Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Tracy Morgan on Earthquakes, Selling Crack & Having More Babies


JIMMY KIMMEL: How
you doing, Tracy? TRACY MORGAN: I’m good, man. JIMMY KIMMEL: It’s
good to see you. And you smell good.
You really do. TRACY MORGAN: Thank you. That’s an old
trick of the trade. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is it really? TRACY MORGAN: My daddy said
always wear fragrances. Women love to stand next
to men with fragrances. JIMMY KIMMEL: May I ask
what fragrance you use? TRACY MORGAN: I don’t know. JIMMY KIMMEL: You do not know? You– were you here
for the earthquake? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, man.
See, that’s crazy. I’m from the east coast.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah. TRACY MORGAN: So we
don’t get earthquakes. We got crackheads. And I stepped off the plane,
and the earth started shaking. JIMMY KIMMEL: Uh-huh? TRACY MORGAN: So
I pooped my pants. Of course I pooped my pants. And a little bit
of pee came out. JIMMY KIMMEL: Uh-huh?
TRACY MORGAN: That’s right. So they said, you know,
that’s going to be going on for the next 20 days, right? So I got this for
the aftershock. JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, underwear?
Oh– TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. JIMMY KIMMEL: You’ve got
a giant pair of underwear. TRACY MORGAN: I’m ready
for the aftershock. It’s all I could find! JIMMY KIMMEL: Well,
I’m glad you’re OK. You’d just gotten off the
plane when this happened? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, man. JIMMY KIMMEL: That’s a
hell of a welcome to LA. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. I’m a grown man, walking
around like that. JIMMY KIMMEL: Had you ever
been in an earthquake before? TRACY MORGAN: Come on, man.
What kind of question is that? JIMMY KIMMEL: I don’t know. TRACY MORGAN: I’m
from the projects. I’m from the projects, brother. I ain’t never been
in an earthquake. But I’ve been around crackheads. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, right. It’s scary, though. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah,
and they’ll sell– yeah, it’s scary, because
they’ll sell anything that ain’t nailed down. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, right. That is true. TRACY MORGAN: Last year for
Christmas, I seen one in Harlem trying to sell a fire escape. JIMMY KIMMEL: Really? TRACY MORGAN: Six floors of it. And then a little– a little girl’s Huffy bike. A little pink Huffy. They always sell
little pink Huffy’s. JIMMY KIMMEL: What would
one do with a fire escape? TRACY MORGAN: I don’t know. You gotta ask him. But I bought it, anyway. It was only $2.00. He said everything
was for $2.00. JIMMY KIMMEL: Do you
feel– are you a person– TRACY MORGAN: Cause
I used to sell crack. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yep.
You did. TRACY MORGAN: Back in the days.
Everybody was. Yeah, for real. In the ’80s, either
you was using it, or you were selling it. Either way, you
got swept up in it. But I had to stop, because it
started tearing at my soul. JIMMY KIMMEL: Did it really? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, man. Because I was a crack
dealer with a heart of gold. [LAUGHTER] JIMMY KIMMEL: And how did that–
TRACY MORGAN: And I just– I’m telling you, man,
I couldn’t do that. So I just got tired of
counting $2.00 in 300 pennies. [LAUGHTER] JIMMY KIMMEL: And would
people pull up in the car, and you would sell
it to them that way? TRACY MORGAN: What car? What crackhead you
know with a car? He sold that years ago. JIMMY KIMMEL: That’s a
very, very good point. You– TRACY MORGAN: Jim is so naive. JIMMY KIMMEL: I know. I was not selling
crack in the ’80s. I was working at Miller’s
Outpost, selling Levi’s. Yeah. Yeah, no, it’s a
different upbringing. TRACY MORGAN: The Levi’s
wasn’t even hot then. Lee’s were. JIMMY KIMMEL: Lee’s were– well, this no, this
was a post Lee time. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah,
but I wore Lee’s when I went through my cowboy phase.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Did you? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, because
my name is Tracy Morgan AKA True Grit AKA Caligula. JIMMY KIMMEL: I
didn’t know that– would you wear the boot
cut or the straight leg? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. Yeah, cause that’s when I had
my Walkman on with my boot cut. You got to know
when to roll them. Know when to fold ’em. Know when– I’d
better stop singing, cause I could get
sued like that. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, right.
Yeah, Kenny Rogers will– TRACY MORGAN: You got to know– you got– you got to count
your money when a crackhead is coming down the street. JIMMY KIMMEL: Very well done. I know you are, right now– you are in the frame
of mind of hosting the ESPYs on Wednesday night. So you’re– TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, the ESPYs. That’s like the sports Oscars.
JIMMY KIMMEL: It is, yeah. TRACY MORGAN: And you
hosted everything. JIMMY KIMMEL: I did
host that show, yeah. TRACY MORGAN: You even–
I went to the– what’s the thing
in the White House? The dinner? JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, the
Correspondents Dinner. TRACY MORGAN: You hosted that.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah, I know. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah.
JIMMY KIMMEL: I was there. Yeah.
TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. I loved it.
I loved it. Cause I love being there, man. I just love me some
corrupt senators. JIMMY KIMMEL: Have you been
watching women’s soccer? Have you watched the World Cup?
TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. They all went to the
White House, right? JIMMY KIMMEL: Well, no, they
didn’t go to the White House. TRACY MORGAN: They didn’t go?
JIMMY KIMMEL: No. Well, it was just
yesterday they– TRACY MORGAN: Then
that must have been all my exes suing me for paternity. All the women at
the White House. JIMMY KIMMEL: They were
at the White House? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. JIMMY KIMMEL: What is your
take on what’s going on in the White House right now? TRACY MORGAN: What do you
mean, what’s my take on it? JIMMY KIMMEL: I mean– TRACY MORGAN: My
money is in my pocket. JIMMY KIMMEL: You– everything–
how is your family doing? I saw your wife–
TRACY MORGAN: Everybody’s good. My daughter just turned six. Ma– she in the back. Maven.
Maven’s so– Maven. That’s my boopy. Ha ha!
JIMMY KIMMEL: She is– TRACY MORGAN: I gave
her a fireworks display. JIMMY KIMMEL: For her birthday? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, man. So I want to
apologize to the FAA. Newark airport. The six [INAUDIBLE]
that I took out. I didn’t know you
had to point ’em up. JIMMY KIMMEL: Right. TRACY MORGAN: I just– I forgot, OK? I thought you pointed
fireworks that way. JIMMY KIMMEL: Did you
really give your daughter a fireworks display? TRACY MORGAN: I gave
her a fireworks display. That’s my princess. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is
that what she wanted? TRACY MORGAN: That’s my boopy.
No. That’s not what she wanted. JIMMY KIMMEL: That’s
what you wanted. And that’s what’s most
important, really. TRACY MORGAN: All the time.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. Yeah, I mean,
that’s a nice gift. My parents never got
me a fireworks display. I can’t even imagine
getting something like that. TRACY MORGAN: My wife gave
me a gift for my birthday. JIMMY KIMMEL: What
did she give you? TRACY MORGAN: She
said, I’m late. That’s another baby on the way! Yes! JIMMY KIMMEL: Would you
like to have another baby? TRACY MORGAN: What? Would I like to
have another baby? I’m trying to break
Eddie Murphy’s record. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is he
the record holder? TRACY MORGAN: I’m
trying to break– I’m trying to break
Bob Marley’s record. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is– TRACY MORGAN: I really want
to go for Gandhi’s record. JIMMY KIMMEL: Gandhi
has a lot of kids? TRACY MORGAN: He had, like, 24.
JIMMY KIMMEL: He does? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. I think I got more than that,
but mines is on the books. I got four on the books.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Four on the books. TRACY MORGAN: I don’t
know who’s off the books. Ain’t nobody say nothing to me. JIMMY KIMMEL: How many
would you like to have? How many kids, ideally,
if you really could have– TRACY MORGAN: You
hear this, Megan? He’s asking the question.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah. How many?
TRACY MORGAN: 10. JIMMY KIMMEL: 10 kids?
TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. From Megan. JIMMY KIMMEL: She would
have to have six more kids? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah,
that’s at lot. TRACY MORGAN: That C-section
scar gonna be about this thick. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah. We are back with Tracy Morgan,
who is hosting the ESPYs here on ABC on Wednesday night. This is a live program. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. JIMMY KIMMEL: You did “Saturday
Night Live” for many years. TRACY MORGAN: Well, that’s
where the training came from. Live television is like
being shot out of a cannon. JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah.
Right. TRACY MORGAN: Live TV.
Y’all don’t know, man. It’s awesome. It’s awesome. JIMMY KIMMEL: Do you kind
of want to do something crazy on live television? Do you have that inclination?
TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. I’m trying to get the
government’s attention. I can fix this! JIMMY KIMMEL: What
is it you can fix? TRACY MORGAN: Hanging out with
this dude from North Korea. I had to slap him on the head. What are you doing? JIMMY KIMMEL: Do you think that
would help, if you slapped– TRACY MORGAN: I know it would.
Look at me. Look at my face. North Korea don’t
want to play with me. JIMMY KIMMEL: You’re going to
be in front of the greatest athletes in the world. Who is your all time
favorite athlete? TRACY MORGAN: My
uncle Mo, right there. Big Mo.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Uncle Mo? TRACY MORGAN: Big Mo. He was a big– all
city in Boys and Girls High School in Brooklyn.
JIMMY KIMMEL: What sport? TRACY MORGAN: He played
with [INAUDIBLE].. Yo, Mo?
Where you at, Mo? JIMMY KIMMEL: He’s
a basketball player? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah, right there. That’s my uncle. JIMMY KIMMEL: Uncle Mo? TRACY MORGAN: That’s my uncle. He made the contribution
to me as a man. JIMMY KIMMEL: What
contribution did Uncle Mo? TRACY MORGAN: Just being a man.
About it all. JIMMY KIMMEL: Really?
TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. JIMMY KIMMEL: What did he tell–
what’s the most important– TRACY MORGAN: When they
say they late, man up. JIMMY KIMMEL: Man up? TRACY MORGAN: When they say
this is your baby, man up. JIMMY KIMMEL: That’s
what Uncle Mo told you? How old were you when
he told you that? TRACY MORGAN: Six. [LAUGHTER] JIMMY KIMMEL: Yes,
wise words, Uncle Mo. So Uncle Mo’s coming
to the show with you? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah.
He holds me down. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is the whole
family coming to the show? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. Megan and Maven,
they in the back. Everybody be there.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah. TRACY MORGAN: My uncle
[INAUDIBLE] is coming up. But he’s going to
be late, though. JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, why
is he going to be late? TRACY MORGAN: I don’t know. He might be somewhere
selling the fire escape. I don’t know. JIMMY KIMMEL: How many
uncles do you have? TRACY MORGAN: Uh– I got about six. JIMMY KIMMEL: Uh-huh? And which one is your favorite? TRACY MORGAN: I just– you know, the test results just
came on my biological father. JIMMY KIMMEL: Who is he? TRACY MORGAN: Tony Dorsett. JIMMY KIMMEL: What? From the Dallas Cowboys? TRACY MORGAN: It could be
either him or Drew Pearson. My mother said both of them
used to come around the house. Tony drove a white van.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Uh-huh? Yeah? TRACY MORGAN: He sold
fish out that van. JIMMY KIMMEL: Tony Dorsett– TRACY MORGAN: All sugar
daddies drive white vans. JIMMY KIMMEL: Tony Dorsett drove
around Dallas selling fish? TRACY MORGAN: In a white van!
JIMMY KIMMEL: In a white van? TRACY MORGAN: You know,
Tiger Woods’ father, Earl, drove a white van. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is that true? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Earl– Tiger Woods got a
baby brother in Harlem, looks just like him.
JIMMY KIMMEL: I didn’t know. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah.
It looks just like him. JIMMY KIMMEL: Is he a golfer?
TRACY MORGAN: No. JIMMY KIMMEL: No?
What does he do? TRACY MORGAN: I don’t know. I think he sells fire escapes. JIMMY KIMMEL: He’s– You have an uncle
who’s in prison, right? TRACY MORGAN: Oh, yeah.
He’s been in there for, what– 38 years? 38 years now, yeah.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Wow. TRACY MORGAN: Yeah.
That’s his brother, Tony. JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, really? TRACY MORGAN: But we
call him Uncle Jailbird. JIMMY KIMMEL: OK. Do you–
TRACY MORGAN: And family– I never saw him before.
JIMMY KIMMEL: You never met him? TRACY MORGAN: Yeah. But when I came out of the
coma, he wrote me a letter. And he said, thank you
for surviving, nephew. I know you’ve never met me
before, but you are strong. You’re a king. I love you. And PS, I’m graduating– in prison– I’m graduating. Please come see me.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Graduating what? TRACY MORGAN: So
I said, 38 years and you’re just
getting your GED? What you been doing, unc? So I went up to see him,
cause that’s my uncle. I never met him.
I wanted to show support. So I went to visit him. And when I got there, they had
these guys– these prisoners on the stage, like it
was a real graduation. JIMMY KIMMEL: It– TRACY MORGAN: They made it feel
like they was going to graduate and go off to college. That’s not how it happens. That’s not how it
happens in prison. You’re going to get this GED,
you’re going back to your cell. At you’ll stay there
until chow time. If this alarm goes off,
everybody better hit the deck. And that’s what happened. These people with these– I mean, it’s the lowest of
the low in the auditorium. Like, they was graduating. They had them on the stage,
like a real graduating class. JIMMY KIMMEL: Right. TRACY MORGAN: With the
robe, and the cap, and gown. And underneath the cap and
gown was state issued clothes. And you could see the shackles
on their feet, on the jail boots. But they had them up
there on the stage, singing a real graduation song. JIMMY KIMMEL: What’s–
Wait– TRACY MORGAN: Criminals,
triple homicide, rapists, and all them. And they was going,
(SINGING) How do I say goodbye to what we had? The good times that
[INAUDIBLE] outweigh the bad. JIMMY KIMMEL: Well,
that’s a beautiful– TRACY MORGAN: [INAUDIBLE]. JIMMY KIMMEL: I’m sure Boyz
II Men will be ecstatic. Well, it’s very good
to see you, Tracy. TRACY MORGAN: It’s always good. I love you, J. You
know how we go back. JIMMY KIMMEL: I love you, too. I know you’re going to be
great on Wednesday night. Tracy Morgan hosts the ESPYs,
the 2019 ESPYs, live Wednesday, 8:00 here on ABC.

100 thoughts on “Tracy Morgan on Earthquakes, Selling Crack & Having More Babies

  1. You'll have to get busy to catch u to Calvin Murphy who has at least 14 children with 9 different women. Maybe you need to start a religious cult like Ruben Ecleo (PBMA) and who is reported to have had hundreds of children with hundreds of women. His son Ruben Jr. only has about 30 or 40 kids.

  2. 10:31 THAT LAUGH…JIMMY KIMMEL….NEVER GO FULL JIMMY FALLON! LEAVE THE CRINGY WISH THIS INTERVIEW WAS OVER LAUGH to the tonight show🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ONLY COCO O BRIAN and ANDY RITCHER can handle TRACY MORGAN is his FINAL POST WALMART RICH $$ FORM!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

  3. Tracy is literally feeling through his PTSD in front of the whole world and everyone’s laughing. It lowkey rubs me the wrong way

  4. I love Tracy Morgan's comedy. I just wish he would come up with new material and quit using the same jokes over and over and over again.

  5. Kenmore people crash into Tracy Morgan's May in our car. My favourite part is when Jimmy Kimmel gives Tracy Morgan a big fake laugh.

  6. This is literally just two guys just chatting it up. Doesn't feel Jimmy is trying to at all make conversation and making it interesting

  7. he liein he never sold no crack , if anythin he was tha one smokin it 💀😂you kan tell by how he act and talks😂💀

  8. Lmfaoo yo Tracy Morgan is one of the funniest comedians lol "come on son I'm from the project's lol in Brooklyn " His facial expressions are the best 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😫😫

  9. I wish him luck but he's not funny to me, now Kevin Hart he's very funny I don't laugh but he makes me laugh so hard

  10. I love Tracy Morgan don't get me wrong I just hate the Brooklyn Black stereotype he portrays he's progressed so much in life I would love to see elevation and progression on how he moves not what he's just known for imagine if Jay-Z just keeps rapping to make the people pay attention how long would it work… I rather hear him talking about the good he's doing in the community the parks he's rebuilding the plane he has to be the future from where he came from to what he's doing now and what we should be doing I would love to hear Tracy talk like that on Kimmel not Brooklyn niggas stereotypes…. Tompkins will always love you Tracy

  11. Tracy Morgan is a pile of human waste who needs to disappear for the rest of his life and die pennyless.

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