Laughter is the Best Medicine

Telenovelas Are Hell: María Mercedes

– [Narrator] Would you rather
be employed as a creepy clown that juggles balls on the
street in exchange for coins, have a mother-in-law so awful that she dresses up as a ghoul and scares the shit out of you or have someone shoot you with an AK-47? Well, save your answers
because the Mexican telenovela, Maria Mercedes, was created
to give you all the drama and suffering your heart desires and more. And why is that? Because telenovelas are hell. Maria Mercedes is a young woman who’s mother abandoned her and who’s father is a raging alcoholic that smells like onions and vomit. Maria is forced to dress
up as a horrifying clown and juggle balls for coins so
she can raise her siblings, one of which recently got
run over by a semi truck and has a bleeding head. Maria’s fate suddenly changes when she meets Santiago del Olmo, an insane billionaire that looks like if Javier Bardem had a
kid with my Tio Felipe and then it became a vampire. Santiago del Olmo is dying
of a terrible disease because he’s an asshole. One day, he meets Maria and is like, hey ugly, wanna get married? I’m gonna dies in a day or two and I’d rather you inherit
my money than my sister, who’s the biggest piece
of shit that ever lived. And Maria’s like, fuck yeah. As long as I don’t have to screw you. So they get married and
he immediately croaks. When his limp tit sister finds out that she’s not getting the inheritance, she gets so enraged that her eyes roll to the back of her head so she begs her schmuck son,
Jorge Luis, to marry Maria and take back her brother’s
sweet, sweet cash-a-roo. Jorge Luis says no because
he’s too depressed. You see, his wife was
shot on their wedding day and died even though she
didn’t bleed, which is odd, so his mother does what
any loving mother would do to comfort her grieving son, she fakes a heart attack and
guilts him into marrying Maria. When Maria meets Jorge Luis, she falls insanely in love with him and imagines the two of them
smelling fake roses together. Like the human diarrhea that he is, Jorge Luis pretends to love her back, just to get her money, even
though he can’t stand her because she eats chicken with her fingers and dresses like a glamorous clown. As if marrying her for her
money wasn’t bad enough, Jorge Luis treats Maria like total garbage and cheats on her with this lady who wears sequined gowns
to lay around on her futon. Of course, the suffering
doesn’t end there. One day, Maria’s alcoholic
father drives straight into a pile of cardboard boxes and dies. Now that Maria’s life has hit rock bottom, she decides to get it together. She starts dressing in sexy outfits. She washes her hair and she drags her
husband’s lover by her hair for an insanely long amount of time. (screaming) (yelling) Instantly, her husband’s like, hey, come to think of it, you’re hot. I actually love you. And immediately gets her pregnant. The moment his mom hears of the pregnancy, she devises a plan to make
Maria look like she’s insane. She dresses up as this terrifying ghoul and scares the shit out of her, which I personally think
is kind of hilarious. Oh, and then she puts
her in an insane asylum. Maria escapes the asylum
and finds her husband, who now actually loves her and wants to be married for realsies. It could all end there and everyone could chill
out for awhile, except, telenovelas are pure hell. Maria’s mother-in-law sends a man who’s wearing a tuxedo to
shoot Maria with an AK-47 that, like most AK-47’s, has
a bright pink strap on it. The man in the tuxedo is
clearly not good with guns because he misses Maria and then shoots up at
the sky a hundred times before having the AK-47
explode on his own face. Things are finally good now. Maria gives birth to two beautiful twins and the couple gets married. I guess you could say they
lived happily ever after, except they probably didn’t because one of their twins
dies right before the wedding. And if you’re wondering why it had to end with a death of a child, well, it’s because this is a telenovela. The end.

100 thoughts on “Telenovelas Are Hell: María Mercedes

  1. I'm loving these vids! You sound like a tenth grade essay report dragging some boring story that your teacher made you read xD

  2. Don't forget about the dickbag main male character. Just because he impregnated Maria Mercedes, according to him, that proves that 'he's a man'. lol
    All the craziness aside, I love Thalia. And this was actually my most favourite Thalia telenovela simply because she had great chemistry with Arturo Peniche. And correct me if I'm wrong here—according to her, Arturo Peniche is the best kisser among her male leads.
    PS: ''The lady who wears sequined gowns to lay around her futon..'' LOL! That's Mystica and don't forget her pink tricycle. LOL!

  3. I can't stand the spanish pronunciation mixed with the english one, it's fucking ANNOYING

  4. Would you rather be employed as a creepy clown that juggles balls on the street in exchange for coins, or have a mother in law so awful that she dresses up as a ghoul and scares the shit out of you or have someone shoot you with an ak 47?
    Well save your answers because the mexican telenovela Maria Mercedes was created to give you all the drama and suffering your heart desires more and more.

  5. Maria mercedes ang pangalan ko, i forgot the lyrics. I was in grade 2 when this show was aired in ph

  6. That AK47 scene got me all cracked up. But it makes me wonder how these Telenovelas were all the rage back in their time, I remember that my country's love affair with telenovelas began with Maria Mercedes and lasted well into the middle of the last decade. It is totally unbelievable how terrible they actually were. I guess, if we tool it too serious we'll never have any form of entertainment.

  7. I laughed so hard when she said Santiago was dying of a terrible disease bc he was an a**hole. And the way she insultingly describes the characters is just genius. Thanks.

  8. so this is how we brazilian people grew up – we would watch those epic attractions and I can honestly say that there was no better way to spend our entire afternoons throughout our childhood

  9. I barely have any recollection of Thalia's face at this point but seeing it now, god damn.
    No wonder she set the world's beauty standard in most countries her show aired.

  10. GUYS!!!!!! What episode is the hair pulling?? I need to revisit that part of my childhood hahahahahha

  11. I may have once walked the street wearing lots of makeup while manipulating balls for money, but don't call me a clown!

  12. "La Mentira" !!!! that was a good one though! a strong character that doesn't take shit, Kate Del Castillo!

  13. Please moooore of this. It’s hilarious. Let it be the second season of telenovelas are hell ❤️❤️❤️

  14. Oooooh nooo, the killer boxes! We were all laughing here in Poland because a character in a Polish soap opera died when she drove into some boxes, but it turns out… IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE!!! XD
    I guess they were just stealing from a classic telenovela! Learning from the best, that's how you do it. 😀

  15. You have to do this but for every episode of La Rosa de Guadalupe. It’s like an entire telenovela worth of drama in a single episode.

  16. Telenovelas are really a special genre. I remember hating them for their stupidity as I was a kid – and yet I watched them and was thrilled by the plot twists. The ones I watched were Esmeralda, Kassandra, Rosalinda and Yo soy Betty, la fea. If there was one I could never stand, it was definitely Muňeca Brava with Natalia Oreiro.

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