Laughter is the Best Medicine

Stand-Up Comic Michael Longfellow Performs in the Comedy Clash Round – Bring The Funny

I’m a young guy. I don’t know about you guys.
I’m a millennial. Any millennials in the crowd?
Where we at? – Whoo!
– Where we at? Yeah, stay strong. They hate us out here.
I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what you olds
hate about us. [laughter] You say we’re lazy.
You say we don’t work hard. We’re on our phone too much.
I don’t think so. I am 25. I’ve been working hard
my whole life. I’m moving into my first house
in two weeks, how’s that? How’s that
for a lazy millennial? First house. It’s my parents’ house.
It’s my first house. The first one I lived in
when I was a child baby. I’m part of the problem. I have no money. My bank puts a hold
on my account when I add money to it. That’s how long
I haven’t had any money. I put $200 in my account.
My bank’s like, “We’re seeing some
unusual activity “in regards to your account. We’re gonna shut
that down, thief!” Thief!
Nice try. 200 bucks?
It’s not his birthday? Uh-uh.
Cut it off. That’s not Michael.
Someone stole his card. Don’t worry, Mike.
We’ve got your back here at this Wells Fargo
inside of the Albertsons. [laughter] That’s where I bank:
the grocery store bank. I don’t even know
much money they can hold. You ask for money,
they pull out a shoebox. “What do you need, 80?
I’ve got, like, 75. I can get you 80
in, like, a week.” Something you can do–
I like to do this– is you get
your shopping cart, and you wait in line
at the grocery store bank, and you get up to them,
and they’re like, “Hi, welcome to the bank.
I’m a banker.” And you’re like,
“Hey, looking for the jelly, if you know where that is.” And they have such an attitude. They get so mad,
’cause they’re like, “Ah, we’re bankers.
We went to school. “We’re not a part
of the grocery store. We just work in it, not at it.” And it’s like, even if
that’s true, you still know where the jelly is.
Where’s the jelly? You walk by it every day
on the way to your “cool” job. Give me the jelly. Take my $12.
Keep it safe. All right.
I’m Michael Longfellow. Thank you guys very much.

5 thoughts on “Stand-Up Comic Michael Longfellow Performs in the Comedy Clash Round – Bring The Funny

  1. His timing is great. Just like his audition, if you didn’t like him, you know nothing about comedic timing. He’s great.

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