Steven Universe CRACK: They Made An Oopsie 😬 [WARNING: SPOILERS AND LOUD]

*BEEEEEEEEEP* *Blue Diamond sobbing* Blue Diamond: Oh, Pink! *record scratch, freeze frame* Steven: Whoa, whoa! Steven: See that guy right there? Steven: Looks like he’s hit rock bottom. Steven: Well, that guy’s actually me, believe it or not. Steven: Now, I bet you’re wondering how I got in this wacky situation… Steven: It all started in the summer- *BEEEEEEEEEP* Garnet/Shane Dawson: “I don’t know, [Bismuth], I don’t trust her.” Shane: And then [Bismuth] go Bismuth/Shane: “I don’t know, like, I kind of trust her.” Shane: And then [Amethyst] go Amethyst: *wail of despair* Amethyst: Somebody make Blue Diamond stop! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Yellow Diamond: How could you do this to us, Pink? Yellow Diamond: W̳̤͈̯̫ͅh̲y͎̲͓̟̼̹̣ ̝̮͍̩̭̰ḍ̼͎̹͙̝ͅi̻͍͕̖̹̩ͅd̲̼͎̩ ͇̖̲͍ͅy̳o̦͖̲̥̼u l̻̹ẹ͍̜̹̼t̰̲̼͍ ͍u̺̞̞̭̗͖͈s̜̭͔̗̙ ̣̺̝ț̱̥h̰̙i̖͓̰̤̝ṋ̫̮̳̺k͓̼̫ ̲̯̫̲̗ͅy̪͔̻̼̯o̭u̫͚͈͚̰ ̺̣̯w͎͎̫̩̦̦e̼̗͓̘̦̮̬r̪̫̤̠̙̫e͍̳ ̻̙̝͎̘̜s̯̗̪̦͙hͅa͖͔tt̘̟̱͇̩͈e̞͙ͅr͍e̝̹̦̩͎ͅd͔?̤̪̯̼̬̻ͅ Yellow Diamond: W̯͓̮̜̹̭̺h̖y̲̞̦͉͝ ͈͙͈͖̞̜t͈̭̤͝he̠ ̠̰s̝̫͔͇̭t͚r͙͈̺̠͚̭̮͟a̴͉̹n͏ģ̹̠e̗͇̥̙ ̦̩̥̗̀ͅd̠̩̠͓̣͕͈i̼͠s̪g̘̜͍̭͔͕͇͞u̷i̖̞͓͘s̸̥͓e̡̺̻̟̠̻̥?͟ͅ Yellow Diamond: W̳̘̩̯͎̯ḧ̸̰͉̳͔͙́ͩͬ̏̒́y̛͈̺̮͎̓̄ͨͅ ̧̣ͦ̎ͪͬa̩͓̩̭̥̝̹ͣͣͥ̑̎̑̍r̼͓̗̙̗͎̀̑e̷̮̤̩̖̯͕̔͑͌͐́ ̹̟̥̽̔̐̑ͩ̓͘y͎̠̗̫͔̞ͥ̉̊͂ͨ͘o̷u͓̲ͯ̔̆̅̾ ͍̗̻͋ͪdͩͧòͦ̊̅͠ḭ̪̠̫͋̓͗̄̒n̵g̳̬ͫ̑̋ͭ͋̃͢ ̖͔̭̥͕̹̤ͥ̽ͥͣa̸̿ͦ̀ ̴̥ͫͧ͑̌v̷͚̮̈ͤó͎̯̺̮̖̩̚ị͇̹̻͈͕̞̿̓ͤ̋ĉ̳̦̳̺̳̞̣͛͒ͫ͊̏͒ê̬̠̌?ͩ̃͑̾̎!̡͔͈̙̰̣͇̘ͫ͗̍̀ Yellow Diamond: Ŵ̸̝̺̬͐̓͂͛͆͘h̪͓̯̱̳͈̙̖̊͛̾̈́͆̊͂͠y͉̮͍͎͎ͦ̽ͯ̈̓͌̐̚ ̗̭̮͔͎̭͍̱͕͐ͧ͑̐́͝d͔̱̏̇ͣ̎͋ͫ́i̝͔̠̖̣̖͗̈́͆̕ͅḏ͖̝̳̍̄̔ͥ͘͜n̸̻̯̜̜̯̤̺̏ͥ͆’̣͙͉̱͕̘̰̈͋̋ͤ̆͟t̢̛͚̳͚̬̘͓͎̐͂͊͑ͨͮͭ͌̚ ̡̨̛̞͙̯͖̳͓̄͂ͦ̀ͭ͐͒ͪ͂y̢̬̱͕͇̺̦̑̽̎̓͘ŏ̝͉͔ǔ̶̢̼̜̐͗̀ ̎ͩ̐ͪ͘҉̬̳̱̤̠̳͔͓̜͝s̢̳̱͓͚̤͙̙̪͋̓̏͜͡a̩͉̳̪̮̻̮͕̦ͮ́ỷ̰̞͔͓̖͈̽͌ͮͥͪ̐ͬͣ͘ ̴̲̟̍͌̽̀ͪ͗̒͘ş̶̠͚̬̱̜ͯ͛͂̈ͮ͒̚o͚͆̇͋ͬ̿̓̀ͅm̈́ͭ̉͏̡̫̰̘̰̫e̪̲̩̯̼͙̩ͯ̒̈͛̚̕͡t̪̘̟͍̩ͥͮͤ̆̆ͬ͒̀̂h̘̄̈̓ͨ͠ĭ̡̮̯͎̦̜̑̈͞ͅn̠̮͍̮̄ͦ͐͑̌͂͐͜g̞ͤͤ̿͡ ̴̞̻̭̠̦̦̍͆ͬ͗̾͋ͧ̚͟a̷̢̡͎̥̬͚̱̥ͭ͋̊ͅt̷͉͖ͬ̓ͪ͟͢ ̫̩̝́̉̂͌͒̾ͨ̆́͢t̻̻͖͍͈͎̠̏ͩ̌̎̚͟h͂͛ͪ̈́̋̔̌͏̖̰̜̬̼̙̺e͖̯̺̣͎̓̐̒̍ͪ͒͢ͅ ̡̦̲͕̫̲̫͕̤̌ͧt̼̮̖̲̬̋̉̉͂̉̆ͮ̓́͡r͉͙͚̭̆̄i̝̱͖̝̤͑̍͌̍ͪ͌͟a̢̧̮̖̻͇͊̔́̿̈́͐͂́l̷͕͉̤͈̮̲̱͍̉̇͂̍͐͂̿ͦ̓̀͝?̦̤̱͓̑ͯ̓ͩ̾̿͛͋!̴̩͗ͣͮͫ̍͡?̲̝͖̳̬̱͒̉͘ͅ!̧̯ͧ̄͊͘ Yellow Diamond: And Blue. Yellow Diamond: Can you please stop crying? Yellow Diamond: I can’t see. *sploosh* *BEEEEEEEEEP* *centipeetle noises* Yellow/Lemongrab: UNACCEPTABAAAAAAA- *BEEEEEEEEEP* Nephrite: Nephrite! Nephrite: Facet-413 Cabochon-12. Carl/Everyone: Oh my god.. *BEEEEEEEEEP* Greg: Who wants to go on a rOAD TRIP?! *me, i’m ready* Pearl: She’ll be able to breathe… *clap* Domics: Ass, ass, ass, ass Domics but lower pitched: a s s g r a s s s a s s- *t h i c c* *despacito quietly plays* Pearl: Ahem… we’re here. *Despacithree confirmed by God* Steven: Homeworld.. *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: Woah! Maybe things won’t be so bad! JonTron: I don’t like where this is going… Blue Diamond: It’s White’s Pearl… JonTron: Stop! White Pearl: Only Pink Diamond’s presence is necessary. JonTron: STOP! White Diamond: There you are! White Diamond: Hello, Starlight! You certainly gave everyone a scare! White Diamond: They’re all just thrilled to see you safe and sound! JonTron: You don’t understand. JonTron: You don’t know what you’re doin’ here! White Diamond: Did you have fun? White Diamond: Did you get everything out of your system? JonTron: S̊̄ͦͩ҉͎̩͔͇̝͇̖̱T̹̺̖̬̜͉͕̆̀ͨ̃ͥ̽̽Ō̙͕ͥ̎ͮ͋̃̀͞P̴̛̻ͥͯ̇̆̋ͭ͐.