Laughter is the Best Medicine

Steve Harvey’s Best Jokes from the NFL Honors

– Welcome the the eighth
annual NFL Honors. This is a prestigious award. We give you awards, ’cause we already know you ain’t been given
enough stuff in yo life. So, here comes some mo. Joe Willie Namath. Oh, oh Lord, oh Lord. (applause) Oh! thank you Lord! Oh! thank you Lord! Thank you Lord! Boy, do you know what you mean to me? You reinforced the idea
that I wanted to be a pimp. (laughter) You won a Super Bowl in a fur coat. (laughter) Now, I ain’t gonna, now listen to me, tonight I want you to
understand somethin’. I’m excited about bein’ here, man. I been wantin’ to do this
show for a long time. What took y’all so long to
ask me to host the show? Y’all have skipped all around me. Sat up here, you had Seth
Meyers hostin’ the show. Seth? (laughter) You had Conan O’Brien hostin’ the show. You done picked everybody but ya boy. I been a fan of y’all. Look at me, don’t sit here and
act like you don’t know me. You grew up watchin’ me. (applause and laughter) I’m a damn football fan. Your mama loved me. Your grandmama loved me. Everybody in your family
watched Family Feud. And you gonna take your
damn time pickin’ me. You had Alex Baldwin
do da show three times. Pick all these people, they don’t even look
like they’re a athlete. Look at me. I looked, I looked like I coulda played. (laughter and applause) You know what I’m sayin’? I want energy from you. The reason imma ask for energy, is ’cause y’all normally, the people down here, and the people upstairs know how to do it, but y’all athletes– (loud cheering) See dat right there? See, didn’t not one a
y’all clap down here. Soon as I said that,
everybody up there clapped, ’cause they know how to clap for people. You don’t know how to clap for people, ’cause you been gettin’ clapped
for your whole damn life. (laughter) They been clappin’ for
ya at Pee Wee football. (loud applause) Clappin’ for ya junior high. Clappin’ for ya in high school. Look at my baby run. Ooh, my baby run so fast. I don’t wanna make fun of nobody, I just want you to laugh, enjoy yourself. I’m a smart guy, I don’t
make fun of 300 pound people that can run a 40 in under 4.5. I don’t make fun of people
who can whoop my ass. I really don’t. I been around a long time. I don’t want you to act cool tonight. Take that off the table. Chill but don’t act cool. We’ve seen all of you in
spandex and your hair tied up. (laughter) Hard to look cool witcha hair tied up. If you tie your hair up to play football, you don’t look cool. I just wanted to say that. Once again, not a lot of laughs on that, ’cause of who you sittin’ next to. (laughter) If Tom Brady wasn’t livin’, y’all could be in the Super Bowl. (laughter and applause) That tighten y’all up a little bit? (laughter) You ain’t thought about it? Hell, I have. I’m tired of Tom Brady in the
Super Bowl every damn year. If he wasn’t here, we
could be in the Super Bowl. One thing I wanna talk to
ya’ll about are celebrations. I like celebrations. I like touchdown celebrations. What I don’t like is the
first down celebrations. It’s the smallest
accomplishment in football. It’s just 10 yards. (laughter) That’s here to the microphone. Now, you make a first down,
now you spinnin’ the football. Now we gotta wait ’til the
damn ball stops spinnin’. (laughter) You all in here. (laughter) It’s 10 yards. Get your punk ass down
there to the end zone. (laughter and applause)

41 thoughts on “Steve Harvey’s Best Jokes from the NFL Honors

  1. If Tom Brady wasn’t living ………y’all can be in the Super Bowl!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭. THAT TIGHTEN YALL UP A LITTLE BIT??πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

  2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ he said take y’all punk asses to the end zone talking about πŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ•ΊπŸΏπŸ•ΊπŸΏπŸ•ΊπŸΏ

  3. Did you really post a top 7? About yourself? Buckdancing has got you cornier than ever. Also, the beard fits. You look just like the uncle tom you act like.

  4. 1996 I won the Apollo three times and Mr. Harvey was the incredible host. This Man was Funny then and nothing has changed except now I consider him a Comic Icon! You bring so much joy in everything you do. Thank you for always being honest in the most positive and funny way. I wish you could host everything! Somebody please clone this Man!

  5. Great words from the man Steve Harvey. He can say it so directly without causing the receiving end to get butt hurt. This was a great speech by Steve.

  6. i don't like nba celebrations no one on you and you dunk, you're 7.9 and a 8 foot wingspan and you dunk, who cares if you dunk you only had to jump 6 inches

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