Laughter is the Best Medicine

Tim Vine – 2016 Opening Night Comedy Allstars Supershow

Now get your hands clapping for Tim Vine Good evening ladies and gentlemen Good evening Oh I like this stage in a roundabout sort of way all that for that joke I’d like to start tonight with a song
hit the music please *music plays* is it a banana or is it a torch? is it a banana or is it a torch? is it a banana or is it a torch? the answer is it’s a torch that looks like a banana. *audience claps* So I went to the doctors and I said whenever I pass from one country to another I have to get
drunk, he said you’re borderline alcoholic I said I’ve got this urge to be burst like
a ballon while standing on fish skin he said hold on I’ll pop you on the scales. I said I’ve got a rash, he said I’ll be as quick as I can I said I’ve got a heart complaint
he said murmur? I said *murmurs* So I went to the airport and I said to this woman * clucking sounds* she said no sir this is the check-in desk and ah sorry? yeah for a living And when I was on the aeroplane when I umm Umm, no I’ll skip that Is it me, when I look in the mirror.. Sorry, is it me when I look in the mirror? I’ve had a map of Italy tattooed on my
chest, I’ve got really sore Naples And a bloke said to me he said I’m gonna dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy I said don’t be so-silly but I think umm I think a parachute jump was the scariest thing I’ve ever ever refused to do Actually I did once do a parachute jump and of course they attach you to the instructor don’t they and you jump
out together So I was in this aeroplane and they attached me to this bloke and we jumped out and it was really
frightening cuz half way down he said how long have you been an instructor? But you’re right it’s time for another song I was brought up listening to music at my grandfathers knee he died before I was born but we kept his knee Hit the music please *music plays* waiting can sometimes be lots of fun but not always So this farmer came up to me he says I’ve got 68 sheep can you round them up for
me? I said sure, 70 But I’ve got be honest with you ladies and gentlemen I’m not sure I’m gonna be doing this job for much longer Umm, cheers. What ah.. What concerns me is that one day I’ll wind up an old man and he’ll attack me Good news is I’ve just heard from the producer I can do another half an hour Goodnight

87 thoughts on “Tim Vine – 2016 Opening Night Comedy Allstars Supershow

  1. It is so very unusual and brilliant to do four minuets of one liner type stand up that you could even take your kids too. This is way harder than it looks for sure, well done Tim.

  2. @Zaco Baco…I had no idea who Iglesias was until you mentioned him. To say he is in the same league as Tim is completely fanciful. Iglesias is just one of those comedians who loves the sound of his own voice and thinks he is hilarious when in fact he is about as funny as a party political broadcast. Broaden your mind.

  3. Not funny, wtf are these people laughing at? Oh he said that but it implied else something how witty hahaha NOT! FUNNY!

  4. Tim is our best family comedian by miles, but always appears to be under-rated because his act is one liners.  Very funny man, if he doesn't make you laugh you must surely have no sense of humour IMHO.   Multi-storey car park crime, wrong on so many levels…classic!

  5. "Is it a banana or is it a torch?" -Tim Vine "And when we say 'torch' we mean 'flashlight', because we're British, not medieval villagers." -Outside Xbox

  6. So This farmer came up to me and said I've got 68 sheep can you round them up for me?
    I said sure "70"Hahahahahaha

  7. This guy is absolute shit, but I can't deny that he is killing with that audience. Which begs the question, how drunk are they?

  8. I wonder what real comedians like Stewart Lee, Ricky Gervais, Louis CK and Chris Rock ect would think whilst watching this? It’s not just a comedian’s job to make you laugh it’s also their job to make you think and push the boundaries, coming out and doing a load of one liners is pathetic anyone could do that

  9. hmm 71 comments on this 1 alone Tim …I love ya daft humour not crude or nasty …keep going Tim lad xxxx

  10. Don't get me wrong, Tim Vine, to me, was a funny man when he just did 5 mins or so on the BBC programme "Live at the Apollo". He just hits everyone with one-liners and puns and doesn't bother with all that stupid (childish) songs. And that's how I like Tim Vines humour: without the rubbish. Just "get on", "blast the audience" with that rapid fire wit, and "then" exit stage left. I'd never pay to see him perform live, as I honestly think I'd walk out 10 mins in as soon as he started that bouncing around and "singing". It doesn't suit his act. He's known for puns etc, but to just break it all with childrens party singing, clown dancing, and songs that don't make sense interupts the flow and lets down the rest of his performance. Sometimes, the internet is the best place to see his comedy, as you can select all the good bits, skip the rubbish, and save about 30 quid on the price of a ticket.

    I also liked Milton Jones on his short bursts on "Mock The Week" and also at the Apollo. On the strength of those stand up bits, I went and bought his DVD "The Lion Whisperer". And my gawd, how disappointing that was. A complete let down, and 15 mins in, I was still sat with my arms folded, not uttering a single laugh. It wasn't funny, and his timing was well off.

    So again, like Tim Vine, I think some comedians are best just kept to short sets of 10 mins maximum.

  11. The delivery and energy Tim puts into his act is pure genius. A natural entertainer who appeals to all age groups. Love it 🙂

  12. Oh look, it's Tim Vine failing to be even remotely funny! Oh and that torch song was done by others before him!
    If you want one-liners comedians who are actually funny you should check out Milton Jones and Stewart Francis!

  13. Super sharp and subtle wit make him The Boss. Lots of good laffs. I like his style LOT.

  14. Hmmmm……..dont like comedians who steal jokes and material…… heard the sicily joke before………in stand up comedy it is an unwritten rule and a massive no no to steal others jokes and material

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