Laughter is the Best Medicine

The Kapil Sharma Show – Season 2 – Ep 75 – Full Episode – 15th September, 2019

Good evening and welcome.. Hang on. Ms. Archana, what is this? Have you started to sleep
on the stage as well? Are you that scared
of Ms. Sidhu? Hey! Get out of here. Mister.. Switch on the TV.
Kapil Sharma show would have begun now. Bring us 4 ‘Butter Naans’
and a bowl of ‘Dal Makhani’. Hurry up. I can’t serve ‘Butter Naan’
but I could slap you. I will hit you with my shoes.
Get out of here! Hey! What the heck! What the heck!
Call the owner. Owner?
– Call the owner. Who are you referring to? Kapil Sharma. I am the owner. Look at a mirror and call
yourself, ‘the owner.’ You won’t be able
to control your laughter! How dare you extend
your eatery till here! You have extended the show. Do you remember the first
episode? It’s been 80 now. Jeez. Such stupid logic! Look at him! I don’t even feel like
thrashing him but I should. Such stupid logic! Get out of here. Sir.. Wait..
– Get out of here. Move. Get out! Get out of here. Remove it. I shouldn’t hang my clothes
to dry near them. ‘I shouldn’t hang my clothes
to dry.’ – Such a moron! Tell me! What do you own? It’s all right, Kapil Sharma. The oil and wick burn but
people say lamp is giving light. Wow!
– Pal. If you have a problem,
tell me. Am I not your friend? Tell me what you need. You are my biggest problem.
– What? I am being exploited here. Exploitation! Ms. Archana, in 2002,
I approached him as I needed change for Rs. 100.
– I see. He wanted to know
where I got Rs. 100 from. How can I develop when I’ve been
dealing with this for 17 years! He still hasn’t told me.
Where did you get the money? Work hard! I opened
an eatery for you, didn’t I? You are roaming around instead
of running it well. I am roaming around
because I have plans to expand. Listen to this.
– Yet another lie! Just say it and
get out of here. Get out! Kapil Sharma, people will
get out of their houses to visit my eatery. Because from today, Chandu’s
eatery will provide glamour along with food.
– Glamour? I have hired a receptionist. Receptionist..
– Yes.. I..
– Say it again. I have hired a receptionist. He pronounced
it correctly! People will tip us
even before having the food. Excuse me.
Is this Mr. Chandu’s eatery? Yes..
I am Mr. Chandu. Do you wear eyeglasses?
– No. Contact lenses?
– No. Why do you show so much
respect for him? Kapil Sharma, be jealous! Look at my staff. People will even end their
fasts to come and eat here. Wow.. Well..
What’s your name, beautiful? I am Ms. Sweety.
– Oh! I am Titu! Let’s
have our version of ‘Sonu Ke Titu Ki Sweety’. All right, tell me something. Why did you come late? Sir, actually, I was uploading
photos on the Instagram. Hashtag, starting my new job. Hashtag, Chandu’s restaurant. What is this?
Chandu’s Restaurant? Call it ‘The Chandu Restaurant’ just like his show
‘The Kapil Sharma Show’. Now tell me about
my appointments. A person named Ramsit
will be here. – Okay. Make your boss take off his pant
and return it to him. Oh, God! You are in wrong hands. What will you say if someone
asks your work experience? ‘Chandu’s Restaurant?’ There should be a company.
Work with me. I will give you the work. No, sir. I will work
only with Mr. Chandu. Anyway,
there are too many guests here. There are no guests
at his restaurant. So my life will be relaxed. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? From where did you find
this female Chandu? I didn’t get you. Sir, I understood it. He means to say that I am
more cheap than you. Right? Wow! She is insult-proof too. She doesn’t even feel insulted. Hey, listen!
Ignore such things. Okay? Your main work is to
take care of our customers. Okay? Sweety, I will now take
your test. Okay? Suppose, I am a customer.
How will you deal with me? All right, sir. Welcome to
Chandu Group Restaurants. Very good! We have an awesome
hospitality. Hey, you!
You are taking salary from me but taking care of the hospital? I will teach you how you should deal
with them professionally.- Okay. Learn something
from your teacher. – Okay, sir. “Buy some lentils, buy some vegetables!” Sir. – Yes? Will the people come here to eat or should we deliver
it at the doorsteps? Firstly.. Never do comedy before me. Tell me what you can do
for my restaurant. First of all, I will take care
of proper hygiene. To heck with hygiene. I myself come here
in a night suit. Do this. Go inside and cook
some lentil curry. Wow, sir! ‘Go inside and
cook lentil curry.’ I am your fan, sir.
I will be right back. Very good! Ms. Archana! Thank God! There’s someone
here to understand me. I will now become rich.
– Hey, beggar! This woman you’ve chosen
is so intelligent.. She will sell off
your restaurant without your knowledge. Now get lost! – Oh, come on! Even I have the equal right
to be here. This locality belongs to me too. Bachcha! Go, climb him! The world knows that this
locality belongs to me and I am The Bachcha Yadav! What nonsense, Bachcha! That depends on your behaviour. I am just afraid, I might be
very rude to you. You can’t run your eatery here.
Now get lost! Look who is talking! Most of the eateries run
because of him. Baccha, listen to me.
Come, let’s sit and talk. I did sit in the morning
and got myself relieved. I can’t do it again because
I can’t sit twice. Baccha. You look very cute
when you are angry. That’s what even girls tell me. He is just buttering you up. Or else, you know how
your face is. Every person here butters
others. Ms. Archana laughs out loud
even on a normal joke. Is she not buttering up Sony TV? You insult Dinesh
and Pandu so much but they respond to it
with a smile. Is this not buttering? My Lord, I want to know who
doesn’t butter people here. Considering all the
testimonies and evidences the court decides.. Get lost from here! Right now! Baccha. It’s just a matter of four days. Don’t believe him. Even she said that she will
be here for just four days. But she hasn’t gone yet. The festival of
‘Dusshera’ is here. Don’t believe him. Listen to me, Bachcha.
You must understand this. I will have more customers
in the future. Where will I buy
the cheese from? Where will you buy it from? I will buy it from elsewhere as the one you sell is cheap. Hey! Chandu.. My cheese cannot be cheap. But I can’t even let anyone
talk ill about my cheese. Got it? Baccha. I am being nice to you. Do you have any option?
Will you threaten me? Listen to me.
– What? Will you threaten me? Remember this. No matter how much
a chicken eats it cannot excrete more
than what a buffalo does. May be the chick can’t
but you can, isn’t it? He..
He told me that about you. He’s saying, you have purchased
an entire village and you go there to excrete. He was saying it’s not possible
in the residential area. He said that. Enough! I don’t want
to hear anything more. The discussion ends here.
Leave me alone. Buddy, listen. You could have said it normally.
Why did pretend like a king saying, leave us alone?
– Whenever I see a poor man like you,
I start feeling like the king. I’m helpless.
Listen, I’ll count till ten. Pack your luggage
and vacant this place. – Leave. Here I stat, five.
– This is not done. You should start from one.
– You have already wasted that much time. So, it’s ten!
It’s all done! Leave.. Listen.. – Pack your luggage
and leave. – Hear me out. Why should I..
– Sir! Sir. – Yes. – I’ve checked
the arrangements of the dhaba. Very good.
Wonderful! When did you arrange her, buddy? Hello, sir. Welcome
to ‘Chandu’s Group of Dhaba’. Hey.. Oh! Hey..
Oh! Bachcha.
Leave him. Bachcha..
Calm down. Bachcha.. Bachcha, send away that girl
who gave you multiple kisses along with him.
Send both of them out. Will you let me talk? Kappu Sharma, who gave you
the right to send Chandu away? Kappu Sharma,
pack up your show and take your uncle along. Just get out from our colony. Oh! – So, Mr. Chandu,
what were you saying? So, she’s your recessionist?
– Yes, sir. You anyway won’t give me space
in your colony to set up my business.
I’ll go and set it up somewhere else.
– Hey.. Who says so.. Who says I can’t do it? Hey! Chandu, you should have
a large heart. If you do, space can be made
anywhere in the colony. Wow.. – Of course.
I’ll get the place vacated. Are you sure?
– Sure.. I’ll ask Dinesh Mr. Pandey and everyone
to move out. You get the entire space.
So, you and your recessionist will stay back here
in the colony. – Oh! Bachcha, I’ll deal with you. You backed out
once you saw the girl, right? Right. Well..
Come this way. So, what do you do?
– Sir, I browse Facebook, Insta and also TikTok. I hope you wear your helmet
when you ride. By the way, I’m an amazing
rider, too. Mr. Bachcha I can consider this place final
for my dhaba, right? Shall I finalise on this?
– Please do, sir. I give you! I give you.. I give you.. So, the poor man,
I give you the space. Well, listen..
You.. ‘Say it again.’ ‘Keep saying it.’ ‘It feels good.’ No..
– Yes? Y-You.. When did you come?
– 13 years ago by going round
seven nuptial rounds and by seeking the blessings
from my parents. But you didn’t tell me when did she come?
– She.. No.. You’re getting me wrong.
We were just going for a stroll. Oh..
– Stroll? – Ma’am! He was not going for a stroll.
You know kissing by touching the cheeks
this way.. He was doing that.
He’s in the final stage. His cheeks would burst
by the kisses.. Ridiculous!
That’s so sad. You were kissing Kappu Sharma?
– He was not kissing me.. He was kissing that girl.
– What! Look behind his stomach.
There’s a girl standing. He was kissing a girl?
– Yes! That’s fine then.
You scared me for no reason saying, he was kissing.
No worries. Ma’am, how can you say that?
Because of that girl he gave the entire space
to Chandu. – What! How can you do that?
You’re giving away the rights of my children to this rat? Ma’am, you mean I look
like a rat? Sir, I think she referred it
to me. You look like a mongoose.
Mongoose suits you better, sir. It’s hardly 15 minutes
since you’re here. I should deduct your salary
for the entire year for what you just said.
I’ve told you several times to keep your mouth shut.
Bachcha you’ve already promised me
regarding the space. Really! Let’s go inside.
See how I’ll break your promise. No wife would talk
to her husband this way. No married man
would behave this way either.. Ridiculous..
It’s such bad days, I tell you.. Bachcha! I will rip your boxers, today. Titli! We had a deal
with Bachcha. Listen to me, control
the woman. So this rookie
will control Titli now. Why did you all not die
before it came to this? Way to put that. Why can she not?
It is her first day. Try controlling her. It is the first day for her
but it could be last for you. It has been a while
since I have thrashed you. Titli, you know I was
joking around. If you do joke around then why do you not have
a show by your name? Why does he have one? Listen to me. You do get a lot of jokes
from within so come now and let me
thrash you well. Come on in.
Come on. I will deal with you. Come on in. Come on in. Come on in. You. Listen to me. If you wish to stay here
and get some money.. Billionaire? I cannot even dream
of being a millionaire and you are going
overboard. If you wish to make money
over here then you must get
used to such taunts. Got that? And if you want to be
a regular here then you must only
listen to me. Yes, sir. You. I will deal with her. You.. Someone will die
by my hand! She is just a kid. Titli! Go on!
Smash him! Do it!
Do it! Hit his legs! No! No! Sweety! Sweety, keep running! This is the end
of the episode. Not ours.
Keep running! You! Give her to me! MS. Archana, today we will
have the star cast of the movie Zoya Factor and we have the beautiful lady
doing unique movies so with a big hand let us welcome very beautiful
and talented Sonam Kapoor Ahuja
and with her the very talented
and handsome Dulquer Salman. A big hand for Sonam
and Dulquer! Sonam, you look
so beautiful. Thank you. Girls bloom after
their wedding. What about guys? Take a gander
at Mr. Das. So he was married
on my dad’s birthday. Yes, I remember. So sweet of him. He did come to the wedding
even on his birthday. Yes.
– She was not there. Let me tell you.
