Laughter is the Best Medicine

Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Pregnancy – Cracked Responds

– Hi, I am Moana Sherrill. I am the head of physical
production here at Cracked. And I have also been
pregnant and had a child. And so, today … (clapping) Oh, yeah. – Congrats for that, that’s great. – Huge achievement that
no one else accomplishes. But today, I wanted to share
with my female colleagues some of the things that
we just aren’t told about before we get pregnant. – No one tells you how
horrifying any of this is. – And shouldn’t they tell us? Like really we should
know, so we’re gonna know. – We’re gonna dive in even further. – One thing that we don’t
know is that some women both poop and vomit, or one or the other when the contractions start. – That’s soon. – Because the contractions are there to… Dilate you. And I didn’t know–
– Oh no. – Oh, yeah. I didn’t know how much
you need to be dilated. But to be full dilation, you are about the size of– – That looks like the solar system! – Yeah, you start at
one to 10 centimeters, and you open up to roughly
the size of a bagel. So that takes a lot of– – I’m never going to be
able to eat a bagel again. (laughing) – But, that takes a lot of … That’s really intense. So some women, not all, but some women… Go to the bathroom with each contraction. – And vomit. Because of the pain? Or because of the extreme– – Because it’s basically
just squeezing your insides, like (boom sound effect)
and so it can cause it to come out either end–
– Both ends. – Or both ends, or no
ends, but it happens– – No ends. – Before your.. No ends, fingers crossed. You cannot wear tampons,
they’re really dangerous. – Oh, they’re dangerous? – I was gonna say useless, but dangerous. – I was gonna be like, Yeah, I feel like probably would just– – You know how your insides
open up to the size of a bagel? – Yeah. That also opens the capacity
for bacteria to get in you. So you cannot use a Tampax, because that makes things really risky. Oh, yeah, this is going
in the video for sure, me talking about tampons. – I mean it’s all … – It’s all horrifying.
– It’s all up in the air. – It’s important to know. – So there’s one of the things
you get told to watch out for because you might go
into labor in a few days once X happens is, losing your… Mucus plug. (Bridgett makes gagging noise) Ew. – I mean I guess I know
why they call it that, but like, why would you call it that– – They don’t need to be so literal. – I think, and it’s gross. Granted it’s gross, but it’s not as disgusting
as what comes to mind when I hear the term “mucus plug.” – Yeah, I have to imagine. – I hear that term, and I’m like, I’m gonna (beep) vomit right now. – It sounds like a snot plug,
it sounds like a snotty- – Yeah. – It’s not that gross. It’s not that gross. – Okay, good. – It’s not like, beautiful, save it. (laughing) – What if you’re collecting
like, “Here’s my mucus plug. “Here’s my placenta, here’s my baby.” (laughs) – All in jars. – Whew. When your baby comes out, so they’ve been in your
womb for a really long time. They haven’t pooped,
they don’t poop in utero. – What? – Their first poop is this thing called, I hope I’m pronouncing this right. Meconium? Which is– – That sounds like an
element from another planet– – Basically all this stuff that’s been stored up in there
tummy and it’s like tar. And they do that for a
couple, like a day or two. – That looks like if a bat molted. – I’m sorry Bridge, Bridgett’s gonna barf. I’ll shut my computer now. – If a bat molted, and
like shed it’s skin, and just left it there, that’s what that- – That looks like when in an alien movie, the alien is in the house
and then there’s no sign, and then there’s a sign, and
it’s just goo everywhere. That’s what that is, it’s that. – It looks like motor oil,
but it’s just really thick. – Yeah, it looks like motor
oil, like it congealed. – Also, I had no idea that
you need these things called maternity pads after you give birth. So you give birth, and… – For what? I’m gonna regret asking that immediately– – Pads?
– Oh yeah. – I feel like it’s something messy. – The whole of your of
your internal lining, that was holding your baby,
comes out of your body. And I had for some– – Isn’t that what the placenta is? – Yeah, and there’s more. But for some stupid reason–
– There’s more. – I thought, “Oh, that
just all happens at once.” Not true. Weeks. – Weeks?
– Weeks? – So in this image I’m showing you, this is a normal sized pad. – Right, yeah, That looks familiar– – This what you get sent
home from the hospital with. It’s like a diaper.
– That’s a diaper. – It’s a diaper.
– That’s a diaper. – It’s a full diaper.
– We’re looking at a diaper. – Yeah. I didn’t know. – It like weirdly looks painful to me. And I know it’s just a garment, but– – I think it’s because you know what’s gonna happen into that pad. – Right. Like, if someone’s wearing that, something horrible has
happened to their body. (laughs) – Or very natural. – Or something very natural and beautiful. – Yeah.
– Yeah. – Women often talk about how the baby, when they’re pregnant, can cause them to need to pee a lot while your pregnant. What some women, a lot of
people don’t talk about is post labor… Urination control. – Oh no. – Yeah. – I can see that being a
problem, that makes sense. – You pee a lot? – Some women have issues
because your kegels are … – They just got stretched
out like rubber bands. – Battered. And so you might sneeze in Target, your first time out in
public after a long time. And just, oh it’s so … – It’s a little… – A little or a lot. – It’s good for those pads, right? – Yeah, thank God for those pads, right? (laughs) – Yeah. – I mean, honestly, after mucus plug, I’m not sure anything
could shock me anymore. So like, sure that one adds up too. – Sure, you pissed, sure. – Fun fact, sometimes when you pee, you get an extra mucus plug. (laughing) – It regrows and falls out again. (laughs) – Oh, a treat. (laughs) – You can plant it in your
backyard and it becomes a tree. – The mucus plug tree. – Yep. – Alien seems to be correct, in their portrayal of how
things emerge from your womb. It’s just a monster that comes
out of your belly button. – Okay. – Yeah. I’m right. – So they make it scarier. – Like let’s lay eggs, that seems simpler. – Yeah, that seems like the easier way– – Can I get an egg option. – That’d be good, I
really would’ve like that. I really would’ve liked… – An egg, and I can just
crack it open when I’m ready. (Carmen makes smacking sounds) – Just keep it under a heat lamp, and then one day a little
hand’s just gonna punch through. – This cute little baby. – This cute little baby hand. – That’d be so good, ’cause like, oh God. – So thank your mother. – Yeah, thank your mother. – That’s insane, what she went through– – Give your mom a real big hug. – Yeah. – ‘Cause she went through a lot. (laughs)

