I am halfway through my 20s, and I am done with this shit. Oh, my God, I’m sick of my 20s. You have no intuition,
no instincts. That’s why you’re thin
in your 20s. You don’t have a gut
to listen to yet. There’s no mystic, bad feeling
under your ribs going, “Hey, maybe don’t date a DJ, again!” So when I was younger,
and I was waiting, I would tell guys, “I’m not ready to have sex yet,
is that okay?” And anytime guys were
really cool about that decision, that just made me want
to have sex with them more. The hottest thing
you can say to a girl is, “Hey, we don’t
have to do anything.” Now we do. So I pretend I’m not ready
to have sex with someone new yet, just to make sure
they’re a good person first. I call it the Gobstopper test. I go, “Oh, I’m not ready,
is that okay?” He’s like, “Totally fine.
No worries at all.” And I’m like, “Charlie! You won!” I knew you could, my boy! Now come inside
my chocolate factory. It’s all for you!