Woah, not so fast there you fff… high nelly. (?) It’s me! Jack from the future, with the oculus band printed onto my forehead from the end of the video. Turns out I stood slightly off-center for this e n t i r e episode and my camera does completely batshit crazy stuff with auto-focusing for the entire thing and it’s incredibly frustrating and annoying, but I recorded the episode for about an hour, and I’m not changing it anymore so you’re gonna have to deal with it OK? BYE! It’s time for more vIDeo GAMes. Everyone loves those toP of MOrNinG welcome to TROVER SAVES THE UNIVERSE A new game by Justin Roiland and the beautiful folks over at Squanch Games Justin reached out to me a while ago about this game and gave me some codes for it and I just didn’t have the time to get around to playing it until RIGHT NOW! Let’s do it! Roll the video game! Apparently, this game is hilarious and I’m very excited about that. I’m- I like the games that they make. This little shmaloget game… ok? contains naughty words that may not be suitable… Uh, sure! Please! TROVER (T): All right, don’t tell your parents I want it like my fine chedders. AWWW Little doggies!! I… What the hell is happening? Why do I go blind if I look behind me? Oh ho ho ho ho ho! GLORKON (G): Oh, there they are! JACK (J): Sweet Jesus! G: I’ll be taking these. G: *evil laugh* G: You stupid piece of shit. J: What the fuck just happened? G: AHHHH! Fucking crazy. Ahhh. Fucking crazy. Ahhhhh. (continues laughing in background) J: What is going on? G: *continues evilly laughing* G: You stupid piece of… (fades off) J: (imitating G) Ha Ha Ha Ha REGINALD: All I ever asked of you is that you rotate your chair! SAMANTHA: I don’t like rotating my chair REGINALD: If you want this marriage to work, you’ll rotate your chair goddamn it! Just use the right thumbstick and rotate your chair, Samantha! J: Why am I so high up?
SAMANTHA: Yes, I know how to rotate, Reginald! SAMANTHA: I’m not an idiot, I know all I have to do is move the right thumbstick. to the right or left to rotate my chair J: This is funny SAMANTHA: I still refuse Well, you never mess with objects by looking at them and pressing the interaction button like the things on the ground, or the things on the desk, Reginald why- why- why won’t you look at the things on your desk or the ground with the mess by them and press the interaction button? Hmmm? J: I get it. I-
REGINALD: ‘Cause I don’t want to look at things that are on the ground or my desk REGINALD: and press interact button, Samantha! What do you think this is? A Mercy Go Round? Just forget it, Samantha, we don’t have time for this right now! J: Um, can I change how high I am? I feel like I’m very high playing this game. I fixed it! Oh, I recentered! T: *knocks on door* Hey, hey! Open up! J: Ok T: Get out here, get out here! J: Oh… perfect! Ok, this was what I was supposed to be doing T: Come on, open up! J: I get it Morty, calm down! J: Oh, that’s why it goes dark
T: Hello? Anybody home? T: Open the door! J: What do you want?! Jesus! T: Oh yeah, this is definitely the right place.. J: Trover?
T: You’re the one. T: Ok. Listen to me, we don’ thave time to get into it now, but you’re coming with me. J: Hi! J: Sorry, the news is on! TV: We interrupt this program for important breaking news. A giant beaked monster, you heard that right, a motherfucking giant beaked monster! Has destroyed the science center, damn near half the city, stolen science equipment microscopes, beakers, I’m talking about flames. Things are really crazy right now. Shit’s all fucked up and this goddamn big monster has dogs that are plugged into his eyes and they are powering him up above any power level I have ever seen. And he’s scaring people, and my grandmother’s afraid All right, back to your regularly scheduled program. T: Man, you really- your dogs… You- You have no idea how fucked things are because of your two stupid dogs. J: I didn’t do anything! Jesus! T: This is a Power Baby, you’re gonna be seeing a lot of these throughout the whole game I mean, I really love ’em, I got ’em in my eyeballs, ya know? In my eyeholes, I mean So just here, look at this one, that I just pulled out of my eye and it’ll come to you. Just look at it and it’ll come to you. J: Ok, I get- I get it T: And trust me, it’s gonna- you’re gonna- J: Wow! Cute! T: All right, listen, you’re gonna control me, man. ‘Cause I’m tired, okay? J: I got a tiny little button baby!
T: You know how long it took me to find you? T: I’m exhausted, so you’re in control J: Woah!
T: I’m like a remote-control character now. T: All right? J: Oh! That’s how it works.
T: The blue light that’s shooting out of the ground T: that’s called a Warp Node. Get me over to the Warp Node. Alright, listen. Press the interact button to warp over. J: Woah! Fucking hell. Okay, I get it, I see how the game works now. What’s up Trovie? Can I touch you? T: Ahh, you want to soak this place in before we leave, huh? I get it. J: L- L- Let me touch your eyehole Let me touch those eyeholes- There’s butt holes on the trees J: Alright, so I just sit in my chair and control you.