100 thoughts on “Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Pregnancy – Cracked Responds

  1. Thank you. Sometimes I forget I hate kids and I think hmm maybe I could possibly have one. Thank you, so much, for reinstalling my common sense

  2. As lovely this is, we're already 7.5 billion people on this planet, and far from everyone is living decent lives. You don't NEED to have kids, so don't feel the pressure society puts on you to have them.

  3. Oh sure, delivery is messy and unappealing and yet people do butt stuff and lick taint. People shit, puke, bleed, snot, and leak everywhere and for some reason we still want to fuck. Human nature takes over and we get over the nasty. So get preggo, have a kid and get over it.

  4. Reads the tittle
    Me:- the only thing thats happen is ur break ur bones….right…..wtelse do i hav 2 no?

  5. These girls make childbirth sound like a disease. By their rationale it's hard to understand how humanity got to here and did not go extinct 2 million years ago.

  6. Over two decades ago, I firmly decided I would never give birth. Luckily, I don't really like kids, but if I ever changed my mind, I'll do like grandma and adopt. Good grief, pregnancy is a terror unlike any other.

  7. I had an easy pregnancy. I worked graveyards in nursing home until I was about 7 or 8 months along with no real problems. I had to be induced a week after my due date though. Because of my size, they gave me my epidural early at like 3 cm instead of the usual 6ish cm. But I was allergic to the narcotic in the epidural and broke out in hives. They gave me Benadryl for the hives. So I didn't feel any of the contractions and because Benadryl makes you sleepy, so they had to wake me up to push. The only bad thing was the water retention afterwards because they had to push fluids because of the Pitocin.

