazing comedian and deserves more publicity than he's getting. Love him

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