Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

You Can Always Get a New Relationship – Michael Moses – Stand Up Comedy – Watch with CC


My dad passed away when I was 17 And I had a girlfriend break up with my 2 hours after I found out that news She called me, she said “Michael” ” I can’t date a dude with no dad” … Then she hung up the phone I KNOW She didn’t say that She’s not funny She just hit me with a cliche. She goes “Don’t worry Michael, you’re going to find somebody else” I was like “what do you mean by that?” “Like a new girlfriend or a new dad?” Very confusing Pro story, cause in that moment, I’m like I’m going to get new girlfriends Even if I get a girlfriend and she dies I’ll probably get a new one I might even get a new one faster Cause this new girlfriend, will like that my ex girlfriend won’t stalk her on instagram You’re not going to get a new dad Can’t go online and type in “17 year old boy, seeking new daddy” Can’t get new shoes that way You know if you do, you don’t want those shoes We all know somebody that’s been in a relationship break up, six months down the road they’re in a new relationship Six months down the road, I’m swiping right on dude’s Alright swipe right, this one’s got a truck BOOM We match up and we playing catch I’m like damn you can throw farther than my last dad, man, oh shit I like this dude, right now “Your going to let me drive your truck, right?” I’m bragging about it. I like this guy He’s a good father, comes to all my games Then one day, he leaves his phone open on the table A message pops up. BING Another message pops up. BING What the hell is that, and I look. And he’s texting another kid “What the hell dude” Jimmy: “pick me up at soccer practice on Tuesday” “You told me you worked late on Tuesday?” He comes out the washroom. I’m like dude I’m no side son I’m a main son What the fucks wrong with you Man.. IT’S OVER I drive home angry, I’m crying It’s hard, I thought it was going to work I’m on Facebook I’m like, why do you always do that? I get on Facebook. I’m like “WHY THERE SO MANY FUCK DADS OUT HERE” “I NEED A REAL DAD” All my friends are like “yeah there’s no real dad no more there all fuck dads: I go to porn to jerk off and it just says “Hey there’s real dads in your neighborhood.” “5 miles away, they want to play with you” Too soon man. I’m not clicking on that That’s a bot dad right there That’s a 40 year old man on a webcam Going “I’m proud of you” I’m jerking off to that.

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