ͨͬ̉̚̚͏̨̞͔̲̯̰ White Diamond: Welcome home, Pink… JonTron: *high C sharp* *FBI BEEEEEEEEE-* *-EEEEEEEEEEEEP* Pearl: Y’ALL UGLY! *BEEEEEEEEEP* White Diamond: Hello, Starlight… iDubbbz: I don’t know what this is, but… it’s kinda hot! White Diamond: …we’re all just thrilled to s- *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: Um… Steven: Hi? Steven: I- Berleezy: Hold on… *inhale* Berleezy: WHAT ARE THOSE?! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Eliot/The Fandom: Fuck. *BEEEEEEEEEP* The fandom offcamera: I want to see my little boy~ Rebecca Sugar: Here he comes! Us: I want to see my little boy~ *BEEEEEEEEEP* Pebble #7: Pretending she doesn’t know us pebbles! Snoop Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot (ft. Pharrell)
🎵 When the pimps in the crib, ma- 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* Toby Fox – Oh My… (Undertale OST) Toby Fox – Oh My… (Undertale OST)
Pearl: The Diamond Chime. *BEEEEEEEEEP* Yellow Pearl: Pink Diamond, my Diamond has requested your presence in the Extraction Chamber. *Law & Order thunks* *BEEEEEEEEEP* *pillars whispering* Pillar/That orange fish from Spongebob: This is a load of barnacles… *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: Call me… Steven/PewDiePie: Bitch Lasagna. PewDiePie & PartyInBackyard – Bitch Lasagna
🎵 Bitch! Lasagna! 🎵 PewDiePie & PartyInBackyard – Bitch Lasagna
🎵 Bitch! Lasagna! (x2) 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven/Tom: Siri, what’s my name? Yellow Pearl/Siri: You’re [Steven]. Yellow Pearl/Siri: But you asked me to call you Yellow Pearl/Siri: Vagina Yellow Pearl/Siri: VaGIna (x2) Yellow Pearl/Siri: VAgiNa (x3) Yellow Pearl/Siri: vaGiNA (x4) Yellow Pearl/Siri: vAGiNa (x5) *BEEEEEEEEEP* Yellow Diamond: But YOU get to see her because YOUR one colony is a FAILURE! Steven: Maybe you should just… fail! Yellow/Ninja: The fUCK YOU SAY TO ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT?! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Blue Pearl: Pink Diamond? My Diamond has requested your presence… *Law & Order THUNK THUNKs* *BEEEEEEEEEP* *BEEEEEEEEEP* Beyonce — Pretty Hurts (Acapella)
🎵 Pretty huuuuur- 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: Pearl? Pearl: Steven? Steven/That Old Lady: I’ve fallen! Steven/That Old Lady: And I can’t get up! Pearl: Oh, dear… *BEEEEEEEEEP* Snoop Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot (ft. Pharrell)
🎵 -to get at ya, walk it lik- 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* deadmau5/Us: Okay. Here’s “[Familiar]”. deadmau5/Us: Uhh… Well, dude, I’m totally gonna critique this, though, so… deadmau5/Us: Just so you know. Steven: 🎵 Familiar… 🎵 deadmau5/Us: No, I’m not. Steven: 🎵 Familiar, why is this so familiar? 🎵 Steven: 🎵 Familiar, like something I used to know… 🎵 Pebbles: 🎵 Used to know 🎵 Steven: 🎵 Familiar, staring up at the ceiling 🎵 Steven: 🎵 Familiar, I swear that I know this feeling… 🎵 Steven: 🎵 Where everybody want- 🎵 deadmau5/Us: MOTHER. FUCKER! deadmau5/Us: Lindsey, come here and listen to this! deadmau5/Us: Holy shit! *BEEEEEEEEEP*
op note: i should actually use that more often, that was fucking Wholesome Steven: 🎵 They’re leaving her behind… 🎵 asdfmovie11 Baby/Pebble: Hello! I have been born! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: 🎵 -more important places they should be… 🎵 Pebbles: 🎵 (places they should be) 🎵 *thwack* *BEEEEEEEEEP* Snoop Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot (ft. Pharrell)
🎵 and the Shizzle/G’s to the bizzack- 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: 🎵 in this struggling family 🎵
*obsessive chirping* Pebbles: 🎵 this struggling family 🎵
*the mice are singing now* Steven: 🎵 Oh, I’ll get them all- 🎵
*birds and mice harmonizing* *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: Hi, Pearl! I just thought I’d, uh… dress for the occasion! *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* FBI OPEN UP *BOOOOOM* *it’s a little weird that Steven’s wearing his dead mom’s clothes though*
op note: ya think? Pearl: Well, you’re not the only one with surprises! Eminem — Without Me
🎵 Guess who’s back? 🎵 Steven: Guys! Eminem — Without Me
🎵 Back again 🎵 *once i did a mashup of that song and the DDLC theme, and that’s the last you’re gonna hear about that* Steven: I’m gonna throw a huge ball, and I’m gonna invite EVERYONE! This Lady: Honey, you’ve got a big storm comin’! *snap* *BEEEEEEEEEP* *Metal Gear Solid “!” noise* Encounter (Metal Gear Solid OST) *BEEEEEEEEEP* Mo Bamba – Sheck Wes
*muffled 🎵 Daytrip took it to ten 🎵 Mo Bamba – Sheck Wes
🎵 I got hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes 🎵 (Mo Bamba – Sheck Wes)
🎵 Caaaling a you- 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP*
op note: fun fact that was actually part of a mashup with that and another song called ID that another dj named ekali made *WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK*
op: that was in an adventure time episode too wtf Snoop Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot (ft. Pharrell)
🎵 -it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot 🎵 Snoop Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot (ft. Pharrell)
🎵 When the pigs try to get a- 🎵 *snoop you like grass not rocks what the heck* 🎵 Kazumi Tokata – The Mii Shop Theme 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* Benson/Pearls: This ballroom used to host the most elegant balls in its day! Rigby/Brain Cell 1: Woah! Were they big? Benson/Pearls: Oh, they were HUGE! *Rigby/Brain Cell 1 giggles* *thwack*
Rigby/Brain Cell One: OW! *BEEEEEEEEEP*
op note: im gonna remake that to be actual faces to overlay and not text one day Yellow Pearl: What is… Skrillex & The Doors – Breakin’ a Sweat
🎵 I’m breakin’ a sweat! 🎵