I was organizing his party. His wedding card stated
for us to be there by 08:00 for his reception. My dad went
to Kapil’s wedding before his own party. Kapil was not on time. Kapil was not ready. Sitting in his pajamas. even his wife was not ready
when dad barged in. Mr. Anil enters my room
hoping I’d be ready. I was startled. How can one be so punctual? the card said 8:00 p.m.
and he was there at 7:55 p.m. He was there at 8:00 since
we had a party at 9:00. So sweet. I love you,
Mr. Anil. Thank you Sonam. Dulquer, you have come here
for the first time. So how excited you are
to meet me? Extremely. Meeting him. Ms. Archana, he is a star
of the south. And you know
we had Kiccha Sudeep. Then Prabhas
and now Dulquer. Look at my craze
in the South. If you want, I can get you
a snack shop set up there. I will leave. I cannot stand in a sari
and laugh. Dulquer and Sonam,
I welcome you. You look so fit. Thanks, can you please
repeat this line? Kapil looks so fit
and healthy. After his wedding.
– Thanks. Sonam left her glasses
back at home. You do not know,
I had come for one of the first
few episodes and from then there is
a lot of change. So you saw the change
in me and now the way
a minister was taken. What are you saying?
Sit down. This is what he speaks. Dulquer, you have a unique name.
I have heard a name like this for the first time.
– I see. Everyone knows
the meaning of ‘Salmaan’ This means ‘Superstar’. What’s the meaning of
‘Dulquer’? ‘Dulquer’ is an Arabic name.
– I see. There is no one else
with this name. There is no one else like you.
– Thank you. Dulquer, it’s impossible that everyone pronounced
your name correctly. Am I right?
– Sir.. Everyone knows how to
pronounce ‘Ramesh’. – Yes. Everyone knows
how to pronounce ‘Suresh’. It’s difficult to pronounce
his name. – Yes. Moreover, this name has
a peculiar spelling. It has ‘Q’, two ‘Us’.
– Yes. People used to make fun of me
throughout my schooling days. What did they use to say?
– No, they.. They never revealed it.
People used to pronounce my name in many ways. Every new teacher used to pause
on my name while reading
attendance register. How to pronounce it..
– How to pronounce.. And every student was ready
to murder the name. Everyone used to laugh.
I.. I used to be very angry
with my parents. Why did they keep such a name? Are you called by the same
name in your house? Yes, Dulquer..
Actually, they call me Chalu. Charu?
– I don’t know why. Chalu or Charu?
– Chalu. Chalu?
– Yes. They call you Chalu!
– Oh! In those days,
they didn’t know that it has a different
meaning in Hindi. I see.
– I think.. mothers call their children
by any cute name. Pittu, Pappu..
– Yes. It’s such a name. This is very normal
in Punjabi families. Yes. Your nick name is Bittu, right?
– I won’t tell anyone. What’s my nick name, Mom? Tony.
– Tony? Couldn’t you think
anything else? You gave him that name? Thank God, she didn’t
keep your name Tommy. Dulquer, when you came today..
A couple of my team members were saying
that Dulquer has come.. I said that I didn’t send
anything to the laundry. What has come
from the laundry? We have seen the trailer
of ‘Zoya Factor’. It’s very beautiful.
– Thank you. – It’s unique. It’s very funny.
– Thank you. People can relate with that.
It’s a luck factor. Thank you. Even Dulquer is looking
like a real Indian player. Everyone keeps beard nowadays. You are really looking
like an Indian player. It’s shown in the trailer that the Indian team
won the world cup immediately after her birth. She does her lunch
with a team and that team wins the match. When India reached
semifinal this time Yes.
– Did you lunch with England? I was in England.
In London. My dad is big cricket fan.
– I see. He came for one day,
for the semifinal. He expected that India
would win in semifinal. He took one day..
So he went. He asked me to join him.
My name is Sonam. Sonam means ‘Lucky’.
My dad thinks that I am very lucky for him. So he really wanted me
to come to this match. But I didn’t come.
And guess what? It rained out. And guess what?
– She was responsible for that. Yes, we lost..
– So.. – Since she didn’t come. I was biting nails.
– Fans of Indian cricket please note it down. You had different views.
She didn’t reach there. Actually, Dulquer has made
a nice observation regarding our film. Usually, when girls are born
in India everyone feels disappointed.
In this film the father does
the first thing.. ‘She is my lucky charm’. ‘She..’
– It’s a nice message. I think it’s a nice moment.
This film is very funny. There are many such moments
in this film. And my dad thought
the same thing about me and my sister.
So.. It’s a nice thing. By the way, let me tell those
who don’t know this. Dulquer’s father is
Superstar Mammootty. Please give him a big
round of applause. Even you know Sonam’s dad,
Mr. Anil Kapoor. I would like to ask both of you. What all herbs
do your fathers eat that they are still so fit? I think we were
taking about that. Both of them have moustaches..
– The secret lies in that. All the superstars
have moustache. Even Salman Khan had
a moustache in ‘Dabangg’. Yes.
– Don’t you remember? It’s the moustache.
– It keeps men young. Yes.
– Ms. Archana, keep a moustache. Keep a moustache. What should I throw at you?
– Very bad. So mean! Should I throw this at you?
– No, I.. She used to keep a moustache
when she was new. Ms. Archana, do you know
that Mr. Anil Kapoor played the role of Sonam’s
dad in the movie ‘Ek Ladki Ko Dekha
Toh Aisa Laga’? Yes..
– Yes. In this movie, Mr. Sanjay Kapoor
plays her father’s role. Yes. – Is it a fair
assumption that you do not have time for your family
since you got married? And you are calling your
family to act in the movies. You are asking your
dad and uncle to act. Is that so? It is somewhat like that. I will work with Harsh
now and after that I will ask Rhea to produce
another movie for me. That will keep us busy. Mom, I am going to have you
seated next to Ms. Archana. We do shooting back to back too. Yes. Actually, hats off to you.
You keep it going from morning to evening
for everyone’s entertainment. And the energy.. And you make everyone laugh. And it’s very good. Let me tell
you that it’s my favourite show. I mean, I look forward to it. I always want
to be here whenever I have to promote movies.. On a show like this. So sweet.
– No matter what happens.. So sweet. Thank you so much.
– I must be here. Whenever you are here, you
bring life to the show. Yes.
– Because.. Sonam is very cute and always
speaks her mind. Is that good or bad?
