Laughter is the Best Medicine

Stand Up Comedy: Kira Soltanovich | Babble Up Late

I had a baby 10 months ago and I still
look a little bit pregnant and guess what fun thing happened recently i was
at the grocery store and a nice old lady reached her and yes in slow motion I was watching I was like and as she reached down she said when
are you due and then patted my Tommy full of bad choices and beats a
cheeseburgers and shocked like padded it like that was a baby inside she was like
oh now i’m not a regular person so I could have just let her off the hook and
said oh no I just I already had my miracle of humans ago but this is my
second get so i’m angry and i’m exhausted so I looked at her and I was
like I’m not pregnant and then I took it a step further and I said the doctors
don’t know what and my husband did something you only
see in cartoons he did this he went just excused himself from that conversation I
realized when i became apparent how little my crazy Soviet parents actually
cared about me that’s when you learn when you become a parent all this stuff
comes out we found out that our five-year-old has the peanut allergy
right right terrible awful to call my mom in a panic and I said mom I need to
know when I was little did I have any allergies back in Russia didn’t have any
allergies and she said who knows yell it’s actually your job at
his legs ahsha that’s only in this country allergies oh good then if I wait in line seven
hours for peanuts you’re going to eat these peanuts parents are crazy i made
the mistake of allowing my mom in the hospital room with me as i’m having my
children biggest mistake because all she did was compared everything that I was
going through in modern-day America to what she went through having children in
the USSR oh you have baby in hospital excuse me big shot shot i have baby on
the bus and i am driving this bus ah make the mistake of letting her in
the hospital room that was the mistake here’s the thing so I the first kid I
did the drugs who did the drugs who did drugs I tried not to because you know we live
in Los Angeles where everyone’s like down to the trougs during childbirth just take deep yoga breath do a warrior
just connected that epidural came in the room and I was like put in my I put it
directly in my cornea and of course my mom is in the corner of the room all you
need epidural the baby could do I don’t have
drugs with you you know they give for me they watch me and face this woman named
supply measure watch your face and my epidural wore off in the middle of the
whole labor yeah so I told my husband go ahead another epidural and he said those
are kind of expensive I said you go find a groupon for epic
battles the guy that does epidurals in the hospital he’s selling them up and
down the hallways like he’s at a baseball game at your apt girls we make
big people also first kid ten pounds let’s talk about it yeah finally some
respect up in here that’s right you should react like that
what’s up 10 alright I just peed when I did that I
just peed I’m just gonna stand still from now on 10 pounds anybody got me
beat anybody got more than 10 pounds to our your 10 12 and one gonna get 10
wonder how much did you how much she was tiny what’s what does that mean like three
ounces what do you mean five-and-a-half my cousin had a baby right after me five
and a half pounds totally fine and healthy though right yeah but she called
me my cousin to commiserate she called me after she goes oh my gosh i can
totally relate how you can’t I could have had to have your babies so of your
baby’s just bum chill i could have had your baby put it back in lifts around
and add it again another got me as yet not unlike all
came down now

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