Laughter is the Best Medicine

Why Batman is Secretly Terrible for Gotham | After Hours

I’m telling you right now that the winner of this conversation is the one who says “Batman is the best, and you’re an idiot.” “Batman’s the best-” -and you’re an idiot, I already said it. See? I already won; or Batman-ed this conversation. Salt please. You’re seeing the Bat with rose-tinted Bat-goggles. There’s room for improvement. You’re blinded by your love of schoolyard heroics, Bowie. But I’ve got some pretty convincing evidence. Stakes? Loser buys dinner? Ooo! One, two- what are we talking about tonight? Whether or not Batman is actually bad for Gotham City. Oh! Three! Gaaah! Fuuuu- Gotham is still one of the most consistently dangerous cities in America. He doesn’t cause the crime in Gotham, he’s there because of it. Everything tastes of the sea! Yar! In Dark Knight, Gordon says sometimes Batman’s so busy stopping other crimes that he never even gets to the Bat Signal. He’s been Batman-ing for years and there’s still enough crime to keep him occupied 24/7? How much good could he really be doing? That’s one version of Batman, it’s a whole pantheon of Batmen, really, you can’t just- In the awesome animated series, he never put a single bad guy away successfully. I mean, long term. Yeah, Joker, Croc, Riddler, I mean, no matter how many times he puts them away they always get out. Nah, that’s on Arkham, not Batman. Would you blame cops if our prison systems failed? Fine then, let’s forget Batman’s statistical uselessness as a crime fighter and let’s think about Bruce Wayne’s uselessness as a businessman. How much is Wayne Enterprises worth again? 31.3 billion. Thirty- According to a Forbes article. Of fictional corporations. In 2007. Stop it. Dispensing the information or… talking like this? (Soren and Katie) Both! I think Dan has aspergers. But I mean, look at that, over 30 billion dollars- 31.3. Quick! How many? Bruce Wayne could do far more as philanthropist than he ever could as a superhero. Gotham doesn’t need a costumed vigilante, what it needs is comprehensive socio-economic reform which he could easily provide. True. His parents did a whole lot more for Gotham than he did. They built that railway system to help the poor get to their low-paying jobs easier. Oh you mean the one that Batman blew up in Batman Begins? (Young Bruce) Did you build this train, dad? Right, and he could have easily fixed it, but instead decided to add a bunch of train-wrecking rockets to all of his stuff. ‘Cause I guess movies about repairing damaged rail lines don’t “move tickets.” Actually, that sounds awful, I would boycott that. But if Bruce Wayne really wanted to help out Gotham, he could, I don’t know, rebuild the city, develop charities- He does have charities! The Thomas and Martha Wayne foundations. “S”, plural! Two foundations! All for show. Okay, in The Dark Knight, he uses every single cell phone in the city as a sonar device. Imagine what those resources could do for charity. Are you saying that Batman doesn’t want to help Gotham? Oh I think he does, but I think he wants to dress up and punch bad guys a whole lot more. And I just wish he would admit it. You wish the fictional character would admit… something? Maybe Katie has aspergers! No, I want his real life counterpart to admit it. Not gonna happen. Bill Gates is a billionaire with a charity, is he bad for America because he hasn’t fixed the world yet? Yeah! Batman is better than Bill Gates, is that what we’ve been trying to prove, why is it taking so long? If it is, than I object- Over-fucking-ruled. Saying that Bill Gates is better than Batman gives me the right to hit you, Dan. I’m just saying as a CEO, Gates is better than Wayne. What happens in Batman Begins? So many- a lot- it was a long movie. He orders his Batsuit via Wayne Enterprises but he a) orders the bat ears separately to avoid suspicion, and b) orders them in bulk to disguise it as a business expense. Wait, what kind of company can buy 5,000 individual bat ears to AVOID suspicion? I thought Wayne Enterprises was just in weapons, oil refineries, health care, fringe cosmetics, and plant science. I mean bat ears? That seems crazy. But on topic, he’s a guy who’s using his company to secretly purchase personal items. An embezzler. Actually sounds like a silver age Batman villain. The Embezzler! He uses investors money to dress up like a bat and punch clay monsters. It’s the same as some Enron CEO using his company money to buy a yacht. It is VERY different. Not if the yacht is bat shaped. No, it’s the same thing, a rich guy funding his hobby. How- you- [growl of frustration]! He’s gone mad with aspergers! What kind of message is that? Sorry kids, don’t work hard, ‘cause the rich guy is always gonna have the advantage. Bruce Wayne works hard! Gordon and Batman both work hard to help the world but only one of them has to file paperwork and obey the system, while the other one gets to expense smoke bombs and plow Catwoman and it has nothing to do with who “worked harder.” Whaaaat? You guys don’t expense smoke bombs? How… how are you paying for your smoke bombs…? Gordon, and the rest of Gotham city, are at the mercy of the guy with the biggest bank account. Look at the score- At best he’s an embezzler. Look at the score- You know, at worst, he’s some sort of militaristic tyrant- Look at the fucking scoreboard! Ha ha ha… How many times has Batman saved Gotham from total annihilation? He’s stopped nukes, killer penguins, global freeze rays; without Batman, Gotham is a crater. Clearly Soren wanted this more, so let’s all just- So we should just let the military run America? Huh? Oh boy. Oh no no no no no, not the military, how about the guy with the most money based on his personal moral code? He should rule us! Yeah, he does rule! He rules hard! We’re not talking about Big Brother here, we’re talking about a man who single-handedly stopped the Joker from blowing up a whole boat full of innocent people. He stopped the Joker by spying on the entire city of Gotham, how is that not Big Brother? Ha ha… I wish this would stop. Shut the fuck up! Need I remind you that he saved Gordon and a child? Need I remind you that he murdered the district attorney and then lied about the circumstances surrounding it! For the good of Gotham! When one person bends the law for their perception of the greater good, where does it end? We appoint Batman judge, jury, and executioner when we need justice. When we no longer need him, he will retire, those are the rules! Why don’t you just admit that Batman is a violent, maladjusted sociopath who’s using his parent’s death as an excuse for him to work out his aggression?! Why don’t you admit that… Shut up! (Soren) You good? (Katie) Yeah… Who put 31 sugar packets on the floor?

