Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Trump “Has Done Nothing Wrong” and is Better Than Abraham Lincoln


ON WEDNESDAY THE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE WILL HOLD A HEARING THEY’VE TITLED “THE IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY INTO PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP, CONSTITUTIONAL GROUNDS FOR PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENT.” IT’S CATCHY. I LIKE THE TITLE. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT THE WHITE HOUSE SAYS IT WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE HEARING EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE INVITED TO DO SO. BUT THEY AREN’T RULING OUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PARTICIPATING IN FUTURE HEARINGS. LIKE FOR THE NEXT TIME HE GETS IMPEACHED. [ LAUGHTER ] THERE WERE A LOT OF NEW REVELATIONS TODAY. SO TO GET AHEAD OF THEM REPUBLICANS RELEASED THEIR OWN REPORT AND THE PRESIDENT TWEETED AND THEN RETWEETED HIMSELF WRITING “BREAKING NEWS, THE PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE HAS JUST AGAIN ANNOUNCED THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG WITH RESPECT TO UKRAINE AND OUR INTERACTIONS OR CALLS. IF THE RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS WERE SANE, WHICH THEY ARE NOT, IT WOULD BE CASE OVER.” THANKS FOR SOLVING THE CASE, MAGATHA CHRISTIE. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT IS SOME ARGUMENT. BUT THE IDEA THAT HE’S NOT GUILTY BECAUSE THE GUY HE SHOOK DOWN SAID SO IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S LIKE THIS IF HE TWEETED BREAKING NEWS, KID’S LUNCH MONEY I STOLE SAYS HE GAVE ME HIS LUNCH MONEY BECAUSE HE ADMIRED MY FISTS. CASE OVER. [ LAUGHTER ] THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT FINALLY RELEASED NEARLY 3 HUFRN PAGES OF NOTES AND WITNESS MEMOS FROM THE MUELLER RUSSIA INVESTIGATION. ACCORDING TO THE NOTES THERE ARE MANY DETAILS, BUT ONE OF THEM IS CHRIS CHRISTIE WAS DINING WITH DONALD TRUMP ON VALENTINE’S DIE 2017 AND — [ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP TOLD HIM NOW THAT WE FIRED MICHAEL FLYNN THE RUSSIA THING IS OVER. I DON’T KNOW WHICH IS MORE EMBARRASSING, THE FACT THAT TRUMP THOUGHT HE WAS IN THE CLEAR IN 2017 OR THAT DONALD TRUMP AND CHRIS CHRISTIE SPENT VALENTINE’S DAY TOGETHER. [ LAUGHTER ] I WONDER WHO PICKED UP THAT DINNER TAB. MEANWHILE, THE HOUSE IMPEACHMENT REPORT COMES OUT TOMORROW, AND THIS ONE INCLUDES STUFF THE REPUBLICAN REPORT DOESN’T, LIKE EVIDENCE, FOR INSTANCE. THE PRESIDENT IS IN LONDON RIGHT NOW. HE’S AT THE NATO SUMMIT. I WOULD BET EVERYTHING I OWN DONALD TRUMP HAS NO IDEA WHAT NATO STANDS FOR. WHY AREN’T PEOPLE ASKING HIM THIS QUESTION? TRUMP IS EXPECTED TO FACE PROTESTS ON THE TRIP. AND THE PRIME MINISTER, HIS BUDDY BORIS JOHNSON, IS ACTIVELY AVOIDING HIM BECAUSE THEY HAVE AN ELECTION NEXT WEEK AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE SEEN WITH — RELATIONS BETWEEN THE PRIME MINISTER AND AN AMERICAN PRESIDENT HAVE NOT BEEN THIS SHAKY SINCE “LOVE ACTUALLY,” WHICH WAS A MOVIE. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT STILL, YOU KNOW. AND DESPITE ALL THIS TRUMP IS STILL VERY POPULAR IN HIS PARTY, ACCORDING TO A NEW ECONOMIST UGOV POLL. 53% OF REPUBLICANS SAY THEY BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP IS A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN ABRAHAM LINCOLN. [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, THEY CAN’T BE SERIOUS. NO ONE BELIEVES DONALD TRUMP IS A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN LINCOLN. THAT’S LIKE SAYING MEASLES IS BETTER THAN ICE CREAM. [ LAUGHTER ] IT’S NOT — TRUMP ISN’T EVEN A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN DANIEL DAY LEWIS PRETENDING TO BE ABRAHAM LINCOLN. TO COMPARE DONALD TRUMP TO ONE OF THE NOT JUST GREATEST PRESIDENTS, GREATEST AMERICANS WHO EVER LIVED, IT SOUNDS NOTHING SHORT OF PREPOSTEROUS, BUT WHEN YOU WATCH THEM UP SIDE BY SIDE ALL OF A SUDDEN MAYBE IT ISN’T SO CRAZY AFTER ALL.>>FOURSCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO.>>NUMBER ONE, I’M NOT STUPID. OKAY? I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW. JUST THE OPPOSITE.>>OUR FATHERS BROUGHT FORTH ON THIS CONTINENT A NEW NATION.>>BING BING. BONG BONG. BING BING BING.>>DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSITION THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.>>LOOK AT MY AFRICAN-AMERICAN OVER HERE. LOOK AT HIM.>>GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE.>>UH, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I SAID, UH.>>OF THE PEOPLE.>>GO HOME AND GET A JOB.>>FOR THE PEOPLE.>>I’D LIKE TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. I TELL YOU.>>SHALL NOT PERISH FROM THE EARTH.>>HE’S GOT ME DOWN AS THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY INCLUDING GEORGE WASHINGTON AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN.>>I’M GLAD I’M DEAD. [ LAUGHTER ]>>Jimmy: WELL, HE WAS ALWAYS HONEST, ABE. HE REALLY WAS. [ APPLAUSE ] DONALD TRUMP THINKS FOURSCORE IS A STRIP CLUB IN FLORIDA. [ LAUGHTER ] YESTERDAY OUR FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP UNVEILED THIS YEAR’S WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS. AND SHE DID THAT BY TWEETING A VERY BEAUTIFUL VIDEO. ♪ ♪ [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE SHE’S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING. I JUST CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE NEEDS HELP? JOE BIDEN. SO THE IOWA CAUCUS IS TWO MONTHS AWAY, AND TEAM BIDEN HAS A NEW BUS AND A HOT NEW CAMPAIGN SLOGAN. ♪ >>ACROSS THE STATE.>>NO MALARKEY.>>I’M READY.>>LET’S GO JOE! ♪ >>Jimmy: YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. THE NO MALARKEY TOUR IS COMING TO A SENIOR CENTER NEAR YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] WHO SAYS POLITICIANS ARE OUT OF TOUCH? IT’S LIKE GRANDPALOOZA IS ON. GOOD NEWS FOR BILLY BUSH. THIS IS NOW THE NUMBER ONE MOST EMBARRASSING THING INVOLVING A CANDIDATE AND A BUS. [ LAUGHTER ] THE NO MALARKEY TOUR WAS THE IDEA OF BIDEN’S SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER. HERE HE IS. HIS NAME’S PEEPAW. [ LAUGHTER ] JOE’S TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY. JOE’S SLOWING SXN HIS NEW AD, I DON’T KNOW THAT THEY’RE HELPING.>>JOE BIDEN. A FELLOW YOU CAN TRUST. A FELLOW WHO KNOWS THE VALUE OF A BUFFALO NICKEL. JOE BIDEN WON’T DELIVER A BUSHEL OF BALDERDASH AND BALLYHOO. SO IF YOU’RE TIRED OF ALL THE HORSE APPLES AND GUMMY HUFF COMING OUT OF WASHINGTON, CRANK UP THE MOTOR CAR AND 23 SKEDOO TO THE POLLS TO MAKE YOUR MARK FOR A DADDY-O WITH MOXIE. JOE SUSQUEHANNA BIDEN.>>I’M JOE BIDEN AND I’M CONFUSED. [ LAUGHTER ]>>Jimmy: I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENS. I REALLY DON’T. BUT AS A SERVICE TO THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN WE DID AN INFORMAL POLL OF OUR OWN TODAY. WE WENT OUT ON THE STREET AND WE ASKED SOME YOUNG PEOPLE IF ANY OF THEM KNOW WHAT THE WORD MALARKEY MEANS.>>WHAT IS MALARKEY?>>MALARKEY? U UH. MA QULARK? I HAVE NO CLUE.>>WHAT IS MALARKEY?>>SOMETHING WEIRD.>>WHAT IS MALARKEY?>>MM. I’M GUESSING IT HAS TO DO SOMETHING WITH ART.>>LIKE WHAT?>>PAINTING MAYBE.>>CAN YOU USE IT IN A SENTENCE?>>PASS ME THE MALARKEY.>>MALARKEY? DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH DIFFERENT KINGDOMS OR SOMETHING?>>MAYBE LIKE BANTER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?>>LIKE WHAT WE’RE DOING RIGHT NOW.>>YEAH.>>IT’S MALARKEY.>>REALLY?>>MALARKEY ISN’T A TERM THAT I USE.>>WHO USES IT?>>I THINK CAUCASIAN PEOPLE USE MA Q MALARKEY, RIGHT?>>WHAT KIND OF PERSON USES THAT WORD?>>OLD WHITE PEOPLE.>>LIKE JOE BIDEN?>>SURE. ABSOLUTELY. YES.>>HOW OLD DO YOU THINK JOE BIDEN IS?>>I THINK HE’S LIKE 45.>>YEAH. I THINK HE’S AT LEAST — YEAH. MAYBE 46.>>OKAY.>>JOE BIDEN IS ABOUT TO EMBARK ON A NO MALARKEY TOUR. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?>>ON A TOUR TO GO TRY ALL DIFFERENT CHEESES. >>WHY DO YOU THINK IT’S CALLED THE NO MALARKEY TOUR?>>HE WANTS TO DO AWAY WITH WHATEVER MALARKEY IS.>>WHAT IS MALARKEY?>>BULL [ BLEEP ].>>CAN YOU USE IT IN A SENTENCE?>>THIS INTERVIEW IS MALARKEY.>>THAT SETTLED IT.