– It’s a very good thing. It’s a very good thing. Sonam, you are bringing luck
to a cricketer in the movie. Yes.
– Who brings luck to you in your real life? My husband.
– I knew you’d say that. Great, you are being
an ideal wife. The husband is lucky. No, but really.. You both look very
cute together. Thank you. Dulquer and Sonam are both
kids of celebrities. But when we are young,
we don’t know what acting is at the age of four or five.
– Yes. So have you ever wondered
who your dad is with on TV when your mom is still home? Have you ever wondered
who it was? I think.. I understood that it was
the kind of job that he did. I have a two year old daughter. She watches my movies and she thinks that if anyone
from our house including my grandmother,
mother, staffs, or anyone else resembles with the ones
on the TV is them. Because, everyone has only
one job and that is to be on TV. I didn’t even know what my
dad’s profession was and my mom made me
see some films where someone was beating
him up badly. I thought that he was
actually getting beat up and I started crying.
I created a scene. I was yelling at him
to beat the other guy up. I had started acting
even back then. There are some rumours
about you both Sonam and Dulquer. Now this.. Sonam is scared now. Sonam, let’s start
with you first. Yes. The rumour is that you
like bargaining. Yes. And when the shopkeeper
recognises you you say that you are not Sonam Kapoor and keeps
bargaining. Is this right?
– Is that true? No, I like bargaining,
that is true. I don’t know if you
are making it up or not but you are correct. But I never say that I
am not Sonam Kapoor. Okay.
– I just say that.. Just because I am Sonam Kapoor,
don’t cheat me. Bargaining is good. All right. Dulquer, so as to get paid,
you tell the producer that whenever you are given
the payment in advance the movie becomes successful. Do you ever do so? Actually, I am very bad
at bargaining and asking money. All right.
– I am very good at it. Very often, I think that I
complete the movie with 75 percent of my
payment still pending. Oh!
– But so far everyone was so kind that I
never faced any problem. It is rumoured that you ate
40 ‘Samosas’ one day, Sonam. Forty ‘Samosas’? Those were the small
‘Cocktail Samosas’. Baby ‘Samosas’
– Yes. But still, Sonam.. 40! They were small! Wow, okay! There’s one more rumour
about you, Sonam. Yes. You take free clothes
and ration for a year.. Yes. From the brand that you
promote during fashion shows. It benefits the both of us. Very good. Please get me a few
brands like that. Of course, 100 percent. Dulquer, during
childhood you were so impressed by someone chewing
‘Paan’ that you came home and put your mother’s
lipstick on. What? It is possible. When we were
young the teachers made us put on a lot of makeup
for school day performances. Yes.
– So regardless of our gender they
used to make us wear lipsticks and the pink thing they
put on your cheeks. Blush.
– Yes. Now I see those pictures and I..
– Feel embarrassed. Not embarrassed
but I am disturbed. I want to see those pictures. See, this happens
in the society. That’s why we make people do it.
– Yes. Otherwise, why would
we be interested in wearing ‘Ghagra Choli’? There’s a demand in the market. Sonam, you used to tell
your teacher that you will introduce them to your father
if they gave you good marks. No, that’s not true. – It’s
a rumour that’s out there. I am very hardworking girl
and I was very lucky as well. Okay, so you didn’t do so.
– I used to work hard and study hard. I used
to score good marks. Okay, very good.
– Yes. There’s one more rumour. The government has
declared that the age of a senior citizen
to be 60 years. But I’ve heard
that, where you are from you get grey hair
after the age of 100. Wow! Absolutely true. My dad got his first grey
hair three years ago. It is true. It is not a rumour. He is still working with people
that are my age. Yes, I know. – And he is very
energetic as well. He is very energetic.
– We love you, Mr. Anil! Big fan. Dulquer, it is rumoured
that you like ladies shoes. Why are you associating me
with lipsticks and ladies shoes? What are they hinting at? I have no idea? No, it’s a rumour. I like ladies shoes, guys. Whenever.. Sonam is saying that she
likes ladies shoes. You have to like ladies shoes. I like all shoes. I think, she and her husband
likes sneakers a lot. Yes, they make them. So they are knowledgeable
about men’s shoes. Men’s and women’s. Sonam, how many shoes do you
have? Give me a ballpark figure. A thousand?
– I don’t keep a count. Why are you asking how
many pairs she has? Because we both have almost the same foot size. That’s not possible. Mr. Dharmendra was
here yesterday and she had a bigger
palm than him. No.. His palms were bigger. Then they compared the feet. Her feet turned out to be
the bigger ones. That is possible. Dulquer, it is rumoured that you
started acting in Hindi movies so as to be
on ‘Kapil Sharma Show’. Of course. What do you mean? – We keep
promoting each other’s show. Of course, 100 percent.
– I love you. I have had an ambition
for years to be on your show. I love you, sir. I am a big fan of yours.
– Thank you.. You make the whole
country laugh. Do you really watch him? I work in four industries
and whichever state I visit they all watch your show. Oh, that’s so nice. Wow! Fabulous! Accha Yadav in the house! Accha Yadav! Sonam Kapoor in the house! Dulquer Salman in the house! Ms. Sonam. – Yes. I am Accha Yadav. I have come from London.
– Wow. I want to say this to you.
You are a fashion diva. Thank you..
– You are a fashion icon. I mean, you are beautiful,
gorgeous, outstanding Yes! – Yes!
– You must be feeling heavy. Take off your belly
and keep it aside. Keep the belly aside.. – Yes! Yes, I got you.
I will come back to you. But I have watched
all your films. Fabulous!
– And this one is my favourite. ‘Prem Patan Ran Dhayo’. It’s ‘Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo’. Yes, the same one. ‘Prem Patan Radhayo’. It’s ‘Prem Ratan Dhan Payo’.
– ‘Prem Tatan Tanrio’. ‘Prem Ratan Dhan Payo.
– ‘Prem Taran Jandhayo’. – Okay. ‘Prem Ratan Pan Paayo’.
– Whatever.. Whatever! Just let it me. You can call it ‘PRDP’. ‘PRDP’. – That’s what. ‘Prem Ratan Dhan Payo!’ I mean.. ‘Prem Ratan..’ Forget it. You will never be
able to teach me how to say
‘Prem Ratan Dhan Payo’. Dulquer Salman. – Yes, sir. I am a big fan
of your father too. – Thank you. Even I am.. – I mean,
being such a big super star is not a normal thing
for Mammootty. I wanted to know this from you. Your first film ‘Karwaan’..
– Okay. Did someone make it
or it got made by itself? How did it get made by itself? Have you not heard of
these lines from the movie? ‘I left alone from home.’ ‘But I kept meeting people
and ended up making this.’ Intelligent joke, pal! Those lines are used
in the film. It’s written on the van
in which we travel. Really? – Yes. Was it actually.. – Yes.
– Oh, wow! But, Ms. Sonam,
I like you a lot. I am joking a lot today.
But I am also upset. – Why? I was coming
here on my motorcycle without ‘Hamlet’. – Okay.
– ‘Hamlet’? So the police fined me. But it’s okay. It was my bad. But they fined me so heavily.. I lost my anger. You should say that you
got angry. What we get, we lose it someday. This is anger. It’s not Kapil Sharma that
it should never go. Good job! And then you ask me questions. Anger has a lot
of other works to do. It has to go. Anyway! Sir.. Ma’am..
I saw the trailer of your film. Oh, wow! It was so.. Sorry. Really. Oh! Your film’s trailer was so.. What do we say when
we are amazed? – Amazing. The trailer is amazing! What a guy! Yes. You are so amazing! – I see. I am a fan of yours, pal.
– Thank you. But I enjoyed it.
– Okay. I found it so good..
I finished all the soybean. You ate them. How would I know? I had it because there’s
a lot of space in my stomach. If there’s so much of space
in your stomach why did you not build
a farm house there? Hey, pal! Why have you come here? Are you asking this to me now? How dare you argue in English? I am here from so long.
Did you realise it just now? What a command
over the language! Oh, my God! Guys.. This is so.. I will tell you why I have
come here. Please do. Ms. Sonam. – Yes. Ms. Sonam, someone told me that I have now bloomed
and become a flower. So I want to get married soon. Translation please! He says that he was a bud.
But now he has bloomed. – Okay. Why do you want to
get married, Accha Yadav? Look, unless I don’t get married how can I send my wife
to her mother’s place and call my girlfriend home? If you want to bring
your girlfriend home why do you want
to get married? Nobody even bats an eye
at my girlfriend. At least, my wife will ask me
who that cheap woman is. She will ask me what she is
doing at her house. And then she will curse me
for having an affair with her. There will be drama in my life.
I don’t have it in my life now. Really?
– My wife will become upset and I will convince her. But you are saying that it’s
only the wife who gets upset. You are a married man. You should know
that only the wife has the right to get upset. I mean, be it in India or UK,
it’s the men who are tortured. Where do you get such
ideas from? I get them from ‘Crime Patrol’.
– What? I saw six episodes of
‘Crime Patrol’ back to back. And I literally raised my hand
while watching the seventh. I thought I am the murderer. Oh, God! – Lovely! Sir, I am telling you. Sir, ma’am.. It’s now the time.
Get me married. Get married in London.
Why do you want it here? I don’t need it in London. The nights are shorter there.
They pass very soon. Oh, God! What nonsense! Do some work. You will get married. I don’t need to work.
– I see. I am very much that
back in London. What do you mean? I mean, I am very ‘reach’.
– Wow! ‘Reach’. It’s ‘rich’. – Yes. You are getting confused.
You can say ‘rich’. It will be easy for you.
– Why didn’t you say that? I can say it.
But why should I? I have come here
to confuse you. But let me tell you. I have multiple businesses
in London. What businesses do you have? I have a business in which I turn Kapoors into Ahujas. How do you do that?
– Oh! I get them married. That’s obvious.
– Okay. But my friend from Delhi.. I can make a Padukone
into a Sharma but that couldn’t happen. Did I rub salt on your wounds? Do you feel the heat?
– Do you? Say that you’ve
a marriage bureau. First tell me,
did you feel the heat? Lovely.
– Didn’t it? Somewhat. – Okay. Say that you’ve a marriage
bureau. – Why should I? Do you tell me anything? If you’d done that,
then, you could’ve told me this film is going to release
on such dates. Please see it in the theatres.
Do you tell that in short? But you say it
all the way round. Take the call. Your phone
is ringing. – It’s my call. I’m a rich man.
– Yes. Very rich.
– Then wear trousers. I got Angelina Jolie’s call.
– Wow! We know each other. Hello, Angelina Jolie. I wanted to know for a long
time what is behind Jolie. You mean.. Jolie is behind and Angelina is in front.
We’d got it all wrong. Jolie is in in the back
and Angeline is.. Okay.. My fault. Believe in God.
His generosity will show. Even He’ll look after you.
You’re a jolly good fellow! I’ll hang up now. What is going on? Ma’am.. Sir.. I need to go.
Thank you! Love you, guys! Yes, pal! Thank you!
Thank you! Archana, the posters
of Zoya Factor.. There are lemon and chilly
are attached to the name. – Yes. It looks so good. The lemon and chilly
are so happy that Sonam Kapoor
has hung them. Do you believe in this?
– Of course. I’m Indian. I mean, been brought up
in India if one’s not superstitious,
religious.. Doesn’t believe in astrology
or numerology.. Then, the fun factor
in life doesn’t exist. Do you believe that a person
can be lucky for somebody Or may unlucky?
– Possibly, sir.. My marriage and my first film.. Everything happened in a day.
– Really? – Yes. Wow!
He believes in it. Archana, do you do
any kind of black magic? Then, how did you manage
to make Sidhu disappear? I’d like to know
from my audience how many believe in
being lucky or unlucky? Please go ahead, ma’am. Hello, Mr. Kapil.
– Hello, ma’am. How are you? Fine. Say something. Where are you from?
– From Mumbai. How many days does it take? Where from Mumbai?
– Marine Lines. – Okay. Rich people’s area. Rich people’s area. Rs. 50,000 per square feet. Please tell us your name. My name’s Pushpa Soni. Pushpa Soni.
Wow! Can you visit another channel? Ms. Pushpa has a smiling face.
– So sweet. The next moment, she’ll
magically show a flower. What would you like
to say, Ms. Pushpa? I’d like to say, my son
is my lucky charm. – Okay. In which way? The deal on my house
was going on. – Okay. As soon as the deal
was going to be done the opposite party got
a call that the deal can’t be done.
– Okay. The payment got stuck. When my son was six months old he relieved himself on it.
– On what? On the payment.
– On the cash. My God!
– Really! I dried the notes and kept it. Somebody must’ve
counted the notes like this! Stop it! – I’m helpless.
The situation demanded it. You son used to do it
on his own. Some kids have to be.. Only then, they start
to relieve themselves. The poor child must be
getting embarrassed to know the way his mom
is describing him. I’m so sorry.
– Not a problem. Everybody has relieved
themselves when they were kids. After he relieved himself,
a phone call came saying that, they are ready
to sign the deal. – Okay. From that day, we considered
him to be our lucky charm. Wow! – Wow! Amazing! I’ve a friend.. He’s not able to sell
his office property. What will you make him do? Please tell your son
to be there and.. Good to know
that you think that way. Children are mothers’
apple of the eye. That deal didn’t go
through because of that. The deal had to go through. But this is your affection
and motherly love. Thank you, ma’am.
It was nice talking to you. Thank you, sir.
– Thank you. Anybody else? Tell me, ma’am. Hi, Manju. Manju?
– She’s ready to talk. She’s all decked up
with that locks. She wanted more praises,
so she.. Hello.
– My name’s Anjali. I’m from Benares. I want to belt out
a dialogue. What is wrong with him today? Go ahead, Anjali. An incident happened with me.
– Okay. I think, those people
whose life I enter.. – Okay. For that person, I become
trouble for him. – What! Since what time
are you sitting here? This is the third time
for me. Sometimes I feel that way.
– Okay. One of my friend didn’t invite
me for her engagement. Her engagement
went off smoothly. But when she invited me
for her wedding her wedding was called off..
It got cancelled. That’s your mindset.
There could be other reasons. But I think like that.
– No. Change the way you think. I feel bad that you’re
thinking that way. You’re so pretty
with a positive aura.. That isn’t possible. For other reasons, your friend’s
wedding must’ve got cancelled. Yes.
– Are you married? Not yet.
– When will it happen? When you’ll find a suitable
boy for me. Where is he lost?
– No. When you’ll find him.. What kind of a boy
you want to marry? – Like you. Actually, I like you.
When I switch on the TV I see your show.
My mom shouts at me. Why does she shout at you? All the time,
I see your previous shows. Is that your mother?
– She’s my mom.. My dad.. My aunt is here. In front of her mother.
– How are you all? When I wake up
in the morning they hear songs.
– Okay. But I start watching your
shows on Sony. So sweet. I’m so lucky
that you watch my show. Thank you.
My show is so popular. The show is thus highly rated. Can I come there and hug you? Thank you so much.. Thank you.. God bless you. Please, have a seat. Give him the mic now. Are you with her?
– No, sir, I’m alone.. Then why were you nudging her? Sir, I’m a huge fan of yours. Thank you so much, mister..
– I have come from Ayodhya. Really? Wow..
– I have made a song for you. Okay. Did you write it?
– Yes, I did. – Okay. Did you compose it too?
– Yes.. – Amazing. Sir, please, sing it for us. Is there anyone else who would
like to speak? Yes, mister? Hi, Mr. Kapil and Ms. Archana..
– Hello, how are you? – Hi. It’s not important that
one’s lucky charm should be a person only.
– Okay. It can be a pet too.
– Absolutely. In my life, my lucky charm
is my neighbour’s pet. His name is Scooby.
– Okay.. Whenever I come out
of the factory he comes across me by chance and that makes my day.
– Amazing.. I work in hosiery
and it occurred a few times that I left the factory
and I couldn’t see him. I didn’t receive
my payment after that. I told my friend that
I wanted to meet him. I just needed an excuse
to be at his factory. I didn’t want to tell him
that I wanted to see his dog. Okay..
– He asked me why and I told him that I wanted
to have tea with him. I went and met him and the dog and I went back to get my
payment to the market.. – Okay. After that, I got my outstanding
dues too! Amazing..
– That was amazing. That was a very cute story.
Where are you from? I’m from Ludhiana, Punjab.
– Okay. Hosiery has a huge market
in Ludhiana.. – Yes. It was very nice to meet you.
Thank you. Thank you, sir.. – Anyone else
who’d like to share anything? Yes, mister? Hello, Mr. Kapil
and Ms. Archana. Hello, mister, how are you?
– I’m fine, sir, how are you? I’m good.
– My lucky charm is my sister and she is seated here with me..
– So sweet. – Hello. Whatever I am today
is all because of her. I was preparing for MBA
after my graduation and without informing me
she filled a form of Masters of Valuation for me.
– Okay. What stood out for me was that she signed in my stead too.
– Oh.. – Okay.. She can sign exactly like me
with her left hand. – Okay. She uses right hand for her sign
and left hand for mine. – Wow. In fact, she signed two cheques
in my stead and they didn’t bounce
and were passed. Wow.. It’s amazing to see so much
of love between you. Are you married?
– Yes, sir, my wife is here. Okay. Ma’am, how are you? Does she know that your sister
signs in your cheque book? Yes, she knows.
– Okay. Are there no fights related
to it? – Not yet. Your family is exemplary. Actually, me and sister-in-law
go together for shopping. Okay, you two go together.
– Yes.. – Mister I have understood everything.
– What is it? These cheques are getting signed
because of her. Your sister is the one signing
but your wife is the instigator. You are being cheated on. She just accepted that
they go together for shopping. Sir, anyways whom do I earn for?
– Amazing.. – Fantastic. Fabulous. Kapil, learn something. Please, have a seat.
Thanks a lot. Dulquer, you are married.
– Yes. As you said, you got married
when your first movie came out. Yes. – I mean,
why did you get married before doing a movie?
Did your wife tell you to get married first?
Did she suspect.. At the time I had no such plans.
– Okay. I had just said I want
to act in a movie first and at least direct one movie
some time. – Okay. She said it’s okay.
It’s only one movie. It’s fine. Didn’t she later tell you
you’re working back to back? Yes, I’m never at home nowadays.
I’m working full time. But she is very positive,
very supportive. But now I have a baby at home.
– Okay. So now it’s a little difficult
to go to work. That’s so sweet, guys! Kapil is learning..
Learn from him. No, I just want to know, does
the wife stop being suspicious after the baby is born? Okay, I’ve heard
that in her childhood Sonam wrote a poem
called ‘Ambition’. And she wanted
her future husband to read that poem to learn
how she wanted to live her life. Is that true, Sonam?
– Yes. Who did this research? We have a very big team
of one person. Yes, it’s true?
– Did you make Mr. Ahuja read that poem?
– A little. Okay. What did you write
in the poem? When I was 15 or 16
and I was in boarding school I didn’t know what I wanted
to do in life. So I thought of writing poetry
and then I thought about what my ambition
in life is, what I wanted to become and do in life.
So I wrote that in the poem. Do you see this?
Intellectual kids, well educated think so much at the age of 16.
I learned at 30 where to go for auditions.
And Ms. Archana started her career at 50. You know, even Ms. Archana
wrote a poem for Parmeet. I remember it vaguely.
‘O Parmeet’ ‘if you don’t arrange one lakh
rupees by today evening’ ‘I’ll snap your neck.’ I told her it’s not a poem
but a threat. Oh, God!
– I’ve heard, Ms. Archana that Sonam feels she gives her
best in comedy movies. Yes. Absolutely.
– When are you joining our show? We’re sick
of talking to fake girls. We have only one real girl
on our show. Ms. Archana, you know Bhuri.
– Yes! My uncle from Delhi got a little
late at my wedding. – Okay. So she came there wearing
a fake mustache. She said she is my uncle. I wanted to perform the ritual
and make some money. She asked for 2 blankets
and 101 rupees. Hi, Sonam!
– Hi! Welcome back!
– Thank you! Hi, Dulquer, myself Bhuri.
– Hi. How are you?
– Very well. All that’s fine.
Why are you dressed up like Mowgli’s fiancee? When you have Bagheera’s mindset everyone will look like
Mowgli to you. By the way, this is my
Cannes Festival look. Oh!
– Oh, okay! Cannes Festival look..
Now she will go to Juhu Beach and clean people’s ears
for 10 rupees. Cannes! And what can you do with ears
except clean them? But anyways, Kapil, develop
a little fashion sense, please! She’s like that, Sonam.
Once she fell in mud and then got up and said
it was her wet look. Once she got caught stealing
bikes by the police and she said it was
her sports look. What kind of sports
look is this? ‘Sir!’ Very bad.
– Then don’t see my looks. Why do you see my looks?
Did I ask you to? No, right? So don’t see.
– Yes. Sonam!
– Yes? Where is dear Anand?
Why didn’t he come here? What! Where do you
get such confidence? Dear Anand! He’d rather flirt with me
than you. Sonam, just bear with me.
She leaves after two minutes. She comes sometimes to make
the show safe amount of ugly. Excuse me! – She looks like
a parrot from Somalia. It’s funny! Kapil, don’t forget that this
show has lasted this long because of my two minute
appearances. Okay? You could’ve used the cloth
hanging behind you to hide your malnourished shoulder bones. Why, are you jealous because
your shoulders are not showing? Actually, Kapil, you’ve no idea
how popular I am. Now listen. Prabhas
from South did a Hindi movie and then Mr. Sudeep did a movie.
Now Dulquer is here. Do you know why?
– Why? So that they can use promoting
their movie as an excuse to come to your show
and catch a glimpse of me! Fabulous! You’re so confident,
I’ve to admit! Sonam is right. Where do
you get this confidence? Learning from the best.
– Fab! To catch a glimpse of you!
Even Mr. Das wearing a sari looks better than you. Look at yourself! Did your
head get caught in a fan? My glamorous look has
confused people into thinking I’m Sonam Kapoor.
– Oh, good God! Seriously! You won’t believe it,
even Mr. Anil was confused. I had to show him my ID
to make him realise I’m Bhuri. You’re looking better than me.
– Sonam! So sweet!
– Amazing! The things she is saying..
Before the show I told you we have a girl who needs
to be treated.. That’s her. In London, there must be doctors
to treat such people? Right? – Yes, India has
very few of such doctors. You’ll get treated.
– But I do look like you, right? Better. – Yes, 100 per cent.
Green is my favourite colour. Better. He left. Somebody stop me. I don’t know where to go. Bollywood didn’t stop me,
so I went straight to Hollywood. Be it Bollywood or Hollywood, no one can stop Anil Kapoor. Kapil..
– Sir.. Salmaan.
– Hi, sir. Sonam..
– Okay! Archana, where is Sidhu? I don’t know. So mean!
– I don’t know. I say, if Sidhu comes,
kick Archana out. Mr. Anil, how are you?
– I’m young. Worry about yourself. I’m so young that I had a baby shower
for myself last week. Oh, God! Salmaan is here
for the first time. – Yes, sir. I’ll only say one thing to you..
– Okay, sir. That Mr. Salman did such a good
thing by producing this show. You must be thinking
why I didn’t talk about you. Because flattery
gets you very far. I’m Krishna after all.
I’ve to praise the producer. And I’ve learned one thing
in life. – What? Flattery plus talent
is equal to stardom. Ms. Archana has the same motto.
– What? Requesting plus begging plus taking someone’s seat
is equal to income. Archana, how long will you
stay like this? Change a little. Hi, Mr. Anil!
– Shoo! Sir, you’re shooing her away
but she was calling herself Sonam Kapoor.
– Sonam Kapoor? – Yes. You’re no Kapoor! You’re so malnourished! Ms. Archana, I am looking like..
– Why ask her? She herself looks like a bandit. Got it?
Gondya! Gondya! Look, I’m respecting you..
– Stop respecting me and get yourself treated. Get up early in the morning
and do this twice before going to sleep.
Then you’ll get better. Got it?
Jhapri! What even is this Jhapri?