  8. I feel like this video needs to be watched twice: once to fully focus on Carmen's reactions, & again to focus on Bridgett's, 'cause that shit is gold!

  9. I've had 4 kids and I had never had one of those pads. Regular period pads were fine. Oh yeah, besides bladder control a lot of women also develop pelvic floor dysfunction where they can't really have a bowel movement without manual manipulation (applying pressure to the stool through the vaginal wall works for me but some women have to use more extreme measures).

  10. So for having a kid, past the horrors of pregnancy, the options are either
    – have your vaginal opening swell to the size of a bagel and still be ripped open further by a baby + plus all the pain and screaming for hours beforehand
    – C sections, in which you are cut open, your organs are pulled out and placed in a bowl beside you, they take the baby out, put your organs back, and stitch you up
    Screw allllll that. No idea how people can be ok with that, I'm adopting. Besides, plenty of kids need good homes already

  11. "I can't trust something that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die." –Mr. Garrison, South Park

    Don't think I would trust them during this either…

  12. I noticed that they didn't mention that, when your 'water breaks', you just leak water continually until the kid is born. My dog kept trying to lick it up. Yuck!

  13. are you seriously wishing to rather ley an egg? You would be leying an egg like every month, that's pushing a baby-sized egg and you don't wanna get in a rough accident that could cause it to crack the shells inside your body, ouch!

  14. My step mom came home from the hospital with my baby sister and told me all about it. She had a freakin knife stabbed into her leg to get the Placentia. And then she described to me the pain of having my sister come out. I don't think I would of been able to do that.

  15. Women never tell the truth about their experiences to women who aren't pregnant. We're made to feel that we're complaining too much or no one wants to know.
    The other thing women never tell the truth about is perimenopause and menopause. It's all left to be a scary experience for you when books and Google don't tell you everything that could happen.
    We as women need to spread information about what we really go through. Instead, we suffer in silence. We feel that no one truly understands what we're going through. Speaking up and telling the truth of your personal experience demystifies these things for the rest of us.
    Thank you!

  16. They left out so much, 😂 Like postpartum hair loss, milk leakage, the trauma of your first couple of bathroom trips to poop after giving birth, vaginal tearing. Just to name a few.

  17. Can you imagine the egg a human would produce lol 😂, I would think 🤔 that would suck more. Although I am sure you were thinking turtle 🐢 or chicken size eggs 🥚 would be popping out again lol 😝

  18. guess what you can prevent all of it just dont be pregnant you dont have to have stupid people of your own.this world is disgusting and stupid and having kids is selfish.

  19. I was in college after my second child. Had to do maternity and newborn rotation. Every time I walked in the nursery the crying babies made my boobs pour milk all over my scrubs. Just the sound of a baby crying will cause them to explode with milk!!! Buy the pads for your boobs!!

  20. So after having both of my children, via c-section (for both), I had lot of clotting. No one really told me about this with my first child. So of course when it happened, I freaked out! Let's just say, adult diapers saved my pride.

  21. You can get an enema early in your labor (before the contractions get too intense) so the poop doesn’t happen. I assume you can be made to vomit for similar reasons. I am cursed & things just go wrong for me in hospitals but I’m sure everyone else will be FINE

  22. My second was easy she shot out like greased lightning so i assumed my third would be easy too……yea he was 9lbs 10oz and his shoulders got stuck for a few minutes, my midwife handled it like a boss but i admit to freaking out, kinda resentful of him for a few weeks no one tells you that can happen, i loved the first two like instantly but thought i was broken with him good thing is my midwife helped me with that too love that little boy and i can never sing my midwifes praises enough for that

  23. I had a 13 hour devastating 1st delivery. My son's head looked like a point, forceps were used, and I should've had a c section. I was cut from 1 end to the other, stitching broke open, infection set in, and I had blood poisoning traveling up through my body. My doctor had to do emergency surgery to remove it, I developed a fistula, breast milk dried up, and I was in the hospital for 1 month after he was born. Everyone told me I should've sued the delivering doctor, & hospital. ( It was a stand in obgyn). Oh yeah, & my private parts were blown up like 3,000x their size.

  24. I went from a 4 to a 10 in a little under an hour and even though I couldn't feel the contractions I still yacked everywhere 🙂

  25. I don't mean to be the insensitive jack ass male commenter here but one other thing you almost never hear about is women (that are in great physical health) sometimes have no ripping and it is as easy getting the baby out as a large bowl movement. Which happen to a friend of mine and I helped her look into it and it is not uncommon for gymnast types.

  26. No one tells you that a natural and instant bond isn’t something you can necessarily or even realistically in many cases, expect. My first child felt like such a stranger to me. I had no support with breastfeeding, in fact a nurse criticized my effort and told me in a very difficult moment to “just give him a bottle. Why are you doing that to yourself?” I was young and alone, and suddenly forced to face this shockingly unknown small angry human I thought would feel like a part of me. I learned years later that humans don’t have a natural instinct to “bond” with offspring due to the unfortunate fact that until very recently in history, many of our babies never made it to their first year. Perhaps it’s to spare the added trauma? Idk. I’m rambling in a place no one will ever see lol

  27. Why can't these women just talk about their own bodies and pregnancies and labor without being all giggly and weird? Especially the woman who's already had a child? She's just flailing her hands around and stammering and can't even find the right words half the time. Great way to portray women as being informed and educated and well spoken about something as common as pregnancy :-/

  28. The thing about eggs is that they are larger than the full-grown baby, not smaller. You'd be laying an 8 pound egg.

  29. Nothing… NOTHING was a disgusting as the feeling of amniotic fluid rushing from my vag when they punctured my bag. It was like chunky the way egg white is chunky. With these globs of things and you can feel it all spilling out with its weird textures and its fucking nasty lol

  30. some friends are about to have a baby and I'm like go buy adult diapers now and take them with you. The hospital pads are so uncomfortable. Trust me.

  31. That's gross ! For the sake of my wife, I don't want her to get kids. I didn't want kids since the begining anyway.

  32. Three words I found out to my horror after giving birth: recto vaginal fistula (google it 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮😩😩😩😩)

  33. Fuck sake… You didn't know this shit already?!?

    This is all basics of childbirth…

    Is this a panel of 12 year olds??

  34. There was a time, not so long ago (long after I was born) when women were given an enema once the contractions started so that the baby wasn't born in poop.

  35. These reactions are so childish. Maybe next time use women who have actually given birth to present pregnancy info. The incessant giggling was ridiculous

  36. If you listen carefully you can hear the ghosts of our ancestors calling us:

    I remember hearing stories about how my great aunt gave birth on the side of a mountain (by herself mind you).
    Probably biting the umbilical cord and tying a knot, whilst fending off wolves with it,
    …and calling down her giant elk to give her ride back to the village.

    Modern people… Sheesh.

  37. Maybe a woman can enlighten me. Why would you be wearing a tampon if you're pregnant and nearing your due date?

  38. That is great! All negatives and no positives! Congratulations for scaring even more young women out of having a family! Caucasians especially ! They are below replacement levels and going extinct! My people (japanese, Chinese, Korean. etc) are also below replacement levels and going the same way, just slower because of our numbers! How about doing a video about the positives of having a big family and the issue of your race going extinct if you don't!! !!!
    Holly : )

  39. Post-partum hack. Just buy some adult diapers and bring them to the hospital. Maternity pads move around a lot.

  40. Nobody cares, when you were popular, your core audience consisted of mainly men. Now look at you, a broken waste of a once funny site.
    Get 👏 woke 👏 go 👏 broke! 👏

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *