Laughter is the Best Medicine

Trevor Noah – ABC2 Comedy Up Late

Please go crazy and welcome to the stage, the wonderful, Trevor Noah!! *crowd cheers* Good evening… Or not. Sorry I get nervous when I start a comedy set. Ahhh I find comedy is very similar to sex for me.
It’s exactly like sex when you think about it. Me, the comedian playing the role of the man. You, the audience the role of the woman
because it’s it’s my job to satisfy you and you just have to sit there… *crowd laughs* And then just like sex, my success or
failure is somehow determined by how much noise you make during my performance. *crowd laughs and cheers* Well you’re just faking it now, thank you. It’s a one-sided affair. So I hope you aren’t the quiet types Hee hee hee hee, no, no, you were great really. *crowd laughs* Makes it worse when I got lost in the
middle of it. It’s not meant to be funny This is my first time in Australia
and I must say I’m enjoying it after two days of travelling to get here, I finally arrived and it’s quite a
quaint place. It wasn’t supposed to take me that long
we were delayed. First delay was I got to the airport in Johannesburg, I was on a QANTAS flight and they said “Sorry sir there’s a bit of a delay” and I
said “How long?” They said “24 hours” That’s not a delay that’s a cancellation.
That’s another day. So they said “Come back tomorrow.” I came back the next day and then we tried it again and this time we were on the plane
and there was another delay of about four to five hours we were stuck on the
tarmac and the plane couldn’t take off because the aeroplane wasn’t balanced. I’ve never heard of that in my life.
That’s what the pilot said and like because he’s a pilot we believe him. He just said it
because the pilot sounds serious when they’re saying it. He came on and said “Ladies and gentlemen we’ve got a bit of a problem on the plane and don’t know what’s going on, seems like it’s not balanced but we’ll
have to check on what’s going on and we’ll get back to you as soon as we know.” *crowd laughs* And I won’t lie as soon as he said that I looked at the
fat people but not in a bad way not in a bad way just in an objective manner like
hey you guys you can’t sit together, you need to sit one on the other side of the plane *crowd laughs* Yeah it’s probably you. It’s probably you. *crowd laughs* Speaking of fat people is Biggest Loser
the biggest show in Australia that’s all I see on TV, is the Biggest Loser. I love that show it’s fantastic it’s
always on TV, what a fantastic show. For those who don’t know the Biggest
Loser is a show where they try and help fat people lose weight through
torture basically. It’s both emotional and physical yeah they do horrible things like
leaving food in the house that they’re living in and then ask them why they’re eating it. “Why did you eat the food Kevin? Why did
you eat the food.” Because it was there. And he’s fat. That’s what he does. That’s nothing special to you, you knew this before he came why are you now acting shocked? *crowd laughs* They should do a show about the people
that make the show and call it the Biggest Assholes that’s what they should
say. The show’s not helping anybody. *crowd laughs* I love it. What an amazing show. But yeah, so we’re flying so we flew from Johannesburg to Sydney. Sydney you come in and then you
have to leave the airport and go back into the airport to fly. You go through
border control. Very frankly I must say Australia I’m very impressed, very
friendly border control. You guys are very chilled out, very cool. Like visa is not really, like, needed, sort of it is but not like “do you have a visa?” “No” “Ohhhh well alright well.” You know I
learned the secret to getting through from a few Chinese men that were ahead
of me is that you just have to irritate the border police and then they just let you in. There’s a guy ahead of me and the woman was
asking “Excuse me, so where you gonna be staying in Australia, no where are you
staying?” “Kangaroo, kangaroo” “No sir, where are you staying?” “Kangaroo, kangaroo”
“No sir you can’t, no, where are you going to be staying? “Kangaroo, kangaroo” “Alright, just go ahead, just go ahead and
just go in.” It was fantastic, it was
fantastic and he had this look when he got to the other side like, it works every time. just this knowing look about him. So you come in and it seems too
easy because it is because the border control is very chilled but then you get
like to the customs which is the most hardcore place in the world. I don’t know what the hell happened in
Australia but you guys need to chill out when it comes to fruit. People are
standing there being stripped. “Where did you get the apple?? I don’t care if you can’t speak English
you’re going to spend a week in quarantine mate.” “Where did you get the apple?” “I don’t care, I don’t care, where’s the apple from?” *crowd laughs* You see people like a guy that was
stopped for weed “Oh is that marijuana? Well don’t do it again…” “But you with the apple!!” “Back to where you came from!” *crowd laughs* What did fruit do to your country? It’s such a weird place getting used to Australia because you finally come in and then you can’t understand anybody you
really really can’t because you guys say you speak English but it’s
not. It’s like you try but then I couldn’t tell like sometimes it
actually sounds like Chinese. I used to hear people making jokes about all of these Chinese but when you come you don’t know if the Australians are
Chinese or not Chinese because it’s all the same to me
especially like a very deep Australian accent. Like people say to me “Oh yeah, how ya going…”
*speaks more and more slowly until gibberish* *crowd laughs* Oh yeah *speaks Chinese* I don’t know what’s going on here man.
And then the phrases I do understand don’t make sense like
positive phrases like apparently “she’ll be right.” I don’t know
who she is and how she applies to me but this is very important to say in
Australia. You also feel it’s very important to tell everybody that you
have no worries. Yeah, I didn’t ask you about your
life’s philosophy, I just asked you how you were on the day and “no worries, no worries” Really? Not even one, not even one worry. Really Australia? Things are that good here? No, not even one, not even prostate cancer. not even one, not even North
Korea because those guys are close i’m just saying. *crowd laughs* Not even one worry? Yeah, yeah and the the
strangest one and this is something I’ve learned which I wish you’d teach people
before they come is the correct answer to the phrase “How’re you going?” is not “By aeroplane.” I think it strange to ask people this when they’re traveling I was flying
into Sydney and we’re going to Melbourne I got to the counter and I said to the woman. “Hi, I’m going to Melbourne please.” and she said “oh yeah, how ya going?” and I said “By aeroplane.” That is why I have chosen this building over
here to be traveling in and she said “No, no I was greeting you” and I said “ worries” You guys have been great, thanks for having me. *crowd laughs and cheers*

100 thoughts on “Trevor Noah – ABC2 Comedy Up Late

  1. come on i think this guy is the best cant even compare him with chris rock. His comedy is mature and you can listen to it a thousand times with the kids and dont get bored.

  2. It's probably because he speaks so many languages. He said in one clip that he speaks 6 different African languages alone.

  3. Very funny man. Amazing how well he has exported his humour from his native South Africa. Not too many comedians from any country have had this kind of success in appealing to so many people in so many countries.

  4. Trevor I love your comedy… but I think you are doing sex wrong. and it IS supposed to be funny 🙂

  5. We're so proud of you Trevor. Your work gets better and better. But have you heard yet? Our President, Mr. Jacob Zuma of South Africa, won against the vote of no confidence today. Happy days huh? Come back home and run for President. I guarantee you'll win. You're much more popular than he is and even more pleasant to listen to.

  6. Customs are so strict with fruit if you don't declare it, even bracelets with hollow seeds which have been dry for years. They don't even want you to throw it away in their trashcans, it goes in the foreigner trash then gets incinerated.

  7. This guy is great . His stand up comedy are always based on bitter truth of the society but he delivers with great send of humour and cracks laugh in spectators

  8. I wonder – were there any Aboriginal ladies in the house?
    Trevor – you told your friend in ZA to not begin a set with a sex joke – yet you did just as you were unclipping the mic! Why so?

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