– It’s not like you have a bungalow in Bandra,
poor man’s Katrina Kaif! Wait a second, is it any
of your business how I look? And what can I do if people
think I look good? It’s a compliment for me, right!
– Go home and relax lest an eagle hunts you down. Oh, God!
– Stop comparing yourself to my daughter. She is Zoya Factor and you’re
like a village tractor. Sonam, both of them are jealous
of me. Nothing else. Both of them have
gone completely crazy. Do you know, Sonam..
– Yes? We have similar hobbies.
You like purse collection. Yes.
– Me too. I love purses! Look at her face..
‘I love purses!’ Her face looks like a purse.
Love purses! Sonam buys purses
worth in lakhs. And you steal people’s purses
for a couple of hundred rupees. No! Absolutely not! If you do not believe me,
come to my college and see. We’ve a ramp show
and I’m the show stopper there. Yes, she definitely is
a show stopper. That I believe. Because
whenever she enters the show our channel tells us to stop
the show right there. She is a show stopper.
– Very mean! Very mean.
– Yes, I like mean people. We’re having fun. Everyone knows Mr. Anil
earned fame in the industry with the movie ‘Beta’.
But you are here because of your uncle.
– Personal attack! She’s making personal attacks!
– Yes, it is personal. I’m here because of my uncle.
Why are you jealous? One, two, four
and four, two, one.. Five, two, eight, six..
That’s my mobile number. Bring it on! Do something if you can. Kapil, say something.
Take my side. Same to you. Okay.
– Kapil, this guy is new here. I’ve been your partner
for 6 years. Support me. Listen.
– Tell me. Right, then left, again right.
– What’s that? Your exit. This way. Come on.
– All of you are jealous of my beauty.
I just know it. Sonam, Dulquer,
I’ll meet you alone outside. I’ll see you two later.
I hate you! Listen..
– Look at her walk. Okay, fake Mr. Anil,
you can also leave. Hang on, I want to talk
to my daughter. Sonam, I just want to tell you
one thing. Before going, there is
a Sapna Beauty Parlour here. Yes, I can see it. The girl named Sapna is amazing. Surely get a massage done
from there. – Really? She has different types
of massages. Like 1-2 for 4.
And 4-2 for 1 massage. What is done in this? In this 1 comes and does
the massage of 2. Then 2 does the massage of 4. Then 4 does the massage for 2.
– I see. And 2 does a massage for 1. 4-2 for 1. 1-2 for 4. 4-2 for 1. And the other massage is
‘Prem Ratan Dhan Payo’ massage. Okay. – What is done in that? In this we undress the customer
and apply oil. – Okay. And then Prem and Ratan
come and do the massage. And after the massage they
get money. So? – What so? A big round of applause for
Sonam and Dulquer. Please come. Fantastic! – Sonam.. Sorry. Don’t go and tell Mr. Anil. It’s like that over here. Doing all this,
everyone has bought cars. Friends, it’s now time to
take a beautiful picture. Wow! What a picture! Thank you, Sonam. – Fantastic. Please come. Selfie.. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
– Thank you so much. ‘The Zoya Factor’, this film
is going to be released. It is an amazing film. It is a very funny film.
It has a ‘U’ certificate so you can go
with your entire family. Everyone can go. Before leaving, I want to tell
you one thing, Archana. Do you know, Dulquer
sings very well? – Really? Wow! – And he has
a very good habit. When anyone tells him to sing,
he doesn’t refuse. Yes.

100 thoughts on “The Kapil Sharma Show – Season 2 – Ep 75 – Full Episode – 15th September, 2019

  1. 43 pr abe saali tere jaisi fudu aurato k superstitions me believe krne se hi aurate dabbi hui hai aaaaaaa thooooo on who is the believe in bhullshit superstitions

  2. Missing Dr. Mashoor Gulati…..without Sunil grover ji, Kapil sharma show is tasteless 😑😑😑😑
    Please fix everything and call him back

  3. I used to love Bollywood, but nowadays I hate everything you indian have. Your politicians are bullshit. If I were indian I’ll die of ashamed. Chor kahi k .

  4. Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Kapil Sharma how are you I am Mr Patel Altaf Hussain Muhammad from South Africa polokwane Kapil Sharma I see you at the YouTube but I want to remind you about my and your creator because we are all creating by the one creator he is the one master of the day of judgement I want to remind you to when you worship him don't associate with anybody like a human being 3 moon or sun because they are not a god God Almighty doesn't like to worship somebody that's why I want to explain you to you open quran and read Quran and see the truth in Quran because is my duty to all human beings to deliver the true message and true message he can find in Quran that's why I explained YouTube All Your Soul Kapil Sharma please take near your bookstore your library and check the Qur'an in the your language and you can find the truth because God doesn't like to when we leave him and worship somebody is a major scene and he cannot forgot that measures in that's why please please open quran and study the Quran and see the truth because we are the all of rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam then if day of the judgement we are all together in front of LA and that time if you recognise me then Allah take the decision to put me in heaven then some people they going to complain about me ok he knows the truth but he never told me truth that's why is my duty to deliver the truth now your duty to open quran and study the Quran Quran is the last and final evolution from allah thank you to Listening me and please forgive me Almighty give you good health long life and good wealth and protect you with Eva thank you

  5. I heard from my friends Sonam Kapoor husband always saying to Best friends he is happy with Sonam Kapoor he say cold Sonam Kapoor in ,(1234)

  6. কে কে বাংলাদেশ থেকে দেখচ?
    নিচে লাইক দিয়ে জানিয়ে দাও

  7. Sonam Kapoor Kareena Kapoor Shruti Seth Tapsee Pannu Richa Chadda Swara Bhaskar. Yeh sab Mulloh ki najayaz aulaad hain, joh Mullah lund choos ne ke liye Desh ko badnaam karti hain, aur besharam Hindu phir bhi inki film dekh kar inko paisa deta hai.

  8. Krishna, kiku and sumona are the best, I just love them.
    Of course Kapil sir the comedy king 👑
    ❤️🙏 Italy 🇮🇹

  9. hello kapil sir i am great fan of your
    sir please bring back siddu paji and dr gulati it will be great show again without them this show is being aloness

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