Gee, it sure is boring around here… Huh, you’d think something funny would happen by now. HEADGEAR! Yes, your lordness! Gimme something good to play, new year…new digs! Ahah, I smell a joke…! That’d be me… …oh, I getcha. …WOW. I’ve never truly needed to ask myself “what are you DOING, man?” before…but, really! What HAVE I been doing all this time for this to be the first video I’ve ever dedicated to this game? This…NNNRGH, this game! Re-logic’s crowning achievement is the now legendary ex-indie titan…Terraria! *inhales and exhales happily* I’m blowing the wad early. I love this game. ASTRONOMICALLY. A top ten favorite…and–I know! I blab my FACE off about my favorites–good GOD, get the muzzle! …because they’re just that important to me. So…what up with the wait? True Terrarians speak up! Kinda lookin’ like a wooden yo-yo, brah. You could say…it’s all for the moment. THIS moment! For all the epic ones it’s given me, I’m about to praise the ever-loving SHIT…outta Terraria’s master-class ass! Maybe even poke fun? Heh, yeah, okay. Journey’s End approaches…as the true eye of Cthulhu as my witness, the time is now! Fellow fellas and lady fellas…LET’S VIDEO! For the benefit of painting a full picture…and informing the poor creatures that have yet to play it, what is…Terraria? Okay, first of all, how the fuck do you even pronounce it? Teh Rawr ria, Te RARE ia… Terry tastes tapioca toaster strudel… It’s like Ocarina of Time, OHcarina of time…who knows? This calls for a throat clear. *clears throat* Terraria is a land of infinite forms anchored in the blind spot of the universe. Yeah-heh, LORE baby! *clears throat again* In a nebulous effort to maintain fairness amongst all life, the gods imbued this sentient land with 3 marks of great spiritual defense–the Crimson, Corruption, and Hallow. All was well until misguided people mistreated the forces with their destructive acts of deifying, common sin, and overbearing purity. One god thought it necessary to rain such a world with unprecedented devastation…Cthulhu. Terraria’s demise was imminent…yet hope rose once the Dryads–ones with the planet–waged battle against the titan… …miraculously crippling it by ripping out it’s eyes, part of it’s skeleton, and chunks of it’s brain. …forcing the monster to flee to the dark side of the moon, to slowly prepare for it’s impending return! …and now, WE arrive to clean up the mess! Terraria’s lore isn’t commonly appreciated on account of it not being written in in-game writing… …but the classical scent of storybook fiction provided once read is wonderful. Setting you as the lord of this complex, chaotic realm, without explicitly directing or even showing you what must be done… …that’s your golden hint that the creators truly know adventure! I hear even Breath of The Wild’s staff was moved by Re-logic’s passion for questing. …and GOD damn, that says more than ANY script I can possibly write. Now, what you DO with your critical role…that’s up to you! Do you dare oppose the ancient forces of Love Craft? Or you just gonna chop trees, eat mushrooms, and play with baby slimes all millennia? *loads gun* Bring it, ya H.P. fuckers! With shitty copper gear in hand, seriously–AM I USING PENNIES–we forge a path to awesome! One thing you’ll immediately grasp about Terraria is the sprite work. While certainly not the most detailed or animate you’ll ever see… …the style somehow slips between both minimal and expansive with the simple designs and ENORMOUS quantity. …setting the visual tone as something unassuming, but guaranteed to leave you feeling stupid for falling asleep on it. I like that, I’m a sucker for sprites. Consider my thirst quenched. Better yet, perhaps due to impressive optimization…this can run on potatoes! Even my cretaceous clump of crap laptop from 2010 was able to run the game well before it bit the dust! Shattering one of the biggest pains in a PC gamer’s ass…not having enough power…to a billion bloody pieces! Unless something’s seriously wrong with your computer…you can comfortably play Terraria no matter what. So get on that, dammit! Helmed by sir Scott Lloyd Shelly, the beats flowing through the Cthulhu kingdom are excellent. The soundtrack’s got this infectiously boppy vibe, with an underlying feel of something larger than you looming over. …beautifully, but subtly, tying into the whole concept. I could easily see the daytime overworld tune as one of THE great video game themes of the past decade. it’s enchanting with how quaint, catchy, and epic it is…all at once. All stand, for the anthem of adventure! *happy shudders* Majesty…! The rest are all A-rank, too. Other favorites include the Rain, Hollow, Ocean, Underworld, Corruption, and Wall of Flesh boss themes. Really brings a new meaning to “Beat me up, Scotty.” Presentation is great across the board, in high favor of passion over power…something invaluable in your quest to be the best. It’s not exactly easy to intimidate a shithead reviewer guy. Normally we just Palpatine all but the kitchen sink in January… …but, how in Jesus’s hoochie house am I supposed to lay out all THIS? Terraria’s a creature of creativity. A premise of “kill Cthulhu” is plenty for a game to make fun out of. But Andrew Spinks wanted more for his baby than simple conflict. So let’s just make the most diverse sandbox game of ALL TIME… As one it’s very often lumped with, Minecraft was clearly a point of influence for Terraria. Surely, it’s just 2D Minecraft! Who should bother? First off, everyone…SECOND, both games are great, and TRES…let’s clear it up. To me, Minecraft is the better artistic vision, tool, and sensory experience. First person, nigh infinite words, and promotes recreation through not telling jack diddly squiddly SQUAT. But as a straight up game, with all the fairy bells and whistles…Terraria is much, MUCH better. It truly feels like Mr. Spinks wanted to pick up everything Notch left unturned from his bigger picture and optimize the potential waiting for it. So he, and his team, did! …and holy SHIT, I better get on this. As the badass lore reading made clear, we have a prime directive…destroy Cthulhu and it’s forces. We do that by exploring, fighting, and looting every inch of this brilliant world…gradually amassing amazing power, and turning the gods’ planet into our own. Beautiful biomes, awesome treasure, monstrous bosses…music to a Terrarian’s ears! I gotta commend the team for setting a goal in stone for their sandbox. On paper, it seems more ideal to follow Minecraft and leave it ALL up to the player…but limitations force the push you need. Y’know, we’re just prissy monkeys…sometimes a pointer finger is an oracle to us. Terraria cleverly forms a clear path of progress…but rewards the player so much for completing it’s milestones. Defeating key bosses unlocks practically whole chapters for crafting, biome changes, NPC availability; thus access to THEIR offerings… Things keep getting bigger as your boss list gets smaller. Assuring your in-world bucket list stays BOTTOMLESS. You feel on rails and unchained at the same time…ALL the time. It’s truly magical, and a feeling not even the biggest open world behemoths have managed to replicate. Okay, yeah, cool…we get what ya do. …but what can you DO? (wheezing) WHAT CAN YOU D-…ooh! Let’s lay it out! Highly encouraged from the get-go, it’s possible to build housing for NPCs from the materials you spawn next to. There’s over 20 of them in total–many of which acting as merchants. Gun guy, Demoman, Pinkie Pie, and this damn platinum vacuum of a goblin making your shit hella strong! …all with the common role of powering up your character. …so getting yourself a platonic harem of walking talking power up’s gonna do lots. UNREAL, FIRST TRY! True to form, digging and exploring are staple activities in Terraria…it’s the most reliable means of badassifying yourself. SNORE…said no one, EVER. Watching footage doesn’t even remotely do it justice…never has chewing through dirt been so dick-hardening. I may have to reconsider my fetishes, but so will you once I tell you why. It’s step numero uno of Terraria’s god-tier progression. Nearly EVERY time you channel your inner Diglett, you’re sure to find treasures of boredom murdering proportions. Shiny ores and gems to craft new armor and weapons, max health expansions, magic portals of moolah… …chests with powerful gear and potions, underground sub-biomes, blocks for use in building, more crafting, MORE TREASURE… …special NPCs, rare and common enemies holding amazing drops… Hell, even deaths are hilarious down here! Fuck! Annoying-ass traps…but god is it funny to watch it on the playback. …is Wily Coyote hiding from ACME’s lawyers down here? Also, gotta love the stupid pain grunt. ERR. *chuckles* Never in my seven years of playing have I ever took a trip underground and came up saying “I’m bored”. You’re ALWAYS making progress. It’s a high of high fantasy I can hardly describe! One part Dig Dug, one part Super Metroid…all parts NNNNNRGH. Fueling the addiction is what I feel to be one of this game’s greatest strengths: it’s MASSIVE variety. In enemy and boss design, and especially…combat! Terraria spits in the face of many games of it’s kind in regards to dealing with danger. You normally see only old-world combat in old-world settings like this. I know, how DARE they. However, I feel that all too often compromises variety for the sake of, I dunno…’cuz Zelda does it? Y’know, swords, magic, archery…and usually in vanilla fashion. Re-logic clearly HATED the thought of being trapped in that box, so they broke out…to give us the most varied arsenal I’ve ever seen in a game. 4 dedicated fighter classes, with many layers to them. Melee: the home of swords, flails, spears, boomerangs, and frickin’ YO-YOs of countless ranges and elements. Magic: tried and true with tomes, wands, bubbles, MEDUSA’S DECAPITATED HEAD…and this thing. Summoner: send in your little bitches instead. ..and my favorite: ranger! Bows, guns, crossbows, guns, launchers, GUNS BOY! God, I love this shit…! Oh, and there’s kind of a sub-class; thrower…but it’s not overly developed, which is a shame–it’s really fun. …like this whole FUCKIN’ game’s fun! Really, the weapons add so much besides the obvious. It’s absurdly refreshing for a game like this to have so many combat options in all phases of the adventure. How many games have YOU played where you can gun down a mimic with projectile candy corn and eviscerate giant antlions with a celestial yo-yo? OH DATS RIGHT, NONE…’cept this one. …and that really tells you where the aim is. Merging the olden fantasy conflicts of conquering grand evils and creatures of mythology and real life with power… …equipment, and abilities spanning ALL eras of culture and media… Terraria has one of the most stylized and charming senses of fiction you’ll ever see. …and the way Re-logic bakes an unending flood of power and plunder into that fiction, the feeling’s indescribable. Dig, kill, loot, build, craft, farm… I CAUGHT A FISH! …explore…CONQUER. It’s all excellent. Through the far reaches of space, to the very bottom of the underworld…YOU. …are Terraria. All for…t-ten. Dollars. I guess it’s true, then. The craziest people DO lead the world… Oh-hoh, wait…wasn’t there an omnipotent evil squid bitch we gotta kill? Setting up addicting illusions to STALL me, eh? COME get some! …I was almost getting bored! (whispering) No I wasn’t…! Partial thanks to my remaster of Top 15 Boss Battles, a lot of you surely know of Terraria’s boss roster. …well, I hope you’re not done being impressed. The game’s lineup of 15 core and 14 event and mini bosses are the core drive of your constant badassifying. …and by GOD, does it feel good to make use of EVERY last drip. Most being fragments of Cthulhu itself, either by real organic leftovers or mechanical replication of said leftovers in an attempt to form a kind of “Mechthulhu”. Taking down the bosses feels good for both lore reasons…and obvious reasons. Challenging and diverse all throughout, they test your dodging skills harder than Neo ever could… …and the spectacle remains a constant in your efforts to farm their intoxicating loot. You already know the Wall of Flesh is my favorite, but the mech bosses, Duke Fishron… …and Cthulhu’s possible true form/evil twin brother…the Moon Lord, are all riveting. You just feel