100 thoughts on “Trump “Has Done Nothing Wrong” and is Better Than Abraham Lincoln

  1. Jimmy Kimmel: Makes fun of Trump for comparing himself to old school Presidents.
    Also Jimmy Kimmel: Makes fun of Biden for being old school.

  2. I cant wait to see how this impeachment will blowback in the democRATs faces. Most assuredly Trump will be impeached but once it goes to the Senate, it's gonna be on like popcorn. He'll never be convicted and his lawyers can call all the witnesses he wants. It'll win him the election in 2020. Especially considering the ridiculous collection of swamp rats presidential candidates. Drain the swamp! TRUMP 2020!🇺🇸🇺🇸

  3. Every day gets harder and harder to understand how can anybody support such a mess of a human being. That man needs psychological help as soon as yesterday and so do his supporters.

  4. If you think Lincoln was a great president let alone a good person you no literally nothing about history pick up a book

  5. Geez. What did he ever do to you? You need to chill about this topic jimmy. Let the politicians decide what’s gonna happen and stick to your show or whatever. I’m in the middle and personally I think he’s been a very good president. He won for a reason.

  6. They probably had a few people who knew and cut out the scenes, I'm younger than all of them and everybody around me knows what malarkey means

  7. People not knowing what malarky meant had me screaming “it’s bullshit!” While my dog was trying to sleep. Thanks a lot millennials. You woke up my dog with y’all malarky.

  8. Scandinavia loves our Trump who gave us some exstra exstra time, we are begining to be ready and its revailed long time ago what needs to be done. And we have indeed acepted realitys, Scandinavia wil not let nobody thresten our European Tribes ever again. We have learned Europe is ourers to rule, and we have a French Communist republic armed to the teath, Russia is verry ready, Poland and Ukraine is relly following the notes Russia has finaly began to give a total shi about nato expansion. GERMANY-Scandinavia is back in Busniesss like neved before. Stronger and wiser and we wil die agsin in ordef to save the everyone else, be ready Nancy,Judgement day is apon you and your bouse of satan.

  9. These interviews at the end are all actors in front of a green-screen? Was this meant to be on purpose or were we supposed to believe that they're really outside?

  10. Trump is the worst president there has ever been in the history of this country!!! That's what they meant to say 😂

  11. democrats are running scared of AG Barr's report on the Russia Hoax. Indictments for Obamas cabal are coming and its going to be fun watching them go down

  12. I think Biden does well with those over 60 because they can't remember what the even had for breakfast this morning let alone what happened in 2016. By the way I am 64 and a proud supporter of senator Bernard Sanders.

  13. God damn, english is my I second language and even I know what malarly means…how come all these native speakers have no clue?

  14. The favored candidate shift from candidate to candidate in jimmys show is very obvious, but I can't lie. It's damn hilarious.

  15. Times change Jimmy.. like if you publicly spoke this way about a president back in Abe's day you'd likely be strung up by your nut sack. At least Trump is a better president than Obama and Bush, but beyond that I can't say.

  16. Those 53% of GOP that Fox reported had answered that he was better than Abe? There were a whopping 1500 people who answered and it took two polls to find that many (fill in the blanks here)

  17. Oh Good Grief! Donald PLZ…give it a rest… U go fm bad to worse! Resign like Nixon-who actually was really smart [ abt politics in particular!] & he had the sense to quit bf annihilated!

  18. There hasn’t been any direct evidence of any wrongdoing by Donald Trump. People on the left think that facts don’t matter and hearsay is evidence.

  19. Really🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣trump your thick in the head you are fool and never should been elected as president and saying your better than abrham lincon I don't know weather to laugh or throw up you a disrepectfull toad and I am Australian
    Abrham lincon did more than you would ever do
    You might have the money
    But you don't have the respect and honour abrham lincon did

  20. We love Trump, because Trump loves and supports Americans. Buy American, not Chinese goods. Stop supporting communist, communist hate freedom. Freedom is a right, that communists despise. Dems love communism.

  21. Trump thinks “4 score is a strip
    Club in Florida” lmao go “grab em by the pussy!” – Trump 🤦🏽‍♀️

  22. Glad these stupid people who think the impeachable things Trump did, even Trump himself, has been silenced. Trump isn't out and about anymore being an ahole to anyone anymore, no more idiotic Tweets, no more public people picking at rallies singling out and embarrassing folks in the crowds, no more racist and hate from a person in the President's seat. Now…lets get back to Presidential business and stop putting clowns, actors, and common fools in Office to be President. All these white people here jumping ship like they were rallying for Trump, nothing is going to change for you.

  23. The left has went off their rocker. Trump has done so much good for this country and nobody cares. The politicians hate him because cause of one simple fact( he isn’t a politician, he is a businessman, and he is the president and they want to be the president and have been trying their whole life’s to get there.)

  24. Americans love to be messed around and spend time on this stupid issue. You country is now being sold out slowly to the Chinese, and you don’t even realize it

  25. When kimmel does his reg Routine with guests it’s fun , but once he goes to politics he sucks – this is why Fallon and connan are so much better

    Kimmel sucks

  26. I miss the bloody forest, I was hopping she put caged immigrant infants as decorations this year.
    Signed : A deplorable Trumptard.

  27. The J-Left has set the golems to take down a duly elected president. If this fails, they will assassinate him just like they did with JFK for Israel and their Tribe.

  28. The ignorance of the liberals is astounding! You'll take the poison pill of the "Joseph Goebbels" propaganda, main-stream media but won't even look at the good this man has done for this country and its economy! I hope you fools get what you deserve for not getting your heads out of your asses!

  29. How many of you have read the transcript of the accused phone call? Google it and read it! If you're intellectually honest you'll see that the call was not self-serving but was looking to avoid giving money to a country that was corrupt! But no, hatters got to hate! They don't even need to know why they hate! Very sad times in America. Oh, Trump will be elected again in 2020 by 'another landslide. Because" it's the economy, stupid"!

  30. When will somebody start saying it, that the GOP are planted Russian agents that are now activated, that is the only thing that makes sense at this point

  31. Southern evangelicals HATE Lincoln and always have. They used to be Democrats, just like Trump, McConnell, Perry, Graham, Helms, Bachmann and most of the senior GOP leadership.

  32. Biden successfully used the "Malarkey" word against Paul Ryan during the Vice Presidential debates!!! So just because Millennials are confused doesn't mean the rest of us are also confused.

  33. Seeing some regular people who are mostly under educated makes me sad, which makes me cringe even more thinking about how further under educated Trump's base are.

  34. I believe the reason for Trump impeachment because if Bidden receive full shakedown from investigation that expose to public, many many government officials will potentially file bankruptcy or jobless vacation. LoL, so whom ever is focusing on the wrongdoings is just very sad

  35. That's a word you use, when you don't want to say a curse word, my Parents used it and they aren't White.☝️

  36. He is trying to go down in history by killing serial killers he just doesn't know that he's already in the prison system

  37. Boris:
    "Stay away from me Trump, I don't want my country to know I'm selling them out to you, and you are so demented thatyou will accidentally let slip that you will take their free healthcare!"

  38. I use to watch JKL but now it’s just another show bashing Trump. I don’t even care about Trump but damn, come up with something else to talk about.

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