Yellow Pearl: “fuuuun”? *BEEEEEEEEEP* SpongeBob/Steven: It’s about fun! Yellow Pearl/Plankton: What’s that? *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: *anime chuckle* Is there something you really like to do? Yellow Pearl: Oh, of course not! Yellow Pearl: My feelings are irrelevant! Blue Pearl: I like to draw. Dr. Saperstein/Tumblr: I know this. Dr. Saperstein/Tumblr: And I love you. *BEEEEEEEEEP* Blue Pearl: Um… here. Blue Pearl: My Diamond allows me to draw during court proceedings. Blue Pearl: They’re nothing much… *Blue Pearl has talent* Blue Diamond: “Garnet”? Blue Diamond: Does *that* call herself a garnet? Garnet: *frustrated growl* Garnet/BRIAN BLACKA$$: B O I, if you don’t-! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Garnet/Momma Dee: She *is* a bitch. Garnet/Momma Dee: B-I Garnet/Momma Dee: B-I-C-T Garnet/Momma Dee: B-I-C-T-H *she a little confused, but she got the spirit* Blue Diamond: Pink, are you going to ring in the ball? Steven: What? Blue Diamond: Oh, I’ll take care of it. Blue Diamond: I’ll take care of everything. Corinne: Well, that’s a little passive-aggressive… *BEEEEEEEEEP* Blue Diamond: You’re doing great! Steven: Thank you, Blue! Blue Diamond: Mmmmm… *instant death* *BEEEEEEEEEP* White Diamond’s Pearl: White Diamond… White Diamond’s Pearl: Has more important things to attend to. Steven: What?! White Diamond’s Pearl: Therefore… White Diamond’s Pearl: I will be here to observe in her place. White Diamond’s Pearl: Welcome to Era Three! Steven/Stephen Colbert: GOD DAMMIT! *BEEEEEEEEEP* 🎵 Alan Walker x Porter Robinson & Madeon – Sheltered Alone (Triöxide Mashup) 🎵 *if that song’s already been released and I didn’t look hard enough please forgive me*
op note: i actually did but i took it down, but i’m planning on putting it back up sometime soon Connie: Do you wanna dance? Steven: Yeah, but I’m not supposed to… Connie: It’s your party! Steven: But White expects me- Connie: She’s not here. N.W.A. – Fuck the Police
🎵 Fuck the police comin’ straight from the underground! 🎵 *i care* God: THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Zedd & Elley Duhé x He Is We & Owl City – Happy About Us (Triöxide Mashup)
🎵 The room’s hush hush and now’s is our moment 🎵 Zedd & Elley Duhé x He Is We & Owl City – Happy About Us (Triöxide Mashup)
🎵 Take it in, feel it all, and hold it 🎵 Zedd & Elley Duhé x He Is We & Owl City – Happy About Us (Triöxide Mashup)
🎵 Eyes on you, eyes on me 🎵 Zedd & Elley Duhé x He Is We & Owl City – Happy About Us (Triöxide Mashup)
🎵 We’re doin’ this right… 🎵 Zedd & Elley Duhé x He Is We & Owl City – Happy About Us (Triöxide Mashup)
🎵 ‘Cause lovers dance when they’re feelin’ in love! 🎵 Zedd & Elley Duhé x He Is We & Owl City – Happy About Us (Triöxide Mashup)
🎵 Spotlight shining is all I- 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP*
op: i will reupload these, mark my words Yellow Diamond: Pink, what are you doing?! Stevonnie: I was just dancing! John Mulaney/Us: But that just meant “stop”. *BEEEEEEEEEP* Stevonnie: I was just dancing!
