𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 everybody and welcome back to JackSepticEye’s Funniest Home Videos!
(jesus christ jack) Where we-
*ringtone* Hold on. Yeah?
(Hello. We’re your sponsors.) What do you mean? (You can no longer use the term anymore. We’re taking it.) That’s stupid. (REEEEEEEEEEEEEE) O- okay! J- Okay, the higher-ups have called, hehe! Our SPONSORS have told us that, the show can no longer use the term ‘l****’, umm. I’m even gonna get sued just for saying it here right now. So if they came up with a new term when you to our new slogan for the show is Is our new phrase for the show Super funny, I mean, yes, I love it. Come on, say it with me! -awkward few seconds of the word “Bingo” being stuttered- -slam- 𝓛 𝓐 𝓤 𝓖 𝓗 Ya can’t keep us down from laughing on this show! This is Jacksepticeye’s 𝘍𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘵 Home Videos! Not Jacksepticeye’s Old Lady Bingo Hour. Okay, we’re here for the laughs! We’re here to have fun! We’re here… …to look at more products, because They’re the funniest things to react to and everyone seems to like them. more than anything else I do on this show. So, I’m gonna react to more silly products again. Okay, shut up. My elves went out and got them Okay, my elves have been gone for a while! We haven’t seen them for like two weeks and then they finally come back and they’re like: “Oh, we just got more of the same cause you didn’t tell us what to get” So some of it is kind of on me. So- shut UP! Infomercial: Everyone loves butter! Okay, we’re like two seconds into this and they’re already accusing me. They’re already labeling everyone- They’re already generalizing everybody. “Everybody loves butter. Don’t you, fatass?” Infomercial: but getting it out of the fridge, out of the wrap, and onto your- *loudass explosion* (jesus jack calm down) [laughing already:] Come on! No one does that what kind dried out piece of earth are you trying to put butter Good Lor-I just- I’m trying but- the fucking- BAH! Damn it all! Infomercial: Introducing EZ butter, the fast, easy and safe way to cut- HELL YES T hat is actually is awesome It’s amazing. Just open the top slide in your butter or margarine and give a simple click. Oh, man It’s gonna make dinner time and bedroom time a whole lot easier if you want some Lube for those mashed potaters Just go on up and easy butter your asshole baby. It’s time to get wild those are tough that they’re sitting around the kitchen table and they’re just like Wow, that’s great. You use it now dad That’s awesome We’re a real family are not paid actual whores with a perfect pad size every time guaranteed So you’ll never have to take out the knife and greasy butter dish. No. Yeah. Oh god. No. Oh Look at that somebody already had the butter up their ass and they tried to put it back at the kitchen table to pretend like no one knew but I can smell it. That’s wrong also I thought the problem was that the putting the butter on to the bread was the issue cuz you were a fucking idiot you Broke everything getting the butter out of the container wasn’t the problem for that one At least just squeeze and you prep your pans in seconds, and that makes it super for sandwiches perfect for potatoes Wow your greens Okay, if you’re gonna be eating your greens anyway Please do not slather your greens and butter. If you’re gonna be eating the greens eat the greens, they’re delicious on their own They’re gonna make you feel good and healthy, please don’t slather them in butter. We already have an overweight problem in this world Come on easy butter. It’s only easy butter has a built-in measuring system with exactly four slices per tablespoon Commercial: it’s great for baking Don’t know what that means sir. Kitchens cleaner for slices 4 tbsp butter goes right back into your fridge until next time Whoo, I can’t wait to butter my muffins that sounds weirdly sexual (Okayy JACK) I Love butter dad Can’t squeeze it myself because my stupid baby hands, but I love butter sis Stop the over cut the undercut the knife stickers. Just make its daughter Make it stop make this Butter monstrosity end coming soon to a theater In the butter named half a slice or actually four slices per tablespoon Just enjoy the simple pleasure of having the perfectly measured pad of butter every time just enjoy the simple pleasure of a heart attack I can get doable fine for ten dollars Why would you even put it on anything? You guys are all missing the point of this thing? Why are you squeezing it onto your food and squeezing it onto a pen plate that bad butter boy. I would just be Squeezing it into my mouth just hook the butter straight to my veins because apparently everyone loves butter Here’s how to order okay I Didn’t see how to order You just took the butter and left here’s how to order Their style 1-800 cellulite and you can get yours today two for the price $10 that’s an easy price to pay and it doesn’t matter if you lose the $10 cuz you’re gonna be dead in a week anyway from all the easy butter you’re gonna eat but just in case I wasn’t enough just in case easy butter wasn’t easy enough now we’re going To show you an easier way to eat your bacon as well. Okay (DEPHENING MUsIC) JACK:fUCKIN hell Oh Love the mouth-watering taste of delicious perfectly cooked bacon, but Healthy fat and grease. How are people cooking their fucking food? a lot of people stick their knife and jam and then go straight to the border and be like Oh, well now I butters all ruined get that shit off the mountain of oil that you’re cooking your bacon Of course, it’s gonna turn out like shit just like your lower intestines yuck then you need the original bacon wave the amazing product that makes perfectly cooked bacon right in your microwave in just minutes bacon wave is your answer to Delicious don’t that making less fat and grease less cholesterol and less calories. I mean Sure It’s like a George Foreman Microwave type of thing where it’s going to catch the oil and the grease and everything that’s going to fall out of the bacon You’re still eating bacon? Okay You’re still eating bacon, and it’s not the healthiest for you bacon Wave does all the work giving you perfectly prepared crisp tasty bacon every time that’s not true. Okay The bacon wave is not doing all the work that microwave deserves some credit. Okay, can we get the credits to roll right now? All microwave the microwave did everything okay written and directed and starring lighting and makeup all done by the microwave Bacon wave all it did was star in it. Bacon way. There’s also stackable So, oh my god, it’s also stackable so I can have 24 slices of bacon Emma. Can I double it up again? Can I put even more on that? Can they get 48 slices of bacon all on top of one another cook up to 28 pieces 28 Jesus? I can’t master it into the lower pan away from your bacon Oh He can wave fits into any microwave and it’s patented design prevents curling and breakage if there’s one thing I hate about my bacon if there’s one thing that every time I make a big old Breakfast is that I hate my bacon pens. I do not want bent bacon Okay, I want crispy sawdust bacon that has no oil going into it whatsoever. So it just comes out like charcoal That’s what I want and the bacon weight can do that for me I can just post a cup ok 28 in those bitches on top of one another and I got good bacon I also got a health problem with all this border If I’m it’s the easy border with this I can have a meal that will last me the rest of my life Because it can kill me bacon weight is made of durable temperature safe plastic. I fucking love bacon But wait, wait wait now when you’ll also get the egg and omelette way free You just pay processing and handling the egg and omelette wave makes perfect eggs, and no Way all the time you were this commercial for bacon wave and you’re telling me you have an egg and omelette wave as well if You wanted bacon wave. Now them bacon waves are back. If I eat all that easy border. It’s gonna make life way too easy It’s right there in the title. It’s easy butter If I get that I’m gonna have too much butter for myself and I’m gonna have too much bacon I’m just gonna be a bacon making machine Forget that thing What are you doing? Oh, I’m making bacon That’s just gonna be my thing And if I eat that much bacon and I eat that much butter, you know, I’m not gonna be able to do Laughs hi, it’s Vince with Slap Chop You’re gonna be in a great mood all think is it gonna be slapping your troubles away with a slap shot Look, here’s a potato. Okay, okay – slaps home fries in it Yeah, the mushroom the moist stop What the fuck? Holy mother of god, I can’t even remember your name Vince wasn’t VIN Vince is out here. Abusing food. Okay. Have you seen this man? Have you seen Vince? He was last seen? Molesting a mushroom and a potato. Okay. If you have any knowledge of his whereabouts, please call one 800 Series e bacon boy you love salad. You hate making it. How dare you assume what I do and do not like I mean Just because that’s true watch this one slap Mine keeps it too, but once in a while from one Energetic fast hulking loudmouth for another slow to fuck down, okay Thank you. Don’t sign it. Don’t you bitch. There you go. Salad is made for you You have pizza you can make pizza. All you want you look at this potato. Yeah, you like it watch them Who cares about anything slap the shit out of the world? Cuz all your problems are gonna go away Would you have that Slap Chop? Oh What a breath after that’s ready from all the fucking bacon wave Great can help this thing this tuna, you know what’s boring songs boring. Tuna. Stop having a boring life Oh, it’s Vince gonna slap the ass to that. Tuna Is he gonna slap the shit out of this and put it all over the way you’re just making a mess at this point Vince? Putting it like this. No, I’m gonna isn’t a nice Tuna salad a nice tuna Salad, you know what he did. He ate the rest of that. Tuna when he took it off camera You can have an exciting life. Now. Look here’s a hard-boiled egg. It’s one you add the pickle you add 2 green onions This is the best Look, you see this hard-boiled egg BAM one chopped. Yeah the pickle. Yeah the onion And you’re gonna love this you don’t have time today Breakfast to go. I’m getting you’re gonna love my nuts Gonna love my nuts watch this means walnuts comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover All right, or you can do any board whatever you like. So easy one finger I could do one finger you guys could do with your whole hand kids can do it Already Jesus Christ FBI open up. Oh Man, you’re gonna love my NUTs. You can do with one finger. You can do it under the cover if you want Look you could do it with one finger you can do with your whole hand even kids can do it No, they charged at the ice cream stores a dollar for toppings at the ices. This is Madness, you can make it for 10 cents phony money away. You know, not only nothing. What about fruit put a mango? He’s Beating the shit out of food And he’s got a great fucking attitude to boot because it’s so easy to clean one Two and pops open like that like a butterfly to clean Now these other ones that you see in the stores bacteria gets into food all the stores have this You can’t clean it can’t open this up. It’s worthless forget about it. Now take this job. You were a Kaos internist, right? Here’s the garlic with the skin here. He goes. These skin is the garlic. You’re gonna eat more garlic I fucking love my garlic Vince and if I had something to adjust Slap the ass of every food. I have I Legitimately want this product. This looks like the greatest thing ever. I want to go in and absolutely abuse the food that’s in my kitchen Just beat the everliving shit out of them real cathartic All right. This is making you cry making me cry life’s hard enough as it is. You don’t wanna cry anymore You’re fuckin dead. Right life is very very hard for me Life is very hard for me because I don’t have a Slap Chop yet All I got is easy butter and a bacon wave and a health problem the skins at the bottom She want a little bit of onions. You don’t want to drag out the food processor. The skin comes right off You see that? All right now with a tomato in there. Add your cilantro your hot peppers right? There. You hit like this Guys, we’re gonna make American skinny again one slap at a time We’re gonna make American skinny again one fucking slap at a time Anybody can do it under the cover one finger full hand even kids can do it easy. You just got one hand and chop Please have you did not pay that lady for this seesee get One hand and chop. We’re gonna give you the grainy forties hold the fucking phone with my go Joe Vince Are you sorry? I’ll email you back right now one Mississippi. Are you telling me that there’s a second product? That’s just as abusive, but just as amazing as this laptop that you haven’t told me yet Show me this Vince show it to me comes to the twister and watch this tacos fred-a-cheenie Linguini martini bikini I’m making up words birds firts lurtz the flattop sells for 2995, but if you call now within the next 20 minutes cuz you know We can’t do this all day. You’re gonna go Grady. Absolutely free. So that’s 2 for 2995 the slap chop with the Grady Vince I’m scared about this now because This was uploaded in 2010. So I think my 20-minute window has passed call 1-800 five seven four 83 66 That is not the number. That’s at the bottom of the screen You know when people often wonder what the meaning of life is and they often go like when I guess at the pearly gates I’m gonna ask God what was it all about? You don’t need to here is the answer. Okay, Vince is God And Vince has a Slap Chop and that is the solution to all of life’s problems You can Avene a great mood all take is it gonna be slapping your troubles away with a slap shot? You know what? He was not wrong I am in a fantastic mood right now because that is one of the greatest products as I’ve ever seen Hereand jacksepticeye’s Funniest Home Videos, you know here on jacksepticeye’s Funniest Home Videos We’re supposed to be all about the memes and the jokes and the Wow But Vince here has shown me a new life Vince here has shown me that yes It can be more than that. Some of these products that we have seen are actually Really fucking cool. I am literally gonna order a slap like that The fabric and this bulletproof Song it gets cut up a speeding bullet and this biaxial braid fabric is so strong We decided to build our hose out of it Richard Richard. May I call you dick? Because you’re just acting like one You can start off a video and fucking gunshot. I thought it was gonna die. What did he even say? Lord I’m a brick and this bulletproof vest is so strong it could scoop up a speeding bullet And then I axial braid fabric is so strong. We decided to build our hose out of it No way the brand-new pocket hose brass bullet this new exclusive biaxial braid outer sleeve did the brass bullet biaxial Parade in bubbly bitch of a hose. I Think Richard I said dick. Sorry. I think he just likes alliteration at this point. No seams to tear or burst But so incredibly strong it can stop these trucks dead in their tracks everything Kenosha’s So the thicker inner tube is our toughest yet Just turn on the water and watch the brass bullet inflate and it’s a live full-sized Superoes and let suffice three-quarter inch diameter gives you a powerful stream then went Oh, yeah, half the water and it shrinks back down to a lightweight pocket hose Look at that. It’s squeezing itself dry Saturday sound a lot like a penis. Okay, it gets bigger when it gets engorged It gets a good big three quarter inch steady stream and when it’s done Using up all its liquids and it just shrinks back down fits right in your pocket. No winding. No coiling till muddy wet message There’s new brass bullet hose will never tangle or kink now No matter how hard you try and look I’m like really trying it comes with two frayed solid brass connectors Jesus Christ, why don’t we just make like army bunkers out of this? Why don’t we just make nuclear bomb shelters out of these fucking brass bullet big baby back rib, boys That’s amazing Oh so he was really trying you can tell that like You could tell her in the facade ended you can tell when he was just like I’m not even acting anymore I’ve been paid to say the rest of it. But seriously, I’m really fucking trying no matter how hard you try. Oh I’m really trying here guys Richard maybe, you’re just weak. Okay, cuz you’re not made out of brass bullet by axe you to braid baby back boys And the no kink connector protectors that help eliminate leaks the no kink connector protector. That’s what we need on the Internet Okay far too many kinks out there All right, people are people are into the daddy cake people are into the whips and chains kick people are into the for working people into all these types of cakes, you know, we need we need The no kink connector protectors the don’t kink connector protector That’s what I need on my computer to save me from the dirty filth of the Internet I need my modem to plug into a no kink connector protector. So I Can surf the web in peace and just look at memes about dogs Here’s your 50 foot hose and here’s our 50 foot brass bullet so toss out that dirty old piece nice and by a bullet Richard it started off the video with a gun firing and oh It’s a bullet I get it. What makes this a pocket hose? I haven’t it’s called a pocket hose and I haven’t seen a single person putting it in their pocket yet I want to see this hose in a pocket. Okay, and then I want to see somebody turn it on and watch her pants inflate Me like I’m not just happy to see you. I have a brass bullet biaxial brain in my pocket. Yeah, you understand, right? bye super tank a proud Canadian company Well now, you know, it’s not gonna work if it’s coming from Canada, you know, it’s all bullshit You know, it’s all fun and games on this show. I jacksepticeye’s Funniest Home Videos. Yes. Thank you Thank you but there are some products that I have seen in these last few episodes that I Legitimately think would be good like that hose actually looks very useful and that that Slap Chop not only cause Vince is the greatest salesman on earth and he would be able to fucking they’d be able to sell water to a Drowning man, but I admit Lee just want the slab chopped because I’m so sick of chopping stuff up myself I want something else to do it I wanna be able to be in the kitchen and when you walk past the door All you hear is like Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam. Fuck is he doing he just slapping bro? He’s slapping the ass of that food, but that’s gonna do it for this episode of jacksepticeye’s Funniest Home Videos I hope you had a lot of fun and I hope you had a lot of Let’s see what my little elves come back with next week Let’s see if it’s going to be more products or if there’s any funny videos that you guys have seen all around the internet Please submit them to Me but I’m gonna leave you guys here and don’t forget to go out there and drink your straight fucking water Good night, everybody (subtitled by halodevil15) I’m immediately going online to buy slap shop