Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Tiffany Haddish • Snoop Dogg Bad Girls of Comedy • FULL SET • Part 1 | LOLflix


SO WHAT I WANT Y’ALL TO DO, I WANT Y’ALL TO GIVE IT UP FOR THE FIRST COMEDIAN. SHE COMES UP OUT OF L.A., THE WILD, WILD WEST COAST. OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. AND LET ME TELL YOU, WHEN SHE ONSTAGE, MEN AND WOMEN WANT TO TAKE HER HOME, AND I AIN’T BS’. OH, YEAH, SHE READY TOO. SHE REALLY, REALLY READY. SO, SOMEBODY, PLEASE MAKE SOME NOISE FOR MY HOMEGIRL TIFFANY HADDISH. WHAT UP? HEY, SHE READY. HEY. I’M FEELING GOOD. I’M FEELING GOOD. I’M FEELING LIKE THERE’S NOTHING BUT OPPORTUNITY IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW ‘CAUSE I’M OVULATING. OH YEAH. I’M GONNA RUIN SOMEBODY’S LIFE TONIGHT. SNIFF, SNIFF… AND I SMELL GOOD CREDIT IN THE ROOM TOO HEY. WHAT’S UP, OLD WHITE MAN? YOU MY KIND OF MAN THICK GLASSES. YOU PROBABLY CAN’T EVEN SEE ME THAT GOOD. I LIKE THAT. THAT’S SEXY TO ME. OOH, YOU AIN’T EVEN GOT ALL YOUR TEETH, EITHER. MMM! GUM ME DOWN. GUM ME DOWN. I WILL BREAST-FEED YOU. BUT MORE JUST LIKE A NIPPLE, HUH? I REALLY DON’T HAVE, LIKE, BIG BREASTS. I’M NOT LIKE SOME OF YOU WOMEN HERE. Y’ALL BLESSED. Y’ALL GOT BIG OLD JUST BIG OLD JUST OOH, LOOK AT YOU. JUST BIG JUST YOU PUT DIAMONDS IN YOURS SO EVERYBODY CAN JUST SEE IT. I JUST OOH. I WISH I HAD THAT. I WISH I I JUST GOT 31 A-MINUS. JUST GOT TWO BROWN SPOTS ON SOME RIBS. I’M WEARING THIS VICTORIA’S SECRET BRA RIGHT NOW. ROCKIN’ THIS VICTORIA’S SECRET. YOU KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS? I AIN’T GOT NO TATA’S. THAT’S THE SECRET. I WISH OOH. YOU GOT ‘EM PUSHED TOGETHER TOO. LOOK LIKE YOU GOT A BOOTY ON YOUR CHEST, JUST LIKE OOH, EXCUSE ME. MY TATA’S FARTED. I’M SORRY. MY TATA’S POOTED. EXCUSE ME. I AM SO JEALOUS. I REALLY I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU LADIES, BUT I LOVE FOR A MAN TO JUST SUCK ON MY LITTLE NIPPLES. I LOVE IT. BUT IT’S HARD FOR ME, ‘CAUSE I REALLY DON’T YOU KNOW, THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER. MY TATA’S DON’T KNOW EACH OTHER. THEY TEXT EACH OTHER LIKE, “GIRL, HOW YOU HANGIN’?” “I’M OVER HERE TO THE RIGHT.” SO I HAVE TO LURE MEN IN. I HAVE TO LURE ‘EM IN. LIKE, I PUT BARBECUE WHEN I’M MESSING WITH A BLACK DUDE, I PUT BARBECUE SAUCE ALL ON MY RIBS AND SAY, “COME ON, GET THIS MCRIB, DADDY.” IF I GET WITH A WHITE DUDE, I ALWAYS PUT, LIKE, A LITTLE QUICHE AND SOME CHEESE AND A BUDWEISER RIGHT HERE. THEY LOVE THAT. IF I GET WITH AN ASIAN DUDE IF I GET WITH AN ASIAN DUDE, I JUST PUT MATH PROBLEMS ALL ON MY CHEST. I PUT SOME CALCULUS, A LITTLE ALGEBRA ON MY CHEST. HE BE LIKE, “OOH, E EQUALS NIPPLE.” AND IF I GET WITH A MEXICAN DUDE OR A HISPANIC DUDE… SHOOT, I PUT A LITTLE CARNE ASADA… SOME CILANTRO. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’? A LITTLE PICO DE GALLO. AND IF HE SUCK ON IT JUST RIGHT, IF HE DO IT JUST RIGHT, I GIVE HIM A LITTLE HORCHATA, OKAY? YOU GOTTA GET WITH IT. HEY, HEY. SHE READY. YOU KNOW, I GOT A LOT OF GOALS AND DREAMS IN MY LIFE. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT Y’ALL, BUT, UM, I’M FROM THE SOUTH. ANYBODY HERE FROM THE SOUTH? MAKE SOME NOISE IF YOU’RE FROM THE SOUTH THAT’S WHAT’S UP. THAT’S WHAT’S UP. THAT’S WHAT’S UP. ME TOO. SOUTH CENTRAL LOS ANGELES! 54TH AND WESTERN! ALL DAY! I’VE BEEN MODELING AT THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS. YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME AT BOOTH L-. I’VE BEEN MODELING THERE, AND I GOT A LOT OF GOALS AND DREAMS, AND WORKING THERE, I HAVE FOUND THAT YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN DO MY OWN THING. SO I WENT AHEAD AND WROTE ME UP SOME SHOWS, AND I SOLD A SHOW. YOU GOTTA CHECK IT OUT. IT’S COMING OUT THIS SPRING. IT’S CALLED “AMERICA’S NEXT TOP SWAP MEET MODEL”. MM-HMM, MM-HMM. WE DOING SWAP MEETS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. WE TOURING. WE GOT CELEBRITY INMATE JUDGES JUDGING THE ONE-HOUR PHOTOS AND STUFF. REMEMBER THE ONE-HOUR PHOTO? USED IT IN HIGH SCHOOL. LIKE, “GIRL, I’M FIXIN’ TO GO UP TO THE SWAP MEET, GET ME A ONE-HOUR PHOTO,” YOU BE LIKE… AND THEN YOU SEND ‘EM TO POOKIE IN JAIL AND CHIT. HOW ARE Y’ALL FEELING ABOUT THESE SHOES I’M ROCKIN’ RIGHT NOW? HOW Y’ALL FEELING ABOUT THESE SHOES? YEAH. LADIES, YOU EVER GET YOU SOME CUTE SHOES? YOU LIKE, “I’M FIXIN’ TO PRANCE THROUGH THIS MFKN’ CLUB.” “BITCH, YOU SEE MY SHOES?” “AND THIS NEW WEAVE?” “I FEEL LIKE A THOROUGHBRED RIGHT NOW, BITCH. YOU CAN’T” ALL FOR JUST $5.99. SLAUSON’S SWAP MEET. UHH THESE SHOES ARE KILLING MY FEET, THOUGH. MY BABY TOE IS DEAD RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE JUST DOING THE REST OF THE SHOW LIKE THIS. FK IT. JUST… YOU KNOW YOU BE LIKE THAT AT THE END OF THE NIGHT. OUT OF THE CLUB, YOU LIKE, “THIS IS SOME BS RIGHT HERE. “THERE AIN’T NOBODY GETTIN’ ME NOTHIN’ TO DRINK. “I GOT MY NEW SHOES. I’VE BEEN SHOWING EVERYBODY MY SHOES AND CHIT.” I DON’T KNOW ABOUT Y’ALL, BUT, UH, I GREW UP IN FOSTER CARE. ANYBODY ELSE GROW UP IN FOSTER CARE? JUST – YEAH, I GOT YOU. OKAY, THAT’S WHAT’S UP. OKAY, SOME OTHER PEOPLE IN HERE ABANDONED, ABUSED, AND CHIT. THAT’S WHAT’S UP. YOU KNOW HOW TO MOVE REAL FAST, THROW YOUR CLOTHES IN TRASH BAGS AND GET THE FK OUT TO THE NEXT PLACE, AND THAT’S COMING IN HANDY IN THIS ECONOMY RIGHT NOW. GOING INTO FOSTER CARE, IT KIND OF IT CHANGED MY LIFE. A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY, “TIFFANY, WHY DO YOU DO COMEDY? “YOU SO PRETTY; YOU SHOULD BE A MODEL OR AN ACTRESS OR SOMETHING.” AND I’M LIKE, “GIRL, PLEASE, I GOT A LAZY EYE, AND I CAN’T READ THAT GOOD, SO…” AND I USED TO GET IN TROUBLE IN SCHOOL ALL THE TIME FOR TALKING TOO MUCH. I JUST LOVE TO TALK. I LOVE TO TALK. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY I CAN’T KEEP A RELATIONSHIP. I TALK TOO MFKN’ MUCH. OH, WELL, I CAN SUCK DK, THOUGH. JUST PULL YOUR DK OUT, I’LL STOP TALKING, YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU JUST GOT TO HAVE $ MILLION. THAT’S ALL YOU GOT TO COME WITH IT. UH, YOU BITCHES SUCK DK FOR LESS, HUH? OKAY. ANYWAYS, MY GRANDMA, YOU KNOW, MY GRANDMA ENDED UP RAISING ME, AND I USED TO GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT, AS A WOMAN, I GOT TO THINK OF MYSELF AS A HOUSE. I WAS LIKE, “WHAT, GRANDMA?” SHE SAY, “YEAH, EVERY WOMAN…” “NEED TO THINK OF HERSELF AS A HOUSE. NOW, THERE’S ONE THING YOU GOT TO REMEMBER, BABY.” “EVERY MAN WANTS TO COME INSIDE YOUR HOUSE.” “BUT YOU CAN’T BE HAVING ALL KIND OF MEN “GOIN’ IN AND OUT YOUR HOUSE ALL THE TIME, “BECAUSE THEN YOU’LL BE KNOWN AS A CRACK HOUSE, “AND YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THAT BITCH. “YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THE CRACK HOUSE. “SO KEEP IT CLEAN AND KEEP THE GRASS CUT. “‘CAUSE YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE WALKING BY “THINKING YOU GOT AN ABANDONED HOUSE. “AND DON’T BE GOING OUT LATE AT NIGHT, “GETTING DRUNK AND STUFF, ‘CAUSE SOMEBODY “WILL BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE, BABY, “RIGHT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR. “THEY’LL BREAK IN RIGHT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR. “AND ONCE YOU FIND A MAN THAT LOVE YOU AND CARE ABOUT YOU, “HE’LL GO AHEAD, AND HE’LL SIGN THAT PAPERWORK, “AND HE’LL PUT A RING ON YOUR FINGER, AND HE WILL BUY THAT HOUSE.” AND SHE SAID, “THERE’S CERTAIN THINGS THAT “YOU GONNA HAVE TO DO ONCE YOU FIND YOU A MAN TO BUY THAT HOUSE.” AND I WANT TO KNOW, LADIES IN THE AUDIENCE, HOW MANY OF Y’ALL GOT A HUSBAND, GOT YOU A MAN THAT’S TAKING CARE OF YOU, THAT LOVE YOU? SO THE REST OF YOU BITCHES IS RENTING TO OWN AND LONELY AS FK, HUH? SECTION 8’ING YOUR CHIT. I AIN’T MAD AT YOU. BUT GRANNY SAID, “THERE’S CERTAIN THINGS “YOU GONNA HAVE TO DO ON A DAILY BASIS “THAT YOU AIN’T GONNA FEEL LIKE DOING EVERY DAY. “BUT, BABY GIRL, AS LONG AS YOU DO “THIS ONE THING EVERY DAY, “YOUR MAN WILL ALWAYS STAY IN YOUR HOUSE. KNOW WHAT I MEAN? HEH-HEH.” I WAS LIKE, “GRANDMA, WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE SAID, “BABY GIRL… “YOU GONNA HAVE TO KISS THAT BANANA EVERY DAY.” I SAID, “EW, GRANDMA, THAT’S NASTY. “HE PROBABLY DON’T EVEN WASH HIS BANANA EVERY DAY. WHAT I LOOK LIKE, KISSING HIS BANANA EVERY DAY?” SHE SAID, “UH, BABY GIRL, IT MIGHT BE NASTY, BUT BITCH AIN’T LONELY, SEE HERE, HUH?” AND I WANT TO KNOW FROM THE FELLAS, BY ROUND OF APPLAUSE, IS THIS TRUE? IF YOU COULD RECEIVE ORAL SATISFACTION ON A DAILY BASIS, IF YOU COULD WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND YOUR WOMAN WAS SUCKING THE WRINKLES OUT OF YOUR BALLS, WOULD YOU BE A HAPPIER MAN? WOULD YOU BE MORE WILLING TO PROVIDE? IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR DK SUCKED TONIGHT, MAKE SOME NOISE! YOU HEAR THAT, LADIES? THAT’S SOME BS, AIN’T IT? THEY DON’T REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO SUCK DK EVERY FKING DAY. IT IS NOT EASY TO SUCK DK EVERY GODDAMN DAY. IT IS A LOT OF WORK ON YOUR JAWS. HAVE YOU EVER SUCKED A DK BEFORE, SIR? THAT ONE TIME WHEN Y’ALL WAS CAUGHT UP IN KOREA, RIGHT? LOOK… ONE TIME, A DUDE AT A SHOW, HE WAS LIKE, “WELL, IT AIN’T EASY TO EAT COOCHIE EVERY DAY.” BS ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS PUT YOUR FACE RIGHT THERE, GO, “BRR-RRHH-RRHH-RRHH, BRRRR, “BRRR-AH, BRRR-AH, BRRR-AH, “BRRR, BRRR, BRRR. “MAMA SAY, MAMASA, MAMA KOOSA. MMM, MMM, MMM, PSSSH.” MMM, MMM, PSSSH.” EASY! SUCKING DK YOU GOT TO HAVE HAND AND EYE COORDINATION. YOU GOT TO WATCH YOUR TEETH AND CHIT. YOU GOT TO KEEP THE RHYTHM. YOU GOTTA EHH, EHH, EHH. EHH, EHH, EHH, EHH, EHH, EHH. EHH, EHH, EHH. EHH, EHH, EHH. THAT CHIT IS BS! I’VE GOT CARPAL TUNNEL IN MY THROAT RIGHT NOW, BITCH. MY SCIATICA IS ALL FKED UP. IT’S HORRIBLE. BUT GRANNY SAY YOU GOTTA DO IT , AND YOU CAN’T BE NO PUNK ABOUT IT. SHE GOTTA BE READY. OKAY? AND SHE SAID, EVEN IF HE ASIAN… EVEN IF HE ASIAN, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU CHOKE JUST A LITTLE BIT TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN. TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE HE IS KILLING YOUR THROAT, YOU GOTTA CHOKE JUST A LITTLE BIT. YOU GOTTA LIKE… “OOH, “OOH, “OOH, “OOH, MR. KIM! “MR. KIM, YOU KILLIN’ ME WITH ALL THIS DK YOU GOT, MR. KIM. “NOW, DID YOU THROW A NINJA STAR IN THE BACK OF MY THROAT? “THAT IS CRAZY. WHERE YOU LEARN THAT FROM, THE WU-TANG CLAN?” I FOUND A BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT IT, THE THING THAT MAKE YOU SAY, “YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M GONNA HOOK HIM UP TODAY.” IT’S ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD IF YOU DOING IT RIGHT, AND THERE’S THREE WAYS TO TELL IF YOU’RE DOING A GOOD JOB WAY NUMBER ONE: HE GONNA CUSS, EVEN IF HE A RABBI. I KNOW THAT FROM EXPERIENCE. AND THEY ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THEY LOST A CHROMOSOME OR SOMETHING, LIKE THEY JUST CAME DOWN WITH SOMETHING. LIKE, IF YOU’RE DOING IT GOOD, THEY BE LIKE, “EEOOH.” IT’S SO CUTE. AND YOU GOTTA BLESS ‘EM WITH IT. YOU GOTTA BLESS ‘EM. DON’T LET ‘EM ASK YOU FOR IT. BLESS HIM WITH IT WHILE HE ASLEEP. YOU KNOW, IN THE MORNING, WHEN THEY HAD A LITTLE WOOD, MORNING WOOD. “OH, CHIT. “OH, CHIT! OH, CHIT!” [high-pitched] OH, CHIT!” AND WHEN HE HIT THAT HIGH-PITCHED “OH, CHIT,” THAT’S WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK UP, ‘CAUSE HERE COME YOUR BLESSING FROM GOD. IT’S ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN WORLD WHEN HE LET GO OF THAT BABY BATTER. OH, MY GOD. IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. YES, BITCH, BABY BATTER. THAT’S WHAT IT IS. YOU PUT IT WITH AN EGG AND MAKE A MFKN BABY, BITCH. AND WHEN HE LET THAT GO, IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL, ‘CAUSE IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT, IT’S FKING HILARIOUS, ‘CAUSE IT LOOK LIKE HE GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST AND HE DYIN’ SLOW. “OH, CHIT.” “DON’T TOUCH IT. DON’T TOUCH IT. “DON’T TOUCH IT. STEP AWAY. “YOU PLAY TOO MUCH, BABY. “STOP PLAYIN’. “STOP [snoring] [snoring] THAT’S MY TIME, Y’ALL. I’M TIFFANY HADDISH. DO THAT ONE MORE TIME FOR TIFFANY HADDISH.

100 thoughts on “Tiffany Haddish • Snoop Dogg Bad Girls of Comedy • FULL SET • Part 1 | LOLflix

  1. Damn girl you're beautiful you could be a model, you're a damn good comedian .
    Be both,. actually lady you're beautiful and you're a great comedian that you probably make an amazing model 2 it's not my business to tell you what to doif it was I just tell you to live your life the way you want to live it and wish you lots of love, joy and peace and happiness..

  2. I love her. funny as hell and just as sexy. Tiffany, ain't nothing wrong with ur body it's perfect breasts and all. b proud of ur sexy physique

  3. FINALLY! My Dream Girl has been found. LOL Super Hot Chick with some wisdom. And 'can deliver' with a Smile. You GO Girl! I'll TAKE YOU AND MAKE YOU MINE, any day! Say when!

  4. Holy legs and ass bat man . Brothers might dig a bigger dumper but this young lady is put together properly for this white boy. Funny (which equals smart BTW) + that pretty face and bodied up and in shape. That is a winner right there. Coming from a rough start you know she is a scrapper and has some serious heart/drive.

    No filter (no good comic has one). She must be a handful. Like riding a bronco. I bet she throws a lot of guys who can’t hang. 99% of dudes could not handle this women , including me. Now she is blowing up, so she has some cabbage so I’m sure you need to come very proper if want to spend time with this women. Street smart and seen some shit as well so I don’t think (I hope) bullshit game is going to work on her.

    I wish her the best. I liked her on Rogans podcast which was where I was introduced. She has those nice dimples on her lower back above her ass crack when she is on the floor and her perfect little round ass is just peaking out.

    Big respect for her and getting where she is. Not easy considering all the road blocks. Being pretty is an advantage but also makes you a mark.

    Must be fun to have a women that sexy that is also that clever and funny if your ego is straight and your not weak, otherwise it’s a nightmare I’m sure. I am gonna re watch that Rogan episode which is I think right when she was starting to blow up. Love her story of triumph and getting past her past.

  5. Tiffany nasty but she all right Redd Foxx nasty you got to be nasty on Esther from the red fox show nasty nasty nasty on Esther old lady x-rated comedian. X-rated comedians are funny men and women Katt Williams funny funny funny

  6. Love her hair like this, but she needs new material. I love her she is funny as hell. But so was katt, but you cant keep using same material for too long or u she will be like katt is now. The end was freaking fantastic.

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