so…DAMN…cool! “I AM THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!” I…AM…THE WORLDS! Ah…feels good to be the boss. Well, yeah…we’ve been hearing that word constantly. Good, good, good, spice it up with some cons, green bean! Have you ever even PLAYED this game?! That’s like spotting a single drop of your piss in a rainstorm…after chugging a lake! Good luck, is all I’m saying. Terraria doesn’t do anything wrong…except end, OH WAIT! I’ll humor the script. I only have 5 nitpicks, and I truly mean “nitpicks”. First, it can be a little annoying to manage inventory sometimes. Especially in the many moments where you explore just one more tiny thing…70 times in a row, and it gets CRAZY how many items you get flooded with. In spite of the sorting and trash options… …SOMETHING MINECRAFT DESPERATELY NEEDS… …I find myself needing to forfeit some items to make room for valuable stuff early on. But that’s just it: early on. This becomes more or less moot once you advance far enough to get the money trough, piggy bank, and safe…which effectively triples your inventory space… …but it’s a small gripe in the early stages of pre-hardmode. Yeah, by the way, that’s code for “the first half of the game.” Second half is “hardmode”. …and Expert Mode’s the real hard mode option. That’s not confusing at all… I am a tad disappointed that the thrower class isn’t as well developed as the core four. It’s pretty fun to throw shit and have it work out, but it only goes as far as the Fossil Armor and Bone Javelins. …and has almost no real chance of viability in hardmode. Lame. Third, some biomes aren’t as well fleshed out as others. Would’ve been neat to see every one at least have their own core boss. Hallow, space, desert, snow, mushroom, and dungeon biomes don’t have one…which I think could’ve really vacuum sealed the whole picture. Fourth, there’s no reliable way to bypass the night. Which slows progress on the surface for a good while thanks to nocturnal monsters. This is another thing that could’ve made early game a touch better. This is one of the few things vanilla Minecraft has over vanilla Terraria. Sure, the enchanted sundial can skip a day…but it has a massive cooldown. So, not much help there. Some bosses are nocturnal, too. So you can’t always fight those whenever you want. Lemme kill you, I got money! …and lastly, FUCK EXPERT MODE SKELETRON. The choice to ramp up difficulty is very nice, and I actually love Expert Mode. Except for this BONER. SO much faster, the head’s nigh indestructible with his arms out, the arms inflict slowness… …he shoots HOMING skulls when they ARE gone, and worst of all…he can STUN LOCK you to death extremely easily! Making an arena, an EXPERT SKELETRON specific arena…is a NECESSITY if you want to advance! …and he’s not optional, you HAVE to beat him. He simply DOESN’T belong in expert pre-hardmode, it’s bullshit how un-fun and cheap he is. Legitimately makes me rage quit my expert playthroughs sometimes. GOD DAMN! …fucker! But…guess what, that’s it! …that’s all I can believably bitch about, and mods even FIX some of them! …and so, I hope you can finally see what I see. Simply put, but never simply experienced…Terraria is a marvel of entertainment. In the race to build a thriving planet atop the monstrous mountain Minecraft formed…nobody was faster, or stronger. The best sandbox game ever created, in my eyes… They aimed to ensure the one playing in it felt like a cosmic KING or Queen…above a crown and throne. I’m sorry to those who waited so long…but I take my bow, right now. Everyone needs this game in their life. I recommend the steam version, hardcore. Mods, seamless multiplayer, and it costs less than a LARGE PIZZA! WHAT THE FUCK. Good luck to those new, and happy days to the veterans! To some, the end is merely within sight…but the heart of Terraria, never stops beating. Hyped beyond belief for Journey’s end, and to whatever the future may hold! We’ll dig it, guaranteed! THIS is being Fawful’s Minion. Saying, remember to keep calm…and have fury! Catch ya next time! …and now, give it up! For the high-tier Patrons! …may we meet again!