100 thoughts on “Why Batman is Secretly Terrible for Gotham | After Hours

  1. Thank you robot chicken for reminding me of sitcom, and thank you sitcom for reminding me of Zack thank you Zack for reminding me of the time out of power thank you time up power for getting my search to send me to cracked thank you cracked for being a part of my life and being funny and amazing you are truly a Wonder. I have missed all four of you

  2. So Aspergers is a punchline? Dan O’Brien is a gross hypocrite. Calls out movies and tv shows for being racist, sexist, homophobic etc…but Aspergers people are fair game? Typical hipster hack line, along with “rape shower” and saying someone is “one the spectrum” as a punchline. He actually seems smart and has some talent, but this is disgusting.

  3. This is obviously one of the best episodes of the best series. Could even be a short film, with excellent pacing, editing, a running gag that leads up to an amazing punchline, easter eggs, a compelling love argument and characters.

  4. I disagree about "Bruce is better for Gotham than Batman." Gotham before Batman came was an absolute corrupt city. The girl said that Batman destroyed the rail that provided so much good to people in Batman Begins, but had he not done that, the entire city would have been destroyed. And Ras specifically said that Gotham was so corrupt that his men were able to infiltrate every part of the city government with ease. And what exactly was Bruce supposed to do? Go to the cops? The majority of the cops were already bought out.

    And you can't "develop" cities when the majority of the government officials are corrupt as fuck, and no one is willing to do anything about it. And charities don't work when the money for the charities will immediately be taken by the corrupted. Money is meaningless when there's no one to "force" people to be civil. Look at the comic. Batman No Man's Land. Money did absolutely nothing, since Gotham was a crime-fested wasteland.

  5. Wait wait, why did they kiss right after arguing like crazy against one another. I can see why people would want to make out after a heated argument, but definitely not with the person you were arguing against. Or is this another sort of drama thing that Hollywood made up?

  6. Batman's "No kill" code is what really fucks things up. Here is at least two reasons why…

    1. All of the super villains are crazy, and ass whoppings doesn't work on crazy people. They will still keep on fucking shit up.

    2. The institutionalization is flawed in Gotham to the point that these bad guys are able to always escape.

    (I don't agree with the side that thinks Batman isn't good for Gotham. The system is flawed, and we shouldn't rely on it.)

  7. Michael Keaton's Batman is good for Gotham City, even though he kinda made Jack Napier into the Joker in the first place, but he puts them down successfully with no stupid moral code against killing, something the GCPD obviously can't even accomplish.

  8. wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf

  9. A lot of the points made here could be disputed with stuff that actually happens in the comics. This argument only holds up if you're only going to talk about the movies.

  10. That's pretty hot – especially Katie..

    Also, while it is said that Batman attracts all these creepy dudes several of them has independent origins stories; Catwoman, Deathstroke, Deadshot, Bane, Black Mask, Mr. Freeze (Should be Dr Freeze), Poison Ivy, Ra's al Ghul, Mr. Penguin etc. and they are otherwise unrelated with Batman untilll they start doing crime in Gotham.
    Only the Joker and the Riddler are stated to act directly in response to Bats.

    Some of these are involved in the corruption in Gotham and couldn't possibly be apprehended by the police and might be the reason they are always getting out.. Leaving it to Bats to catch them again

  11. "Letting the rich guy run America based on his personal moral code" Fast forward to 2018 and that's exactly what we have now. Trump and his (im)moral code running the US and making all the big decisions that will be best for him and his ilk but bad for everyone else. It sucks.

  12. I guess this is the secret reason why ingsoc and oceania fails,Big Brother spends most of the party's money on dressing up as a creepy furry punching criminals in gotham.

  13. There were a lot of points they missed😐. My friends and I talk about this all the time. The dark knight’s sonar thing is actually a very big one. He did make it, but he didn’t use it Lucas Fox(someone who’s a much better person) did and right after he shut down. There are some cons to it too that they mentioned and o agree woth

  14. While Soren and Katie were having a heated discussion, Michael apparently agreed to do some mutual/conjoint jerking off with Daniel, as he understood he suggested…

  15. I hate that corporate America destroyed Cracked this show is still deserved to keep going and the numbers show that but the suites don't understand tech.

  16. None of these arguments indicate that Batman is bad for Gotham. The only argument they made is that Batman doesn't make any long term difference in positive ways, and that's a stretch. Had Batman not been present when the crimes were happening, what do you think Gotham would have become? Total anarchy. Batman Begins does a pretty good job in displaying what Gotham would be like without Batman. Sure, with Batman, it still sucks, but not as sucky as without-Batman Gotham, hence Batman is good for Gotham.

    And the other argument talks about how Bruce Wayne is good for Gotham, not how Batman is bad for Gotham. Big difference. And Batman didn't blow up the train (from Batman Begins). Ras did. And had Batman not intervened, Ras would have literally leveled the city. So which is worse? Full-of-crime city, or a literal crater? I'd say crater is worse.

    And the rich person tried to do lots of goods for Gotham. Specifically, Thomas Wayne. What happened to him? Oh right, he was assassinated by the league. And what about all other "rich and the powerful"? Oh right, they're corrupt as fuck, and indulging in their selfish desires.

    Bruce is selfish too. No argument there. But he's selfish desire is helping Gotham. He could do better, sure. But Gotham is better with Batman than with no Batman.

  17. First off? Batman isn't crazy,. He exists in a universe where people dress up in costumes and fight crime. If you're a wealthy industrialist/billionaire, and you're motivated? Dressing like an animal and fighting criminals at night as a masked adventurer is a thing that happens. In the case of Batman, probably EXPECTED of him, since everyone misses the BIG PICTURE regarding the Batman stories: Gotham is a place of corruption — it is one of the villains Batman faces.

    "WAAAH! Batman should be a cop!" — Well, Katie, Batman attended Quantico, and was intending to pursue that career — but wouldn't use a firearm. It's in the comics. Batman is qualified in law enforcement; but in Gotham — again, his MOST PROLIFIC AND DANGEROUS NEMESIS — what good is a single good cop working within the confines of a corrupt system?

    He reveals corruption – then, like Serpico – takes one in the head.

    OR, the department sees an orphan of a crime a MILE away and either kills HIM in a 'robbery gone wrong' OR plants him in the evidence room sorting bullet shells and pearls ripped loose from victims of robberies his entire career.

    So, being a costumed vigilante is how someone with the means to fight organized crime would probably be able to get things on the right track in a place as inherently evil as Gotham seems to be.

    Second? I've been a fan of this character since I was three years old – and I know a lot about him. But something everyone exposed to Batman ought to remember is WHY he is Batman.
    "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot."
    Like, in a normal world, some people rob stores, and some don't — but both law-abiding, and criminals know that being caught by police is a possibility. In Gotham, at night? No chance crime is thwarted, much less investigated — before the rumors… "Did you hear this giant dude in a bat costume beats the shit out of purse snatchers?" — and the deterrent of Batman against Gotham's criminal element is much more clear.

    Gordon throws the Bat-Signal on — the same reason cop cars are clearly labeled and drive around people's neighborhoods. "We are here. Criminals will be punished." –At night, you see the Bat-Signal. "Batman's out there. Criminals will be punished."

    By pretending Gotham is just 'New York City' or 'Chicago' with the serial numbers filed off, you're placing Batman in a world that's not his own.

  18. Just add some meth and a couple swatistkas and this would be my parents when I was a kid.

  19. Super funny fact: Kate Kane on the upcoming Batwoman series actually addresses Bruce Wayne’s ineffectiveness and neglect of societal matters.

  20. the money batman spends on gadgets could be spent on programs to fight poverty, unemployment, & scholarships. that would result in less crime.

  21. If this episode has proven anything to me, it’s that the Christopher Nolan Batman movies are super overrated, and generally bad for the characters as a pop cultural icon and a mythological figure.

  22. As an person with aspurger I find it offensive how a disability is shown to be a superpower.

    "they most never know the truth"

  23. I don't think Batman's purpose is to be good for Gotham. It's either vengeance or saving the world.

  24. Fkn awesome✔

    I need the pack back, honestly whatever y'alls differences. Work 'em out. Y'all are gold together💖

  25. Looking back on this now, this was the episode I started crushing on Katie.
    Now I'm just catching back up to a series I've all but completely forgotten about. Life is weird…

  26. even in the 60s comedy Batman there was always a strong contrast to Bruce Wayne the philanthropist and the Batman that went around beating up criminals.Though i loved and still love Batman i always thought it was a bit dodgy that some billionare decided he would lay down the law.A private individual putting himself above the justice system such as it was seems a bit fascistic like when trump decided that some innocent black boys were guilty of a serious crime in New york and maintained they were guilty when they were finally exonerated as trump cant accept that he is ever wrong.Imagine if Wayne was like trump.Trump put money into getting those boys convicted.If that happened now they wouldnt stand a chance.Wayne uses his enormous wealth like a super power but he is a damaged individual that Gordon turns a blind eye to.In the real world this could go wrong in so many ways.Thank god its just comics and films

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