Laughter is the Best Medicine

Trump Closely Monitors Hurricane Dorian

-You guys today, earlier today, millions of students across
the country went back to school. That was today. Kids told their parents,
“I’ll miss you so much.” And their parents were like,
“And I’ll see you after school.” It was a pretty typical day
for most students. Teachers started off by asking, “Does everyone
have their supplies?” And then students were like,
“Yep. Headphones, vape pen,
and CBD gummies. That’s what we…” But New York City’s
public schools are trying to be healthier this year,
so they’re no longer serving salami or bologna sandwiches. Yeah, instead they’re going
with organic, free-range pigeon. -Oh. Wow. -Hey, did you guys enjoy
Labor Day Weekend? Did you have fun? [ Cheers and applause ] Don’t worry.
While everyone was relaxing, the President was hard at work. And by “hard at work,” I mean he sent over 120 tweets
this weekend. So Trump’s been —
That’s real, by the way. Trump’s been busy dealing
with Hurricane Dorian. He actually has been
monitoring it very closely. He retweeted this update
from FEMA. Yeah. Here he retweeted this from
the National Hurricane Center. And then here he is
getting into a Twitter feud with “Will & Grace” actress
Debra Messing. -Oh.
-He did the best he could. And with the hurricane
possibly hitting Florida, Trump’s not taking any chances. He even sent Don Junior
to the roof of Mar-a-Lago to give him live updates. “Just — Stay up there, Don. Aim the golf club
at the biggest cloud. [ Laughter ] Take the grip off.
I want metal on metal. I want you to hold it and just
aim it and show me where.” [ Laughter ] But get this —
During a press conference, Trump said
that he’s never even heard of a category 5 hurricane. So they explained it to him
like this. They said, “Look,
if this is a category 1… then this is a category 5.” He’s like,
“All right. I’ll go. Thank you.
It all makes sense now. Don! Stay up there, Don!” [ Applause ] Some more news. [ Laughter ] Trump’s personal assistant
just resigned after she shared details about Trump’s family
with journalists at an off-the-record dinner. Honestly, this doesn’t seem like
it’s an easy job to fill. When offered the position,
even Alexa was like… -Alexa: No way in hell. -And you go,
“Oh, that’s not good. You don’t want that. That’s…” [ Applause ] Check this out.
This weekend, police in Scotland were called after
thousands of people signed up to play a massive game of
hide-and-seek inside an IKEA. [ Laughter ] Yeah. It only should have taken the
police 20 minutes to assemble a team, but since it was IKEA,
it took them seven hours. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] The police
had very clear directions, but then all the dads
just threw those to the side and just kind of guessed
their way through it. Yeah, police found the suspects by following a trail
of Swedish meatballs. ♪♪ Yeah, people who got caught
just pled insanity. Uh, turns out they just had
a couple screws loose. ♪♪ It was — it was easy to spot,
because the hide-and-seekers — because their feet
were sticking out from under a Flugeldugel
and a Nergenflergen. [ Laughter ] -Come on, come on. Stop, man.
That’s enough. That’s enough IKEA jokes, okay?
-Come on. -You got to get to
the rest of the show. -No, no, no, I got to get — – -Lester Holt has been
waiting for seven hours! -You’re pretty angry right now. I haven’t seen someone
get this angry since — -Ah-ah! Don’t —
Don’t do it, Jimmy. -i haven’t seen someone
get this — -Ah! Ah-ah! Don’t do it. -Since they tried to put
together a bookshelf from IKEA! [ Cheers and applause ] -♪ You’re the best around ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Well, this is very interesting. I saw that a lock
of George Washington’s hair is going up for auction, and it’s expected to sell
for at least $50,000. As soon as he heard that,
Trump was like, “Wow. I have a shower drain
that’s worth $20 million.” And finally,
this is a crazy story. In Australia, a student pilot
had to land the plane after his flying instructor passed out during
his very first lesson. The student was congratulated
by officials… while the instructor was hired
by Spirit Airlines. Let’s start the show.

73 thoughts on “Trump Closely Monitors Hurricane Dorian

  1. EVERYBODY KNOWS – Parody of Everybody Knows by Leonard Cohen | Don Caron
    Verse 190:
    Everybody knows his resort in Ireland
    Everybody knows that’s where Pence was sent
    Everybody knows Trump's DC hotel
    Is known as the Washington Emolument
    Everybody knows the way of fools seems right
    It is the wise who listen to advice
    Tax dollars to Trump flow
    Everybody knows

  2. I've been up all night in Saint Augustine..I love storms so I've been looking for a live cam or something to show me where this hurricane is since it shows it to be right over us. Not complaining, Bahamas is a serious devastation..
    ..just waiting on something to be accurate. Then I find this video uploaded at the same time I'm looking for legitimate hurricane updates 😂😂😂 irony. Thanks. 💋🤟

  3. i just cant even take this guy hes the joke and the fact that fallon even has a job is the bigger joke on the network god is he GARBAGE

  4. Finally the leftists station owners have threatened Jimmy so much he didn't have any choice but to go against his own will and make Trump jokes…
    Disgusting leftists

  5. Fallon is a rich lying bast paid off by rich foreignors who wants the U.S. for nothing. He thinks he can brainwash a few retards in his laughing audience to vote democrat. He thinks he can get a few retard republicans laughing in his audience to for a demonrat. He pretends he cares about the retarded laughers, but in reality he thinks that they're a bunch of retarded brainwashed fools

  6. Dirtbags watching and dirtbag show. Laughing about a storm that has thousands dead or stranded.dirty skull fd crowd watching. Cancel your cable. Dont feed the Marxists.

  7. 0:22 Then the teachers said "No, you don't. I made a new list this morning, tell your parents you need this new stuff by tomorrow."

  8. GET THIS TO THE TOP ALL THE PROFIT GOES TO THE BAHAMAS CMON GUYS LEGOOOOOO !!! click the link… all profits go to the bahamas

  9. Fullerton Informer, @JoeImbriano6 – mentioned the probable secret code, Satanic ritual, mind control tactic: Do Iran
    Good point!

  10. I'm sorry, the run of IKEA jokes literally had me laughing out loud! 😂 That was great. (Shout out to Tariq on that 👏🏾)

  11. Doctor: Here's an Xray of your Penis.

    Trump: No, thats not my original Xray

    Trump: (Grabs Sharpie)

    Doctor: 😕

    Trump: _____________🖊

    Doctor: 😂

  12. I'll alway's remember you as laughing dude while Ferrell was killing it Lol! Your a somewhat comedian, so surely you could have abit of a laugh at that…

  13. What part was funny? I didn’t laugh even one time. Almost laughed at the category explanation but he moved on faster than I could appreciate the joke.

  14. Jimmy Fallon jokes…..
    Media & Hurricane Chasers
    Visit, Survey & Report….
    No Supplies or Food
    4 so many Beautiful
    Black People…The
    MEDIA has the Reach
    but Waiting to Blame
    a Busy President….
    Where are the ADULTS!
    See the Real Racism.!?

  15. There's another hurricane trump is certainly worried about. When he is being called a nobody and Trump's worried, you know you are doing the right thing. Andrew Yang all the way for 2020!!!

  16. I have to say this every time I hear the standard IKEA jokes: I have put together IKEA furniture from time to time all of my adult life (a long, too long, time). I have never once had any problems and not once were any components missing. There, I've said it again.

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