Catra: We were just playing! Shadow Weaver: Insolent child! Stevonnie: *gasp*
Shadow Weaver: Insolent child! *oh no* Blue Diamond: This is completely unacceptable! Blue Diamond: Unfuse, or I’ll make you! Stevonnie/iDubbbz: Make me! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Pearl: Aaah! Pearl: And ME! Amythest: Yeah! PewDiePie: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *BEEEEEEEEEP* #hopalforopal people/Rose DeWitt Bukater: It’s been eighty-four years… *Me: For twenty-seven years, I dreamt of you. I CRAVED you. I MISSED YOU!* *Renai Circulation plays quietly in the background* Lemon Jade: And me! (Kana Hanazawa – Renai Circulation)
🎵 …ja hora Kokoro wa shinka suru… 🎵 Lemon Jade: I knew it! knew I couldn’t be the only one! *SYKE* TMABird – Everybody’s Circulation
🎵 COME ON AND SLAM 🎵 TMABird – Everybody’s Circulation
🎵 AND WELCOME TO THE JAM 🎵 TMABird – Everybody’s Circulation
🎵 COME ON AND SLAM 🎵 TMABird – Everybody’s Circulation
🎵 IF YOU WANNA JAM 🎵 *CLAP* *BEEEEEEEEEP* Lemon Jade: And me! *noncommittal shrug noise* *BEEEEEEEEEP* Ashton Smith: Disasters don’t just happen. Ashton Smith: They’re triggered by a chain of critical events. Ashton Smith: Unravel the clues, and count down those final… Ashton Smith: Seconds From Disaster. *BEEEEEEEEEP*
op: the fact that you tracked down the fucking narrator for seconds from disaster, i tip my hat off to you 🎩 *oof* Stevonnie: UaaaAAA- *oof* *oof* *oof* Stevonnie: Aaaah… *BEEEEEEEEEP* asdfmovie guy: Oh, okay. *BEEEEEEEEEP* Steven: We never should have come here. Marge/Us: That’s true, but he shouldn’t say it! *BEEEEEEEEEP* Connie: Okay, so we tried the bubble and the shields in that window…. Connie: What else have we got? Uhh… Connie: Hey, my phone! Connie: Oh, wait. Connie: No reception. iDubbbz: WOW. iDubbbz: WOW, THAT’S INCREDIBLE. *can you hear me now?* Steven: Aah! Too fast! Too fast! Slow down! Steven: UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Michae Vsaucel: Hey, Vsauce! Michael here. *Where are your fingers? No, seriously. Where are they?* Watermelon Steven/Dub!Satima: DAMM- Watermelon Steven/Dub!Satima: iiiiiiiiiiii- *BEEEEEEEEEP* Watermelon Bird: Ca-caw! *flap flap flap* *woosh* *splat* God: Oh my fuckin’ God, she fuckin’ dead. *BEEEEEEEEEP* *watermelon gibberish* *BEEEEEEEEEP* John Williams – Jaws Theme (Jaws OST) *BEEEEEEEEEP* Bazzi – Mine *BEEEEEEEEEP* Ekita/Us: No way this is… Stevonnie: *sings the beginning of “Escapism”* Ekita/Us: OH, MY- Ekita/Us: OH, MY- (x2) Ekita/Us: OH, MY GOD! Ekita/Us: OH, MY FUCKING GOD! Ekita/Us: HOLY SHIT! Ekita/Us: HOLY SHIT! (x2) Ekita/Us: OH, MY GOD! Ekita/Us: OH, MY FUCKING GOD! Ekita/Us: HOLY SHIT! Ekita/Us: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Stevonnie: *continues singing “Escapism”* Ekita/Us: It’s happening! Stevonnie: *sings more* Ekita/Us: N**ga, it’s happening!
(caption author’s note: I don’t have an N-Word Pass) Ekita/Us: OH, MY GOD! *BEEEEEEEEEP* *gentle guitar strumming* The Black Knight/Watermelon Steven: Just a flesh wound! *A FLESH WOUND?! YOUR ARM’S OFF!* *no* Stevonnie: 🎵 I’d rather be free… 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* Stevonnie: 🎵 I’d rather be free… 🎵 *BEEEEEEEEEP* *Steven gasps awake* Steven: Guess we’ll see what happens… Elliot/The Fandom: Fuck. Ricky/The Fandom: Mmhmm *BEEEEEEEEEP* Sam/Crewniverse: I made you a [decent paced episode]! Donna/SU Crits: Great! Now you got something to go fuck yourself with! *Sorry I was really late with this*