Laughter is the Best Medicine

I’ve been on the road. So this is nice. It’s nice to just take all this
L.A. shit in, all these white faces in. Because I moved here from
Boston, you know? So when I got to L.A.,
it was super culture shock. I had never seen so many
homeless white men in my life. It was weird to me! I’m from a city where the white
dudes either do meth, or they work plumbing,
you know what I mean? But they do something. I’d never seen so many
able-bodied white dudes just sleeping on the street,
you know? And I really hated when they
would ask me for money, you know what I mean? Like, I’m a black lesbian. I’m never gonna give you shit. Go cut your hair
and work at a Subway. What the hell is your problem? But that’s what the road does, it just opens you up, man,
and exposes you to all different types
of people. I was like, “L.A. is bad with
the homeless white dudes,” and then I went to Portland
and I was like, “Holy shit, this is crazy.” And then I went to Bonnaroo
and was really mind-blown, man. I went to Tennessee,
did Bonnaroo. I’d never been to
a music festival like that. So open and free, just girls walking around with
their titties out everywhere, eating medium-rare burgers
all willy-nilly. Living! I had a medium-rare burger
myself. The whole time, I felt like
I was disrespecting my mother. I was like, “Man, you were
raised so much better than this. What are you doing?” But it was good.
I liked the texture, the flavor. And that’s how I ended up trying
mushrooms, because I was like,
“Fuck it.” Maybe everything is a lie,
you know what I mean? Because I’m a D.A.R.E. kid, man.
I’m scared of drugs. I grew up scared of drugs. I didn’t start smoking weed
till I was 25. Petrified of drugs.
Never tried mushrooms. Had arguments with my friends
over not trying mushrooms. I remember one time, my homeboy
was like, “Sam! “How have you never tried
mushrooms? “It’s one of the best drugs
on earth. “What is your problem? How have you never experienced
this?” And I was like, “Dude. “All I could think about is
going out my door, “and seeing a crackhead
and a fucking fiend fighting over a baby stroller.” Like, I don’t live in a
mushroom-friendly environment. But it’s not like that,
you know what I’m saying? I did mushrooms. I did mushrooms in Bonnaroo,
man. And I took it in a chocolate
bar, you know what I’m saying? They gave me a chocolate bar
full of mushrooms, because white people
know how to do drugs. I ate the shit. And I bounce to this EDM band, and they’re partying,
humping off the Molly, I’m trying to figure out
what’s going on here. And this black dude comes
walking through, and he’s jacked as shit. Jacked.
Super Diesel. No shirt on.
Looking tough as fuck. But he’s got on these
giant fairy wings. But he’s still tough; he’s still
bullying through the crowd with these fairy wings like,
“Nigga, you better not “crumple up my fairy wings. I’m a fuck you up.” And he walks to this clearing,
and I’m like, “Holy shit.” And then this dude–just as
big–white dude, just as big, in a Teletubby costume,
walks up to him. Just as jacked! And I’m like, “What kind of
Pokémon showdown is this ’bout to be?” And then they hugged each other! And as I was watching it,
I was like, “I don’t know if this is how
Martin Luther King dreamed it. But this is it;
this is equality.” – Oh, wait, I just realized
I look like Kate Micucci.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *