Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

TRY NOT TO LAUGH!! – ONE LINERS & DAD JOKES!


*Glass breaks* Oh, Jesus! Where am I? Craig: Alright, what’s going on, Lads? Mini here, and welcome to this Try Not To Laugh one-liner challenge thing. We got Scott here; say hi. Scotty: Hi! Scott’s over mine, uh, for TwitchCon and we’re just chillin’ for a bit, and we also have (Funds?), Mouse and DarkWay over here as well, and we’re just gonna try not to laugh. We have water here, and then Krissy is gonna be our narrator woman thing. Yeeeaaaahhh! (Prepare for a numbers of laughters.) Boiling water, you will be mist (missed). *Mini explaining to Scotty what the punch line is, as Scott nods, understanding.* I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping (balls) all day. *Scotty seemed rather close to laughing.* The next person to ask me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange in the same glass is going to get a punch. (These two are walking on dangerous waters right now after that one, especially Mini.) I’m thinking of reasons to move to Switzerland, and the flag is a big plus! *Both gain their first loss pf the challenge as
water is exchanged between them.* It is a big plus, yeah. It’s a very big plus. My penis was briefly in the Guinness Book of World Records..
*As both Scott and Mini start to chuckle.* until I was caught by the librarian…. (Ooohhh..my goodness, that joke.) Hate when you get caught with your penis in the book… My family tree is a cactus. It’s full of pricks. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there. He said he couldn’t complain. (*Facepalm*) Because he literally can’t complain or else he’ll get killed? (I agree, Scotty, let’s NOT get this video demonitized.) War isn’t about who’s right, it’s about who’s left. (Think about your hands, viewer(s).) (*Mini turns to our narrator woman in disappointment.*) It’s- it’s a little dark. Craig: “You think?” I’m not- I’m not pre-reading these. Craig: “No, don’t.” Once, a man assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese. How dairy (dare he)! Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. You can’t sell- you can’t spell “subtext” without “buttsex”. (Not even I know what to say about that…) “Remember, jacket (jack it) off before the picture”, said wife to my kid going to school for picture day. *EVERYONE FAILS!!* What?! What?! Jacket, like “jumper”. Oh! Oh fuck! I just heard you- I just- *hand gesture* That was the point! You didn’t even figure out the joke and you lost it. I know, it’s funnier my way. Two wrongs don’t make it right. Take your parents as an example. (Going back down the dark path, I see.) Why is it called “dad bod”, not “father figure”? (Now you have me curious.) I mailed you a penny, but I’m not sure if it was “cent” (sent). Craig: “No. No, get out of here with that s**t.” I can’t drink responsibly because responsibilities are why I drink. I killed a lion with my “bear” (bare) hands. I bet the ocean is salty because no one waves back. It’s salty because of Twitch chat. Scotty: “*Squeeze squeeze squeeze.*” Craig: “You wanna do it again?” *Surprise Attack! [Trap Card activated]* Look at your nose! I was like “All right. try me!” The meaning of opaque is unclear. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school, never to be heard from again. That’s a- that’s a spicy one. Many people have accused me of plagiarism, but those are their words, not mine. Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if every 5th caller was a winner. These suck so much. Lil’ pre-cum. That laugh, though. Uh, welcome to the demonetized video. You can’t spell “advertisements” without “semen between the tits”. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving. You don’t think?! *Glass breaks*
Oh, Jesus! Where am I? My 3 favorite things are eating my family and not using commas. Last night, they held a seminar on how to withhold orgasms… …nobody came. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks: “Some asshole has my pen”. Oh my God!
I have so many questions. I asked the judge to shorten my sentence, and he interrupted me. Why did I try to catch it? I was like “Oh God! I’ll save you!” Mini, you spat the water from your mouth back into the water bottle! Oh no, did I? I’m always Frank with my sexual partners. I wouldn’t want them to know my real name. With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him, too. If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue! Do you know what this is like? It’s like when you’re sitting in a classroom and everything is a MILLION times funnier when you can’t get caught. That’s so fuckin’ stupid. I actually read this one. I was like “why would a yodeling lesson be funny?”, and then it was “orderly, orderly, orderly queue!” My wife gets annoyed if I mess with her red wine, so I’ve added fruit and lemonade to it and now she’s “sangria” (she’s angrier) than ever. I like Freudian slips as much as the next “gay”. Oh my ear! Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet? That was it?! Oh, I get it! I was like “what’s the rest?” The shovel was a groundbreaking invention. *Rimshot* Joke’s on her, my fetish is fake orgasms. When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. Then I was born. I just got fired from my job at the bakery, which is upsetting, ’cause I really needed the dough. You have to hand it to blind prostitutes. I mean, you get it, right? I just donated $100 to a blind children’s charity, not like the kids will ever see any of it. Holy shit! Oh my God, Christie! TOO REAL! My buddy used to date a cross-eyed girl until he found out she was seeing someone on the side. My manager hid her food during the FBI raids so they couldn’t “caesar-salad” (seize her salad). Cleavage is like the sun: you can look, but don’t stare, unless you’re wearing sunglasses. Whiteboards are remarkable. My wife told me that sex is better on holiday. It wasn’t a very nice thing to read on the postcard. I made love to my wife for an hour and 5 minutes last night. Thanks, Daylight Savings Time! Best 5 minutes of her life! I just ordered two thousand pounds of one tonne (wonton) soup. I’m losing my shit over here. That one was good. I put the “sexy” in “dyslexia”. Sometimes when I’m bored, I’ll Google “Chris Brown” just to see how many hits I get. That water was warm. It’s been sittin’ in there for a while. I was giggling for so long. My wife said if I took one more picture of her, she’d leave me. That’s when I snapped. Pedophiles never win races. They like to “cum” (come) in a little behind. Yeah they do! Jesus Christ! Now you understand why it took me so long to get it out. OH DEAR! OH GOD! Ever since I’ve installed Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest. If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg. I told my wife earlier this morning that she drew her eyes- eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. My mum told me my spaghetti car would never work, but you should have seen her face when I drove “pasta” (past her). Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen “a mall”. (’em all) A MALL. ‘EM ALL. Ok. *gurgling noises* No, thank you. You can- you can spit that out. I was an ATM and this old lady asked me to help her check her balance, so I pushed her over. I hate spelling errors because you can mess up just two letters and your whole post is “urined” (ruined). I don’t know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting, so I just came in my pants. Oh, here’s another good one: I want my tombstone to read “Told one too many puns. It was a grave mistake”. There you go. Scott, GG’s. I have no idea won. All I know is we both got fucked up. Scott’s link in the description. Thank you all so much for watching. If you want more of these, leave a like, comment down below. If your new around here, subscribe. *incoherent mumbling* Stuff, stuff. Like, subscribe, all that stuff. Talk to you all in the next one. Wipe the- wipe- wipe the- Oh Scott. Oh God. You need to get Mini’s face more often. (Let the memes begin) Oh, that’s gonna be a zoom-in. (And a glorious one at that) (Ok, Wicked Witch of the West, calm down) I would have felt bad blowing that one in his face. (Would you really?) That’s- what he said. Do you have water in your mouth yet? I do not. *tries to be cool, but fails* You missed it! He tried to put the water bottle in his mouth, but the cap was on. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their bodies, but I’m so polite, I only look at the covered parts. (He got him wet down there)

100 thoughts on “TRY NOT TO LAUGH!! – ONE LINERS & DAD JOKES!

  1. Tip. Turn on subtitles for better experience (trust me it's pretty great•{[^€÷}}✓€÷¶∆[°€¢)

  2. My favorite type of person is someone who cannot stand dad jokes or puns. Just absolutely despises them.

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