Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Trump’s Golf Club Employees Spill The Beans On Their Boss


WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT IS FRIDAY, IT IS FRIDAY, NOTHING LIKE FRIDAY. AND WITH THE HOLIDAYS AROUND
THE CORNER, IT’S BEEN A BUSY WEEK FOR THE UN-JOLLY MAN IN THE
BIG RED HAT. I’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT’S LATEST
INSTALLMENT OF “DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH.”>>LET’S GET SOME HELP FROM
UKRAINE.>>Stephen: SPEAKER PELOSI HAS
DIRECTED CONGRESS TO START WRITING UP ARTICLES OF
IMPEACHMENT. SO ANYONE INVOLVED IN TRUMP’S
QUID-PRO-QUO SCHEME WITH UKRAINE SHOULD BE JUST BE LAYING LOW AND
AVOIDING THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. SO, NATURALLY, RUDY GIULIANI IS
IN UKRAINE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THAT– THAT RIGHT THERE– THAT
RIGHT THERE!>>Jon: SMART THINKING.>>Stephen: THAT IS SOME SAVVY
LAWYERING. “YOUR HONOR, MY CLIENT IS
INNOCENT. WHERE IS HE NOW? WELL, HE’S DANCING AROUND THE
CHALK BODY OUTLINE SINGING A LITTLE SONG ABOUT BEING THE
WORLD’S HAPPIEST STABBER.” RUDIY’S–
( LAUGHTER ) RUDY’S EUROPEAN TOUR HAS A
MISSION: HE’S IN BUDAPEST AND KIEV THIS WEEK TO TALK WITH
FORMER UKRAINIAN PROSECUTORS TO DEBUNK THE IMPEACHMENT CASE. RUDY’S BASICALLY A COLLEGE
STUDENT STUDYING ABROAD, EXCEPT SOMEHOW WITH MORE BINGE
DRINKING. BUT RUDY’S BEING VERY COY ABOUT
WHAT HE’S UP TO. IN AN INTERVIEW YESTERDAY, HE
WOULDN’T EVEN CONFIRM THAT HE WAS IN UKRAINE. BUT THEN HIS BRAIN HAD TO GO AND
RUDY THINGS UP.>>WHAT’S THE UKRAINE TRIP ALL
ABOUT?>>WELL, I CAN’T REALLY DESCRIBE
IT. I CAN’T EVEN CONFIRM IT.>>ARE YOU IN UKRAINE ALSO
GATHERING, YOU KNOW, EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR OWN DEFENSE?>>I AM NOT HERE TO– I DON’T
HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: GOOD SAVE! GOOD SAVE, RUDY! OH, I CAN’T– I CAN’T WAIT FOR
TO YOU DEFEND TRUMP AT THE SENATE TRIAL. ( AS JUDGE )
“MR. GIULIANI, WHEN DID YOUR THE PRESIDENT COMMIT BRIBERY?”
( AS RUDY ) “IT WAS ON FRI…ED EGGS
FRIED EGGS! HIS FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD TO
EAT WHEN NOT BEING GUILTY, WHICH IS ALWAYS? BUT RUDY’S NOT THE ONLY ONE
BLOWING RUDY’S COVER. THERE’S ALSO UKRAINIAN LAWMAKER
AND DIVORCED DAD WHO’S JUST GETTING INTO STANDUP, ANDREY
DERKOTCH. YESTERDAY, DERKOTCH WROTE THIS
FACEBOOK POST ABOUT RUDY’S SECRET TRIP. “RUDOLPH GIULIANI FLEW TO KIEV. WE IMMEDIATELY MET WITH HIM.” NOTHING RUDY DOES STAYS A
SECRET. IF HE WERE A NINJA, HE WOULD
JUST STAND OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR GOING, “OPEN UP! RUDY THE NINJA HERE TO
STEALTHILY KILL YOU! OW! I DROPPED MY THROWING STAR! OH BOY, IT WAS POISONED.” ( LAUGHTER )
AND, OF COURSE, DERKOTCH INCLUDED THIS SWEET PIC OF HIM
