Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Stand Up Comedy from Ismael Loutfi


>>Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE SEEM PERFORMING ALL OVER THE LOS ANGELES AREA, MAKING HIS TELEVISION DEBUT TONIGHT. PLEASE WELCOME ISMAEL LOUTFI!>>HUH, WOW, WOW, GOOD TO SEE YOU! HELLO. GOOD TO SEE YOU. OKAY. GOOD, ALL RIGHT. SO I’M A CUTIE PATOOTIE. I’M A SWEET YOUNG MAN WITH A KIND FACE. ETHNIC, NOT ETHNIC ENOUGH TO DISAPPOINT ANYBODY’S PARENTS. YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO SCARE WHITE PEOPLE? I CAN’T. I CAN’T DO IT. I LOOK LIKE THE GUY ON THE COVER OF EVERY “WELCOME TO COLLEGE” BROCHURE. JUST GIVE ME A BACKPACK AND A CARDIGAN. HI, MY NAME IS NONTHREATENING MINORITY. I’M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR STATE UNIVERSITY IS BOTH INCLUSIVE AND SAFE. JUST ASK MY BEST FRIENDS, BLACK NERD AND ASIAN WHEELCHAIR GIRL. [ LAUGHTER ] WATCH US RIDE AROUND CAMPUS AND FIGHT CRIME, WE’RE SUPERHEROES. OUR SUPER POWER, WHITE GUILT. [ LAUGHTER ] I’M A MUSLIM. THAT HASN’T BEEN FUN. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED THE LAST 16 YEARS HAVE BEEN PRETTY STRESSFUL FOR US. I CAN’T WATCH THE NEWS, JUST THE WAY THEY TALK ABOUT US IS SO DEMEANING, THE BUZZ WORDS, TALKING ABOUT MODERATE MUSLIMS. THAT’S THEIR GO-TO. I WANT TO SEE ONE MODERATE MUS MUSLIM, SHOW ME ONE MODERATE MUSLIM DENOUNCE TERROR. LIKE, SCREW YOU, DUDE. WHO CAME UP WITH MODERATE MUSLIM? WHAT AN OBJECTIFYING LABEL TO GIVE 1.5 BILLION PEOPLE. MODERATE MUSLIMS, MILD MUSLIMS, YOUR SWEET AND SOUR MUSLIMS, YOUR LEMON PEPPER, TERIYAKI. AND ALSO, WE DO DENOUNCE TERROR ALL THE TIME BUT NOBODY PUTS A CAMERA ON THAT, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE PEOPLE BE MODERATE, THAT’S BORING. YOU WANT TO SEE PEOPLE UP AND DOWN AND BE CRAZE. THE POINT OF THE NEWS SYSTEM IS TO SENSATIONALIZE EVERYTHING. MAKES ME SO MAD. I JUST WANT TO BLOW STUFF UP. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] I GET SO ANGRY! ANYBODY ELSE HAVE THAT INSTINCT IN THEIR BLOOD? I DON’T KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ] I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. PROBABLY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, ALL RIGHT. OKAY, IT’S BEEN TENSE. I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE IT’S BEEN A TENSE YEAR EVER SINCE THE DUDE BECAME THE THING. [ LAUGHTER ] THE GUY WITH THE — YEAH IT WAS WEIRD. I THINK THAT WAS WEIRD NIGHT FOR EVERYBODY. FOR ME, AT THE TIME OF THE ELECTION, I WAS ON A ROAD TRIP FROM TENNESSEE TO ATLANTA, GEORGIA. AND AS THE ELECTION RESULTS BECAME OFFICIAL, AS IT WAS LIKE OFFICIAL, DONALD TRUMP WON, IT WAS 2:00 A.M., MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, MY CAR DIED. MY CAR JUST DEAD ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY. SO I GET OUT OF THE CAR. I LOOK AT IT FOR NO REASON. I CALL THE TOW TRUCK COMPANY. THEY’RE IN A GREAT MOOD. I’M LIKE, HEY, I’M BROWN AND I’M STRANDED IN TENNESSEE, I NEED TO GO TO ATLANTA. THEY’RE LIKE, DON’T YOU WORRY, WE’RE GOING TO SEND HEATH! HEATH IS GONNA GETCHA! THAT’S THE SCARIEST WAY YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT BUT NOT MUCH I CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW. HEATH SHOWS UP IN HIS TOW TRUCK. HEATH IS THIS BIG OLD SOUTHERNER, BIG CAMO JACKET, CAMO HAT, A BIG BEARD FULL OF BRAMBLE AND LEAVES. I GET IN THE TRUCK. IT’S A SIX-HOUR JOURNEY BY THE WAY. SIX HOURS THROUGH THE DEEP SOUTH. ALL RIGHT, SO THE FIRST HOUR IS JUST COMPLETE SILENCE. ME AND HEATH ARE JUST — WHOO. INTERESTING DAY, OKAY. AND THEN HEATH STARTS OPENING UP TO ME, STARTS TALKING. HE’S LIKE, SO — WHERE YOU FROM? I’M LIKE, FLORIDA. HE’S LIKE, OH, YEAH, SURE, OKAY, YEP, ALL RIGHT. I’M LIKE, AND SYRIA. LIKE, I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR FLORIDA. I GET IT, I UNDERSTAND, I KNOW. I’M COOL WITH IT. SO I TOLD HIM SYRIA. AND HE WAS COOL WITH IT. HE WAS REALLY COOL. AND I KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEN HE STARTED TELLING ME ABOUT HIS LIFE. HE WAS LIKE, I USED TO LIVE IN SHANGHAI, CHINA. I WAS LIKE, OH MY GOD, HEATH. THAT’S KIND OF COOL. HE WAS LIKE, YEAH, I LIVED IN BEIJING FOR TWO YEARS. OH MY GOD, BEIJING, WHAT’S THAT EVEN ABOUT? THEN WE JUST STARTED TALKING ABOUT CHINA. WE TALKED ABOUT THE CUISINE, THE CULTURE, COMMUNISM, THE POLLUTION, THE POLL TIBS. IT FELT GOOD, IT GET LIKE AMERICA WAS GOING OKAY, LIKE OUR CONVERSATION WAS A BAND-AID BEING PUT ON THE WOUND LEFT BY THAT DIVISIVE ELECTION, RIGHT? AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE HE WAS LIKE, I DON’T LIKE CHINESE PEOPLE. I’M LIKE, DAMMIT, HEATH, ARE YOU SERIOUS? [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WERE DOING SO GOOD, COME ON, MAN. [ APPLAUSE ] THEN HE LITERALLY GOES, NO, NO, I MEAN LIKE ASIANS. THAT WAS HIS CORRECTION. HE WENT BIGGER. WHAT? NO, I DON’T HATE 1 BILLION PEOPLE, I HATE 4 BILLION PEOPLE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HE’S LIKE, THEY’RE SNEAKY. YOU CAN’T SAY THAT 4 BILLION PEOPLE ARE SNEAKY, MAN, COME ON. PLUS I HAD JUST TOLD HIM THAT I’M FROM SYRIA. SYRIA’S IN ASIA. I’M AN ASIAN. BUT HE DIDN’T KNOW THAT AND I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL HIM. SO — I JUST HELD IT IN FOR FIVE HOURS. JUST NOT GOING TO MENTION THAT. NOW LOOKING BACK ON IT, ME NOT TELLING HIM THAT I’M ASIAN, PRETTY SNEAKY ASIAN [ BLEEP ]. HE WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF RIGHT ABOUT THAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH, BYE-BYE! APPRECIATE IT!>>Jimmy: VERY SNEAKY, YOU WERE

100 thoughts on “Stand Up Comedy from Ismael Loutfi

  1. He has good jokes but weak delivery. He needs to emphasis his jokes a little more like George Carlin, Bill Burr, Mitch Hedburg.

  2. I鈥檓 shocked to hear that Jimmy Kimmel is a sexual predator. When will somebody stop these predators? I guess they are all in the Clinton foundation.

  3. funny guy, nice timing and good storyteller…. will start looking for his videos online from now on (before he blows him self) _

  4. "brown"?? Uhhhgh, this is so frustrating. If you are Middle Eastern you are Caucasian. "Brown" is used for India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, etc.

  5. This kid is a total moron! Plus he wasn't funny AT ALL not even a little bit i didn't laugh the whole video! And btw arabs are not asians AT ALL!!!!!!! Arabs are arabs period! Europe is way closer to the middle east than asia!!! A lots of arabs and i'm one of 'em have european roots!! And a lots of europeans mostly southern have arabs roots!! .

  6. Not Funny! No any Muslim is funny Because: They People make not jokes about Muhammed the prophet, even they comedy comedians not dare. So yes in Islam they not allowed to make fun about the quran. But my questions as a scientists it is: Why we shoulded allowed to make fun about a religion that many people believe on that? Ask you self, if in our life we don't have any holy things, what else is then the life worht it? if nobody show respect to anything, why should i do anything about my neabouhr or my next? If they humans being slef critical and honest then the found from self the answer: "Why we shouldet not to spit on any religon" It doesn't matter if they religon is Big like Jew, Christian, Muslim and Hindu, or small religon. Of course we need for some relgions a reformation, like in th Jew and in the Christian Religons. Some reformation be good today and some rewrites of line in the Scripture. 馃槈

  7. What's up with all this Muslim comedians, and they are getting promoted too.. something is definitely fishy about this new trend of Muslim comedians.

  8. I see all muslims stars in USA are proud of their religion… and could proudly say :am a Muslim in front of all American.
    In another hand, we see Christians never mind of their religion instead they're criticizing it. And at the end of the day they end up fearing Islamophobia.
    Really confused generation

  9. Not to the level to play on Kimmel show, I feel… but still congratulations for coming this far

  10. Man! I鈥檓 so mad I could blow something up鈥 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃檲馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ

  11. 鈥檓 glad Muslim like Ramy Youssef and Ismael Loutfi are calling out the 鈥渕oderate鈥 label BS. You never hear the media use moderate label for Christian, Jew or Hindu.

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