Laughter is the Best Medicine

Stop searching for your passion | Terri Trespicio | TEDxKC

Translator: Angelina Babinova
Reviewer: Aari Lemmik The day I got laid off from my job at Martha Stewart, I was relieved. (Laughter) I loved the job, I really did. But the relationship was over and I didn’t know how to end it and then it broke up with me. Don’t you love it when that happens? At the time I’ve been also
hosting a radio show for the Martha Stewart brand on Sirius XM. And then not long after
that got cancelled, too. On the day of my last show I got onto the elevator at the 36th floor and as it started to drop, I started to cry. Every floor took me further
and further from what I had been: a magazine editor, a radio host, the person with the cool job
to talk about at parties. You know. And honestly I had no idea
what I was going to do. And quite frankly
no one was looking for me. So, I did what anyone would do
in that situation. I was making some phone calls: “Hey, what are you up to? Did I mention I’m available?” I needed to get paid
to do something, right. I mean I live in New York City. If you’re not paid to do something, you’re not going to be there very long. But this idea that I had to know
what I suppose to do now, right. I’m supposed to pursue this passion. It’s just bugged me. It always had. And that’s because
it’s a dangerously limiting idea at the heart of everything we believe about success and life in general. And it’s that you have one
singular passion and your job is to find it and to pursue it
to the exclusion of all else. And if you do that everything will fall into place and if you don’t you failed. The pressure starts really young and it goes your whole life, but it’s perhaps most pronounced
when you’re graduating from school, right. After this, “Wow, the world’s at your feet!
What are you going to do now?” And it’s so intimidating, it’s like picking a major for life. You know, I had a hard enough time
picking a major for four years and I changed that once, if not twice. I mean it was like just intimidating,
right? And this compelling I mean this really, you know, forceful cultural imperative
to choose your passion, it’s stressful to me, but it’s not just me, it’s everyone I talk to agrees with me. The woman who sold me this dress. I told her what I needed the dress for,
what I was talking about and she said, “Oh my gosh, I really need to hear this talk,
because I just graduate from school. My friends and I we don’t know
what we’re passionate about, we don’t know what we supposed to do.” I’m leery of passion for a few reasons. But one of them is
that passion is not a plan, it’s a feeling. And feelings change. They do. You can be passionate about
a person one day, a job, and then not passionate the next. We know this
and yet we continue to use passion as the yardstick to judge everything by, instead of seeing passion
for what it really is: the fire that ignites
when you start rubbing sticks together. Anyway, I was such a mess
when I was in my twenties, such a mess. I was anxious and depressed
and had no life to speak of, I was temping to keep my options open, and I was sitting around at night
in my underwear watching Seinfeld reruns. Actually I still do that, that’s not
the worst thing in the world to do. It’s fine. But I called my mother every night crying and I was turning away
perfectly good full-time jobs. Why? Because I was afraid. I was sure that I would pick
the wrong one and get on the wrong train
headed to the wrong future. My mother begged me, she said,
“Please, take a job, any job. You’re not going to be stuck,
you’re stuck now! You don’t create your life first,
and then live it. You create it by living it,
not agonizing about it.” She’s right, she’s always right. And so I took a full-time job
as an assistant at a management consulting firm,
where I knew nothing about nothing. Okay. Zero. Except I knew I had a reason to get up
in the morning, get showered, leave the house, people who were waiting
for me when I got there and I got a paycheck every two weeks. And that is as good a reason
to take a job as any. Did I know that I want to be
an office administrator for the rest of my life?
No! I had no idea! Truly! But this idea that
everything you’re supposed to do should fit into this passion vertical
is unrealistic. And I’ll say it – elitist. You show me someone
who washes windows for a living and I will bet you a million dollars it’s not because
he has a passion for clean glass. One of my favourite columns is a piece
by Dilbert creator Scott Adams. He wrote a piece in The Wall Street Journal
a few years ago, about how he failed his way to success. And one of his jobs was
a commercial loan officer. And he was taught specifically: “Do not loan money
to someone following their passion.” (Laughter) No, loan it to someone
who wants to start a business, the more boring, the better. (Laughter) Adam says that in his life
success fueled passion more than passion fueled success. When I got my first job