T: You know, that monster that stole your dogs, his name is Glorkon T: He’s got your dogs plugged into his eyes like Power Babies T: It ma- it made him unstoppable. J: Oh. It’s a shame about the Power Babies and the dogs and the unstoppableness T: So, this is your digs, huh? This is your hood?
J: Woah. J: My digs? Oh, look at the baby!
T: What’s rent like around here? Do you rent or do you own? T: You know it took me forever to find you? Looked all over the place. J: That’s cool
T: Thank God, T: I’m gonna dump your ass off at my boss. I’m going to get my space money, then I’m gonna go to this place in my home world where I get all crazy messed up called Empty Peepers. T: But what do you know about that?
J: Woah! T: You’re just a dirty Chairorpian! I’m sorry for being spacist. J: *laughs* Spacist! Ahh, this game’s delightful. J: Do you want your eyeball back? Your little tiny baby? He’s so cute! It’s kinda horrifying though at the same time- I don’t need this. Alright, Trover. It’s you and me vs. the world. Let’s head out there. Off you go! This is a really unique way of controlling a video game. Kinda just sitting here. I feel like I should be sitting down, but you know what I’m standing because I don’t like blood clots in my legs and I’m better than you. Oh, friend! What’s happening? OLD MAN (OM): Oh, well look who it is! I’m locking you here, and making a citizen’s arrest! J: For what?! OM: Do you not think that I don’t know who you are? Huh?! J: What is this? OM: Shake your head, yes- I told you that Warp Node’s turned off! Get away from it! Get- get away from that Warp Node! Okay, where the heck was I? No, well, you’re wrong! I do know who you are. You’re the Chairopian with the dogs. Those dogs are in the eyes of that big monster and he’s fucking everything up now! Because your dogs gave him some kind of superpowers. So we have YOU to blame for this bullshit that we’re going through right now. J: I’m sorry! OM: Do you feel sorry for what you’ve done? J: Yeah, I just said-
OM: Answer me! OM: Yes or no. Do you feel any remorse? J: Yes.
OM: Well, I hope you’re telling the truth OM: I hope you feel ashamed! You did this to us! You’re a disgrace! The mayor told you to get rid of those dogs J: Don’t- don’t look at him.
T: Man, I don’t have time for this bullshit T: I’ve got a motherfucking swoord!! OM: Are you threatening me, boy? I ain’t afraid of you! Come on, let’s do- J: Jesus! T: Fuck you, old man! OM: Fuck! Ah Ah Ah Ah
T: You asked for this! T: You’re gonna feel this tomorrow! J: Fuck you, old man!
OM: Stop hitting me! T: Hey, it’s elderly abuse time! OM: I turned on your Warp Nodes! T: You’re- You’re and idiot! J: Jesus! OM: I turned on your Warp Nodes! Just don’t hurt me no more with the knife! J: Oh, my God J: There’s so much chattering going on, I can’t even commentate over this, but it’s fucking hilarious. J: Ah, hell yeah!
T: Ha Ha, you fucking cowards! T: You run that’s right- Man, I normally don’t get like that, but- you criminal coward! that guy’s an asshole- You fucking coward! J: Trover, fuck him up again! T: You really want to start shit with me?
OM: I’m gonna die if you keep hitting me!! T: Aw, man, okay, we’re really going to do this, huh?! Let’s go for it, shit! Let’s kill this motherfucker. J: Oh, shit!
OM: Fuck. Shit. I’m dead. T: Uh, shit, uh I think we just killed him. J: Did- did we?
T: We better get outta here. I don’t want to get in trouble. J: I- I don’t know if he’s dead fully… T: Man, that was pretty fucked up. We need to get our story straight. T: He came at me with a knife, okay? CLONE 1: Look at all of this stuff I got CLONE 2: Yeah, yeah, I got stuff too CLONE 1: Hey, what is all this stuff for? CLONE 2: I don’t know but it’s ours now! J: Science shit CLONE 1: Hey, look there’s somebody that we can beat up! CLONE 1: Oh yeah, Imma rumble with that person!
J: Woo! J: Yeah! Fuck shit up! Break some rules! CLONE 2: I’m gonna fucking murder you! You murdered my be- fucking friend! You murdered my friend! T: Huh, well that’s that. J: What’s in the box? J: What’s in the boooox?!! T: Alright, come on let’s get to the telepod. It’s back the other way. J: Wait, I can’t open the box? J: Inventor of Black Holes. Hey! It’s Stephen Hawking! T: Inventor of Clones, huh. T: That’s a dangerous game, man- playing God. Personally, I don’t think anyone should have that kind of power. Not even God himself. J: The inventor of Science and the inventor of Sitting. T: The inventor of Sitting. What an invention. J: The invention- the inventor of Shitting is what I am. J: Woo! This is nice.