AND RUDY PROUDLY DISPLAYING A PIECE OF PAPER. ( AS DERKACH )
“HERE I AM HOLDING SIGNED CONTRACT PROMISING TO NEVER POST
ABOUT THIS MEETING ON SOCIAL MEDIA.” ( LAUGHTER )
“OKAY? WE GET PHOTO? THANK YOU, RUDY.” ( APPLAUSE )
AND, HEY, CHECK OUT THE PHONE IN RUDY’S POCKET. YOU THOUGHT HIS BUTT DIALS WERE
BAD. YOU SHOULD READ HIS NIPPLE
TWEETS. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU SHOULD READ HIS NIPPLE TWEETS. PING, PING. PING-PONG. WE TALK SO MUCH ABOUT TRUMP
BEING A BAD PRESIDENT, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER HE’S ALSO
A BAD BOSS. BECAUSE A NEW “WASHINGTON POST”
ARTICLE GIVES US MORE DETAILS ON HOW TRUMP’S GOLF CLUB IN
BEDMINSTER EMPLOYED UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS. THAT’S RIGHT, TRUMP GETS
IMMIGRANTS TO DO THE JOBS AMERICANS DON’T WANT TO DO, LIKE
GARDENER OR FIRST LADY. FOR YEARS– FOR YEARS–
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUILD THE WALL. BUILD THE… FOR YEARS, THESE UNDOCUMENTED
WORKERS SERVED TRUMP’S MEALS, CLEANED HIS HOMES, AND
IRONED HIS BOXER SHORTS. THAT’S RIGHT: BOXERS. THE ONLY TIGHTY-WHITIE IN
TRUMP’S WHITE HOUSE IS MIKE PENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BUT– BUT– THANK YOU. MIKE PENCE FANS! MIKE PENCE FANS! BUT THEIR MOST IMPORTANT JOB OF
ALL? SETTING OUT TRUMP’S MAKEUP,
WHICH MEANS EVERY MORNING, THOSE WORKERS HAD TO ROLL IN A
WHEELBARROW AND A TROWEL. ( LAUGHTER )
5 IN FACT, TRUMP USED SO MUCH
BRONZER THAT HOUSEKEEPERS HAD TO REGULARLY BRING NEW SHIRTS FROM
THE PRO SHOP BECAUSE OF THE RUST-COLORED STAINS ON THE
COLLARS. AND THOSE WERE JUST HIS SHIRTS. CAN YOU IMAGINE HIS SHEETS? IT’S LIKE THE SHROUD OF TURIN
EVERY MORNING. IT’S A MIRACLE! ( APPLAUSE )
AND– SHROUD. TRUMP WAS WEIRDLY SPECIFIC WITH
SOME OF HIS DEMANDS WITH THE HELP. FOR EXAMPLE, HE WANTED IN HIS
BEDROOM BUREAU, AT ALL TIMES, TWO FULL CONTAINERS OF WHITE
TIC TACS AND ONE CONTAINER THAT WAS HALF FULL– OR AS HE
CALLED IT: ( AS TRUMP )
“I WANT TWO BOXES OF TIC TACS AND ONE BOX OF JUST TIC.” “CUT THE TACES.” WELL, NOW SOME OF THOSE WORKERS
HAVE GONE FROM SERVING THE TEA TO SPILLING IT. THEY TOLD A STORY ABOUT
MELANIA’S FATHER, VICTOR KNAUS, WHO ONE DAY WENT TO PLAY GOLF IN
ONE OF TRUMP’S DISCARDED RED HATS. THEY SAY THAT WHEN TRUMP SPOTTED
HIM ON THE FAIRWAY, HE BLEW UP, AND ORDERED HIS FATHER-IN-LAW,
IN FRONT OF OTHER GOLFERS, TO REMOVE THE HAT AND GET OFF THE
COURSE, BECAUSE “NOBODY COULD WEAR THE RED HAT BUT TRUMP.” HE’S LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL MEAN
GIRL. “OH, MY GOD, MEGAN. ARE YOU WEARING REAL RED CAPS
FOR REAL? THAT’S, LIKE, MY THING. STOP BITING MY STYLE. AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT
WEARING A SUIT THREE SIZES TOO BIG WITH A RED TIE DOWN TO YOUR
CROTCH.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
“YOUR CROTCH.”