as a magazine editor, in publishing, I was thrilled. But I had to take pretty big pay cut, because at the time I’d been
a catalogue copywriter at a wig company. (Laughter) Laugh if you will, clearly you are
and many, many people did. But wigs paid. So I had to figure out a way
to make some money. A friend of mine invited me
to a jewelry party I said, “What is a jewelry party?” She said, “It’s like Tupperware
but with bracelets.” I said, “Okay, got it, got it.” I went and I had the best time. I was there hanging out,
trying on jewelry, the salespersons having a great time and I was like, “That’s a job. I could… I could do that.” I mean, really, she seems
to be having a great time. Now, I had no background in sales, unless you count Girl Scouts,
and I was terrible. And I had no passion for jewelry. I mean, honestly, my earrings
cost 20 $. Combined, all of them. And yet I was like, “I think I can sling
silver jewelry to suburban moms drinking daiquiris. Yes, I could do that.” And so I did it, I signed up,
I became a Silpada Designs rep. And I… Listen to me, I was not
setting a world on fire right away. Really.
I was so awkward and afraid of selling. And then I got better, I got better, I started making some money, I started getting
really passionate about it. Not just because of the money,
but because what I realized was
people wanted the stuff. They were happy to pay for it. I sold so much jewelry that year
I won a free trip to Saint Thomas. (Laughter) It’s true. I eventually let my jewelry business go,
because my career path shifted. But I was so glad that I did that. Because it planted an entrepreneurial
seed I didn’t know was there. And that bears fruit to this day. Now as you know an entire
cottage industry has sprung up around helping people
find their passions, right. Books, coaching, webinars, whatever. And their hearts in the right place,
it’s great, I’m all about self-discovery. Okay. But when you ask someone,
or you’re asked like, “What’s your passion?” It’s triggering. It’s like, “Oh my god, I have to
came out with a good answer for this.” One of my friends in her mid-forties
and she’s looking what’s her life going to be now. And she’s like,
“I don’t know what I’m passionate about.” And she’s legitimately
concerned about this. She’s ready to hire a team of people. It’s like,
why are we worrying about this? You know why, because she thinks
something wrong with her. I thought something was wrong with me
when I was in the seventh grade and everyone was really into like the rock-bands and their actors and they would carve the names
of those bands in a tables in a library. And I never carved anything, because
I couldn’t think of anything to carve. I mean I liked Bon Jovi
as much as the next girl, but not enough to deface
school propriety, you know. (Laughter) It’s probably why
I don’t have any tattoos either. I’m assuming that’s why. I was really boring,
I thought something was wrong with me. But that’s the fear, isn’t it? That when someone asks you
at a party, on a date, at a job interview, “What are you passionate about?” That you’re not going to have
this wow compelling answer. And that means that you’re
not interesting, or ambitious, or that you don’t have
a singular obsession or scary talent that you hiding. And that your life isn’t worth living. And it’s not true. Passion is not a job, a sport, or a hobby. It is the full force of your attention and energy that you give to
whatever is right in front of you. And if you’re so busy looking for this
passion, you could miss opportunities
that change your life. You could also miss out on a great love. Because that’s what happens
when you have tunnel vision, trying to find the One. We all think we know
the kind of person we are and the kind of person we could love. But sometimes we’re wrong. Blissfully wrong. And sometimes you don’t know
what you’re going to do next, right? I mean, I don’t. I love not knowing what I’m going
to be doing five years from now or I will be into. And that’s okay, it’s okay not to know. You know why? Because the most fulfilling
relationships, the most fulfilling careers are those that still have the power
to surprise you. And as for the things you know
you want to do. You want to write a book,
you want to start a business, you want to change careers. Great! But if you’re sitting around waiting
for passion to show up and take it, you’re going to be waiting a long time. So don’t wait. Instead, spend your time and attention solving your favourite problems. Look for problems that need solving. Be useful, generous. People will thank you, and hug you
and pay you for it and that’s where passion is. Where your energy and effort
meets someone else’s need. That’s when you realize: passion lives, and realizing what you have to contribute. Why do you think when we’re asking people
what they’re passionate about, they say, “Helping other people.”? So don’t wait. Listen to my mother. Just start doing. Because to live a life
full of meaning and value you don’t follow you passion,
your passion follows you. Thank you. (Applause)

100 thoughts on “Stop searching for your passion | Terri Trespicio | TEDxKC

  1. She is right! Beyond of it, it is ok to really like what you do at your workplace, but it can´t be your passion. because passion is something idolized, perfect. and there is no way your job will be perfect and comfortable all the time!

  2. To be fair, I hate when people say "just start doing" or something like that. If I could, I would long time ago

  3. Strange, I wanted to write a comment while watching,
    which is similar to what she say at the end of the video,
    but with a difference
    (don't look for passion, real passion will find you)
    this happens when you can't leave it even if it doesn't make you earn money

  4. I’ve been self employed for 35 years, as a contractor, and not every job is great,, but let me tell you this when I go home at the end of the day , and I’ve worked hard , and completed a ton of work,,, I have peace and satisfaction, when I build a deck or garage and it’s perfect to my personal satisfaction, that gives me joy,, when I can go back twenty years later and see something I’ve built standing there,, It’s always great

  5. Your speech made me cry, it is like the life phase i am stuck in. When anyone asks me about my passion, i really dont have any specific thing to tell. Although i have done excellent in my studies, job till now. But i always felt like i am lacking something, so tried very hard to find my passion but nothing got clicked.
    Thanks for this, from now i wont run after to find the "passion".

  6. I actually just can’t stand the word. So over-used in the workplace among managers trying to ‘coach’ their reports.

  7. Maybe you have five passions, or seven passions and you can follow ALL of them ALL at the same time. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE ONE THING??? Only corporate America demands that you do one particular thing to the exclusion of all else. It is not natural, not normal and not human to do only one thing, to use only one talent to the exclusion of all other abilities. This unbalanced preoccupation with only doing ONE THING is the real cause of unhappiness.

  8. So grateful for this speech,passion is not the exclusive idea to tread your life on,although it is a beautiful component of being a human.:)

  9. Thanck you very Much!. IThe advise I needed. Just start and you see were it leeds to.
    the last ten time a failed and lost made me very reluctand,scary to begin again,to do someting.

  10. There are multiple types of love. One of them is romantic love. If you don't have one of the "loves" you're basically handicapped.

  11. Passion is a feeling and a feeling will be change, okay i got it now… Please god let my passion following myself. Passion is a full force of your attention.

  12. Terrific! So true. I’ve been in sales for 25 years and been successful. Wouldn’t dream I could or would do it. The opportunity presented itself so I ran with it. If you apply yourself and work hard you’ll be successful. Success breeds passion!

  13. The pursuit of passion has made a lot of people extremely miserable . Do what you do ,see where it takes you and be good to your family .

  14. You find your passion by observing and trying new things otherwise how you gonna know that something you are passionate about exist

  15. Not everyone is meant to be successful…otherwise success would be nothing special..basically if you are watching this video or any other looking for advice, you are not and probably won’t be successful. I’ve accepted that, but I still click Lol

  16. Passion is used as a marketing gimmick nowadays. No one is willing to work for their passion. Its all about how much power and money you have.

  17. Did you think about where you were going with this discussion about how "Searching for what you're passionate about" could deter you from what you can achieve ?????? It could just be you become "Passionate" about things a bit too prematurely. (& there is no "Law" stating you should only be passionate about the same thing for the entirety of your life ! You don't appear to be that old, where this should be that great of a concern)

  18. "In life Success fuels passion more than the passion fuels success " Woww just wow this is the best advice in least number of words I've ever heard

  19. I’m not convinced.
    What is the reason to live if you don’t have a passion? Living for the sake of living? Isn’t it what a cancer cell do?
    But then, not everyone is able to follow their passion, their goal – there’s simply not enough spots for everyone. And maybe it can be a nice strategy to just learn to enjoy what comes your way in that case. Or in case you simply don’t have any passions at all.

  20. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "I like not knowing where life might take me in five years and that it can still surprise me." She won't get the job with that answer

  21. Wow! Such an amazing speaker and powerful message. Honestly, trying to find your passion steals your joy. Needed to hear this. Thank you!

  22. As soon as I open a ted talk and they say 'i was a really successful X at X prestigious company' i turn off. Money buys freedom and opportunity, this is not news.

  23. We all are siners,but God so loved the world that He gave His only son Jesus Christ,that whoever believe in Him,should not perish ,but have everlasting life.
    Jesus Christ willingly died on cross,had buried and raise from dead after 3 days ,to we can live together forever with Him. Jesus loves us. Have a great day eweryoneeeee🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

  24. It doesn’t matter what type of job makes you happy on doing but the right answer about what should be your passion is making this world a better place.

  25. I just stressed lowkey about this and was recommended this video. My phone trynna tell me relax, thanks government 😂 needed this one

  26. About washing windows, try to search for "Learn To Wash Windows With The "S" Technique
    " on YouTube. BANG! You've lost your 1M$ xD

  27. If I could find something people would pay me for, then that would automatically become my passion. I am as simple as that. Unfortunately, I haven't yet found such a thing. So, I guess I am that BORING!

  28. I really really needed this. I am 22, just graduated college and have been crying every single night because I don't know what my passion is. This opened my eyes so much. I've always wanted to start my own blog. Tonight I will write my first blog post instead of crying.

  29. People who pursue career success and monetary gain..solely for those reasons..will keep having to reincarnate in this world. They will be doomed until some tragedy and or upheaval forces them to make real spiritual progress.
    These talks are pseudo spiritual

  30. I s just a feeling, if you feel positive you live if you feel negative you die. Considering we have the technology to feed everyone on this planet, and we keep saying we cannot do it because lack of money witch by the way is just a human invention to still wealth from others, I feel the best thing we could do for this planet is to blow ourselves up with a beautiful nuclear bombardment, letting the planet to prepare a better civilization then ours yet to come. After a star dies beautiful things happen such as planets and sometimes life and people, so if we go extinct something more beautiful the people should happen.

  31. I don't know how when so many employers think that if you have a passion, then you are not going to do well in the job, passion is an advantage, however, being responsible at work, integrity and dependability, these are not passion, these are values and characters….

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