Every morning when I look into your eyes,
I’m reminded how lucky I am to spend every day of my life with you. You’re beautiful, talented, smart. And Dave, never forget: You’re a Winner.
(Theme music begins) Dave:
I was a starving actor for 13-point-five years. I slept on couches, shared bedrooms,
so I know what it is to have passion, have talent, and
have no one believe in you. But, in all my years in the industry I’ve learned how this town operates and how it can crush a dream, if you let it. Of course! Here’s how Winners Talent works:
you stay here, rent-free. I act as your manager, earn twenty percent
of the jobs you book. You get my representation, my coaching, and
most importantly a creatively nurturing place to stay,
surrounded by others with big dreams, like you. That sounds really great! Take your time considering. Becoming a Winner’s a big step. Looks like they’re ready. Let’s go meet the Winners. Dave:
All right, all right. It is a beautiful day. Our passion buckets are full.
Nathan, get us started. Wins and goals: go! Oh, okay, well, my blog analyzing
the correlations between the last season of Battlestar Galactica and season three of Downton Abbey got over 300 views yesterday, so… Yes! Big win! What’s next? Oh, today I’m gonna write at least 15 pages of Zumby. -Zumby, that’s…?
– Zombie Gumby. It’s a spec. Nice. Very good, good job.
Porter! Wins and goals. – Last night I finished the bridge to ‘Slappa Doo’
– Awesome! Let’s hear it. – You wanna hear the whole thing?
– Nope. Dave: Play us the bridge.
– All right. (Poorly sung)
When I’m up in the clizzle with the ladies that sizzle and a doo gets cray
a doo gets cray I slappa doo! Slappa slappa slappa doo!
That’s what I do I slappa slappa doo! Dave: That was so… hip.
– Yeah, thanks. – Goals?
Porter: I think I was gonna go to the beach. See what kind of inspiration I can get from all the views. You know, try to meet someone. Make love. Dave:
And maybe drop off some new promo cards
to any pubs or cafes in the process? Well, duh. Sounds like a winning day. Liz? – Um, I, uh, I found this puppet.
Dave: How cool! Yeah, I was thinking I could incorporate it
into my comedy routine. I do comedy. That’s a great idea. Puppet humor is huge right now. – Cool, um, can I try a few?
Dave: Please do. “Hey, Mr. Dragon, why aren’t you at work today?” (No attempt at dragon voice)
“Because I was fired.” “What, why’d you get fired? Were you not doing a good job?” “Nah, I was winging it.” – Because he has wings and he’s a dragon.
– Uh, goals: why don’t we keep working on that today? Yeah, yeah. – Ty!
– Yeah? Dave: Wins and goals?
– Well, I guess my big win is a callback. National spot. Yes! My man!
(High five clap) – And I guess my goal is just to book it.
Dave: Very nice. (Indiscernable) Well the alcoholic in my story
is really starting to come full circle… (AMBER Alert tone repeats)
– Dang it! Can somebody please tell me how
to turn off this AMBER Alert thing? – Thank you!
(AMBER Alert tone ends) Great wins and goals, guys! (Footsteps running up stairs)
– What about Connor? Porter: Who? (Distant door slam)
All right, it’s time for a group visualization. Everyone.
(Takes deep breath) Dave: Ty, you have booked the Toyota spot. Dave: What are you doing? Drinking a beer. You’re celebrating, okay. Where?
Ty: I dunno, here? Dave: Broaden your horizons, man. Think big. The backyard! Okay. It’s a booking party, yes. And the Guest of Honor is… A mermaid! You. You’re the Guest of Honor. Oh, yeah, okay… Dave: Everybody, see it! See it! (Nathan coughs)
Dave: Make it so! Manifest! And… (Big exhale) Great visualization, guys. All right, now that leads us to our
Guest of Honor. Winners: I would like to introduce you
to the former Miss Colorado and future pop super sweetheart, Sophia! (Applause) Sophia: That’s sweet.
Dave: It’s how I’d pitch ya. Well, I guess my ‘win’ is finding this wonderful place, meeting all of you sweet people. And I guess my goal is to move in. (Applause) Sophia: Oh, hi!
Ty: You smell nice! Sophia: Oh, thanks!
Sophia: Oh, hi! I’m just gonna —
I’ll hug ya later. Sophia: It’s so kind how you’ve opened your home for so many. Dave: You know, this town isn’t all fluff and tinsel. There’s a secret army of ninjas. Maybe we can’t be Colin Hanks or Jaden Smith.
We weren’t born with a foot in the door. Dave: We weren’t handed our careers from a reality show. We need help. Maybe we aren’t the most talented. But I think as long as we never give up we’re still Winners! (Porter sings “Slappa Doo”)
I slap you in the head / I slap you in the face I slap you like a French guy (True!) That’s what I do when you mess with my crew I slappa slappa doo! (Sexy sax music begins) Sure, ladies love a sensitive man. But not always. StayStrong Condoms ®
For when it’s time to “man up”