100 thoughts on “Trump’s Golf Club Employees Spill The Beans On Their Boss

  1. Ami ashbo na..next friday amar Nazia r shathe dekha hobe..ami ok ask korbo apnar kotha..ekhon please amdr phone theke jan ga..plz plz..

  2. Trump is obviously THE BIGGEST ZIT on the face of America….. and his army of mindless druids are small red pimples

  3. Trump literally said he’d play less golf than Obama. Yet he’s already played more golf than Obama did in 8 years. And Trump has only been in office for almost 4 years lol smh 🤦🏽‍♂️ #Liar

  4. When most people get to Rudy's condition, they wander the halls, occasionally escaping so the nurses have to chase after them… Seriously, he can't have always been this stupid, he wouldn't have lived this long.

  5. When trumps gone what will stephen colbert do. He has no other material. Cnn's ratings are in the toilet because this is their entire monologue. Talk about something else other than the worst people in the world. Any politician.

  6. Obviously just like Trump, Giuliani desperate to feel important and do important jobs, but actually they both just being Bigly Stupid Bombastic Idiotic Evil doers.

  7. 4 years later and your still crying about Trump? You know he's getting back in right? I mean come on, they all get their 8 years, even that lying Clinton couldn't get impeached, give it a rest ColBERT, this is so EARitating.

  8. Don't let these updates about team Trump overshadow how we should deal with other corrupt persons in the politics and the corporate media in the US, that made it possible for nr 45 to step into the White house!

  9. The only way to end this unbelievable clown caper is to vote in 2020. It’s up to us. This is not only embarrassing, this is diminishing our country and ourselves. trump is not worth sacrificing our reputation for.

  10. Don't become like socialist liberal Sweden. People are afraid to venture outside after dark. Sweden has become very unsafe. Don't vote for the democratic party and the extreme left.

  11. Colbert should get a job at CNN! he would fit right in with all the other losers that lie day in and day out on the fake news channel! Who are the brainless losers that actually watch Colbert? You would have to be a mindless loser to find him funny or clever. He is just a shitty talk show host and acts like he is relevant!

  12. If you could convert the brain of trump into the most powerful explosive in the worldit would not even be able to lift his hat

  13. Well…
    I said it before and I say it again… this is all very funny sir… but … for how long are you goin to ride this horse…? 🐎
    Where are the people…and the cameras, where are they outside the senate…asking the GOP senators why they refuse to impeach..?
    Let’s squeeze some nuts 🥜 here sir …come on …💪😝✌️

  14. trump does alot of good for the usa hes bringing in money from other contries instead of just attacking the rich hes got new ideas let the man do his job get on a few republicans to defend all this hate invite trump jr !

  15. Phone Warriors call Bank of America 800-732-9194

    Crash phones Obstruct business until Senate Republicans #ImpeachTrump

  16. OMG, are you telling me President Trump uses Tic Tacs? Of all the gall of that man! How dare he! We can't do anything else with him except impeach him.

  17. Three years of sick jokes with jackass colbert and his fake laugh track… without Trump as President, this jerkwad has no show. Keep repeating your assinine jokes when they are weak or don't work the first time. It's like being in the 6th grade again.

  18. Thanks for a great opening segment, Stephen Colbert. I had to listen twice, and I’m STILL not sure that I caught every nuance… <grin>

  19. I’d just like to mention the little ditty Jon plays at 1:03 is the beginning of “Mack the Knife,” a jazz standard about a killer. A great reference to pair with Stephen’s punchline!

  20. Without aspiring to be half as gloriously irreverent as you, Sir, I do hope we will all have good cause to celebrate like King Wenceslas with others, come December 26th.
    The Feast-Day of Saint Stephen.

  21. NIPPLE TWEETS! lol. Keep it up Whistle Blowers! Come on people … You will help Save AMERICA from this Orange Makeup boy with Bad breath phony!!

  22. 1:33 – How about Killary Rodham being recorded on video, in attendance at the Bilderberg meeting in Ottawa? She denies it. And they used to call Bill Clinton slick willy!!

  23. You guys are in wizzard of oz. Know why there is no secrets on the other side, because they not hiding. They openly telling you that you all lost it with this neretive.

  24. Whenever I see that cartoon Trump running from that "impeach," I always wonder when he's going to have a heart attack…nobody who eats that much Mickey D's, KFC, and Burper…I mean Burger…King could possibly run that fast for that long!

  25. hey stepehn..when will u come clean and tell everyone WHOS narrative you are pushing!!!!!!!?……hmmm interesting…will you spill the beans on your boss?

  26. Once again, Jon Batiste quotes "Mack the Knife" on the words "world's happiest stabber." I hate to think how many millions of people tune into this show every week and never fully realize what a thoroughly talented quick wit he is.

  27. Also overheard on the golf course, Trump saying to his father in law: “Only I get to make the red hat fetch.” And then Biden said: “Stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not going to happen.”

  28. Remember when Colbert used to be funny… I miss Jon Stewart… he made fun of everybody and everything… this is so stilted, it's getting predictable… stale even… and the prejudice thing, mocking eastern europeans… I thought the left was all against that??? wtf!

  29. If Trump is gonna be defended by Guiliani in the Senate hearings then there is hope because just look at Rudi 😂😂😂😂
    "Objection!"
    "Shut up, moron, shut up!" 😂

  30. As funny as it all is, nothing matters anymore. Words don't matter, attempted crimes don't matter. It only matters who has the majority in the government. The world just just witnessed Americas transition from democracy to a person cult / autocracy. Well, you had a good run. But democracy is over now for you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *